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Oil Change Jokes

A kid walks into a car shop to get his get his first oil change.

"Oh, you're in for an oil change, okay. Also, while you're in do you know the last time the car had a tire rotation?" the worker says.

The kid looks at the worker confused,"Sir, I dont want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but the tires rotated on the way here."

A man who knows little about cars takes his car into the mechanic for an oil change

After the mechanic finishes with the oil change, she comes out to talk to the man.

"Well, I'm all done with the oil change, but I did notice something, it looks like your brake light fluid needs to be replaced."

The man responds, "Oh, I don't think I've ever had that changed before. Go...

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What is the difference between an oil change and a mechanic?

One is a filthy hassle, while the other is a filthy asshole.

Where is a Furries favorite place to get an oil change?

Yiffy Lube.

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What do oil changes and sex have in common?

My wife doesn't believe in either of them.

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The best engine in the world

The best engine in the world is the vagina, it takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks it does it's own oil change.

It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental.

A man goes to an auto shop for a $60 oil change

Before he's about to leave, 3 men enter and hand him another bill, confused and slightly angered, he asks the manager who those people were, the manager then replies, "They're surprise mechanics and they're quite ethical"

The oil change shop tried to scam a customer by telling him that his car needed "blinker fluid"

The customer said, "Nice try, you can't trick me. My BMW doesn't have blinkers!"

My mechanic tried to scam me because he didn’t think I knew about cars

I took my car to get an oil change and they were like “would you like us to rotate your tires?” I was like “Ummm. I rotated them a bunch on the way over jackass!”

(Long) A man is forced to get a checkup by his health insurance. The doctor excitedly says “we just got this new machine that can accurately diagnose any condition you may have - you just need to pee in this cup…”

The man is like, “what the hell” and pee’s in the cup. The doc comes back with the results and says: “you have a strained elbow.” The man is enraged and says how THE HELL can you say I have a sprained elbow from my PEE?? The doc says, the machine is always accurate. The man “leaving the office fumin...

A woman takes her car to a local workshop.

"I've driven this for around 15,000 km, I feel like it needs an oil change now", says the woman.

The workers start laughing and tell her to get out of there. Feeling upset by the treatment she received, she took her Tesla to another workshop hoping that she would receive better responses ther...

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Don't say ANYTHING about your sex life around any "smart" device like Siri, Alexa, television or refrigerator.

I made that mistake, and I'm now getting popup ads for vacuum cleaners, cat litter and oil changes at Jiffy Lube.

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A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

I told the local business owner that I loved his convenient location -- walking distance from my house!

"That's nice, sir." He said. "But if you want an oil change, you'll have to drive"

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The Doctor is Always Right

A man wakes up feeling sick, so he goes to an urgent care center.  The doctor asks what his symptoms are, and he tells her, "I'm not sure - I'm just not right."

The doctor immediately replies, "I need a urine specimen."

The man is taken aback.  "Why do you need a urine sample?  You hav...

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[NSFW] What is the best engine ever made in this world?

A vagina!

1. It takes any size pistons.
2. It auto lubricates itself
3. every 28 days it performs automatic oil changes.

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A guy goes to the doctor for a physical. [Long]

The doctor tells him they have a new machine that can diagnose all ailments with 100% accuracy with a urine sample and would like to have him be the first to use it. The guy, curious, agrees.

The guy gives a urine sample and the doctor pours it into the machine. After some beeping and boopin...

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A guy goes to get his physical (long)

So Tom goes to his doctor for his annual physical while sitting in the examining room he notices a large machine with a lot of lights and buttons looking more complicated than the space shuttle cockpit.
The doctor walks in and explains that the this new machine can diagnose every possible ailmen...

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A Pope Joke,..

Pope Benny Ratzinger was out on Romes high street looking for a replacement Popemobile.The old one was getting long in the tooth and way past its prime. John Paul had never take service and oil change stickers seriously.

Now this is before all the austerity stuff was really kicking in,and h...

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