A man went to see a doctor and told the doctor, "Every morning when I see myself in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"

"I don't know," said the doctor, "but your eyesight is perfect!"

(Credit: Rodney Dangerfield)

Earlier today I felt like throwing up..

So I put a dart board on my ceiling.

Where do Christians go after throwing up?

Heave'in

Why does little Timmy keep throwing up gang signs?

Because he ate too much of them.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

He wasn't throwing up.

One day a guy walks into a bar he then asks the bartender "I'll take one of your strongest drinks."
So the bartender gets him a drink called Volcano and warns the guy that he is only allowed one of these drinks a night because they are so strong.
The guy finishes his drink and doesn't feel a ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three men took part in a turd-eating competition.

The competition is simple: The first guy to eat 100 pieces of turd without throwing up wins.

The first man starts eating. 1, 3, 5, 10... He pukes at 30 pieces and gets eliminated.

The second man starts off strong and eats 2 by 2, but eventually he vomits at around 60 pieces.

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three tourists are hiking through a massive jungle when suddenly a group of tribesmen pounce on them.

The tourists are surrounded by the tribe who all wield spears or clubs.

The tribe leader comes forth to them and says:
"We have caught you trespassing on our land. You'll be killed but it is tradition in our tribe to give you one final wish which we will fulfill to our greatest extent."...

I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.

The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.



I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.

3 men in a waiting room while their wives give birth

Three men are waiting together in a waiting room while their wives are all giving birth.

The men start to talk and learn about each other while they wait.

The nurse comes out and tells the first guy "Congratulations your wife has given birth and you now have 2 handsome twin boys"
...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Plane in a storm.

A plane gets caught up in a violent storm. Lightning bolts hit the plane several times, strong winds buffet it in all directions. All of the passengers are sure they are going to die. Some are screaming, many are throwing up, a few are praying.

Finally, an attractive, smartly-dressed business...

I heard about the gangster with a weak stomach

He was throwing up gang signs

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

I think I may have caught the Coronavirus

I had about ten last night and now I keep throwing up

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Anatomy class...

A anatomy teacher teaches his students during an autopsy... he says:

β€œThere are two main traits, a good surgeon must have... first is, nothing can disgust him!”

He proceeds to stick his finger in the corpses asshole, pulls it out and sucks on it... Half the students start throwing up....

A boyfriend paid a visit to his cancer-stricken girlfriend in the hospital.

"How are you babe?" He asked

"Good, can you do something for me?"

"Anything"

"Give me the bucket I feel like throwing up" she said.

So he gave her the bucket which was right beside the hospital bed and his girlfriend threw up in it.

"Do you love me?" She asked afte...

I called my Sergeant this morning and said, "I'm not coming into work today."

"Why not?" he asked.

I said, "My wife is throwing up in bed and she hasn't ironed my uniform."

"That's no excuse!" he shouted.

I said, "I know, but try telling her that..."

2 Monocles walk into a bar

The new bartender can tell that they are already well on their way to intoxication but obliges them anyway when they order 2 shots.

As the night goes on they continue to get drunker and drunker and their behaviour becomes obnoxious. From loud arguments to inappropriate comments to women and e...

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