Perspective

The optimist says "The glass is half full."

The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."

The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."

I Currently Teach a Class about Suicide

First Semester has been good so far, I Single Handedly Prevented the entire class from having suicidal thoughts or actually going through with it.

I Promised the class that I would do a suicide demonstration to show the perspective of a dead person. Ill be posting my experience in a few minut...

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What is your perspective on cyclops?

If things don’t work out with the wife, I think I’ll look for a nice, one-eyed girl.


I think I’d be more sexually compatible with someone who has little to no depth perception.

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I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often

But I can't see very much from my kitchen window

You know from Jesus’s perspective...

I don’t think today would have counted as a “GOOD” Friday....

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[NSFW] Since my girlfriend and I broke up, I have a new perspective on masturbation.

It really comes in handy.

Life is all about perspective

The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

At the end of a very strange day, a Jewish-turned Catholic man calls his Catholic friend to chat.

The moment the Catholic picks up, the former-Jewish man tells him that he had several people knocking at his door at two in the morning when he least expected it. The former Jewish man tells his friend that from his sleep-addled perspective, they strangely almost seemed like they were covered in sca...

A bedtime story (an atheist perspective)

Son: please continue yesterday's story.

Dad: So the prince had to answer this question using only 3 words, to become the next king. The question was "what would you ask if you meet God?" And the prince replied...

Dad: Are you listening?

While walking the dog tonight I heard new ideas and perspectives coming from the forest...

Then I realized it was enlightening bugs.

A Gamers perspective of Reality.

Great graphics, terrible gameplay.

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Im trying to see things from your perspective my friend,

I just can't get my head that far up my ass

Perspective is really important.

Like, if you want a new view on life, just start crawling everywhere.

You'll be surprised by how many people tend to look down on you when you do that.

Perspectives

A drunk gets into a tram and as he was quite dizzy, has a seat.
At the next stop, a young aspiring girl who is training to become a gymnast gets on. As there were no free seats, she stands right above our drunken fellow, hanging on to the bar for balance.
That day was a summer day, so due to t...

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Is There a Santa Claus? An Engineer's Perspective

Author’s note: All numerical values, calculations and estimates are, of course, indubitably accurate.


The first and foremost thing to take into account to properly begin the proof is the number of children Santa Claus must visit each Christmas. There are approximately two billion children...

Your drawings are like your future.

They don't have any Perspective.

Countryside Perspective

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town," said the boy.

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.

"No, he went with M...

You have to put it in perspective.

Otherwise you have perspecve.

Friendship: A Male and Female Perspective.

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at ...

The difference perspective has on optimism and pessimism

After downing half of his glass of milk, my ten year old son declared, "*I am an optimist: 'The glass is half empty!'*..."

"*Looking at the glass as half empty is a sign of pessimism son,*" I said.

He smiled and corrected me: "*Not if you don't like what's in it!*"

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

How did Adam see himself?

From first person perspective

Let go.. New perspective..

If you love someone, let them go.

If they come back,
.
.
.
.
nobody wanted them.

As I've gotten older, I've realized the world can be seen through a million perspectives.

Mine and 999,999 wrong ones.

What do you call a bird that drunkenly conveys a compelling perspective on racial hatred?

Tequila Mockingbird.

I've got the deal already worked out - this Black Friday, I'm getting a new Lexus for my wife

I think she's going to be really surprised - but from my perspective, it's an awesome trade.

I think:

To be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also thinking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one’s view and trying to make it objectified, and considering each and everyone...

Two men standing on opposite sides of a windmill disagree about which way the blades are spinning.

The man in front insists they’re going clockwise. The man behind says no, it’s obvious they’re going counter-clockwise. After a while, they agree to look at it from each other’s perspective. They realize that they were both right, it’s all a matter of perspective.

The moral of the story is th...

Did you know that the United States is about $22 trillion in debt?

To put that in perspective, if you were to lay out 22 trillion dollar bills in a line, you would be beaten and robbed in about 6 minutes.

I was about to make a joke about time dilation...

But it would take too long from your perspective.

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I was once diagnosed as a Narcissistic Sociopath

but after a lot of hard work and a change in perspective, the doctor agreed I was just a sexy genius.

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I was giving my girlfriend...[NSFW]

...oral sex. She wanted to get in on the act so we started to 69.

...changed my hole perspective.

Einstein and Newton are in a bar...

...Einstein says to Newton, "I've found mathematically that as an object travels faster and faster, it experiences time lower and is squished in the direction parallel to the velocity, when viewed from a stationary perspective."

Newton replies "Interesting. Well, do go on."

Einstein ex...

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.

- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

Why do astronauts always have the best opinions?

Because they always have the greatest perspective

Why did the Photographer kill himself?

A. He had a problem with perspective

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."


The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspecti...

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Two guys go golfing...

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf and country club. Luckily, it's a beautiful day, and there's hardly anyone on the course, so they've been breezing through the holes. Up around the seventh tee, they spot the first people on the course other than themselves, two ladies, who from the...

a man goes to buy a house...

He takes one look at it during the open house and decides he doesn't want it. He takes a second look from the back yard and buys it immediately. He was a perspective buyer.

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Dear Mother and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college.

Dear Mother and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU...

A guy finds a genie

A guy, as often happens in this kind of joke, stumbles upon a genie who will grant him three wishes. Now, he's set to get a lot of money from his father, so rather than taking the standard first wish for money he thinks about it a little and decides that there is no way he would possibly regret wish...

When I'm stressed I like to draw a line of trees, getting smaller as they reach the horizon

It really puts things in perspective

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A rabbit and a bear were walking through the woods

The bear turns to the rabbit and says man I gotta shit. The rabbit said you know what me too.
They each find their oun perspective bush, then meet back on the trail.
Then bear turns to the rabbit and asks sheepishly, do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?
Rabbit says no...

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A horse walks into a bar....

The bartender asks why the long face? The horse Lacking a cognitive perspective or ability to understand the English language. He looks at the bartender abruptly shits on the floor and leaves.

A man arrives at the top of a mountain and the Guru who lives there greets him.

"I can answer any question you have."

The man replies, "Where are my sun glasses? It's really bright up here."

The Guru replies, "On the top of your head."

The man finds his sunglasses and says, "Thank you for sharing your perspective. I just couldn't see."

As the man t...

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A preacher…

…was asked to give a talk at a woman's health symposium. His wife asked about the topic, but he was too embarrassed to admit that he had been asked to speak about sex. Thinking quickly, he replied, "I'm talking about sailing."

"Oh, that's nice," said his wife.

The next day, at the groc...

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A woman went to the doctor...

A woman went to the doctor with, from her perspective, a huge problem. She had always been ashamed of her private parts; her over-sized outer labias. They made her vagina look like an overweight camels mouth. One day, she couldn't take it anymore and went to the plastic surgeon to minimize them.
...

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