Baby snake: “Mommy, are we poisonous?”

Mother snake: “Yes, son. Why?”
Baby snake: “I just bit my tongue.”

One snake says to the other snake, are we poisonous? The other replies, I don’t know why do you ask?

The first snake replies, because I just bit my lip!

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My second wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My third wife died from a cracked skull...

...the bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

i've been married two times. my first wife died to poisonous mushrooms. the other sufred severe skull fracture.

\-what happened to her?

\-she didn't want to eat the mushrooms

An elderly woman was taken to court suspected of having killed the 4 husbands she'd had. There, the prosecutor starts the interrogation;

"How did your first husband die?" Asked the prosecutor.

"He ate soup made with poisonous mushrooms" Answered the woman.

"And, how did your second husband die?".

"He ate soup made with poisonous mushrooms".

The court gasps.

The prosecutor follows on "How did your th...

What's the difference between poisonous & venomous ?

If it bites you and you die, its venomous
If you bite it and you die, its poisonous
If it bites you and it dies, its voodoo
If it bites you and nobody dies its kinky

Poisonous Wife

Reporter: How did your husband die??
Wife: He ate poison
Report: But why did he has Bruises on his body?
Wife: He refused to eat it...

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”

what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea

a salt with a deadly wetpen

*hides*

The worst thing about being bitten by a poisonous spider is...

You're probably Australian

What did the poisonous spider get pulled over for?

Recluse driving.

I took a sip of what appears to be some sort of poisonous ink...

I dyed a little inside..

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Recently scientists discovered a new species of a bat whose sperm is extremely poisonous

They named it Mortal Cum Bat

LPT: Remember, besides blueberries, anything blue in the wild is poisonous and not fit for consumption....

The same rule applies to video game cartridges.

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions.........

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?...

My friend recently passed away after eating some poisonous mushrooms

It's pretty sad, he was a really fungi!

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A man gets bitten by a poisonous snake..

A man and his friend is walking in the desert when suddenly his friend is bit by a poisonous snake directly in the penis. The man says to his friend, "Don't worry I'll run into town and get help, I'll be right back!"


The man gets into town and finds the local doctor and asks "My friend wa...

The scariest warning that you can read in braille

"Poisonous surface, do not touch"

Snakebite

Two buddies were riding their horses through the wilderness when they stopped by a creek to fill their canteens. While Joe crouched down, Clyde went downstream to take a leak.
"Tarantion!" Clyde shouted, "that there rattler done bit me on the weener!"
Joe shot the snake dead and told Clyde...

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