Poisoning Jokes

He ate a twelve year old weiner

“This man goes to see his rabbi. He says to his rabbi, “Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me. I know she’s poisoning me.”

The rabbi says, “Calm down, calm down.”

He says, “No, no, I know! But I don’t know what to do. I need your advice.”

The rabbi says, “Well, give me a chance... read more

Yeah, it was the wurst.

Runs in the family

Toxic Positivity.

I tried to ingest the antidote, but it turns out it was in vein.

Salmonella isn’t a yolk, I hope this is over easy..I’m feeling all scrambled.

The toughest part was acting surprised.

Not sure who im going to use it on.

Baby shart, do do do do

Mommy shart, do do do do

Daddy shart, do do do do...

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

A guy sits in his shared apartment when his drug enthusiast roommate walks in.

"Hey, I just bought some mushrooms from my dealer, he said it's some serious business, so don't be scared if I won't come out of my room for a few hours!"

The next day the roommate is found dead. The cause o... read more

I falafel.

Someone added lead to the central water supply. Then one thing lead to another.

"This is complete nonsense!" Replied Putin,
"I have never considered anyone an opponent!"

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A... read more

Yes, but it's really rare.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

Element three, my dear Watson.

It was the most painful vowel movement of my life.

Mario: But I've avoided bananas my whole life!

I guess you could say he had some “Bad Venison”

Obi Wan Chernobi

It's because of the lead singer.

We had a gopher problem in the back yard, so I asked my dad what it would take to get it under control. "It's a two man job," he explained. "One guy has to put the poison down its tiny hole, and the other guy has to hold its tiny legs."

The man had no enemies, he owed no one money, there was no motive at all... After a long and fruitless search, the Inspector noticed that a single bottle was missing from the kitchen. He took a quick inventory, then concluded that this was the result of a suicide.

How did he know? Of course, ... read more

Abe goes to see his Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?"

Abe replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi was very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?"

Abe then ple... read more

Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

They argon

To the Hospitalliano.

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ... read more

The next day the Minister died of poisoning.