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Lubrication Jokes

Please take my advice and never use Crisco for lubrication…

It’s shortening. Found out the hard way.

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What do incels use for lubrication?

Extra virgin olive oil.

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Lubrication is the way to go....

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle.He didn’t have much luck until he came across a Harley which had a ‘for sale’ sign on it.The bike looks better than a new one and although it’s 10 years old.It’s shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition f...

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The Turks invented sex

and then the Greeks improved it by removing the sheep and adding lubrication.

The Romans perfected it by discovering that you could have it with women too, then the French ruined it by adding misogynistic condescension, and the British made it worse by adding shame; after that, the Americ...

What do you call a hooker who uses Pepsi for lubrication?

A Pop-tart.

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I fucking hate improper lubrication.

It really grinds my gears.

I was reading a book about lubrication in the library.

I found it in the non-friction section.

What should you do if your Girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and apply some lubrication.

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When a priest really has to crap, he says "holy shit!". When a priest needs some dip for his chips, he yells "holy guacamole!" What does a priest say when masturbates without any lubrication?

Holy smoke!

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A guy goes to prison.

As the guard is taking him to his cell, all the inmates are cat whistling at him, winking, and shouting “see you in the shower princess”. The guy is terrified and swears to himself that he’ll never go for a shower. As the weeks go by he’s starting to smell real bad but he still refuses to take a sho...

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Some people smoke after sex

...but a little lubrication usually takes care of that.

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A woman is speeding down the highway

while driving her convertible sports car. She flies past a billboard, behind which is parked a highway patrol officer. Startled by her outrageous velocity, the cop flicks on his lights and siren and pulls out from his hiding spot, tearing up asphalt to close the gap.

She notices his approach...

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An 80 year old man visits a brothel looking for a "date"...

but all of the girls are busy, so the madame takes him to her room. Eventually, after the lights go out, the unmistakable sounds of a great and furious copulation are heard. He was huffing and puffing, she was screaming and pleading, the floor was creaking ,and the bed was squeaking, until at last, ...

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A man and a woman are having sex for the first time

The man climaxes, but is still mounted on top of the woman.

He says to her, "Y'know ... I gotta level with you. This was some of the worst sex of my life. Your hair won't get out of your face, your breasts are small and almost boney, and you seem to have no natural lubrication whatsoever....

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There was a groundbreaking surgery performed here in Houston, TX.

A baby was born recently that had a congenital condition that caused problems with the development of the delicate tissues on his face. The poor child was born without eyelids. Resourceful doctors and surgeons came up with a plan to circumcise the baby boy and use his foreskin to construct new eyeli...

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