My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon

The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.

I know now why Trump wants to build a wall

It's been years since he managed to erect anything

We should use Hillary Clinton's emails to build a wall

Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

To see the black hole they needed to build a telescope the size of the earth

To which my wife replied, “Maybe they can build a bigger one that could see your penis.”

(I wish this wasn’t a true story)

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

^(Disclaimer: Don't try this at home.)

My sister bet me 15$ that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should of seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

What do you get when you ask a furry to build a computer?

LenOWO, with WinRAWR pre-installed.

If we did build a wall, it definitely would work

China built a wall, do you see any Mexicans there?

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump's gonna build the wall out of...

Hillary's emails. Nobody can get over those fuckin' things apparently

How does a penguin build a house?

Igloos it together

Why doesn't Tim Cook build his own house?

Because he refuses to install windows

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Blue Collar Joke

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers....

At a mental institution, they decide to build a fence around the building

The workers decide to paint the fence red.

The next day, the fence is gone. All of the patients were sitting outside, on the grass with their hands patting their bellies.

After that incident, the workers build another fence, this time painting it yellow.

The next day same thing ...

If Game of Thrones teaches us anything it is that Mexico should build the wall.

Whingers are coming.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall.

They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.

How did the 3 little pigs build their houses?

With HAMmers!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, “ Eh. I’ll get over it.”

The government was seeking for tenders to build a bridge

On Monday, the first contractor had a meeting with the minister.

"What's your quote?" the minister asked.

"$300 million" said the contractor.

"How do you come up with that figure?"

"Well," said the contractor, quietly, "$100 million for you, $100 million for me, and $10...

It takes many nails to build a crib...

But only one screw to fill it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man builds a lie detector that slaps people who lie.

When his son gets home, he asks him, "Where were you?" To which his son replies, "At school."

The machine slaps him.

The father repeats his question, and his son admits, "I was at my friend's house."

"What were you doing?" asks the father.

"Doing homework," replied the s...

A company decides to build a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place.

A bunch of people were really upset about this, and you can't really blame them. I mean, who wants to be enjoying a nice family outing only to look across the street and see some losers playing mini-golf?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Physicians were discussing who to build Trump’s Mexican Wall

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.  The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought Trump had a lot of nerve.  Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconce...

After building the wall, Trump to build an electromagnetic barrier to prevent foreign bees from entering the U.S. by sending waves that interfere with their communication.

Trump is strictly against Global Swarming

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump is doing everything in his power to make Mexico pay for the wall

By acting so batshit crazy they want to build the wall themselves for protection

I don’t know why people won’t let trump build the wall.

Because there is a wall in China and there is no Mexicans there.

I build a new high end tower and made sure to include windows.

It would be a waste if you couldnt enjoy the view from up there.

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

What do you call a dog who builds houses?

A barkitect.

What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?

A civil engineer

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side

What did Stalin use to build his haunted house?

Ghoul-logs

A boy learns some woodworking skills on Reddit. He wants to impress his dad with his new skills so he builds him a gate for his yard with beautiful fenceposts. The dad says son, this is great but...

There used to be a gate in this exact spot, so this is just a repost.

Why is Trump so keen to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists?

He's afraid of the competition.

You know what the scientists always say to build up resistance to distractions and channel nature

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmm

What did the mouse build his house with?

Cottage cheese

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You can build a thousand bridges and not be a bridge builder.

But you suck one cock and your a cocksucker for life.

( I’m new here if this has been said before or recently sorry)

The Boston Zoo had a large problem.

The Boston Zoo had a very large problem. Their most popular attraction, a gorilla named Jamie, had died unexpectedly in the night. Ticket sales were projected to plummet if this gorilla couldn’t be seen, so the zoo manager decided to hire a man to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be Jami...

A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...

"How much are the protons?"

"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's going to be easy for Trump to build that wall...

... everyone's shitting bricks everywhere

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep,

using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around hi...

If you ever want to build a home for the poor

A foundation is a solid place to start

I tried to build a computer out of wood, but it wouldn't turn on.

All bark and no byte.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

IDK why some people find dung beetles repulsive. They build their own houses, they work for their food, they don't bother anybody

Seems to me like they really have their shit together

I'm not sure if the US should build a space force

The costs would skyrocket

How long does it take a Mexican to build a...

Oh wait, he's already done!

I just watched a terrible documentary on how to build a time machine.

That’s an hour of my life that I’ll probably get back.

An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield".

The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.

Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position ...

How to build a wall

If Trump ever needs help with the wall to Mexico he should ask the Swedish National Football Team, they did a pretty good job.

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to ...

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've bee...

When you build a bike with old parts

Is it called Recycling?

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert?”

We are answering: “Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.”

Anyone can build a bridge that stands, but you need an Engineer if...

... you want one that just barely stands.

What do you use to build a roof out of cheese?

Kraft Shingles

What do conservative beavers build?

Darns

If Apple builds a car

Will it come with Windows?

I'm pretty bad at building fences

Oops, wrong place for this post.

I wanted to build a house but I stopped after the first lumber delivery.

I got board.

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work

The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

I’m trying to build a barn and keep running into problems.

I just can’t find a stable solution.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Winter was nearly here and lazy Bear hadn't yet bothered to build a den...

Winter was nearly here and lazy Bear hadn't yet bothered to build a den. While searching for a home he stumbled upon Fox putting the finishing touches on his. "Well well! This looks cozy, thanks for building me my new home Fox, now scram!" "B-b-but, that's not fair! I've spent weeks on this thing, y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bloke has just got out of a time machine and forced me to suck his cock, I felt degraded and humiliated.

When I get older I am going to build a time machine, go back in time, find this twat as a kid, and force him to suck my cock.

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

A man goes to church to confess his sins....

He steps into the confessional and says "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I stole wood from the local lumber yard."

The Priest responds, "Well son how much did you steal, it may not be so bad."

"Well Father, with the wood I was able to build a house for my new dog in the backyard."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Heard they used to build houses out of cow dung in the old days

I think that’s bullshit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Build it and they will come"

thought the inventor of the dildo

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.

I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.