Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her!

Furious, she questions her husband.

The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!"

The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here."

"Nah," said the husband musingly, "s...

I found $100 in the laundry

It’s my rags to riches story.

I witnessed my wife trip and drop all the laundry.

She got red with embarassment and said: "Did you see that?"

I said: "I watched it all unfold."

What do you call laundry that loves ICP?

A juggaload

Due to turning into laundry detergent, I was unable to go to work today.

What can I say? My hands were Tide.

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I'm surprised stores are out of toilet paper and not laundry detergent..

The whole world has been shitting themselves for weeks..

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Mrs Jones has finished her laundry and now she is outside hanging it up to dry.

She looks up and sees a flock of terns flying nearby. She goes in the kitchen for a coffee and when she comes back out she sees that the terns have flown over and crapped on her laundry. Upset with what has just happened, she takes the laundry down, goes back in the house and washes it again. She c...

Last night, I did the dishes, vacuumed the house, hung up our laundry and mopped the floors while my wife was resting.

She was incredibly thankful, and after I finished she came up to me and gave me a massive hug, saying "What would I ever do without you?"

The dishes would be a good start.

I'm going my laundry on Monday instead of Sunday. I have the day off that day because of Martin Luther King day.

In the spirit of the holiday, I am not going to separate my colors from my whites.

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

Why do white supremacists like laundry?

Because they get to separate coloureds from whites.

There is only one mother

Kids in school were told to write a short essay with the phrase "There is only one mother". The next day in class the Timmy reads "There is only one mother and she takes care of me when I'm sick", next Sarah reads "There is only one mother and she prepares meals for the whole family, does the laundr...

My wife and I had a long argument last night as to whose turn it was to do laundry.

Eventually I folded.

How does a white supremacist do their laundry?

Apar-Tide pods.

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

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My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says “Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.”

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks “Do you want to have sex before she gets back?”

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said ...

*mom* Did you stand there while I fell over while I dropped all the laundry

*me*. Yea I saw it all unfold

I was offered a job in a monastery laundry

I decided not to go through with it, I didn't want to pick up any dirty habits.

My dishwasher and laundry machine broke today.

We had to rush her to the hospital immediately.

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

Three nuns were talking...

The first nun said, “when I was cleaning fathers room I found a dirty magizine” the second nun asked what she did with it. “Well I threw it out of course” said the first nun. The second nun said, “when I was doing fathers laundry I found a box of condoms.” The first nun asked, “well, what did you do...

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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

<...

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A man pukes on himself in the bar. And says “Oh no what am I going to do? I promised my wife I wouldn’t get drunk here.”

The bartender sees him and says. “It’s ok man take $20 out of your wallet and put it in your shirt pocket. Tell her someone got sick on you and gave you some money for the inconvenience.”
The guy says thanks and walks home. Put money in his shirt pocket and leaves his clothes in the laundr...

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A woman was putting away laundry when the kitten ran across her feet.

Startled, she dropped the pants she was holding. Her husband laughs and says “damn, you mean I’ve been trying to get those off of you for all these years and your drop your pants for a little pussy”

Why are Goalkeepers always doing laundry?

They love having clean sheets

Another day at the underwear store...

A man walks up to the counter. "Two pairs of underwear please." The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief.

"Only two pairs of underwear?"

"Yup. I wear one while the other is in the wash."

The man behind the counter looks at him in disgust, then rings out his order....

A wife is shouting at her husband about not helping her with chores

- I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, while you are sitting all day, waiting for me to bring you a beer. What kind of a husband are you?
- A patient one.

What do rappers use on their laundry

Bleeaoch!

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I wasn't sure what to wear to the Premature Ejaculators' meeting...

So I just came in my pants.


(May not be original, but it popped in my head while doing laundry. Y'all have a good one!)

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A creative use for your basement

A lot of people use their basement as an indoor gym, as a lounge area, or as a laundry room, right?

So, if you make your basement into a bedroom, have a child, give the bedroom for them to use, then you can say

**I have a child in my basement.**

Extra points if the child is alre...

What's a laundry machine's favourite chocolate?

Lindt

Three wives

Three women are chatting, a French, an American and a Russian.

The French says: "After we got married, I told my husband right away that I was not going to cook, do dishes and laundry or clean the house. He disappeared, I didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with a housemai...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

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Wealthy marriage facing economical pressure

They have decided to start saving up money



"Well honey, as you can see, we're getting through serious money trouble, so we need to do sacrifices" the man told her "I was thinking that you might start to learn to do the laundry so we can fire the laundry man"



And her wif...

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Got into a fight in a bar

Met some new people at the bar and tried to break the ice with some jokes.


Went well, till I went to the more offensive ones. Here's the joke I told:

*"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your laundry in."*

One guy goes crazy and h...

The best part of being rich and famous is someone else does your dirty laundry.

They hang all your Versace, Armani, Epstein and Gucci, no questions asked.

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

A husband texts his wife from the office, "Hey Hon! Can you please throw my dirty clothes in the laundry?"

Several minutes passed and there was no response so he texted back.

"Oh I forgot to mention that I got a huge bonus! I really think we can get you that new car at the end of the month!"

"OMG!!!!! Are you serious?!!", she texted back.

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure you got my f...

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry?

She had a filthy habit

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Did you hear about the male pornstar who accidentally put explosives in with his laundry?

He blew his load everywhere!

I starting wearing depressing outfits

It saves time on laundry, since a lot of the time they hang themselves.

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I wish laundry could masturbate

Then it could just do itself.

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I just saw my wife walk around with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It’s laundry day.

How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?

Because they're washing tons.

Now that Laundry Folding Machine has been invented

Theres no used getting married.

Not sure where I’ll go for Easter this year. Somewhere different...

maybe the laundry.

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What does a young white female pornstar and my laundry have in common?

We’re both doing a load of blacks

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Mom is doing laundry

It's Tuesday and the stay home mom is doing laundry. She picks up the clothes from her hamper then proceeds to her daughter's room. Knocks on the door, walks in, asks her daughter for her dirty clothes at which point her daughter hands over a small hamperfull. Mom then proceeds to her son's room kno...

What do bondage enthusiasts use to do their laundry?

Tied pods.

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A guy in my town is hiding from the cops after he was caught having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

A man and his wife are on a business trip

A man and his wife where on a business trip. It was supposed to only take 1 day, and they expected to be home that night, but it took longer than expected and tired of a long day having a meeting, they decide to stay in a hotel and return the next day.

They slept well and the next morning, th...

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Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.

I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.

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Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

Blacks and whites should be separated

It’s not so hard to do the laundry correctly

Do you know what to do when someone has epileptic seizure in your bathtub?

Throw your laundry in there. .

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Why do Klu Klux Klan members love doing laundry?

It's the only time they're able to separate whites from colors without getting any shit for it!

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent.

A young boy was at the corner of a grocery store picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 'Oh, no laundry,' the boy said, 'I'm going to wash my dog.' 'But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's ...

Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?

Seems like it'd be a little Tidier

A man joins the navy...

As he’s being shown around, the commanding officer tells him that from now on he’ll work in laundry. Thirty minutes later the commanding officer came back and took the recruit to the boiler room, telling him he’ll work there. After another thirty minutes the officer comes back and tells the recruit ...

A man went to a laundry service

He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.

As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"

He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"

I prefer having poker players do my laundry

They know when to fold

My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.

We are maid for each other.

What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after

I was buying some laundry detergent the other day...

While I was paying, the cashier slapped me hard.

"What was that for!?" I exclaimed.

She told me "No pain, No Gain"

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In a small village church, the priest found a crying young woman...

She is sitting there alone all teary and sobbing. So the priest sits next to her and asks her what makes her so unhappy. The young woman replies: "I got married two years ago. I have been trying to conceive an offspring with my husband since, no success so far, though."

"Do not worry," the pr...

My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.

I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"

She said, "Money laundering."

I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said…

Tough on Grime.

Smashes Dirt.

Hard on Stains.

I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…

The birds and the bees

Little Johnny's Pa decided that Johnny had gotten old enough to learn about the birds and the bees. The problem was, he didn't know how to approach the subject.

So, sitting on the back porch one day, he starts to tell Little Johnny what's involved, but he keeps tripping over his own words. F...

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What do you call a good looking guy who can cook, clean, do his own laundry, great at sex, rich and responsible?

*Imaginary*

Most important mom rule

Sleep:

when the baby sleeps

Fold laundry:

when the baby folds laundry

My mom caught me lying about smuggling Tide pods out of the house instead of doing the laundry

So I had to come clean

What did the Viking say when hanging out his laundry?

"Today is a good day to dry."

What are the 3 hottest things you can do to a woman during foreplay?

1. Vacuum
2. Dishes
3. Laundry

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

My laundry business makes tens of millions a year

Really helped that I started it across the street from GoldmanSacks

Jerry hated doing laundry.

So he threw in the towel.

:D

Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist...

...then I remember what I look like naked and keep folding.

A tourist in L.A. is walking through Chinatown

When he sees a sign saying, “Hans Olafsen’s Laundry.” Curious, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. “How did this place get a name like Hans Olafsen’s Laundry?” asks the tourist. The old man says, “It’s named after me. I’m Hans Olafsen.” “That’s an unusual ...

Three men sat around a table in a bar and talked about their wives.

The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there".
...

Police were investigating a murder in Ten City...

The victim was Andrew Pun, and the suspects were his family members. They were extremely wealthy, and had a pure blood line spanning out across multiple cities.

The police began interrogating each sibling, guardian, and family friends. All of them had an alibi:

Tommy Pun, Andrew's lit...

Whats the first thing you do if you find your wife having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in the laundry

It's okay, laundry

Nobody is doing me either

I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

Laundry Detergent

There was a kid in a retail store on the laundry detergent aisle. He was there for a long time thinking about what to buy and a sales person noticed him and asked if he was lost. The kid replied, "I'm just having a hard time deciding which detergent would work best on my dog."


Surprised, ...

Funny Laundering

My wife saw me seperating my clothes into "whites" and "blacks" for the wash.

She accused me of Laundry Segregation but I much prefer to think of it as Ethnic Cleansing.

I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.

Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry?

Because red shirts die easily.

How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison?

He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.

My grandpa always told me that cooking and cleaning was a woman's job, so I was surprised when he confessed he does his own laundry...

I guess he's really passionate about separating whites from coloreds.

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Doing laundry is a lot like masturbating

the longer I wait the larger my load

Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent

Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads

I'm going to do you like I do the laundry...

and leave it all to a machine.

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My Weed dealer needed to do his laundry

So I sold him a dime bag of quarters, but I cut it with some canadian shit.

Dry clean only?

I am the guy who needs his wife to help with the laundry.

I look at the tag on clothes, and I don't know what that stuff means.

Dry Clean Only ?????

Well yeah, I ain't gonna dry it dirty!

Dirty laundry!!!

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"The laundry is not very clean",she said." She doesn't know how wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her...

My grandpa used to say that dating was like doing laundry.

Never mix the whites with the colors.

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A woman got shot by 7 bullets in war

She went to the infirmary,where she had surgery to remove the bullets


Doctor : -You will live a normal live,I couldn't get out 2 bullets but they will come out naturally


Then the woman goes on her way and has 2 twins,a boy and a girl


After 15 years,the mom is doing ...

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Why was there semen on the clean laundry?

When Greg woke up, his mom had left a note reading, "Please put a load in the washer"

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because someone didn't do their laundry this week...

What US state has a lot of dirty laundry?

Washington

Hookers should use laundry mats as fronts for their brothels

They both charge by the load.

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I'm going to dress up as laundry next Halloween

bitches love doing laundry.

A husband buys a car for his wife...

So she can run some errands while hes at work. He gets home from work and sees the car parked a couple houses down. He ask the wife:

Husband: Why is the car parked their?

Wife: I went to the grocery store and on the way back, it just stopped. Can you fix it?

Husband: What d...

Laundry

A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife co...

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