I’m currently reading a great book about Lubricants.

It’s non-friction

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I tried a new lubricant for anal sex with the wife last night. I wasn't impressed...

It was shit.

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Just Realized , Vaseline is the best lubricant for having sex ,

Just apply some on the door knob. Makes it very difficult for her to escape.

I reluctantly told my GF today that I've been using soap as lubricant for the past month.

I had to come clean.

Got a chance to ask 2020 this question...

"Would you at least start using a lubricant?"

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

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My girlfriend used to smoke after sex..

So we started to use lubricants.

I've just been reading a book all about lubricant...

It's a fantastic piece of non-friction.

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Paddy's wife gave birth to triplets, Paddy says how did this happen?, wife replied, you remember that night I was so dry and we tried the lubricant (3 in 1)?, well that is when it happened, Paddy breathes a sigh of relief.

Thank fuck we didn't use WD40.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and possibly use lubricant

Did you hear about the couple who accidentally confused window putty with personal lubricant?

All their windows fell out.

A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...

After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."

The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."

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Did you know Gordon Ramsay refuses to have sex without lubricant?

It's fucking raw!

The happiest person I know is a lubricant salesperson...

I guess you could say they don't have a lot of friction in their life.

My cat had a hairball caught in her throat

It was awful, she couldn't get it out. She'd wander around hacking, trying to get it out. I chatted with a vet about this and he suggested i put vaseline on her front paws. I...uh what? He explained further - vaseline is a non-toxic lubricant. If you put it on her paws, cats hate the feeling and ...

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Lost in Translation

In my youth I was a bit of a Lady's man and had quite my share of girlfriends.

At one point, while I was at university, I went to Germany for Erasmus and I met a university colleague that I ended up dating for a while.

She had the strange fetish of giving me a score whenever we made lo...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders one pint, the second one also orders 1 pint (astonishing the barman because he thought it was a repost), the third orders 1/2 a pint, the fourth orders 1/6th of a pint, the fifth orders 1/24th of a pint and so on. The bartender sees where this is going and says, "I'm all out of ...

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job...

...but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Few more:

* I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.

* I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

* My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.
...

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My girlfriend always smokes after sex

So we started using lubricant.

-Jimmy Carr

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Anal invitation

"Let's go to your place." Said a fat girl.

"I would love to, but i don't have any lubricant"

"I don't think it's necessary, i'm not that tight" says the girl while smiling.

"Maybe you're not, but my door is."

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My GF wanted to try anal.

So my GF said she wanted to try anal. I told her that I was happy with what we were doing already. However, she insisted she wanted to spice things up, so I figured I would give it a try.

Unfortunately, after going at it for a while she started to feel some pain and we had to stop. I figur...

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An Irishman goes to the doctor's surgery ...

and he says to the doctor "Top o' the morning Doc, I've got a little problem. It's a pain like, in me arse."

So the doctor says "Well we'd better have a look at it. Take your trousers and pants down."

After the patient assumes the position the doctor gets a rubber glove, some lubrican...

A woman gives birth to triplets

She and her husband are trying to figure out why so many.

"It was probably that time we ran out of lubricant and we used 3-in-one oil instead." says the wife. "Good thing we didn't use WD-40."

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A prisoner escaped..

And snuck inside a house nearby.

The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.

The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.

The man said...

I got arrested today

I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though

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A young, single woman is feeling lonely

and decides to take matters into her own hands. To shy to buy a sex toy, she heads to the grocery store and picks out some scented candles, a bottle of wine, some personal lubricant and a large cucumber. She takes her items up to the till and the cashier says:

"You're single, hey?"

She...

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A beautiful young woman goes to the dentist to have a tooth extracted ...

She sits down tentatively before looking up at the dentist and says,"I am just so anxious about this whole procedure. You know, I think I would rather be fucked up the ass without any lubricant than have a tooth pulled out."

The dentist replied,"Well...you better make up your mind before I a...

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