I had a pretty bad case of food poisoning this week. After a couple of days I decided it was time to update my pronouns.

Her/She/Squirts

What is it called when an injured man dies from food poisoning?

Soup de grace.

What happened when the entire family got food poisoning?

Baby shart, do do do do

Mommy shart, do do do do

Daddy shart, do do do do...

Did you guys hear about the Italian chef who had food poisoning?

He pasta way.

1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning.

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

I got food poisoning today.

Not sure who im going to use it on.

I got Food poisoning from eating raw eggs

Salmonella isn’t a yolk, I hope this is over easy..I’m feeling all scrambled.

I got food poisoning from this years German Market

It was the wurst

Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning...

I falafel.

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With all the toilet paper hoarding, there might not be a worse time in our lifetimes to get food poisoning.

It's such a dire era.

Did you hear that Bon Jovi got food poisoning after eating that deer?

I guess you could say he had some “Bad Venison”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a zombie gets food poisoning?

It shits its brains out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new years resolution was to keep a daily outdoor fitness schedule but I unexpectedly got food poisoning

So far I haven't been gone for any morning runs but I sure have had a fuckload of the morning runs.

My girlfriend told me that her gran died of food poisoning.

The toughest part was acting surprised.

I got food poisoning from a can of Spaghetti-O’s....

It was the most painful vowel movement of my life.

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

Wife was interrogated for husband's death

"How did your husband die?"

"Food poisoning ".

"What are those wounds on body"

"He was refusing to eat".

me and five of my friends had the loveliest dessert last week

unfortunately i've just found out that one of them has died due to food poisoning. i guess thats the last time i'll eat russian roulade.

A king, a clown and a little red haired girl walk into an Italian restaurant.

Last thing they want is food poisoning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family reunion with Dad and stepmom

Dear Mom,


We are having a great time here at Camp Hazardous Hills. Grandpa is making me write to you in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.


Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on th...

A man goes into his son's room

to wish him Goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later...

Isis sent 8 terrorists to China

A few years ago, ISIS did train eight people for many months before sending them on terrorist missions to China.

The first guy’s target was Beijing’s most complex interchange. He passed out due to motion sickness.

The second guy wanted to blow up a public bus in Shanghai during rush ho...

One night little Johnny went to sleep..,

One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy die...

Two cannibals are eating a clown

One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?" The other one replies "Yeah, it kinda does." Two days later they both died of food poisoning.

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