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Positions Jokes

I just finished the book “101 mating positions”, and I was really disappointed.

Turns out—-it’s a book about chess.

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Two cowboys are out riding the range and talking about their favorite sex positions

The first cowboy says the “rodeo” position is his favorite.

The second cowboy says he’s never heard of it before and asks how to do it.

The first cowboy responds, “Well, you mount your lady from behind then reach down and grab her tits. Then you whisper ‘these feel almost as good as ...

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Sex positions for small penises

Fuck! This isn't Google search. How do I delete this post?

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Before getting married, my wife and I used all sorts of sexual positions, but it wasn’t until after being married for years that we discovered the Quantum Super position…

… where it’s rather hard to tell if my wife is alive or dead.

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Sex positions

Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, “I think rodeo would have to my favorite”. The other one says, “I’ve never heard of that one, what is it?” So the first guy says, “You sit on your wife’s back with your hands on her boobs and say, ‘these fe...

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My wife asked if I'd like to try a new sex position

She said it's called "doggy style".

I said "yeah, I can get behind that".

The marriage counselor suggested we try different positions.

I said, "We can't be too long, my wife is on the way."

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A man found a woman tied to the rail tracks and untied her.

Then they had a lot of sex and he was on his way to the bar.
He started boasting about all the different positions they had sex in.

The bartender asks did you get any head.

To which the man replies
“I couldn’t find the head.”

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

“I’ll have H2O,” says the first. “I’ll have H2O, too,” says the second. The bartender gives them water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical functions of homonyms in coda positions, as well as pragmatic context.

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A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks.

He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

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There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits pati...

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sexual positions

My favourite sexual position is the Teddy Kennedy.

That’s where she drowns in it and I quickly leave the scene.

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I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

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Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

Do I enjoy randomly appointing people to judicial positions?

I'll let you be the judge of that.

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sex positions for grammar nazis

There was once a book written in ancient India about sexual positions using punctuation marks.



It was called the comma sutra.

Two guys are in a bar, having a beer and discussing different positions. The first one announces, “My favorite position is ‘the rodeo.’”

“How does that one work?” asks his friend.

“Well,” the first one replies, “you get your wife on all four on the bed, then do it to her doggy style. When she really starts enjoying it, you whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position, too.' Then you try and hang on for eight seconds!”

During tryouts for one of the chorus positions in the upcoming musical The Sound of Music....

one of the girls told the judges, "Mother says I sing beautifully."
The judge replied, "Bring me a recommendation from your neighbors and I'll give you a tryout."

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