Yerr a unit of power, Harry

I'm a watt?

There was a recent test of one man's super powers...

He was found to be cape able.

With great power...

comes great utility bills.

God’s power has changed over the centuries

He used to create universes and flood the entire Earth - now he can only manage to appear on toast.

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?

Because his father grounded him.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was taking a crap in the office restroom when the power went out

In pitch black darkness, I proceeded to wipe, wash my hands, and returned to my station, just in time for power to come back.

Upon arriving, I asked my workmate in the next cubicle "Do you know how a blind man in the crapper knows when he's done wiping?"

"No"

"Me neither"
...

How do the Taliban power their aircraft?

Wind Turbans

How does Kim Jong Un maintain power in North Korea and combat ED?

He puts on fake erections

I plan to run power out to my barn.

I’d like to have plumbing as well but that may just be a pipe dream.

Fight power with love.

Kiss a gun.

What do you call spiderman after he lost his powers, but still jumps from building to building?

Peter Parkour

(-my brother)

Batman: Power is going down, Robin quickly give me a battery!

Robin: What’s a tery?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump is doing everything in his power to make Mexico pay for the wall

By acting so batshit crazy they want to build the wall themselves for protection

El Chapo came so close to a comfortable life of fantastic wealth and power.

He would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Great Power and Great Responsibility were having sex.

Both climaxed together.

I have the power to read minds.

But only my own.

Did you hear about the power source that was arrested for assault?

It was charged with battery.

What did the Power Ranger say when he got to the Hospital?

It's morphine time

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

“If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?!”

Your parents, when you move out of their basement...

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

Why do so many tyrants try to seize power?

Because when they heard: "Watt is the meaning of life", they didn't think it was a question.

Why would America send the second and third power of 2 to poor and struggling countries?

They need foreign aid

If I had the power of invisibility,

I would end every argument by disappearing and saying "have I made myself clear?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day there were three vampires bragging about their strength and power to each other.

The first vampire said, "look at my skill" and *poof* he's gone in a blink of an eye. He comes back with his mouth covered in blood and says, "see that village over there? I have sucked dry all of the villagers' blood".

The second vampire was impressed but didn't want to seem inferior. *Poof*...

Right before dying, Thomas Edison inventend another bulb. A brighter and more power efficient version.

It was limited Edison.

What did the old Power Ranger say every day at exactly 3:00 PM?

It's Morphin(e) Time!

What do you call it when a company that sells milk doesn't have have any cows in roles of power

Lactation without Representation

I just realized I have a superpower

I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them.

It takes a while though.

Have you heard about the Irish gangsta who only wanted all the powers in his neighborhood to be equal?

Good ol’ Homie O’Stasis.

What is the power to move sea birds with your mind called?

Pelicanesis

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Power has never gone to my head, and I found great peace in this...

But then I went into a fitting room one day and saw the size of my butt.

I'm going to open a gym with power walking and door knocking classes.

I'll call it Jehovah's Fitness.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The power went out while I was using the bathroom today....

I couldn't see shit.

Where did Ozzy's Crazy Train get its power?

*Loco*motion

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend and I were having sex when the power went out.

It was a huge turn off.

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool.

There I was just minding my own business then BOSCH!

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

A priest is conducting an exorcism, yelling, "The power of Christ compels you!"

The demon sighs and says to him, "Sorry, I'm Jewish."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate my job.

My job is so fucking unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. Sh...

Why did Thor leave the hospital after he lost all his powers?

Because he was discharged

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today I was offered sex by a young attractive woman, in exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards and strong will power.

Almost as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available in scented lemon or vanilla.

Shirt Power

My kid goes to school every day wearing a different color shirt and claims that she has the power of the color of the shirt, like red power and blue power. The problem arises when she picks a white shirt to wear.

What has four legs, two mouths, is very scary and has the power to make a man suffer indescribable torment?

My pregnant wife.

My gym teacher was shouting at me like “Power comes from the legs! I know you can do it!”

It felt really bad as I was standing on a ledge on the 31st floor.

I have the power to heal others. I am a villain. Who am I?

The American healthcare system.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Edit: Alright I've got it lol, TIL churches have wi-fi

Edit 2: ok guys really I get it, churches have wif-fi, no need for every redditor to tell me, 200 is enough

Edit 3: I'm beginning to realise these edit...

My girlfriend asked me, "If you could have any super-power, which one would you have?"

I said, "America."

I just found my old Nokia and connected it with my power bank.

The power bank is now fully charged again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today an old lady with strange powers asked if I wanted great memory or a massive penis

I just wish I remembered which one I chose.

Toilets in power plants are always built on level surfaces...

to prevent rolling brown outs.

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

The Heart-Shaped Herb has been responsible for granting superhuman powers to every King of Wakanda in the line.

It blessed the reigns down in Africa.

My brother asked me which super power I'd like

Apparently the united states wasn't a good answer.

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let ...

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the c...

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

Three Irishmen are working on a power line...

One day, Paddy, Seamus and Scotty are working on a power line. The three of them have been co-workers for years and are great friends, until Paddy falls off of the tower and is immediately killed.

Grief-stricken, the two friends look at each other. "Aw, hell," Seamus says, "Someone's going to...

2 Blondes during power outage...

The first says: "I was just leaving home and was stuck in an elevator for 30 minutes..."

The second one replies: " That's nothing, I was at the mall and was stuck on the escalator for 2 whole hours!"

The power of prayer

A ship is sinking, the captain turns to the people on the boat and asks, "does anyone here know how to pray?"

The priest on boards says he can pray.

Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."

Why does Huey Lewis like raising things to the second power?

Because it's hip to be squared

What's the difference between a nuclear power plant and your mom?

I need protection to enter a nuclear power plant.

I was playing hide and seek with the kids last night and the power went out.

I hunted around for my flashlight but could only find my fleshlight.

Oh well, at least they never saw me cumming.

Jesus and Moses are at a lake in heaven

They both want to see if their powers still work


so moses splits the lake, walks right through, and says "alright jesus, now you try it"


So jesus tries to walk atop the waters but sinks right through, and swims to the other side.


"What happened?" Moses asks, "Did yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die

He's unbereavable

Why was Portugal the best colonial power?

Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friends distanced themselves from me because I became convinced that I was a power button.

Anyway, I'm off.

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russia...

Samuel L. Jackson is obsessed with the SI unit of power.

He keeps telling me to say watt again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...