I've been reading a book about the shape of the mathematical functions of sine and cosine...

It has its ups and downs...

At a Mathematical Functions party...

... 2^x and 3^x notice that their friend e^x is standing alone in a corner looking kinda sad. They decide to approach him and try to convince him to have a little fun with the other Functions, but he refuses.
So 2^x asks him:

"Come on man try to have some fun, integrate!"

To which ...

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Because they had constant arguments.

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?


He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

There is a big function party

Everyone is there, x^2, sinx, cosx.
e^x is sitting in the corner crying. they ask "him why are you crying? Why don't you integrate yourself?"


e^x looks up and says, "It wont make a difference."

Where can you hide so no one can ever find you?

Reddit's search function

Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I don't really understand the function of a coin press...

But I guess it makes cents.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

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What is a beaver’s favorite mathematical function?

No, not log, it’s a fucking beaver you dipshit. They don’t understand math

Picking up girls is like the Cotangent function.

I don't understand the cotangent function.

f(x) walks into a bar

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't cater for functions".


f'(x) walks into a bar... Wait, isn't this the same joke? No, it's derivative humour.

My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions.

Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

What do you call a mathematical function with too many powers?

An exponential crisis.

A village of mathematical functions is slumbering

when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential op...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A beautiful prostitute attended a high profile function..

When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the prostitute, she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area o...

All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models....

What is the function of the world's last ENIAC?

Operating the Reddit search engine.

Two functions walk into a function bar...

...and it's a big party. All of the functions are there, having a great time. Except e^x is off in the corner, all by himself, looking rather glum. So x^2, being the nice guy walks up to e^x and he says "Hey e^x, why don't you integrate yourself into the party?". And e^x hangs his head and says with...

My company replaced me with a robot that performs all my functions.

Then my wife bought one

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.

One 70-year-old says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me 20 minutes to pee."

An 80-year-old says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The 90-year-old say...

What is r/jokes' main function?

ctrl+v

What does a C++ function and a cellphone activated suicide bomber have in common?

Both are executed when they're called.

Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs.

Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".

Why doesn't the pope like continuous functions?

They're not hole-y.

Are you a rational function?

because I could ride your asymptote to infinity.

What's a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function?

An Al Gore-ithm

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mr. Smith kisses his wife goodbye before she leaves for a business trip....

On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital.

Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery.

After many hours of wa...

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 ...

Recursive function

> **recursive_joke**( ***redditor*** ){

>> if ( **joke_is_funny_to**( ***redditor*** ) == true ) {

>>> *// if the joke is funny*

>>> **please_upvote_and_comment**( ***redditor*** );

>>} else {

>>> *// if the jok...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

What do you call a blind trig function?

Se-cant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Not getting enough carbs for normal brain function?

A woman walks into a bakery on Monday, and asks the baker for some bagels. The baker says, “I don’t have any bagels, I will have more on Thursday.” The woman says okay and leaves.

On Tuesday the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels. The baker says, “I told you, I don’t have ...

How do you get Reddit to improve their search function?

Have CNN report on how bad it is

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

George Bush meets with the Queen of England during his first diplomatic trip to England.

Impressed by the way her government functions, he asks her during their meal : “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Bush frown...

Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female?

Yup, They all have periods!

I'm going to open a building that functions as a sperm bank as well as a urine analysis center.

It'll be called "coming or going".

What function do the bumps on a nipple serve?

Its brail for, "Suck This."

Three shapes are in a bar. The square says, "So then I said, It's all RIGHT!"

The triangle joins in and says, "Hah, what a weird tangent!"

The circle walks in and says, "Hey triangle, you are looking ACUTE!"

Triangle responds "Hi circle! Good to see you AROUND!"

They all share in laughter.

Circle asks "Is this why we have no friends?"

A fu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the President. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a count...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Are you the fourth derivative of a position function?

Cause you're a jerk!

How do you keep little cows quiet so their mummy can sleep in on Mother’s Day?

Use the Mooote function on their horns

What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?

E-Reptile Disc Function

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who's the boss now?

After God created man, all parts of his body decided they'd need a boss to function efficiently. The brain stood up and claimed the title explaining its importance as an organ. The heart interfered and explained its own importance. The lungs, too, contested strongly in its own favor. It soon turned ...

What’s the difference between me and a sentence?

A sentence has a function colon

My friend Eric believes his true purpose in life is to write put-downs on the back of kitchen tiles

He calls it his Eric-tile diss-function

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was Monday and John called his boss because he was sick.

"Boss, can I get a day off? I'm sick today."

"No problem, you will make it up when you feel better. Is it something serious and will you be gone for a longer period?", the boss asked.

"I'll be coming in tomorrow, don't worry" John replied."Great, I will see you tomorrow then."

T...

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A man was pulled over for speeding.

A man was late for an important function and was speeding a good 25 mph over the speed limit when a state trooper pulled him over.

Officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

Man: I guess so officer, I knew I couldn’t outrun the law forever. The gun is in my glove compartment, a k...

Closing time at the bar.

So it was closing time at the bar, and there was a cop sitting across the street picking his mark. A few were stumbling, but one guy in particular was leaning on a wall while slowly making his way to his car.

Falling over, crawling a bit, but eventually made it to his car. The cop almost wen...

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.

"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Three engineers are discussing God...

They argue over what kind of engineer God would be. The first engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how the body moves with all its muscles, bones, joints, ligaments and tendons. The amount of coordination it takes to stand upright, walk and run! He's a mechanical engineer."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man is on an Airplane...

Several hours into the flight he needs to go to the bathroom, so he goes to the lavatories but they are all occupied and there's quite a queue. He waits for about 10 minutes until he literally cannot hold it any longer.

Just when he's about to burst he sees lady come out of the ladies room in...

In Algreba, why is the vertical line test necessary?

You can't function without it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny comes home from school....

Little Johnny comes home from school and his Grandma asks him about his day.
Little Johnny says, "Oh, school was fun. We were learning sexual education. The teacher taught us about penises and vaginas and how they function."
The grandmother, horrified by what she heard says, "I will not toler...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have a condition where my boner spontaneously shouts insults at people

I suffer from an Erectile Diss Function.

Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people?

He had a wrecked isle diss function.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The perils of planning a Christmas party

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 4

RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar...

The human brain is awesome..

The human brain is awesome. It functions 24 hours a day, from the day we were born and it stops only when we have math exam.

A Parting Gift

An explorer, during a trek through an unknown jungle, made contact with a primitive tribe, and swapped basic language and customs. The day comes for the explorer to depart and, as a parting gift, he gives a fine silver mirror to the chief of the tribe. The chief takes the mirror in awe, and as the e...

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Lies in shit.

A little boy went up to his dad and asked the meaning of politics. The father explained, calling himself the capitalist as he was the earning member of the house, the boy’s mother the government as she looked after the house and administered money, his son the public as he would see everything going...

Human brain

Human brain is amazing it functions 24/7 from when we were born & only stops when you take a test or talk to someone attractive

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Women are discussing their sex life.

- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it’s going to be when it’s ready.

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied th...