UPJOKE
workruncontrolgofunctionemploymanagemoveservicedirectmeshengagelockmaneuvermanoeuvre

Operate Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything ins...

Dogs can't operate an Mri machines...

But catscan

We are going to operate on Mike tonight for his stomach cancer.

Today is open Mike night.

How does an ecoterrorist operate?

He plants a bomb

How many Buzzfeed employees does it take to operate an electric chair?

10, but 4 will shock you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is obsessed with trains.

A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.


Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which...

What did the tropical bird say when he was asked to help operate an industrial machine?

"Don't worry, one bird usually can't operate this machine on his own.

But toucan."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Signal box operative

New job


Guy goes for a job as a train signal box operative.

The examiner tests him for his thinking abilities.

"Ok. You have a train coming down the A line what do you do"?

"Simple, just give him a green go signal and the jobs done"!

"Great" says the examiner.<...

To surprise her hubby, an executive's wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gents, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Plastic Surgeon Dad, Operates On His Own Daughter....

There was a plastic/cosmetic surgeon,
who did some procedures on his own daughter,

He did her Nose, Boobs, and a few other things....

When people said she was pretty,
He then would jokingly say to them:

"she got her good looks from me!"

Nike should operate a suicide hotline

And tell every caller to “just do it”

Where dose the majority of the mafia operate

In the spaghetto

My air conditioning system is very simple to operate

It's a breeze.

Q: Why do KGB agents operate in groups of three?

A: One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on those two intellectuals.

What’s the difference between Boba Fett and a Time Machine operated by Marty McFly?

One’s a Mandalorian and the other’s a manned DeLorean.

A Doctor was going to operate on someone

Doctor: Relax Dave, it's just a small surgery

Me: But my name isn't Dave

Doctor: I know, I am Dave

A guy is in an accident and wakes up in hospital after being operated on

The doctor says "well sir, I have some bad news and some good news.
The bad news is that we had to amputate both of your legs.

But the good news is that the guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is touring a hospital to see how they operate before potentially donating a large sum of money

The director giving him the tour is taking him around and showing him all of the different rooms. As they’re walking, they run into a man who’s masturbating. The director apologizes to both the masturbating man as well as the potential donor. Once they are out of the room, he explains that the man h...

A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera...

I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.


The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals.

He was braking bad.

Doctor1: We have to operate on this patient immediately! Doctor2: Why, what does he have?

Money.

What type of equipment do you operate for abortions?

A baby excavator.

My kids operate the house under the HYDRA principle

For every light I turn off, three more get turned on to take their place.

God the Engineer

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is. The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex structures of the body!" The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the body, which the brain could no...

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.