Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine - i only suffered super fish oil injuries

Scientists just invented a new pill that prevents dehydration

All you have to do is take it twice a day with a glass of water

My wife asked me to pick up some of those pills that help with getting an erection.

So I brought her home diet pills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Better than a sleeping pill

Two guys were sitting around talking and one said, "I'm really concerned, my wife wakes up at night and can't go back to sleep. I don't know how to help her". His buddy thought about it for a moment and said, "I think I have the perfect solution. My wife used to have the same problem so every...

Who needs a border wall when you have Tranqs and Sleeping pills

Dart em’ and ship em’ to Montana. They’ll just wake up and go to Canada.

A man on my street used to fill his own prescription pills.

He'd buy the capsules and fill them with powder.

After 10 years of filling prescriptions for the neighborhood, it was discovered that he was drying out dead cats and grinding them into powder to fill the capsules.

He was a caterpillar.

Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's not easy being a pill tester at the Viagra production facility...

The workers are always hard at work.

Doctor: I have bad news for you. You’ll have to take one of these pills for the rest of your life.

Patient: But... Doctor... you had given me only three pills!?

Doctor: I told you it was bad news.

.

.

.

.











*Edit: I can’t correct the title but it should say “... take one of these pills **each day** for the rest o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I take dick like I take pills

On the floor sobbing

What pill do you take to go to sleep?

A pillow.

Why did the startup founder take a pill in Ibiza?

To show a VC he was cool.

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

Weight loss pills stolen this morning -

police say suspects are still at large.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A man goes to the doctor to get birth control pills for his daughter

Doctor: Oh, is she sexually active?

Man: No, she just lays there like her mom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My diet pills weren't working, so I asked for a refund

I was denied, and was emailed a transcript of the TV commercial:

Butt weight, there's more!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asked his doctor for 3 Viagra pills one day.

"I need one for each woman coming over tonight, doc." The man stated.

On reasonable request, the doctor gave him the pills.

The next day, the man came back to his doctor, but this time, his arm was in a cast.

"What happened?" His doctor questioned.

"The girls never showed...

Why did the Hispanic man die after taking three pills?

Because it was over-dos!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tough pill to swallow...

So There's this couple and one day the boyfriend finds the a little stuffed bear at a thrift shop and buys it for his girlfriend and gives it to her as a gift
" I saw that this little guy s eyes were sown pointing to each other, and I got it because I know you love imperfect things, because you...

My 10 year old just opened a childproof pill bottle

“Welcome to adulthood, son.”

There's a new men's birth control pill that's about the size of a marble. Don't get discouraged though, you don't have to swallow it or anything, you just put it into your shoe…

And it makes you limp…

What did the unluckiest lucky man do when he found the pill of immortality?

He chocked on it.

Neo probably should have taken the blue pill

Ask Hugh Hefner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy asks, "Granny, have u seen my pills, they're marked LSD"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have u seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

Smart Pills

A poor man who has no money decides to paint peas different colors and sell them at a market, labeling them as smart pills for $5 a piece.

A man walks over to his booth and buys a 'pill.'
Doesn't seem to comprehend

He decides to buy another one.
Still not hitting him

He bu...

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

What is the Spanish word for accidentally taking a second sleeping pill?

Tambien™

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new pill that's going up against Viagra?

The competition is stiff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidentally mixed up my sleeping pills with my viagra.

Ended up having 40 wanks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man comes home with his new Viagra pills…

He walks in the door and says “Honey, are you up for some super sex?”

She replies “I’ll take the soup.”

Elderly Woman

“An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."


Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you ha...

What do you call a domineering pill bug?

A controly-poly!

I won a lifetime supply of cyanide pills

I only got one though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.

But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.

What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?

They become mummies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today at work my co workers made fun of me when I explained to them I'm constipated and that's why I was taking pills

I really couldn't give a shit.

A Lena and Sven Joke

Lena went to the doctor a few weeks ago with some problems that Sven had in bed. "Ya know, Sven hasn't been performing as well, I vas vondering what vi could do anything about it" The doctor said"I have this new experimental drug that increase performance, but I warn you it's experimental. Just slip...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why they only sell penis enlargement pills legally?

Because they don't sell well on the black market.

We met a family with 5 kids. I guessed their names correctly

Honeymoon, Valentine's Day, Pulled Out, Forgot the pill, and Broken Condom.

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women...

Are sitting in the OBGYN office knitting baby sweaters.

The first woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a small pill. She states "this is folic acid, it's an important vitamin for development of my baby," then resumes her knitting.

The second woman reaches into her purse, pulls ou...

Doctor, Doctor! Can I have some sleeping pills for my husband?

Doctor: Why's that?

Woman: The relsiliant twit woke up again...

This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work, and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some pills that were supposed to help. That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.

"Boss," he said, "the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"

"That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"

What's the medical term for a chill pill?

A relaxative

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that using penis enlargement pills can affect my IQ and make me easily irritated.

What a load of bullshit, and I don’t even have that fucking stupid Apple product.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A parrot swallowed a viagra pill. The owners put him in a freezer to "cool off."

When the owner opened the freezer he noticed the parrot was sweating profusely.

Owner: Why are you sweating so much?

Parrot: You know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?!

Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.

News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.

Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Chinese have developed a new pill that increases the average penis size by 3 inches.

Reports say they will use it to interfere with the upcoming U.S. erections.

What do you get when you mix LSD and a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old man arrives at his doctors appointment

He sits down and the doctor proceeds to do his normal routine.

*Doctor:* So how are things going lately?

*Man:* Pretty good. I got married to a 20 year old last week.

The doctor is taken a little bit back by that statement, but continues being professional.

*Doctor:* That...

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

If there was a pill that made you stop procrastinating

I would probably take it tomorrow

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

Did you hear about the new male birth control pill?

You take it the next day....it changes your blood type.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The secret to a long life

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed a shriveled, stooped old lady. She was sitting on her front step, contentedly smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

She said, "I smoke ten cigars a day. Be...

Why arent pills allowed in Africa?

Because you can't take them on an empty stomach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A condom broke last month. I freaked out and went to the pharmacy, and they told me to use the morning after pill.

That shit doesn't work. I took two and she's still pregnant.

You know the joke where a guy tells another guy to eat rabbit pellets saying that they are "smart pills"?

The second guy comes back the next day and says, "Hey, these are rabbit pellets! They're not smart pills at all!"

And the first guy says, "You see, they're working already."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy comes home and finds his grandma in the living room, sitting down. He asks her "hey, grandma...have you seen my pills? they say LSD on them.”

The grandma looks at the boy and says "fuck that, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?"

The elderly woman goes to the doctor..

She says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s sil...

Doctor Visit

I told my doctor that the pills she prescribed had me seeing colors.

She said it was a pigment of my imagination.

An old lady is sitting with her doctor

“I’ve been having the most terrible flatulence, doctor. I just can’t stop passing gas. Fortunately, they’re silent and they don’t smell at all. Why, you couldn’t tell but I’ve farted at least five or six times in the few minutes I’ve been here with you.”

The doctor pulled out his pr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife’s doctor prescribed her a new pill

It’s great, now we fuck every night, all sorts of positions, some she’d never tried before. Introduced toys and bondage, spanking and 3 ways….. and she hasn’t woken up once.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Patient: I get scared every time I think of big animals.

Therapist: We have pills for that, but bear in mind--

Patient: AAUUGGHH!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend told me this one

A boy goes to his grandma and asks,” gran , have you seen my pills , they’re labelled LSD?” The grandma replies,” fuck the pills what about the dragons in the kitchen !!!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me to get dick pills

She told me to get those pills that make your dick standup.

Man was she surprised when I came back from the pharmacy with diet pills

Pls help, I'm locked out of my house

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna Jill said yes and lifted then lifted up her dress they had some fun but silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son

I just found out that the mascot for a famous brand of baked goods overdosed on opiates.

Pills bury doughboy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes my girlfriend takes her sleeping pill, passes out and initiates sex.

We call it the reverse Cosby.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What company is going to start selling pills that are the opposite of Viagra?

Ubisoft.

I had bad diarrhea so I went to the doctor; they gave me some pills and said I should take one after each 'episode.'

Unfortunately all the episodes are re-runs.

What's the difference between the red pill and the blue pill?

The blue pill makes you harder.

Grampa told me this one!

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

Mental illness joke. (I have this illness so I'm laughing at myself) I used to have a beautiful girlfriend who loved and cherished me before I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Then they put me on some pills and she disappeared

My friend thinks he’s high from taking homeopathic pills.

I said, “That’s an oxy, moron!”

My friend keeps lying about how he didn't steal my sleeping pills

Whatever helps him sleep at night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room the their OBGYN...

Three pregnant women are sitting around the waiting room at their OBGYN knitting jumpers for their expected babies. One woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a handful of pills and Swallows them. The other mothers look at her with disapproval stares and she says, "Oh no, these are just prenatal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a little boy sitting on the curb

He watches him as he takes a M&M, pops it in his mouth and swallows it, picks up his kitten and bites it. Stands up walks 10 feet down the street, sits down, pops a M&M, bites the cat and moves another 10 feet. The man watches him for a bit as he repeats this over and over. Finally the man w...

Why are pills white?

Because they work.

Why did the Mexican man have to go to the hospital after taking 3 pills?

Because it was an over dos.

I heard there's this new pill that cures addiction.

Hmm, I wonder what two of them will do...

Did you know you can get nitroglycerine pills to cure sickness?

Yep, just pop one and you'll never be sick again.

Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety pills?

To prevent Hispanic attacks

An old woman goes to the doctor's and says she has an embarrassing problem...

She knows when she's breaking wind but it doesn't make any sound and has lost any sort of stinkiness that it used to have.

She went on to say that in fact she'd done it three times since coming in the room- and that as it's just so unnatural, it's really bothering her. He gives her some pills...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandpa snoops in the medicine cabinet and

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the bathroom medicine cabinet, he asked his son about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

A. They’re called “Predick-a-mints.”

New name for weight loss pills

Pills of mass destruction!

I’ve developed a new medicine to help people sleep at night. It works better than normal off the shelf brands. Small pills taken with a liquid and there’s no harsh taste or smell.

I’m calling them “Pill Cosbys”.

I ate a pill that would made me immortal today

I accidently choked to death while swallowing it

Birth control pills should be for men.

It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?

A trunkquilizer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took those penis enlargement pills

It's starting to get out of hand

The Pill... (Semi-NSFW)

It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid getting pregnant.

I started using sleeping pills yesterday

Rest assured they worked

Why are diet pills so effective in the UK?

If you buy enough, you are guaranteed to lose 30 pounds fast.

I just spilled water in a $100 bottle of medication

That's a hard pill to swallow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smart Pills

One day, Paddy and Mick were walking through the Woods when they saw some Rabbit Shit.

Paddy said: "What's That"..?? "'They're Smart Pills," says Mick "Eat them and they'll make you smarter"..

So Paddy ate them and said: "Jeez. They taste like Shit".. "See," says Mick, "You're gettin...

I’ve just bought anti-anxiety pills

But I’m too afraid to take them

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the pharmacists and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills

A man goes to the pharmacist and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills.

The pharmacist is confused and asks “why 3 1/2?”

The man responds. "Well, Monday I am going to see my mistress and I need two. I need one for Wednesday with my wife. And on Friday, I am going to the sauna and it just needs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Miracle medicine.

A man went to a doctor for a miracle medicine.

"Doctor, can you give me a medicine which lets me see from nose, speak and eat from eyes, hear from mouth and smell from ears ?"


Doctor thinks for a moment and give him the _miracle medicine_ with a smile


"Here are some pill...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Playing truck driver...nsfw

I ran into a kid sittin’ on the curb.

He would eat an m&m, bite his cat on the ass, and move on down the curb. Eat and m&m, bite his cat on the ass, and move on down the curb.

I said son, “what are you doing?”

He said, “playin truck driver.”

I said, “tru...

My patient got upset at me for laughing when I told her that pill wasn't a suppository...

I guess she took it the wrong way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra...

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra,

The pharmacist says he has two kinds, one that costs $20 and one that costs $30

The man asks for the one that costs $30, opens the bottle and pops a pill. He pulls out a credit card to pay and the pharmacist says

“Sorry, we don’t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the magician who lost his viagra pill?

Talk about misdirection!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young sailor about to on his first ever around the world cruise" visits his grandfather, a retired Admiral.

"Gramps, I'm so excited to go on my first cruise," he says.



"Well, son, let me see your pack so I can make sure you're taking everything you need," says the grandfather.



The sailor goes and grabs his suitcase. He opens it for his grandfather to inspect, only to get smac...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.