If anyone says you have to work 365 days in 2020 in order to succeed, they don’t have your best interests in mind and is preaching toxic hustle culture

You need to work 366 days cause it’s a leap year

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The most toxic substances known to mankind.

1. Arsenic
2. Cyanide
3. Polonium
4. Mercury
5. The League of Legends community

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Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper.

This shows how toxic the media is.

How to deal with a toxic ex: 100% accuracy and scientifically proven to work.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

The air in California is so toxic

I think I might date it.

Third wheeling with a toxic couple SUCKS.

Btw.. I'm with my parents right now..

A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.

**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.

The man stood, shocked, before gathering his...

Covid quarantines were so toxic.

We isolated all the positive people.

American Idol is like that toxic girlfriend.

It threaten’s that it’s going to leave, but it keeps coming back singing the same old songs.

Reddit might be a toxic cesspool full of degenerates and racists...

But at least there is free cake.

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

What do you call a toxic work environment?

A staff infection

Oxygen is a toxic gas

You get addicted to it and can't live without it after taking it only once and anyone taking it dies at an average age of 80.

What is toxic at first, but makes life a lot more fun when everyone is used to it?

Oxygen

Guys if you and your pickles are in a toxic relationship, here's what to do

Try to talk it out, even if its HARD TO OPEN UP. then if things go SOUR, get rid of them. There, DILLemma solved

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

I asked my friend, “Hey, did you read that article about a social media platform that has some very toxic people, very questionable virtual communities, and people that come together to do amazing things?”

He replies: “Yeah, I Reddit.”

New York has the most lawyers in the USA. New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps in the USA. Why is this so?

New Jersey had first choice.

If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself

She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:

What do you call a toxic 14 years old Communist?

A pro-state cancer

Girl you are the one...

on the pH scale cuz you are toxic af.

3 engineering students

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The ...

What is the female equivalent of "toxic masculinity?"

PMS

So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity.

I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.

Scientists found out that water is toxic.

100% of dead people drank water.

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

What is the most toxic gas? (Possible Dad Joke?)

Air, every person died consuming it.

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I don’t think toxic masculinity really exists.

I think it’s just guys acting egotesticle.

A woman drags her husband to the doctor,

He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.

A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how...

Hey guys, I’m looking to hire a group of people to move toxic waste from a nearby nuclear reactor.

I’m not gonna pay anyone but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of exposure.

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

He was a fungi.

Why wsn't the toadstool invited?

He was toxic.

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My two friends are dating and are toxic for each other. The only time i see them is together because of their trust issues...

Or when I'm fucking his girlfriend.

We shouldn't be too hard on people who use toxic building materials.

They did asbestos they could.

The human body was probably designed by a civil engineer

Who the hell builds a toxic sewage pipeline through a recreational area ?

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A girl’s invited to his boyfriend’s family dinner. But she made a mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.

When she is on her way, she feels the need to fart, but she figures she can wait until she gets to his house.

When she arrives, his parents are so happy to meet her. His parents immediately invite her to the dining table. Since dinner is almost ready, she feels bad to step out. She figures s...

Did you hear Julia Roberts has a new movie coming to theaters on St. Patrick's Day?

She plays an Irish legal assistant who investigates the toxic levels of green beer. It's called "Erin Go-Brah-kovich."

I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today?

I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"

Some people passed away from toxic fumes in the apartments I constructed.

I was just making the ceilings asbestos I could.

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

-Edit my dad told me this joke and I just got some of the parts I remembered but I’m pretty sure this is all it

Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies...

Are you a tide pod?

Because you’re lookin’ like a snack but you’re really just toxic to everyone.

Here is a toxic thought

Chernobyl, HAH.

Sometimes self-care means cutting out toxic people.

If you ever met my conjoined twin, Your Honor, I think you'd understand.

My friend wanted a non polar solvent for his collection that wasn't particularly toxic.

I told him to get some water from the equator.

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

Three explorers, one Irish, another English, and an American, were walking in the Amazon. Soon they came across a tribe and the leader told them that if they wanted to pass through their territory that they had to pass the three caves test.

The leader of the tribe took them to the caves, where he said "Inside the first, there are three bottles of rum, each 100 years old and said to be toxic. You have to drink one each. In the second is a lion with a thorn in his foot. You must remove the thorn. In the third is a woman who has never bee...

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

Just purchased a hazmat suite.

Now I’m ready for that next toxic relationship.

After the lab accident, Tommy became really rude to people around him.

His friends said that he became a much more toxic person.

If you have poison in your veins

Would you call that toxic vasculinity?

I cannot get on board with colonizing Venus

I don't work well under pressure and I don't like toxic work environments.

To break the ice before a lab, we were told to tell our assigned groups the chemical element that represents us...

Sally said Helium because she's carefree and doesn't react to much. John said Potassium cause he loves to bring his energy into things and he's not keen on baths. Mary said Iron because she's malleable and likes to support everyone.
I said Uranium because I'm dense, unstable, and toxic.

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What does Trump and a used tampon have in common?

Both served toxic periods that people wished would end.

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My 4 year old cousin told me this and I cracked up

Cousin: Knock knock

Me: Whose there?

Cousin: Weeneeda maka change butt

Me: Weeneeda make change butt who?

Cousin: Yes Michael, we need to make a change, but who? Who will be the first to stand up? We have burned through our resources leaving the planet cracked and bruised...

Everyone around me calls me aimless.

It was time for me to move away from all these toxic people to a whole new place. So, I bought a large US map, put it on the wall, and decided to move to the place my dart hits.



Viva la Vida, here I come, Rio.

My last relationship was with an Apex lengend

It was toxic.

I work on a lettuce farm in Arizona...

Last week an FDA team showed up and shut us down on the back of reports that our produce was making people sick. After weeks of exhaustive investigation they found that the fence around our farm perimeter contained extremely toxic amounts of the chemical element Rhenium, and as the fenceposts aged t...

If God were an engineer...

3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"

The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sur...

Three engineers were arguing about what kind of engineer God is.

Electrical engineer: "surely God is an electrical engineer, the brain and nerves are a symphony of exquisite circuitry."

Mechanical engineer: "no, look at the ballet between bone, muscle and sinew. God must be a mechanical engineer."

Civil engineer: "God is a civil engineer. Who else w...

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chieftain has them bound and brought to the village square, where he announces their fate. "For trespassing on our land," he says, "you will all be sentenced to death! You will be killed, skinned, eaten, and have your hides tann...

My one and only engineer joke.

Three engineering students were discussing what type of engineer created the human body. The first one said “well obviously it’s a chemical engineer because the body couldn’t function without all the chemicals and hormones and everything else.“

The second one said “no no no it’s definitely a...

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

Britney Spears made a song about Reddit.

It’s called “Toxic”.

A boy is walking home with groceries and his border collie...

... and he comes across a pool of toxic waste.
Absolutely shocked at this sight, he dropped his groceries and let go of his dog. His dog wasn't the smartest, and it jumped into the toxic waste. The boy's groceries also fell in. After finally recovering, the boy called the cops to report both h...

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's The Difference Between Donald Trump & a Bag of Cheetos?

One is a cheesy sack of toxic crap that's pumped up with orange dye and hot air, and is sold to ignorant masses with no taste.

The other is a corn-based snack food.

My cat had a hairball caught in her throat

It was awful, she couldn't get it out. She'd wander around hacking, trying to get it out. I chatted with a vet about this and he suggested i put vaseline on her front paws. I...uh what? He explained further - vaseline is a non-toxic lubricant. If you put it on her paws, cats hate the feeling and ...

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

Call Captain Planet

The residents of a town are fed up with all of the pollution from factories, littering, and toxic waste.

Finally, a townsperson says, "We need Captain Planet!"

A moment later, a superhero looking dude shows up and says, "Did someone summon me?

The townspeople rejoice, an...

Hey, did you hear that Carbon and Oxygen broke up?

Yeah, it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic. Personally, I never saw it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teenage boys will masturbate to anything.

That's why I know so much about toxic shock syndrome.

Whenever I play a video game, everything is green.

I must be a toxic player.

3 engineers are debating what kind of engineer God is

The first, a mechanical engineer, says, "He must be a mechanical engineer. Just think about a pitcher throwing a baseball 100mph, the forces are unreal. God has to be a mechanical engineer."

The second, an electrical engineer, says "No way, he has to be an electrical engineer. Just look at th...

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.

The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God m...

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

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