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A bunch of functions are drinking in bar...

When someone yells "A differential is coming!" All the functions panic and try to hide, except e^x . One of the functions asked "e^x , why aren't you hiding from the differential?" To which it responded "I'm e^x , a differential can't do anything to me!" At that point, the differential walked in and...

f(x) walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't cater for functions".

An unreferenced function walks into a bar

Function says to the bartender, "I need a stiff drink, I've had a rough week."

Bartender asks, "Whats the problem?"

"Nobody calls me anymore!"

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

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Who is the Boss ?

In an official delegates meeting of a so and so company Boss of that company decided to fire mrs.X in the upcoming 25th anniversary that is after 2 days.

So at the day of an anniversary. Somehow from the inside information got leaked and Mrs.X came to know about that at the beginning of the a...

My friend: Why do you only use one of the trigonometric functions?

Me: Just ‘cos

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In a nuclear war, they say the only thing to survive will be cockroaches.

Which means most countries will still have functioning governments.

A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.

On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialisti...

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Guys without balls applies for a job

"You're hired! Report tomorrow at 8am"
\- Thanks! There's just one detail I'd like you to know about me. I lost my balls during the war. But I can otherwise function perfectly fine.
"Ah ok, then you can come tomorrow at 9am"
\- Sir, I appreciate the consideration, but I do not expect ...

Pi and the exponential function got married, but it didn’t last.

Their last big fight:

e^x: “Pi, I can never figure you out!”

Pi: “Me? The more you seem to change, the more you just stay the same!”

If you get cold enough, your body will eventually stop functioning and you will die.

However, when you reach the coldest temperature possible, you’ll be 0K again.

At my age I can no longer function without my glasses.

Especially when they are empty.

All the mathematical functions are having a party

The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy ...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.....

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leath...

As Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger had to attend many high society functions. One such function was a fund raiser which featured a symphony orchestra playing a medley of pieces by famous composers.

Arnie, as is well known, has only one preference when it comes to classical composers, but sat patiently during the performance.

There were selections by Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky and more.

The Governor began to get quite perturbed when, after over an hour and half, his favo...

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Frank asked Joe what function key on a Windows PC is used to spell check

Joe responded: “F5”

Frank said “No that’s refreshing my browser page”

Joe said “No look at the window!! Fucking F5!”

Frank angrily replied “DUDE! I’m looking! it’s refreshing the page, not spell check!!”

Frank took some initiative and looked it up himself to find that the...

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?


He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

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Toilet humor I know you haven't heard before.

So, I can guarantee this isn't a repost because it just happened to me. But I guess to put it in joke form I'll just tell it like this:

So this man decides to buy a bidet for his toilet. He gets it installed, and over time (with a couple surprises) he gets pretty comfortable using the control...

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the...

Stranded on an island

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.



Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,



“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we ...

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If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

What is the mathematical function condemned by church?

It's sin.

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in...

I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society.

My parents did.

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My grandpa likes to boast that his bodily functions are like clockwork

Now he wasn't always like this so he's been taking extra pride in it:

"everyday I go to sleep at 21 o'clock.then at 5:30 a.m. I take a piss.At 5:45 I have a shit,and at 6 a.m. sharp I wake up."

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The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

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Remember, having sex on a regular basis helps keep your memory healthy and functioning properly.

Here’s to an unforgettable new year!! Happy 2018, everyone!!

It's easy to hide a function if it has no Z's

you can hide it in plane sight.

I just finished watching a mediocre documentary on mathematical functions.

The plot was predictable and the special f(x) was terrible.

I read that 73% of apple farmers are functionally illiterate

But it's okay, because they can still live fruitful lives.

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

There is a big function party

Everyone is there, x^2, sinx, cosx.
e^x is sitting in the corner crying. they ask "him why are you crying? Why don't you integrate yourself?"


e^x looks up and says, "It wont make a difference."

What do passionate Indian chefs and functional programmers have in common when they are exhausted?

They curry on.

A military function is being held where all officers of the Army, Navy and the Air force are present.

The Army and Navy officers were describing the Air force as the Cinderella of the military.

To this, the Air force officer replied" I don't know a lot about Cinderella except the fact that she had two ugly sisters".

Dad, I hate my life. It's like a functioning vacuum cleaner.

Dad: I don't understand

It sucks.

Dad: well, there is always roomba improvement.

I met a function who was feeling sad.

But once they stopped being negative on the outside, things started looking up.

Sad news but a good friend of mine just had a stroke. He says he lost functionality of the left side his body.

When I called to ask how he’s doing he said “I guess I’m all right now.”

Picking up girls is like the Cotangent function.

I don't understand the cotangent function.

I used to be a high functioning alcoholic.

Then I gave up weed.

First five days

First five days after the weekend are the worst...

Ps. hope it's not a repost, couldnt find it with search function

What’s blind man’s favorite trigonometric function?

Secant

Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

What is r/jokes' main function?

ctrl+v

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What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

What did the cubic function say to the second order polynomial?

Nice quads

I've been reading a book about the shape of the mathematical functions of sine and cosine...

It has its ups and downs...

Foucault: Schools serve the same social functions as prisons and hospitals.

Foucault’s mother: You’re still going.

All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Because they had constant arguments.

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Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises?

I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky.

Once you stop doing functional programming...

You never return

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions.

Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.

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A beautiful prostitute attended a high profile function..

When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the prostitute, she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area o...

An admiral is touring a submarine

The Captain is with him, showing him the functions and rooms of the submarine. Near the end of the tour when they’re in the operations room, the admiral notices a monitor with “Up 0, Down 0” displayed on it. Perplexed, he asks the captain “What is this monitor’s function?”

“Oh, that’s the tal...

Scissors and knives serve similar functions...

But I learned the hard way scissoring someone gets you a very different reaction from knifing them.

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A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…

The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to kill you, we’re going to eat you, and we’re going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we’re in a good mood today will...

Two functions walk into a function bar...

...and it's a big party. All of the functions are there, having a great time. Except e^x is off in the corner, all by himself, looking rather glum. So x^2, being the nice guy walks up to e^x and he says "Hey e^x, why don't you integrate yourself into the party?". And e^x hangs his head and says with...

So they finally made an affordable and functional jetpack

The sales are through the roof

Recursive function

> **recursive_joke**( ***redditor*** ){

>> if ( **joke_is_funny_to**( ***redditor*** ) == true ) {

>>> *// if the joke is funny*

>>> **please_upvote_and_comment**( ***redditor*** );

>>} else {

>>> *// if the jok...

A functional gun shoots

While a broke one needs troubleshooting

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A man is in a car accident and when he wakes up in hospital his wife is at his bedside while the doctor gives him some bad news.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news" says the doctor, "you're fine except for one thing, your penis was badly injured and we had to amputate it.. however, the good news is your insurance has paid out £6,000 for this injury and we have the technology to give you a fully functional prosthetic penis, now,...

What do physicists say when they spot a dreamy new wave function?

Psi.

Are you a rational function?

because I could ride your asymptote to infinity.

At a Mathematical Functions party...

... 2^x and 3^x notice that their friend e^x is standing alone in a corner looking kinda sad. They decide to approach him and try to convince him to have a little fun with the other Functions, but he refuses.
So 2^x asks him:

"Come on man try to have some fun, integrate!"

To which ...

TIL some parts of the Titanic are still functional to this day!

The pools are still full!

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Not getting enough carbs for normal brain function?

A woman walks into a bakery on Monday, and asks the baker for some bagels. The baker says, “I don’t have any bagels, I will have more on Thursday.” The woman says okay and leaves.

On Tuesday the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels. The baker says, “I told you, I don’t have ...

My camouflage is only 70% functional

Ouf

A village of mathematical functions is slumbering

when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential op...

'I Love You' is a mathematical function

'I Love You' is a mathematical function where,

'I Love' - is constant and ;
'You' - is a variable..

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The Facebook company has changed its name to Meta

This reminds me of the time I was at a function with Mark Zuckerberg.

I Meta morally corrupt, reptile looking asshole.

What is the function of the world's last ENIAC?

Operating the Reddit search engine.

Baby, are you a relative minimum of a function?

Because when I found you, my life changed from negative to positive.

What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function?

An Al Gore-ithm

How do you get Reddit to improve their search function?

Have CNN report on how bad it is

What does a C++ function and a cellphone activated suicide bomber have in common?

Both are executed when they're called.

A journalist friend of mine asked if I wanted to hear the good news or bad news first

Being a pessimist, I chose the bad news.

She said, "Alright, Breitbart and Fox News it is then..."







^(Wasn't sure if anyone's done this joke before but couldn't find anything like it in search function; please don't yell at me if it is a repost)

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Are you the fourth derivative of a position function?

Cause you're a jerk!

My breaker box wasn't functioning properly so I called 6 of my German friends over to see if they could fix it and they did! You know what they say...

Many Hans make light work.

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The most functional word in English language is...

The most functional word in the English language is... Shit. That's right, shit! Consider this:

You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or, decide to shit or get off the pot.
...

My company replaced me with a robot that performs all my functions.

Then my wife bought one

What do you call a blind trig function?

Se-cant.

A lady finds out what a reference said about to her potential employer and is upset by it.

She calls her friend and asks him: "Why did you say I was a racist?!"

The friend is confused and asks "what are you talking about?"

The lady tells him, "You know how I listed you as a reference for that job in publishing? Because I always wanted to work in publishing? Well, not alway...

[WTS]Used Iphone 6S dropped by Son,[Still Functionable][Price Negotiable]

He is 4 years old and he is really adorable,PM me if interested

What function do the bumps on a nipple serve?

Its brail for, "Suck This."

If i was stranded on an island with a fully functioning plane and a runaway,,

I'd still be stranded on an island.

What do you call a redneck with a functioning car?

Lucky

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A man goes to see a doctor about his stuttering problem.

The doctor enters the exam room and says "Good afternoon! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ww... wwh... well," says the man, "I ha... have have thissss... t.. t... terrible stutter alm...most mh... mh... mh... my wh... who.... whole l.. life. P..P..People make... fu...fu..fun of me. I ca.. ca....

The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today...

I told them it wasn't pressing.

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While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the President. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a count...

Lots of rumors that Trump is a functional illiterate, but it's Fake News...

He's tremendously dysfunctional, big league. Ok? Ok.

This weekend I bought a belt buckle that was also a functional face clock...

I threw it out. It was a waist of time.

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Why doesn't the pope like continuous functions?

They're not hole-y.

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A particularly disheveled scientist discovered a way to convert human waste into a functioning liver.

When asked about the inspiration for his discovery he said "it was the only way I was ever going to get my shit organ-ized"

I submitted a great joke about Reddit's search functionality a while back.

I can't find it now.

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[OC] Inspector Gadget is sitting in his therapist's office, ranting...

“no, I actually love to be the center of attention, I love being able to say ‘go gadget rocket shoes’ and catch up to a car on foot, the super powers are great. It’s the tedium of life as a cybernetic man outside the spotlight that get to me. I’ve got four separate bowel systems to maintain and ever...

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?



Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

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Did you hear that Lance Armstrong has an NFT?

A Non-functional Testical

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