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Cardboard Jokes

What is cardboard's favorite sport?

**Boxing**

-brought to you by my 8-year-old son

What does r/Jokes and cardboard have in common?

They're probably recycled.

What's the difference between me and a cardboard box?

A cardboard box isn't always empty on the inside.

:(

What do you call a Transformer in a cardboard box?

Amazon Prime.

I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday.

I guess I'll never know why he so badly wanted an ex box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some jerk glued every card in my deck together so now its just a block of cardboard.

I'm having trouble dealing with it.

What do you call a cardboard belt?

A waist of paper.

If two Homeless people are hitting each other with a cardboard boxes...

Is it a pillow fight?

I dated a hindu girl who would eat chicken or goat but not beef. She said it was a sacred animal.

I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him.

A team of Ukrainian civilians is training with cardboard guns when the Russian army suddenly surrounds them.

Hoping to scare them off, one of the civilians points their fake weapon at a Russian soldier and shouts "Bang!" as loud as he can. Amazingly, a soldier directly in front of his rifle staggers back from the hit and falls over dead. The other civilians are astounded, but they realize that somehow th...

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Cardboard is a lot like 1-ply toilet paper. It's not really good at absorbing,

But it's really good at moving shit around.

What happens when you put a bunch of cardboard boxes in your house during a full moon?

You make it a warehouse

Homeless man

I saw a homeless man pushing a grocery trolley filled with cardboard boxes down the street. Walking up to him, I asked "Are you homeless?"

The man looked at me and with a wave of his hand over the boxes said "Can't you see? I'm a real estate agent!"

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A callow youth walks into a talent scout’s office…

…gingerly cradling a cardboard box with some small holes poked in two sides.

After sitting nervously among a four-foot-tall sword swallower, a violinist with six-fingers on each hand, and a sexy contortionist named LuLu LaFrance who whispered something in his ear that turned him beet red, the...

In my room

I was in my room when I saw ten ants running around frantically. I felt bad, so I made a house for them out of a cardboard box.

Technically, this makes me their landlord, which means they are my...



Tenants

I remember when McDonald's switched from styrofoam to cardboard and paper.

I'm still wondering when they're going to start using actual meat.

A blonde and a brunette are talking about what to do when their children misbehave during Christmas The brunette says : "I wrap empty cardboard boxes and when a child acts up I toss one into the fireplace."

And then the blonde says : "What do you do when you run out of children?"

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What's worse than a cardboard box?

Paper tits

The Cleveland Browns are covering the playing field in cardboard for Sunday's game.

Because they always play better on paper.

Just got home and realised Staples had sold me a packet of cardboard instead of paper.

I’m writing them a stiff letter.

I love buying cardboard boxes online.

You always get one more than you pay for.

I just got my son a flat peice of cardboard for his birthday

I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.

Today's litigious culture is ridiculous. I was injured in a slip/trip/fall from a cardboard box.

I sued the box and won £5000 in corrugations.

I'm currently moving house. Has anyone got some spare cardboard boxes?

My ex won't let me live with her.

I saw a homeless man sleeping inside a big cardboard box outside the train station this morning...

Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.

He immediately woke up and said, "Thank you."

"No problem." I smiled.

He looked at me again and said, "It's empty."

I said, "I know, it's a chimney."

How do you reload a cardboard gun?

With paper clips.

What do you call a two-week celebration of tree houses, couch cushion lean-tos, and cardboard box buildings?

A fortnight.

A couple had been married for 50 years. The man had a large cardboard box under the bed.

His wife had noticed this box but never thought much of it. One day, however, curiosity got the better of her, and she opened it. She found 2 empty beer cans and a bag with some dollar bills and coins.

That night, she asked her husband what this was about.

"Well," he replied. "If y...

Last night an ant ran across my floor. Not wanting to smash it, I trapped it under a cardboard box…

Last night an ant ran across my floor. Not wanting to smash it, I trapped it under a cardboard box.

Just then, three more ran out. I caught them in the box as well.

Then another four. Just when I thought I'd gotten them all, sure enough, two more showed up!

I have decided to k...

What do you call a cardboard belt?

A waist of paper.

--

^(Credit: Shadow Warrior fortune cookie)

What do you call someone who is tired of playing a cardgame?

Cardboard

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Sonny Liston fights Muhammed Ali, takes a dive, loses and a few years later dies and goes to hell

He wakes up in hell and is greeted by the Devil holding a clipboard. The Devil puts him in a room with millions of small cardboard boxes full of small broken sticks with red tips.

"Liston, you have to spend all eternity repairing the contents of these boxes. We always give the new arrivals a ...

I saw a homeless woman in the rain the other night and offered to take her home with me...

You should have seen her face when I ran off with her cardboard box!

I asked for a new gaming console for Christmas, instead I got some torn up cardboard, I asked why

"I thought you asked for an ex-box?"

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

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A guy dies and suddenly finds himself in Hell...

He trepidatiously follows the crowd towards the Gates of Hell. He finds a demon holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.

"Craig?," asks the demon as the man approaches.

"Y... yes," answers Craig, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Hi. I'm Ed. I know what you're thi...

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Wife sent me to the store to buy tampons.

As I'm standing there confused, a worker approached me and asked, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Yeah. What are these tampons made out? They are so expensive."


"Well basically just cotton, string, and cardboard." replies the employee.

After thinking for a minute...

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One spooky night on Halloween...

Chris, an urban adventurer. was looking to have some fun.

He decided that since it was Halloween, it would be the perfect time to explore a spooky house. He asked the locals if they knew of any, and they informed him of this abandoned mansion not to far from where he lived. He was warned cou...

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the Hwy coming home.

So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out and reached in the side compartment. I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coat...

This chap lives alone and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company...

The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede.

"OK," thought the man, "I'll give it a go..."

So he bought a millipede, took it home, and for lack of advance preparations, made it a temporary home in a cardboard box.

That evening testing his new pet, he lea...

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Two Irishmen on Connor's Pass...

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'


The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.


'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.


The owne...

A car gets a flat tire

A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lif...

The old homekess man

I saw this old homeless man at a parking lot outside of Walmart holding up a sign.

I felt bad for him and gave him a dollar. The old men then smiled and gave me back my money with an extra dollar.

I was confused so i said " sir this money is for you " as i handed back the $2.

...

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A guy walks into a pharmacy

and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me ready and keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label \*...

What’s the number one item shipped by amazon?

Cardboard boxes

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How to sell toothbrushes

Monday at school, the teacher lined up all the students and had them present their weekend homework: their assignment was to sell something and give a presentation on effective salesmanship.

Sally was up first. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to peop...

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The marketing lesson

This really happened, at least by what I've heard. A guy went to the market and saw a stand selling watermelons with a cardboard reading: "1 melon - 3$, 3 melon - 10$".

He decided to teach the seller a math lesson and bought a melon for 3$. Then he said "you know what, I would like one more" ...

A group of youths are smoking outside my house. It's a bit intimidating. Perhaps I'll call the police.

Or just move my cardboard box to somewhere else.

An optimist tries to cheer up his friend (long)

OK, this was way better in the original Russian, but I'm gonna give it my best shot in translation:

So these two guys have been best friends their whole lives, and did everything together--grew up in neighboring apartments, went to the same schools, went to the same university, even got marri...

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Bob forgot his wife's anniversary

His wife is pissed as hell. She is so pissed, in fact, that she says, "I want to see something that goes from 0 to 200 in 60 seconds or I'M LEAVING YOU!!!" She runs off to go to work.


Bob is extremely worried. His family didn't have that much money in it anyway because they were in great ...

Christian Kittens

A preacher was taking a walk one day and happened upon a young girl who was playing with something in a cardboard box.

When he got closer he could see that the box held a litter of new-born kittens. "What kind of kittens are those?" asked the preacher.

"They're Christian kittens," rep...

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Jimmy the Bum

I was hanging around the bars downtown when I ran into an old acquaintance, Tom. He asks, "You come down here often? I gotta show you this bum I met. He's gotta be the dumbest SOB I've ever met." We walk over to the corner where a man was standing with a cardboard sign. "Hey Jimmy," Tom greets the b...

If you advertise your big new TV by putting the box out in the trash, I'm gonna steal it.

My cardboard fort only needs a few more pieces.

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A guy walks into a bar...

...and see one old friend looking depressed at a table. Wondering what is happening, he greets him.

\- Dude what's up?

\- You won't believe what's happening to me. Two weeks ago, someone broke into my car and stole my brand new radio.

\- Any damage to the car?

\- Not a...

[Long] Trying to find a date had been really difficult for me recently

I’d been having some mental health issues lately and so my doctor prescribed me with some pills to help treat them. Unfortunately they had the unavoidable side affect of making me hallucinate.

My daily routine didn’t change that much, but it did have a huge affect on my dating game. Every da...

A little boy heard about Jesus Christ on tv...

he wanted to know more about who was jesus so he went to this dad "hey dad who's jesus christ?" dad answered "not now son im busy with work, ask ur mom" so the boy went to his mom and asked "mom who's jesus christ?" ,mom answered "baby im washing the dishes right now, ask ur sister" so the boy went ...

I don’t get all the fuss about Nintendo Labo.

Papa John’s has been selling cardboard for over 30 years.

Oooo, that smell (LONG)

A load of chickens in their pickup bed, Sven and Tina are enjoying a quiet ride to the market when Sven accidentally runs over a skunk.

"Oh Sven, you've gotta stop," Tina says. "That was a momma skunk, and her babies are crying by the roadside."

Sven mumbles under his breath, but smile...

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Passover joke about rabbits.

So this Jew owns two pet rabbits. Every so often, he'd give them some cardboard to chew on.

On Passover, he decided to give them some matzah to see how they'd like it.

The two rabbits try the matzah. One said to the other, "Does this cardboard taste a bit funny to you?"

The seco...

Poor John...

John wakes up on Monday morning and feels horrible, so he heads to the doctor. The doctor tells him he has two years to live unless he can find a rare wriggly wiggly worm found in Africa.

So he flies over to deepest darkest Africa and searches for 4 months till he finds and collects some wrig...

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The Lie-Bot

A father comes home one day with a large cardboard box. When he unpacks it, the family's startled to see it contains a humanoid robot.

"This is a lie detector 'bot," the dad says. "It's programmed to slap anyone who tells a lie." He looks at his son and says, "Timmy, what were you watching o...

- Doctor, we have stabilized the pacient

- Good, what did you do?
- We put a cardboard under the leg of the bed.
- Well done team.

I was bullied a lot in school.

Eventually I went on to musical success. Years down the line, I stopped in my hometown to do a show. It turned out the biggest of my bullies was hired to handle my displays.

I watched for a while as he tried to put up some cardboard cutouts of myself. Every time he would set one up, another o...

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