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Organs Jokes

If animal organs were compatible with humans...

Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."


"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Bec...

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During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

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Someone told me flowers had sex organs...

....what a load of Poppycock!

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My son asked me, "Dad, what's the difference between the male and female sexual organs?"

I replied, "Well, there's a vas deferens".

I wanted to study about the reproductive organs of flowers

... until I learned there was a stigma attached

Did you know, that if you take all of the human organs and spread them out on a football field.

You get arrested

Med student was unable to identify an organ

So a viva exam was going on which the students had identify the organ shown and tell their functions.
There was this one student who was really struggling with identifying the organ that was shown to him. He was saying random organs like 'heart, kidney, liver etc'. The examiner eventually felt pi...

Organs

Sorry you might not have gotten it because it’s an inside joke

What has 13 hearts but no organs?

A deck of cards.

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I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

Where does bitish surgeons keep donor organs?

In Liverpool.

All I wanted to do was donate organs, but the hospital were being awkward about it.

They kept asking me where I got them and threatened to call the police.

I can live without my organs

It's hard, but luckily I still have my grand piano and synthesizer.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no sex organs?

No fucking eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no sex organs, and no legs?

Still, no fucking eye-deer.

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

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All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

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The Sad Lives of Our Sexual Organs

A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him!

A vagina has a sad life. She gets screwed regularly, her neighbor is an asshole, her best friend is a dickhead and her owner abuses her!

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I'm sure my dad didn't write this, but it was always one of his favorites: The organs were having a meeting...

"Did I ever tell you about the asshole?"

"What?"

"Well, the asshole was at a meeting with all of the other body parts, and they were deciding who should be in charge of the whole body, right? So first, the brain says, 'C'mon, obviously I should be the boss. I do all of the decisions, t...

Doctor: "Have you ever thought of donating organs after your death?"

Man: " Yeah, I will donate my brain"
Doctor: "Good, all tiny bits help"

If I had to sell any of my organs...

...I'd sell my piano.

My SO has both reproductive organs

It's really the hole package.

Human organs are the opposite of old action figures

People pay a lot more for them once you take them out to the original packaging

I would never sell my organs.

If you want them, you'll have to go through me!

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The organs in the body get into an argument...

(Heard this from my mom who works in a hospital...)

The brain says "I'm the most important. I control everything". The heart says "yeah, but without me, you'd have no blood and couldn't function". The lungs say "but without me, you'd have no oxygen in the blood". They liver says "yeah but ...

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God approaches Adam in the Garden of Eden.

**God**: Adam, I have some news for you. Actually, I've got two bits of good news, and one of bad news.

**Adam**: Sure, God, what are they?

**God**: The first bit of good news is that I am going to give you an organ called "The Brain". It is an organ that will allow you to learn more a...

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

My great grandpa, on his death bed, offered to sell his vital organs on the black market to help pay our rent during economic crisis.

We declined his offer.

We got evicted a week later, and he died another week after that, but at least his heart was in the right place.

TIL that spiders reproductive organs are found in their front arms.

Spider-Man.

An old man goes to the doctor for his annual head-to-toe checkup.

The doctor comes in with a folder full of test results and says, “I’ve got two major concerns.” The old man says, “Ok doc, let’s hear it.” Doctor says, “Well, as you know we ran a full body MRI, and we discovered that most of your major organs are riddled with cancer.” “Oh no!” the old man exclaims....

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

A mp3 hits your ears a mp4 hits your eyes

An mp5 hits your vital organs.

A little boy asks his mom: "Is it true we have organs in our body?"

"Of course, darling!" replies the mother.
"Then I think I have a problem: one pipe is sticking out!"

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All the organs have a debate about who should be in charge...

The brain said: *I should be in charge, I control all the parts and think for everyone!*

The legs said: *I should be in charge. I carry everyone around and get them to where they want to go.*

All the other organs continued with similar claims as to why they should be in charge. The hea...

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Three surgeons are talking about their favorite kinds of patients.

"My favorite patients are librarians." says the first surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because their organs are all in alphabetical order."

"My favorite patients are mathematicians." says the second surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because all their organs are numbered."

"My fa...

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