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Paper Towel Jokes

What do you call a sleeping paper towel?

A napkin.

A prisoner escaped by putting a paper towel over his face and walking out of jail.

There’s a Bounty on his head.

A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, runni...

A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks “What’s with the paper towel?”

The pirate says “Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!”

Paper towels?

OH! You mean napkins on the cob?

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels?

He had a bounty on his head.

With all the missing paper towels and napkins everywhere...

You could say that right now, I'm a Bounty hunter

I got a job in prison making paper towels..

I hope I get paid per roll

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat...

...he has a bounty on his head.

If anyone is still having trouble finding toilet paper or paper towels, I know a guy you can call...

Dog the Bounty Hunter. He's brawny and some people find him strangely charmin'.

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

..their new slogan? The Quicker Pecker Upper.

What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels?

nothing they were tearable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A United States Marine walks into a restroom at the Pentagon to take a leak...

There, at the row of urinals, a Soldier and a Sailor are also relieving themselves. The Marine pulls up to a vacant urinal next to them and gets ready to do his business.

Just then the Soldier finishes up, zips up, and goes over to the sink. He turns on the water and lets it get nice and wa...

I came into a large sum of money recently...

Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three automobile managers at the urinal

The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.


The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."


T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Men Were Using Urinals In a Public Restroom

The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I lear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three programmers in the bathroom

The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.

Turning to the other two, he says, "At Windows, we are trained to...

I’m gonna start a business

I’m gonna start a business where I sell exclusively paper towels. Not by the roll, but by the square. You have to pay-per-towel

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

A man had trouble trusting people

However, everytime he used paper towels to clean his nose, he was perfectly fine.

He had trust tissues.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

A pirate is sitting at the bar

With a paper towel hat on his head, the bartender, being curious to why this pirate would make himself look completely ridiculous, goes to the pirate and asks him why on earth does he have a paper towel hat on. The pirate looks the bartender right in the eye and says "Arrrg I have a bounty on me hea...

Girl and Boy jokes

Girl: Baby I am wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, I want more than that
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby I want sumthing big and round
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to go to a premature ejaculator's support group, but I hear everyone shows uuuuuuuuuuu....

I'm so sorry. I can't help it. Do you have any paper towels?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texas A&M (Aggie) grad, a Texas Tech (TT) grad and a University of Texas (UT) grad end up at the urinals in a bar.

The Aggie finishes first, walks over to the sink and loudly proclaims "In my health class at Texas A&M we were taught to wash our hands after using the bathroom to prevent disease" and proceeds to splash soap and water everywhere. Additionally, while drying off he uses more paper towels than are...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds walk into a restroom in 2005...

When Bill Gates finishes doing his business, he goes to the sink, washes his hands, pulls 20 paper towels from the dispenser, and dries his hands completely as Steve Jobs walks up.

Bill says "at Microsoft, we like to be thorough."

Steve Jobs washes his hands even cleaner than Bill, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy named Eddie walks into the men's room at a bar.

As he's standing at a urinal, another fellow walks up to a nearby urinal. Eddie glances over and notices the other guy has no arms; both of the sleeves of his jacket are empty and folded over. Armless guy says to Eddie, "Hey buddy, do you think you could help me out?"

"What can I do for you?"...

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

A man bought a new lamp on Amazon.

When it arrived, he noticed a dirty spot and tried to rub it off with a damp paper towel.

Suddenly, a scruffy glowing teenager appeared and said "Hey man, thanks for freeing me from this lamp. In return, I will grant you three wishes!"

The man was stunned. "You're a genie?"

"Yea...

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