I watched a documentary on mathematical functions last night, but was really disappointed.

The plot line was predictable. The special f(x) was awful too.

What did the musician say to the other musician at the function.

Looking #

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?


He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

ƒ(x) walks into a bar.

The barman says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."

At a Mathematical Functions party...

... 2^x and 3^x notice that their friend e^x is standing alone in a corner looking kinda sad. They decide to approach him and try to convince him to have a little fun with the other Functions, but he refuses.
So 2^x asks him:

"Come on man try to have some fun, integrate!"

To which ...

There is a big function party

Everyone is there, x^2, sinx, cosx.
e^x is sitting in the corner crying. they ask "him why are you crying? Why don't you integrate yourself?"


e^x looks up and says, "It wont make a difference."

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

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What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

I've been reading a book about the shape of the mathematical functions of sine and cosine...

It has its ups and downs...

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Because they had constant arguments.

Where can you hide so no one can ever find you?

Reddit's search function

Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I don't really understand the function of a coin press...

But I guess it makes cents.

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A beautiful prostitute attended a high profile function..

When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the prostitute, she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area o...

Picking up girls is like the Cotangent function.

I don't understand the cotangent function.

My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions.

Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.

What do physicists say when they spot a dreamy new wave function?

Psi.

f(x) walks into a bar

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't cater for functions".


f'(x) walks into a bar... Wait, isn't this the same joke? No, it's derivative humour.

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The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

A village of mathematical functions is slumbering

when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential op...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models....

What do you call a mathematical function with too many powers?

An exponential crisis.

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Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

One 70-year-old says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me 20 minutes to pee."

An 80-year-old says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The 90-year-old say...

What is the function of the world's last ENIAC?

Operating the Reddit search engine.

What is r/jokes' main function?

ctrl+v

My company replaced me with a robot that performs all my functions.

Then my wife bought one

'I Love You' is a mathematical function

'I Love You' is a mathematical function where,

'I Love' - is constant and ;
'You' - is a variable..

What does a C++ function and a cellphone activated suicide bomber have in common?

Both are executed when they're called.

Two functions walk into a function bar...

...and it's a big party. All of the functions are there, having a great time. Except e^x is off in the corner, all by himself, looking rather glum. So x^2, being the nice guy walks up to e^x and he says "Hey e^x, why don't you integrate yourself into the party?". And e^x hangs his head and says with...

Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs.

Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".

Why doesn't the pope like continuous functions?

They're not hole-y.

Are you a rational function?

because I could ride your asymptote to infinity.

What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function?

An Al Gore-ithm

Recursive function

> **recursive_joke**( ***redditor*** ){

>> if ( **joke_is_funny_to**( ***redditor*** ) == true ) {

>>> *// if the joke is funny*

>>> **please_upvote_and_comment**( ***redditor*** );

>>} else {

>>> *// if the jok...

What do you call a blind trig function?

Se-cant.

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Not getting enough carbs for normal brain function?

A woman walks into a bakery on Monday, and asks the baker for some bagels. The baker says, “I don’t have any bagels, I will have more on Thursday.” The woman says okay and leaves.

On Tuesday the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels. The baker says, “I told you, I don’t have ...

How do you get Reddit to improve their search function?

Have CNN report on how bad it is

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0

I'm going to open a building that functions as a sperm bank as well as a urine analysis center.

It'll be called "coming or going".

What function do the bumps on a nipple serve?

Its brail for, "Suck This."

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 ...

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Are you the fourth derivative of a position function?

Cause you're a jerk!

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

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While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the President. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a count...

At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

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George Bush meets with the Queen of England during his first diplomatic trip to England.

Impressed by the way her government functions, he asks her during their meal : “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Bush frown...

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It was Monday and John called his boss because he was sick.

"Boss, can I get a day off? I'm sick today."

"No problem, you will make it up when you feel better. Is it something serious and will you be gone for a longer period?", the boss asked.

"I'll be coming in tomorrow, don't worry" John replied."Great, I will see you tomorrow then."

T...

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Mr. Smith kisses his wife goodbye before she leaves for a business trip....

On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital.

Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery.

After many hours of wa...

How do you keep little cows quiet so their mummy can sleep in on Mother’s Day?

Use the Mooote function on their horns

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Who's the boss now?

After God created man, all parts of his body decided they'd need a boss to function efficiently. The brain stood up and claimed the title explaining its importance as an organ. The heart interfered and explained its own importance. The lungs, too, contested strongly in its own favor. It soon turned ...

What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?

E-Reptile Disc Function

What’s the difference between me and a sentence?

A sentence has a function colon

My friend Eric believes his true purpose in life is to write put-downs on the back of kitchen tiles

He calls it his Eric-tile diss-function

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.

"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

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A man was pulled over for speeding.

A man was late for an important function and was speeding a good 25 mph over the speed limit when a state trooper pulled him over.

Officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

Man: I guess so officer, I knew I couldn’t outrun the law forever. The gun is in my glove compartment, a k...

Three engineers are discussing God...

They argue over what kind of engineer God would be. The first engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how the body moves with all its muscles, bones, joints, ligaments and tendons. The amount of coordination it takes to stand upright, walk and run! He's a mechanical engineer."...

Closing time at the bar.

So it was closing time at the bar, and there was a cop sitting across the street picking his mark. A few were stumbling, but one guy in particular was leaning on a wall while slowly making his way to his car.

Falling over, crawling a bit, but eventually made it to his car. The cop almost wen...

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Man is on an Airplane...

Several hours into the flight he needs to go to the bathroom, so he goes to the lavatories but they are all occupied and there's quite a queue. He waits for about 10 minutes until he literally cannot hold it any longer.

Just when he's about to burst he sees lady come out of the ladies room in...

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Little Johnny comes home from school....

Little Johnny comes home from school and his Grandma asks him about his day.
Little Johnny says, "Oh, school was fun. We were learning sexual education. The teacher taught us about penises and vaginas and how they function."
The grandmother, horrified by what she heard says, "I will not toler...

In Algreba, why is the vertical line test necessary?

You can't function without it

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I have a condition where my boner spontaneously shouts insults at people

I suffer from an Erectile Diss Function.

i definitely smoke weed too much

but i function very highly on it...........

selling announce in a Romanian newspaper:

urgent sell: wife!!!

fabrication year: 1983, second owner, certificate OK, autochthonous production

colour: ginger

features: super suspensions, big trunk, blue-Ciel headlights, red plump radiator grille, excellent front airbags

state of function: very good, a little used...

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Women are discussing their sex life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it’s going to be when it’s ready.

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