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I heard dogs can't operate an MRI

But catscan

We are going to operate on Mike tonight for his stomach cancer.

Today is open Mike night.

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Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything ins...

How many Buzzfeed employees does it take to operate an electric chair?

10, but 4 will shock you.

How does an ecoterrorist operate?

He plants a bomb

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A man is touring a hospital to see how they operate

before potentially donating a large sum of money. The director giving him the tour is taking him around and showing him all of the different rooms. As they're walking, they run into a man who's masturbating. The director apologizes to both the masturbating man as well as the potential donor. Once th...

The Christian horse.

A man was driving down the long highway in his car. All of a sudden his car broke down.

The man walked for a while and ended up at a farm. As he was trying to find the owner of the farm, he spotted one horse and wanted to see if he could borrow the horse. He met with the farmer and asked him...

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A man buys a second hand car

A man buys a second hand car. It's an old, run down Datsun.
The man buys the car, but as he's driving home it breaks down. When he lifts the hood, he notices that there's a cog missing.

He calls a mechanic, but he tells the man that Datsun had run out of business years ago, and that he wo...

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

I recently asked a friend who operated a crematorium about how COVID had affected him

He said all the extra work left him feeling burned out

My air conditioning system is very simple to operate

It's a breeze.

Q: Why do KGB agents operate in groups of three?

A: One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on those two intellectuals.

I've always wanted to be a train engineer. I spent 15 years in engineering school, 10 years learning about train history, and 5 years learning how to operate a train.

I really thought I would've been trained by now.

Where dose the majority of the mafia operate

In the spaghetto

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

To get an alarm clock to go off, you must turn it on

I operate in the same manner

Doctor1: We have to operate on this patient immediately! Doctor2: Why, what does he have?

Money.

Nike should operate a suicide hotline

And tell every caller to “just do it”

Life is like a helicopter

I have no idea how to operate a helicopter

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A man is in a car accident and when he wakes up in hospital his wife is at his bedside while the doctor gives him some bad news.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news" says the doctor, "you're fine except for one thing, your penis was badly injured and we had to amputate it.. however, the good news is your insurance has paid out £6,000 for this injury and we have the technology to give you a fully functional prosthetic penis, now,...

A surgeon was getting ready to operate on a patient. "David," he said, "don't worry. Remain calm. This is just a minor surgery." The patient replied, "my name is not David."

"I know," the surgeon said. "My name is David."

A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera...

I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot.

Faithful Wife

On the occasion of their 50th Anniversary, a man asked his wife, "Honey, you have been with me through thick and thin, and gave me constant love and support, however I just have to know whether you have actually been faithful to me all this time."

To which the wife replies, "To be honest, I h...

Speaking of PET scans, did you guys hear about the new law they passed in Oregon where dogs can no longer operate MRI machines?

Apparently cats can.

Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals.

He was braking bad.

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Slots

A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs...

What’s the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine operated by Marty McFly?

One’s a Mandalorian, and the other’s a Manned DeLorean!

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