On The Other Hand Jokes - 32 Hilarious On The Other Hand Jokes

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I couldn’t give a shit about what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand...

WHERE’S MY OTHER FUCKING HAND?

On the other hand,

You have different fingers.

On the other hand....

I wear a glove. - Michael Jackson

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.

It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.

Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einste...

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Two old jews are sitting in a park and reading newspaper

One of them notices that the other's paper is from a really antisemite organization and basically a pure antisemitic propaganda

"What the hell are you reading? Why don't you read our jewish papers?"

"You see Chaim" the other man says calmly "When I read our newspapers all I see are pog...

Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer.

I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea.

You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peac...

On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand

...well that hand is busy.

My wife just gave birth and she’s over the moon! I,on the other hand, plan to sue the surgeon who did my vasectomy.

Not once did he mention that a mixed race baby was a possible side effect!

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

My Chinese wife never understands what I want when I say "69". It's getting really frustrating.

On the other hand, I do like beef with broccoli in sweet and sour sauce.

I lost a finger in an accident today. It sucks but on the other hand...

I still have all five.

It's remarkable that nobody has opened a "grass fed" steakhouse in Colorado yet.....On the other hand....

They might just be afraid that the steaks would be too high.

The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

My daughter has green eyes, she got that from me, my wife on the other hand has black eyes..

She also got those from me.

Scientists are such a pain, they need so much expensive equipment. Mathemeticians on the other hand ...

They just need a pencil, a paper and a waste paper basket. Philosophers are even easier, they don't even need the waste paper basket.

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch...

But on the other hand, you have a watch.

The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine.

When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?"

"A favor for the Pope??" exclaims the driver, "of course - anything!"

"You know, I hardly ever get to drive, and I'd really like it if I got to drive now. Would you please let me?"
...

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson

On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

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After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

Being an Amputee is a blessing and a curse...

On one hand, I have fingers. On the other hand, I don’t.

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

I'm pretty sad that my massively overweight pet parrot died today.

On the other hand, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Need help solving a joke with no punchline

In April 1998, Roger Ebert published his review of Paulie, a movie about a talking bird on a road trip. He wrapped up the essay with a joke he claims to have made up.

"On the other hand, just to be fair, I should mention that parrots make great subjects for jokes. I know about a dozen, includ...

An engineer dies, and by some mistake he is sent to hell.

Satan was unsure of why the engineer was sent down there, but he might as well be of use. He commissioned the engineer to install AC, plumbing, various water features, and many other amenities that really started to turn hell into a pretty decent place.

God, on the other hand, took notice of ...

I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand, I’m okay.

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen are debating philosophy.

The question arises over the course of their debates: What separates man from the animals?

"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."

"I disagree,...

Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study.

On the other hand, His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

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I asked my friend about his time in prison.

"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."

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