Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won’t separate the whites from the colours…

Now that Laundry Folding Machine has been invented

Theres no used getting married.

Due to turning into laundry detergent, I was unable to go to work today.

What can I say? My hands were Tide.

What do bondage enthusiasts use to do their laundry?

Tied pods.

My wife found my hard sock in the laundry.

She winked at me and said "Have you been using cornstarch?"

I said "No, it's just my Johnson's baby powder."

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy in my town is hiding from the cops after he was caught having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I wish laundry could masturbate

Then it could just do itself.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Klu Klux Klan members love doing laundry?

It's the only time they're able to separate whites from colors without getting any shit for it!

How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?

Because they're washing tons.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the male pornstar who accidentally put explosives in with his laundry?

He blew his load everywhere!

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

What's a laundry machine's favourite chocolate?

Lindt

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Doing laundry!

A couple had a young kid and whenever they wanted to have sex, they used a code which was “I want to do the laundry”.
One day, the father tells his son:

“Go tell your mother that dad wants to do the laundry”

The son goes and tells his mother and she replied:

“Tell your dad ...

What's the difference between a laundry machine and children?

A laundry machine doesn't cry when I put the load in.

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent.

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 'Oh, no laundry,' the boy said, 'I'm going to wash my dog.' 'But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's ...

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry?

She had a filthy habit

Where does Frozone put his laundry?

Down his super chute.

I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.

I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a young white female pornstar and my laundry have in common?

We’re both doing a load of blacks

A husband texts his wife from the office, "Hey Hon! Can you please throw my dirty clothes in the laundry?"

Several minutes passed and there was no response so he texted back.

"Oh I forgot to mention that I got a huge bonus! I really think we can get you that new car at the end of the month!"

"OMG!!!!! Are you serious?!!", she texted back.

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure you got my f...

Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?

Seems like it'd be a little Tidier

My mom caught me lying about smuggling Tide pods out of the house instead of doing the laundry

So I had to come clean

A man went to a laundry service

He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.

As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"

He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"

I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said…

Tough on Grime.

Smashes Dirt.

Hard on Stains.

I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…

Jerry hated doing laundry.

So he threw in the towel.

:D

Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist...

...then I remember what I look like naked and keep folding.

I prefer having poker players do my laundry

They know when to fold

What did the Viking say when hanging out his laundry?

"Today is a good day to dry."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

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Wanna do some laundry?

So a married couple, trying to keep their sex private from their kids, use the phrase "wanna do some laundry?" when they want to have sex.

One day the husband comes home and asks his wife, "hey, wanna do some laundry?" To which she replies, "no laundry is getting done today. I have a headach...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a good looking guy who can cook, clean, do his own laundry, great at sex, rich and responsible?

*Imaginary*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend and I use "laundry" as a code-word for sex.

Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".

It's okay, laundry

Nobody is doing me either

My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.

I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"

She said, "Money laundering."

My laundry business makes tens of millions a year

Really helped that I started it across the street from GoldmanSacks

What do you call A man doing Laundry?

Non-existent

My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.

We are maid for each other.

I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.

I like my men like I like my laundry

Clean and hung

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

Dirty laundry!!!

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"The laundry is not very clean",she said." She doesn't know how wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her...

Laundry Detergent

There was a kid in a retail store on the laundry detergent aisle. He was there for a long time thinking about what to buy and a sales person noticed him and asked if he was lost. The kid replied, "I'm just having a hard time deciding which detergent would work best on my dog."


Surprised, ...

How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison?

He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.

My grandpa always told me that cooking and cleaning was a woman's job, so I was surprised when he confessed he does his own laundry...

I guess he's really passionate about separating whites from coloreds.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A couple with five kids...

A couple with five kids had to be careful when trying to have sexy times. The codenamed it, "doing the laundry." One day the husband was trying to get frisky, but the wife just had too much to do with the kids. Well she thought, he has been working a lot of overtime to pay for christmas and has been...

Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent

Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Doing laundry is a lot like masturbating

the longer I wait the larger my load

Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry?

Because red shirts die easily.

My grandpa used to say that dating was like doing laundry.

Never mix the whites with the colors.

Hookers should use laundry mats as fronts for their brothels

They both charge by the load.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why was there semen on the clean laundry?

When Greg woke up, his mom had left a note reading, "Please put a load in the washer"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman got shot by 7 bullets in war

She went to the infirmary,where she had surgery to remove the bullets


Doctor : -You will live a normal live,I couldn't get out 2 bullets but they will come out naturally


Then the woman goes on her way and has 2 twins,a boy and a girl


After 15 years,the mom is doing ...

What US state has a lot of dirty laundry?

Washington

I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

What does laundry day and the 1950's have in common

Color separation

Laundry

A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife co...

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

When I do laundry I tell people I'm going to 1943

Cause I got to separate the whites and colors

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm going to dress up as laundry next Halloween

bitches love doing laundry.

Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs!

She made me do it all.

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"

He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I wa...

Newlywed Laundry

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is putting clean laundry away...

She starts putting away her husband's clothes. Her husband's wardrobe has four drawers, the top one being his personal drawer. She was told to keep away from it by her husband. Curious, she opens it, and finds three golf balls, and dozens of stacks of banded bills.

Her husband arrives home a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It’s laundry day.

A man goes into a pet store

In the pet store he asks for something interesting, and the worker brings out a dog

“I don’t want a dog, I want something interesting.” Says the man.

So the worker goes in the back of the store and comes back to the man with a snake.

The man says, “This is interesting, but I wan...

I left a tube of superglue in my pocket when I did laundry yesterday...

...it was a viscous cycle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two American journalists are in London.

Two American journalists are in London attending a press convention. That evening they are in the bar chatting to fellow UK journalists when the subject of how headlines are written came up. The UK journo's commented that the Headlines in America are far too long. They need to be much shorter, and t...

My daughter wants a new iPhone so to teach her a lesson...

I told her that she can have one if she washes the dishes, sweeps the floor, takes out the trash, does the laundry, mows the lawn, walks the dog, dusts the shelves and helps me cook every day.

The lesson?

iPhones come form child labour.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day, and I found a bunch of inappropriate magazines."

"What did you do?" the second nun asked.

"I threw them in the trash, of course."

"Well," said the second nun, "I was in the Father's room putting away laundry and found a bunch of condoms."

"What did you do?" the first nun asked.

"I poked holes in them."

"Oh, crap,...

Sharing a washing machine in college

I was going to the college laundry room to wash my clothes and noticed someone left their clothes in the dryer that I had booked.

Naturally I just went to take it out, but just as I did, a girl walked in, and saw me with my arms full of her towels and underwear.

She gave me a very we...

After thirty years of marriage a husband and wife go for counseling.

When asked what the problem is, the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on she goes: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable—an entire laundry list of unmet needs she has endured. <...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Husband is getting ready to go out drinking with his buddies.

Wife is ironing his shirt and as he's putting it on, she gives him a warning about his drinking. "Remember, if you get so drunk that you throw up on your clothes. I'm going to be really upset". He assures her that he will be good and heads out to the bar to meet his friends. Of course he begins to d...

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The ...

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

A guy had a drinking problem

His wife told him if you ever drink again I’m going to leave you
Some time later the guy gets drunk and threw up on his clothes he said oh my god my wife is going to leave me.
A guy suggested him to have a 20$ bill in his pocket and tell his wife a guy threw up on him and this is the fee for t...

Cinderella

My wife told me: "I'm sick of you, since I got married i work, cook, I'm doing laundry..."

I respond: "I told you if you marry me you will live like Cinderella!"

A man and a woman had a child together, but after two years the child had not yet said a word...

...After two years of waiting, the child suddenly says: "Grandpa, grandpa!" Ofcourse the parents are very happy that the child has finally said his first words, but the next day grandma calls and tells that grandfather has passed away.

After two weeks the child suddenly says: "Grandma, Grandm...

What do you do if someone is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your laundry.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl asked me to have sex with her

I was at the shopping mall yesterday and met this 21-year-old girl who was a laundry detergent promoter. She told me she would have sex with me if I advertised her product to all my friends and contacts.
I was sadly amazed and obviously did not accept her offer because I am much older than her an...

A man comes home after a long day, his wife then hits him in the back of the head with a frying pan

He clutches his head in pain asking her, “Honey why? Why did you do that?” She answers, “When I was doing your laundry I found a receipt in your pocket with a woman’s name on it.” He responds, “That’s why you hit me? Honey Mary-Ann is a horse I bet on, that’s the receipt for my bet.” She accepts th...

A man was at the laundromat

to do his laundry. He saw that it was going to take a few hours so he went to Subway to grab a bite. He was about to pay when he realized he left his wallet at the laundromat.

He went back and he saw police cars around. The man was arrested.

"Money laundering is illegal, buddy", said t...

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