UPJOKE
tradeconsumptioneconomicseconomicaleconomyserviceinvestmentgoodfinancialfiscalpoliticalfinanceeconomistproductionprofitable

Economic Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

Two professors of Entire Economics were walking down a road when they saw a dead rat

The older one said - “If you eat this, I’ll pay you $10,000”. The younger one makes a quick cost-benefit analysis and eats the rat.

The younger professor experiences a bad after-taste and wants the older professor to experience the same. Suddenly he sees another dead rat on the road and dare...

I wrote a joke about trickle down economics

99% of you wouldn't get it...

Finally found a good joke about trickle down economics.

I’m afraid most you you won’t get it.

Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

In these times of economic hardship and a looming recession, it's important to remember that Jesus Saves!

By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Explaining economics to children...

A young boy asks his father to explain the economy to him. The father thinks for a while before responding, "Son, think of our household as the economy. I earn the money, so I'm capitalism.

"Your mother deals with the day-to-day running of the house, so we'll call her the government.

"...

I need a raise.

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. ...

Due to the economic crisis, my dad decides to save money this year by shopping for a smaller Christmas tree. As he proudly places it on the checkout desk the cashier asks...

"Are you going to put this little tree up yourself sir?", to which my dad answers, "No I'm not you filthy animal! I'm going to put it in the living room!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

Irish Economics!

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town and he stops at the local hotel and lays a 100 no...

Joke for economics nerds

A physicist and an economist are invited to a classroom to make a presentation to get the children interested in their field of study. The physicist goes first.

He produces a ball and announces, “I will time this ball falling to the ground and, without looking at the stopwatch, tell you how l...

I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

For all you economics enthusiasts

Three economists go hunting and come across a deer.
The first economist aims and fires but the bullets misses and goes a little to the left.
The second economist aims and fires but the bullet misses and goes a little to the right.
The third economist starts celebrating and exclaims “yaho...

My great grandpa, on his death bed, offered to sell his vital organs on the black market to help pay our rent during economic crisis.

We declined his offer.

We got evicted a week later, and he died another week after that, but at least his heart was in the right place.

Economics killed my father.

Specifically, "Introduction to Economics, Second Edition."

During Spain's economic crisis, my Spanish uncle started his own honey business.

He named it Big Co Honeys.

What’s Kanye West’s brilliant economic plan as president?

To put 50 cent into the Treasury

Yo momma defies the laws of economics

She's got plenty of supply, but there's absolutely no demand

My life might be an economic failure

But at least I’m closer to $100 billion than Jeff Bezos

China may be catching up to the US economically...

...but they definitely won’t outweigh us.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a politician on a date, and later that night if she could help me better understand trickle down economics.

She asked me if I was wealthy, to which I said no, and so she pissed on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know what trickle down economics is...

But I know when I'm getting pissed on.

What grade did the socialist get from economics?

Top Marx

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

It's 1980 in the Soviet Union

The economic situation is absolutely dire. Leonid Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party, calls an emergency party meeting to discuss solutions.

"Comrades," Brezhnev begins, "according to our projections, within 2 years we will have run out of meat! What do you propose we do, comr...

Is it ok if I post a joke about trickle-down economics?

Because you’re probably not going to get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wealthy marriage facing economical pressure

They have decided to start saving up money



"Well honey, as you can see, we're getting through serious money trouble, so we need to do sacrifices" the man told her "I was thinking that you might start to learn to do the laundry so we can fire the laundry man"



And her wif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler is chairing a Nazi economic meeting.

The Reich’s Commerce Minister is delivering a tremendously boring report on minerals, and Hitler is about to nod off. “We are mining too many ores that are useless to the war effort. We need to mine less,” the minister says.

The Reich’s Chief Engineer, who is a stickler for grammar, is irrita...

Your mother is like my professor’s thoughts on socio-economics.

Every worker gets a share.

Read an article last week that said women aren’t getting married because there’s less “economically attractive” men...

...so we’ve finally reached equal pay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

If Obama declared bankruptcy and started living on the streets, what would be his Economic Status?

Baroque

What do Labour supporters and trickle down economics have in common?

They don't work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny was in his high Economics class one day

The teacher asked: "Can anyone give an example of a business failure due to careless management?"


Johnny replied: "A Prostitute getting pregnant."

I would tell you an economics joke

But there isnt enough demand

My wife, who is an economics professor told me she wants a divorce

I'm not surprised, over the years I've felt she lost *interest* on me.

It is not economically friendly to throw joke books in the trash.

You should always recycle them.

Barron Trump: "Dad, can you help me with my economics homework?"

Donald: "no, son. It wouldn't be right."

Barron: "I know, but will you try it anyway?"

I took an Economics class last semester and it finally clicked why my Priest is so against abortion.

Supply and Demand

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In times of economic recession

A blow job is better than no job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Economics explains why my penis is so small

The supply is equal to the demand.

Yeah I made this joke up, I know it's shitty but it made me laugh when I thought of it so hopefully it made some of you laugh too

A female student is giving presentation on Adam Smith in her economics class

However, she always refers to him as Smith. The professor asks her to name him after which he's met by a blank stare.

"I'll give you a hint. It's the name of the first man" says the professor.

Blushing, the student replies, "Ummm... Dave?"

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out ...

Soviet Economics

1980s. Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:

- According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%

From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'Economic Stimulus' payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal gover...

A successful contractor talks to his mother after some economic hardships.

He had originally made his fortune off of luxury countertops, rising to the top of the interior furnishing industry. However, after chasing profits, he began to use inferior materials for his countertops, lost sales, and then lost everything. Desperate, he moved into his mom's house, and asked her f...

An economics graduate student crosses the road.

An economics graduate student was crossing the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." The student picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "if you kiss me and turn me back into a beauti...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

Economy

My friend was helping me understand economics. He asked, what is something that would be good for the economy? I said, Chicken. He says yeah..ok, so what would be bad for the economy?

Me: If they breathed fire!

Daedalus and the Labyrinth

Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor.

"Listen, Daedalus," Hades began. "You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworl...

Old Russian Joke as told by one of my college professors who was Russian.

Had a professor in college who was one of Gorbachev's and later one of 21 economic advisers under Yeltsin. He used to tell us these sort or stale Russian jokes that I always got a kick out of. Here is one of them:

Jimmy Carter and Brezhnev were having a deep philosophical discussion comparin...

A communist mistakenly walked into an economics lecture in a local university

When he realised it was a mistake, he said to himself "whoops, wrong class".

Did you know the host of the Discovery Channel's show Dirty Jobs has 2 degrees?

In Mike Rowe Economics and Mike Rowe Biology.

What do you call an economical clown?

Pennywise.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.