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Towels Jokes

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It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, ‘I've been sav...

I hate hotel towels

So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would their towels say?

Hiss and hearse

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Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

Those dirty bastards.

Paper towels?

OH! You mean napkins on the cob?

Whats the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife suggested we watch some porn to spice things up. I put on “Crazy Anal Chicks vol. 4”

But it was just a bunch of women yelling at me to do the dishes, put my shoes on the entranceway mat, and hang the towels on the rack

My wife can’t reach the towels.

I set the bar pretty high.

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels?

He had a bounty on his head.

If towels told jokes…

They'd probably have a very dry sense of humor.

A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head

The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "

The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head "

A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, runni...

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There are three software engineers who find themselves needing a piss at their annual conference.

First one goes in, has his piss, comes out and after washing his hands he grabs a towel to dry them. And another, and another. Soon the bin is overflowing with used towels, but his hands are perfectly dry.
"At IBM, they teach us to be thorough"

Second one goes in, has his piss, comes out...

With all the missing paper towels and napkins everywhere...

You could say that right now, I'm a Bounty hunter

Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel

The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.

I got a job in prison making paper towels..

I hope I get paid per roll

Velcro sanitary towels...

They're a bloody rip off

Michael Jackson and his wife didn’t get “his” and “hers” towels.

Nope. Instead, they got “she” and “HEE HEE HEEEE”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

..their new slogan? The Quicker Pecker Upper.

I felt it deserved better

Context: Me and my wife are setting up to rent an airbnb apartment, conversation earlier that went like this.

Me: We need to decide how many towels to give our guests.

Wife: 2 for the shower, 1 big 1 small,

Me: And how many tea towels do we put in the kitchen?

Wife: 1
...

Mum has always said the linen looks much tidier if towels are folded in half before being curled up..

..I guess that's just how she rolls.

If anyone is still having trouble finding toilet paper or paper towels, I know a guy you can call...

Dog the Bounty Hunter. He's brawny and some people find him strangely charmin'.

What should you not put in the washer with a load full of towels?

A towel full of loads

What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels?

nothing they were tearable.

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