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Poisonous Jokes

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make som...

Baby snake: “Mommy, are we poisonous?”

Mother snake: “Yes, son. Why?”
Baby snake: “I just bit my tongue.”

Poisonous Wife

Reporter: How did your husband die??
Wife: He ate poison
Report: But why did he has Bruises on his body?
Wife: He refused to eat it...

Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all

*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*

Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. L...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My second wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My third wife died from a cracked skull...

...the bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

What's the difference between poisonous & venomous ?

If it bites you and you die, its venomous
If you bite it and you die, its poisonous
If it bites you and it dies, its voodoo
If it bites you and nobody dies its kinky

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.

Give a man a poisonous fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.

The worst thing about being bitten by a poisonous spider is...

You're probably Australian

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

A great tragedy befalls Russia

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A...

what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea

a salt with a deadly wetpen

*hides*

What did the poisonous spider get pulled over for?

Recluse driving.

i've been married two times. my first wife died to poisonous mushrooms. the other sufred severe skull fracture.

\-what happened to her?

\-she didn't want to eat the mushrooms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets bitten by a poisonous snake..

A man and his friend is walking in the desert when suddenly his friend is bit by a poisonous snake directly in the penis. The man says to his friend, "Don't worry I'll run into town and get help, I'll be right back!"


The man gets into town and finds the local doctor and asks "My friend wa...

My friend recently passed away after eating some poisonous mushrooms

It's pretty sad, he was a really fungi!

I took a sip of what appears to be some sort of poisonous ink...

I dyed a little inside..

One snake says to the other snake, are we poisonous? The other replies, I don’t know why do you ask?

The first snake replies, because I just bit my lip!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently scientists discovered a new species of a bat whose sperm is extremely poisonous

They named it Mortal Cum Bat

LPT: Remember, besides blueberries, anything blue in the wild is poisonous and not fit for consumption....

The same rule applies to video game cartridges.

You really have to watch out for new sprouts coming out of your potato's... they're poisonous.

Keep your eyes peeled!

If a poison expires,

Will it be more poisonous or less poisonous?

(An old, lame joke) A physicist, a chemist and a biologist visit a beach.

They were bored sitting empty, so they decided to perform some experiments.

The physicist says, "I'm gonna measure the depth of the sea." He proceeds to dive into the sea, but goes too deep. He gets crushed by the underwater pressure, drowns and dies.

The biologist says, "I'm gonna dis...

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