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Sex pill

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doc...

I actually overdosed on anxiety pills a few minutes ago

I’m not too worried about it

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Old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist "is there some kind of pill that can help with sex?"

The pharmacist says "Yes, that'd be Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself"

Old guy asks "Can you get it over the counter?"

Pharmacist replies "If I took 2 or 3, probably"

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at my head.

It's o.k. though, as my injuries are only super fish oil.

Radio Yerevan was asked: "Can I use aspirin as birth control pill?"

Radio Yerevan answered: "Yes, if you hold it between your knees."

What’s IT slang for male enhancement pills?

Front-end developer

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How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

If Elon musk and Bill gates made an enlargement pill, then

It would be called Elongate

Just announced, there is now a morning after pill for men.

It changes your blood type.

Did you hear about the guy that overdosed on his homeopathy pills?

He forgot to take them.

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I've been taking penis enlargement pills but the wife still left me.

She couldn't take it any longer.

I was having trouble sleeping, so my HIV positive friend gave me a sleeping pill

And now I have sleep aids

Why are birth control pills so hard to get out of the package?

Childproofing

Why did the spanish take his anti-anxiety pills ?

For hispanic attacks.

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Two Viagra pills walked into a bar

They sat down next to two marijuana plants who were engrossed in an animated discussion.
"I don't get it," one marijuana plant said to the other, "Why aren't we legal? Nobody's being hurt by us."

One of the Viagra pills scoffed at them.
The marijuana plant turned to him and asked, "What...

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My wife pranked me this morning. She crushed my Viagra pill and put in my eggs, and poured some MiraLax in my milk.

I didn't know if I was coming or going!

Weight-loss pills are very effective...

They drain your bank account so you don’t have money for food.

"Barkeep, why are there pills glued to the top of the bar seating?" "Oh, some people complained that our seats were too hard. Those are stool softeners."

"And, cushions would have rectal the loose vibes we work so hard to cultivate."

A grandfather asks his grandchild to bring him the blue pill and he would put 50€ in his wallet

The grandchild after searching for that blue pill in the whole neighborhood, finally finds it and gives it to his grandfather

Next morning he wakes up and finds 350€ in his wallet instead of 50€

Being confused about that goes to his grandfather and explains him what happened

The...

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I saw an ad from a local store with an upcoming sale for pills to cure premature ejaculation. When I got there they told me they didn’t have them in stock yet.

Seems like I came too early.

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So I just ordered some pills from Amazon Prime to help sex go faster.

Came real quick.

A man goes to the Doctor

and tells him he’s been having terrible gas, but his farts don’t smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice.
The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week.
The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his cond...

I accidentally took my birth control pill twice yesterday

and when I woke up this morning, one of my kids was gone.

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I got a viagra pill stuck in my throat

Had a stiff neck for days

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What do you call a box of viagra pills?

An expansion pack.

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My dick is like a pill

It's small but very effective

“Doctor, those pills you gave me are working well but they are making walk like a crab”...

“Oh, that it’ll be the side effects”

So my friend said she thinks she took too many anxiety pills today

I told her she should worry if she's not feeling anxious about it

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What does general grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

What is a good pill to take when you need to relax?

A laxative.

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection....

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

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Smart pills

Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa

There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor.

The boy says, "What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?"

Grandpa says, "They're smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you'll get smarter."
<...

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The president took some dick enlargement pills

He's 6'3 now

A woman sees her doctor complaining about chest pains.

The doctor prescribed her some testosterone pills to help strengthen her heart muscle and warned of the expected side effects.

A few weeks later the woman returns for a follow up appointment complaining of hair growth in unusual places.

When the doctor re-assured that this was to be ex...

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I was watching porn and I saw this add. It was for pills that claimed to make your penis 12 inches longer and I thought, “that’s ridiculous......”

“Nobody wants a 13 inch penis.”

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what do the fact of my existence and a medication pill have in common?

both are bitter as fuck and you can't swallow them without drinking

Imagine if there were a pill you could take that let you fly, but the side effects gave you cancer

Cancer cases would skyrocket

What kind of pills did Jesus take before Ascension?

Uppers

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A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes.

A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes. As she's trying on clothes, she proudly announces to the person at the fitting room "I'm buying new dresses because I just lost a bunch of weight, guess how much I weigh now!" The employee ...

What’s worse than the doctor saying you’ll have to take pills every day for the rest of your life ?

Realizing he only gave you one box

Doctor: I have bad news for you. You’ll have to take one of these pills for the rest of your life.

Patient: But... Doctor... you had given me only three pills!?

Doctor: I told you it was bad news.

.

.

.

.











*Edit: I can’t correct the title but it should say “... take one of these pills **each day** for the rest o...

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Boy asks, "Granny, have u seen my pills, they're marked LSD"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have u seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?

Doctor: They Are For You.!!

After so many years in our marriage, my Wife wanted me to buy some pills to spice things up in the bedroom

*Apparently I was the bad guy buying diet pills.*

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A man was addicted to pills and was told he needed help

He decided to quit after one last pill, he took a viagra.

When asked why he would take a viagra as his last pill he responded:

“Old habits die hard”

Scientists just invented a new pill that prevents dehydration

All you have to do is take it twice a day with a glass of water

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[NSFW] A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man

at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds.
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 20?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 10?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth ...

Doctor prescribed me pills for 14 days

I had to do another 7 days because they were too weak.

Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.

But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.

My psych recommended me some pills to deal with my schizophrenia

I haven’t seen him since

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I’m really concerned about my grandfather.

His pill addiction is really getting out of control.

My grandmother is taking really hard.

I just wish he would kick his viagra habit.

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"Honey I brought you a pill for your headache"

"But I don't have a headache"

"Perfect, let's have sex then"

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NSFW A man goes to the doctor to get birth control pills for his daughter

Doctor: Oh, is she sexually active?

Man: No, she just lays there like her mom.

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Jesus Christ ! In a drunken stupor last night, I ingested 45 Viagra pills.

Don't worry. I'm okay now.
But the wife -- she took it pretty hard.

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

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Steve went to doctor and after an exam he picked his prescription

When he came home, he opens the box and sees that "pills" look a bit strange. Asks wife and she cannot figure them either. So he calls doctor.

\- "Hi doctor, I got prescription today but pills are strange and don't look like something I could swallow."

\- "That's because those are not ...

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I take dick like I take pills

On the floor sobbing

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

I got my sleeping pills mixed up with my cats medication the other day...

Just don't ask me-ow

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An old man comes home with his new Viagra pills…

He walks in the door and says “Honey, are you up for some super sex?”

She replies “I’ll take the soup.”

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Vitamins for Aging Guys

When you are telling your wife's physical therapist that you recently started taking Multivitamins for [Aging] Men as a "dietary supplement", don't call them "Male Enhancement pills."

Learn From My Fail

Why did the Hispanic man die after taking three pills?

Because it was over-dos!

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded...

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My wife’s doctor prescribed her a new pill

It’s great, now we fuck every night, all sorts of positions, some she’d never tried before. Introduced toys and bondage, spanking and 3 ways….. and she hasn’t woken up once.

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Better than a sleeping pill

Two guys were sitting around talking and one said, "I'm really concerned, my wife wakes up at night and can't go back to sleep. I don't know how to help her". His buddy thought about it for a moment and said, "I think I have the perfect solution. My wife used to have the same problem so every...

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A man asked his doctor for 3 Viagra pills one day.

"I need one for each woman coming over tonight, doc." The man stated.

On reasonable request, the doctor gave him the pills.

The next day, the man came back to his doctor, but this time, his arm was in a cast.

"What happened?" His doctor questioned.

"The girls never showed...

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It's not easy being a pill tester at the Viagra production facility...

The workers are always hard at work.

A old Woman goes to the doctor

She says to the doctor, "I have a really embarrassing problem and I have finally convinced myself to come and see you"

"You see, I constantly fart, but they don't smell and they don't make any noise so it hasn't bothered me all these years. I've even farted three times since coming into your ...

Who needs a border wall when you have Tranqs and Sleeping pills

Dart em’ and ship em’ to Montana. They’ll just wake up and go to Canada.

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain.

Why did the startup founder take a pill in Ibiza?

To show a VC he was cool.

There's a new men's birth control pill that's about the size of a marble. Don't get discouraged though, you don't have to swallow it or anything, you just put it into your shoe…

And it makes you limp…

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

What's the medical term for a chill pill?

A relaxative

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My wife told me to get dick pills

She told me to get those pills that make your dick standup.

Man was she surprised when I came back from the pharmacy with diet pills

Pls help, I'm locked out of my house

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Tough pill to swallow...

So There's this couple and one day the boyfriend finds the a little stuffed bear at a thrift shop and buys it for his girlfriend and gives it to her as a gift
" I saw that this little guy s eyes were sown pointing to each other, and I got it because I know you love imperfect things, because you...

Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.

News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.

Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

My 10 year old just opened a childproof pill bottle

“Welcome to adulthood, son.”

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My diet pills weren't working, so I asked for a refund

I was denied, and was emailed a transcript of the TV commercial:

Butt weight, there's more!

Weight loss pills stolen this morning -

police say suspects are still at large.

A woman calls the vet about her horse...

when the vet diagnosis the horse he tells the women that the horse will need to be given 2 pills a day rectaly. He takes a straw shows the lady how and tells her to try with the second pill.
The lady flips the straw around and delivers the pill while the vet is staring at her she says... "I'm not...

an overweight man visits the doctor

the receptionist shows him in

the doctor says "fortunately for you, we just got a new experimental pill in. instant weight loss. take it tonight, get a good night's sleep, and when you wake up you'll have shed all of your excess weight."

the man rushes home, takes the pill, and goes ...

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The Dental Appt.

>A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.She pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot."No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.
>
>The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man says: " I can't do the gas thing. The thought of ha...

Why are pills white?

Because they work.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor

and complains about her frequent flatulence. "But it's not a big deal" she assures the doctor "as they neither smell nor are they loud." Doctor examines and gives her some pills. "Take these and see me in two weeks." Two weeks pass and woman returns, furious. "What did you do?" she demands "I'm stil...

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The Chinese have developed a new pill that increases the average penis size by 3 inches.

Reports say they will use it to interfere with the upcoming U.S. erections.

What do you get when you mix LSD and a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids

What did the unluckiest lucky man do when he found the pill of immortality?

He choked on it.

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Accidentally mixed up my sleeping pills with my viagra.

Ended up having 40 wanks.

Teacher asks students

\- "Did you ever save anybody's life?"

\- "I did." Steve raises his hand.

\- "Whose life did you save?"

\- "My nephew’s."

\- "How?"

\- "I hid my sister's birth control pills."

I don't know why people doubt the Pfizer vaccine...

...their magic blue pills work!

...so I've heard...

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Playing Trucker

A little boy is sitting on the curb in front of his house. His mother is watching him from the house. As she watches him, he reaches in his pocket, takes out some M&Ms, eats them, grabs the cat sitting next to him and bites its ear. Then he stands up, slides down the curb a little, and sits down...

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

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A man goes to the dentist.

A man goes to the dentist. The dentist tells him he is going to remove a few teeth and will give him some gas to numb the pain. Suddenly the man exclaimed that he hates gas and won't do it. So the dentist tries a different approach. He tries an injection but again the man exclaimed that he is scared...

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A man walks into the dentist office and after the dentist exam him , he says,that tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novacaine and I’ll be back in a few minutes.

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes ba...

What is the Spanish word for accidentally taking a second sleeping pill?

Tambien™

Neo probably should have taken the blue pill

Ask Hugh Hefner.

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One of my great grandfather’s favorite jokes...

A guys walking down the street with a bag of rabbit droppings he runs into one of his friends who asks what’s in the bag. Guy says “Smart Pills,” his friend says “Gimme one of them Smart Pills,” then reaches in the bag and pops a handful of them in his mouth. He looks at the guy and says “These smar...

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A woman told her husband to go to the doctor because he couldn't get an erection.

He came home with a bottle of pills.

His wife asked, "So, did he give you Viagra or Cialis?"
The husband replied, "Neither, he gave me really strong diet pills."
His wife responded, "That's weird, why would you have to take diet pills?"

Handing her the bottle, the man say...

A 90 year old man goes to the doctor

An 90 year old man is at the doctor and says, "I fart a lot but fortunately, the farts are silent and don't smell. I have farted 10 times while talking to you and you didn't notice!"

The doctor replies, "Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the man returns. "Doctor,...

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Is this how it feels like when you hit the bottom?

These penis enlargement pills work surprisingly well.

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Did you hear about the new pill that's going up against Viagra?

The competition is stiff

I won a lifetime supply of cyanide pills

I only got one though

If there was a pill that made you stop procrastinating

I would probably take it tomorrow

Why arent pills allowed in Africa?

Because you can't take them on an empty stomach.

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A condom broke last month. I freaked out and went to the pharmacy, and they told me to use the morning after pill.

That shit doesn't work. I took two and she's still pregnant.

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What company is going to start selling pills that are the opposite of Viagra?

Ubisoft.

The Pill... (Semi-NSFW)

It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid getting pregnant.

Did you hear about the new male birth control pill?

You take it the next day....it changes your blood type.

Why was the patient very angry when the nurse wake him up to take medicine?

It was sleeping pill

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Today at work my co workers made fun of me when I explained to them I'm constipated and that's why I was taking pills

I really couldn't give a shit.

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A man is sitting alone in a bar

A man is sitting alone in a bar staring at a drink. In walks a surly, tatted up biker. He sees the man sitting alone, walk over, picks up the man’s drink and downs it in one go. He then looks at the man and says, “What are ya gonna do about it, huh?”

The man suddenly starts to break down cry...

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A man gets sick in a remote village

A man gets sick in a remote village and his neighbors take him to the nearest doctor, far away in the big city. The doctor examines the man and prescribes him a suppository. He says to his neighbors the pill should be placed in the patients rectum. They take the doctors number in case anything happe...

Quebecois Joke from French Class

A young boy walks into a pharmacy, and says to the clerk,

“Can I have some weight-loss pills?”

“For your mother?”

“No, for my rabbit! Dad wants to kill it for Christmas dinner!”

We all know that Trump can't read

That's why he thought his blue pills would give him a better election.

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