Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

Last night my wife and I argued for hours as to whose turn it was to do laundry.

Eventually.... I folded.

I typically wait until I have one outfit remaining before I do my laundry...

...and before I ever owned a washer/dryer set, I would go to the laundromat to wash my clothes.

I also typically don't throw out clothes even when they get scuffed or have major tears in the fabric.

Keep in mind: laundry day also meant No Clean Boxer Briefs Day...Oh! And did I mention ...

My mom always did the laundry at 5AM, while it was still dark. I never understood why....

but then it dawned on me.

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

Due to turning into laundry detergent, I was unable to go to work today.

What can I say? My hands were Tide.

I was offered a job in a monastery laundry

I decided not to go through with it, I didn't want to pick up any dirty habits.

My wife challenged me to strip poker, but I soon realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

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Did you hear about the male pornstar who accidentally put explosives in with his laundry?

He blew his load everywhere!

Where does Frozone put his laundry?

Down his super chute.

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

Now that Laundry Folding Machine has been invented

Theres no used getting married.

My wife found my hard sock in the laundry.

She winked at me and said "Have you been using cornstarch?"

I said "No, it's just my Johnson's baby powder."

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

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What does a young white female pornstar and my laundry have in common?

We’re both doing a load of blacks

What do bondage enthusiasts use to do their laundry?

Tied pods.

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A woman was putting away laundry when the kitten ran across her feet.

Startled, she dropped the pants she was holding. Her husband laughs and says “damn, you mean I’ve been trying to get those off of you for all these years and your drop your pants for a little pussy”

How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?

Because they're washing tons.

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A guy in my town is hiding from the cops after he was caught having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

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Mom is doing laundry

It's Tuesday and the stay home mom is doing laundry. She picks up the clothes from her hamper then proceeds to her daughter's room. Knocks on the door, walks in, asks her daughter for her dirty clothes at which point her daughter hands over a small hamperfull. Mom then proceeds to her son's room kno...

A husband texts his wife from the office, "Hey Hon! Can you please throw my dirty clothes in the laundry?"

Several minutes passed and there was no response so he texted back.

"Oh I forgot to mention that I got a huge bonus! I really think we can get you that new car at the end of the month!"

"OMG!!!!! Are you serious?!!", she texted back.

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure you got my f...

What's a laundry machine's favourite chocolate?

Lindt

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I wish laundry could masturbate

Then it could just do itself.

What's the difference between a laundry machine and children?

A laundry machine doesn't cry when I put the load in.

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry?

She had a filthy habit

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Why do Klu Klux Klan members love doing laundry?

It's the only time they're able to separate whites from colors without getting any shit for it!

Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?

Seems like it'd be a little Tidier

I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.

I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.

A man went to a laundry service

He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.

As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"

He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"

I prefer having poker players do my laundry

They know when to fold

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Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent.

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 'Oh, no laundry,' the boy said, 'I'm going to wash my dog.' 'But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's ...

I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said…

Tough on Grime.

Smashes Dirt.

Hard on Stains.

I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…

My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.

I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"

She said, "Money laundering."

Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist...

...then I remember what I look like naked and keep folding.

What do you call A man doing Laundry?

Non-existent

My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.

We are maid for each other.

Jerry hated doing laundry.

So he threw in the towel.

:D

My laundry business makes tens of millions a year

Really helped that I started it across the street from GoldmanSacks

What did the Viking say when hanging out his laundry?

"Today is a good day to dry."

It's okay, laundry

Nobody is doing me either

Laundry Detergent

There was a kid in a retail store on the laundry detergent aisle. He was there for a long time thinking about what to buy and a sales person noticed him and asked if he was lost. The kid replied, "I'm just having a hard time deciding which detergent would work best on my dog."


Surprised, ...

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

Why did Martin Luther King Jr. boycott laundry detergent?

Because it told him to keep his whites and colours separate.

Dirty laundry!!!

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"The laundry is not very clean",she said." She doesn't know how wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her...

I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.

My grandpa always told me that cooking and cleaning was a woman's job, so I was surprised when he confessed he does his own laundry...

I guess he's really passionate about separating whites from coloreds.

What US state has a lot of dirty laundry?

Washington

Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent

Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads

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Doing laundry is a lot like masturbating

the longer I wait the larger my load

I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

My grandpa used to say that dating was like doing laundry.

Never mix the whites with the colors.

Hookers should use laundry mats as fronts for their brothels

They both charge by the load.

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Why was there semen on the clean laundry?

When Greg woke up, his mom had left a note reading, "Please put a load in the washer"

Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry?

Because red shirts die easily.

Laundry

A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife co...

What does laundry day and the 1950's have in common

Color separation

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I'm going to dress up as laundry next Halloween

bitches love doing laundry.

How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison?

He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs!

She made me do it all.

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A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"

He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I wa...

Newlywed Laundry

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door...

When I do laundry I tell people I'm going to 1943

Cause I got to separate the whites and colors

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A woman is putting clean laundry away...

She starts putting away her husband's clothes. Her husband's wardrobe has four drawers, the top one being his personal drawer. She was told to keep away from it by her husband. Curious, she opens it, and finds three golf balls, and dozens of stacks of banded bills.

Her husband arrives home a...

A husband buys a car for his wife...

So she can run some errands while hes at work. He gets home from work and sees the car parked a couple houses down. He ask the wife:

Husband: Why is the car parked their?

Wife: I went to the grocery store and on the way back, it just stopped. Can you fix it?

Husband: What d...

I left a tube of superglue in my pocket when I did laundry yesterday...

...it was a viscous cycle.

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
<...

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in your pool?

Throw in your laundry.

I'm a middle aged man. I have many friends on Facebook. Some of them are women. I spend quite a bit of time chatting with them. Life is good!

Joyce is one of them.. Very hot, around 30-35 years old. When I'm chatting with her, I lose all sense of time.

One day she tells me "My husband's going out of town on business this Sunday. Why don't you come over? I'll be alone in the house :-)"

"What if he comes back while I'm there?"...

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A man gets home after a long day at work

He sits down on the couch and calls out to his wife "Hey babe, will you get me a beer before it starts?" She gladly goes to the fridge and gets him a beer, pops the top and brings it to him then goes into the kitchen to start dinner. About half an hour later she hears "Hey babe, will you get me a be...

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I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It’s laundry day.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

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A woman got shot by 7 bullets in war

She went to the infirmary,where she had surgery to remove the bullets


Doctor : -You will live a normal live,I couldn't get out 2 bullets but they will come out naturally


Then the woman goes on her way and has 2 twins,a boy and a girl


After 15 years,the mom is doing ...

A man goes into a pet store

In the pet store he asks for something interesting, and the worker brings out a dog

“I don’t want a dog, I want something interesting.” Says the man.

So the worker goes in the back of the store and comes back to the man with a snake.

The man says, “This is interesting, but I wan...

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Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day, and I found a bunch of inappropriate magazines."

"What did you do?" the second nun asked.

"I threw them in the trash, of course."

"Well," said the second nun, "I was in the Father's room putting away laundry and found a bunch of condoms."

"What did you do?" the first nun asked.

"I poked holes in them."

"Oh, crap,...

My daughter wants a new iPhone so to teach her a lesson...

I told her that she can have one if she washes the dishes, sweeps the floor, takes out the trash, does the laundry, mows the lawn, walks the dog, dusts the shelves and helps me cook every day.

The lesson?

iPhones come form child labour.

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After thirty years of marriage a husband and wife go for counseling.

When asked what the problem is, the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on she goes: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable—an entire laundry list of unmet needs she has endured. <...

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Seaman Jack

Seaman Jack joined the navy. When he was little he wanted to become a carrier pilot, then when he was a teenager he figured maybe he was only good for a rear admiral serving on a missile destroyer, and when he barely graduated high school, he decided well maybe he'll just be a sailor.

And the...

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Husband is getting ready to go out drinking with his buddies.

Wife is ironing his shirt and as he's putting it on, she gives him a warning about his drinking. "Remember, if you get so drunk that you throw up on your clothes. I'm going to be really upset". He assures her that he will be good and heads out to the bar to meet his friends. Of course he begins to d...

Sharing a washing machine in college

I was going to the college laundry room to wash my clothes and noticed someone left their clothes in the dryer that I had booked.

Naturally I just went to take it out, but just as I did, a girl walked in, and saw me with my arms full of her towels and underwear.

She gave me a very we...

Cinderella

My wife told me: "I'm sick of you, since I got married i work, cook, I'm doing laundry..."

I respond: "I told you if you marry me you will live like Cinderella!"

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The ...

If you see a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, you know what that means...

I dropped them trying to carry all my laundry in one load

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