What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto

(Please don’t hurt me)

In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber.

Now, it won't crash. It'll just go, Boeing Boeing Boeing.

Why are all boats issued with rubber toilet seats?

Because loo slips sink ships.

Why did the rubber ducky got to the bathroom?

He had to take a squeak.

Rubber

A very old man with a walking stick gets on a bus, no seats available, he stands beside a teenager, who just looks at the old guy. Suddenly, the bus breaks hard and the old man falls flat on the floor.

The kid says:" Old man, if you had a rubber at the end of your stick, you'd still be standi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which stretches further, skin or rubber?

Skin. The Bible says that Moses tied his ass to a tree then walked for 40 miles.

Doctor doctor my girlfriend is pregnant..

Guy: But we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story. There was once a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly appeared and jumped in front ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big rubber dildo hits the windshield of the family car

Daughter in the back says: "what was that?"

Mother answers: "nothing sweetheart.... Just a big fat bug"

Daughter replies: "it had a huge dick though!"

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe....

Robertoe.
Courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My company created dotted rubber condoms with gold rings on them

Little did we know that only Apple has the patent to create Expensive ass items for dicks to please

I got fired from the rubber band factory yesterday...

My first thought was "Oh snap!"



(Again from my son)

I lost my rubber band ball earlier...

I still haven't bounced back :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the rubber go flying across the room?

It got pissed off.

Has anybody lost a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because we found the rubber band.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car

It is now working tirelessly

What do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?

A rock and roll band.

Did you hear the largest rubber band ball has 200 Million rubber bands?

I think it’s a bit of a stretch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is deathly afraid of snakes so I got her last year by placing a rubber Copperhead in her glove compartment.

She nearly shit herself! Sadly, she finally got me back today and I must admit it was pretty crafty.

She knows that every morning I have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast so last night before she went to sleep she fucked my brother and emptied my bank account.

What should you do with 365 used rubbers?

Melt ‘em into a tire and call it a GoodYear

What do you call a musical group made of rubber?

An elastic band.

What do you get when you cross a shrubbery with a pig?

A hedgehog!

What sound does a rubber airplane make?

Boeing

Girlfriends parents weren’t home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - “Do you need a bag with that?”

Me - No man! She’s beautiful!

Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the S&M club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.

"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.

"Then...what are you here for?"

With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(LONG) 1lb Butter, 1 Gallon of Milk, 1 Pair of Rubber Pants.

One day, a man was traveling through a small town and needed a place to stay for a couple days. He stopped by the local hotel but they were full. A man standing nearby stated that there was a couple in town who sometimes let people stay at their house, so he went to check it out.

Sure enough,...

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a rubber band sandwich ...

He says “And make it snappy”

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his "Red-Rubber-Ball" table.

In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive.

Just a handy tip.

Perfect condoms/rubbers

The immaculate contraception

At the mall today I saw a toddler gnawing on a small rubber duck.

I asked him if it tasted like quackers.

Q: What is vulcanized rubber?

A: Spock’s birth control.

Why are the wheels of the trains made with iron and not rubber?

Because if they were made with rubber, they would erase the line.

Yesterday I saw the most famous rubber band in the world

It was the center of a-tension

Have you heard about the sober rubber duck?

He’s been squeaky clean for 8 months

Why are rubber tires black?

So the police know what to shoot at during a chase

How do you escape from a windowless bunker with a sealed vault door using only a rubber band and a puddle of water?

1).Look into the puddle and see what you saw.

2). Pick up the saw and cut the rubber band in half

3).Pick up the 2 halves of the rubber band.

4). 1 half plus 1 half equals 1 whole.

5). Use the whole on the door and escape.

I have a pun about rubber bands...

But it's a bit of a stretch.

The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers

The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...

My brother lost his job at the rubber factory

... but I think he'll bounce back.

What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?

You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!

I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key..

Stayed stationary.

Burning Rubber

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference.

On the first night ...

I asked this girl in my class for a rubber...

forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser

A boy was snapping rubber bands on his friends arm

He kept doing it in the same spot every second, over and over again until the friend eventually said, "Ouch, that one Hertz."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.