What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A Yamahahaha.

What are the ways you can describe your motorcycle but not your girlfriend?

# It's small, but it makes a hell of a noise.

# If you really push up tight, you can fit three people on it.

# It's ok... If you don't mind the bugs in her teeth.

# Sure you can ride her, everyone else has.

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I was riding my motorcycle down a serpentine in Switzerland

When I entered a small forest in the valley a deer showed up in the middle of the road, and in spite of all of my maneuvering I crashed in to it and flew into a ditch going along the road and passed out. When I woke up and climbed up back to the road i saw a beautiful old cabriolet with a hot brunet...

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't ...

A doctor from the morgue calls the local dealership: "How many motorcycles did you sell today?" "Four."

"Oh, looks like one is still riding"

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A boy gets a motorcycle for his 18th birthday

This boy just turned 18, and for his birthday his dad gave him his vintage Harley Davidson and a jar of vaseline. The dad told his son, "Always keep this vaseline on you, and if it ever starts to rain put it on the body of the bike to keep the coat shiny".

The boy is super excited and ride...

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a motorcycle when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hand...

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A motorcycle driver...

...dies in an accident. He finds himself in hell, he looks around and spots Hitler. Hitler comes over and asks the young fella "Well what brought you here mein Junge?" The motorcycle driver replies " Well... too far right and too much gas, which left the whole place burning." Hitler answers " Ah yea...

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A young man is looking in the classifieds for a motorcycle.....

He finally finds one he has been looking for and eventually meets up with the owner. An old man in overalls greets him and says, "Here she is". The young lad cant believe it, its the bike he has always wanted and its in pristine condition. They have some small talk about bikes and riding stories. Th...

I lost both arms to a motorcycle accident.

I think there’s something wrong with my legs too but I just can’t put my finger on it.

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What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs?

Bikings

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Joe is looking to buy a motorcycle.

After several days he finally comes across a ten year old Harley. It is in mint condition,shines more then a new one. He asks the seller how he keeps it so nice.

"Simple, every time I go out of the garage, I put Vaseline on the chrome before it rains."

Joe buys the bike and the man ha...

Im saving up for my own motorcycle

Was on the fence but then my neighbour yelled at me to get down so I need something else to do in my free time

Why did the unvaccinated child buy a motorcycle when he was 3 years old?

Midlife Crisis

Three motorcycle riders walk into roadside restaurant...

A middle aged man sits inside and eats his dinner.

The first rider went to the man and burned out his cigarette on his plate.

The second rider spitted into his milk.

Finally, the third rider dropped his lunch on the floor and stepped on it.


Without saying a word, the ...

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

“Where did you get such a rocking bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.'”

Th...

A cop pulls over a guy on a motorcycle...

and asks him for his name.

"My name is Ed." he said.

"Just Ed? no last name?"

"Just Ed."

"care to explain?" asked the cop.

"Well, it started a long time ago. I was Ed Johnson. As a kid, I always wanted to be a doctor. So I studied hard and finally graduated medic...

My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot. So now he's handicapped. He's still the same guy, but I just can't hang out with him anymore. So I realized something important about myself.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

How can you tell when someone is a vegan or a motorcycle rider?

They’ll tell you within the first 5 minutes of talking to them.

Police: Sir, you are under arrest for trying to carry 6 people on a single motorcycle

Me: What do you mean 6 people?

Police: Yes, 6 people. Now please get off your vehicle.

Me: OH MY GOD!

Police: Sir?

Me: Jack fell off!

My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.

I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.

I used to be a motorcycle courier...

Man those things are heavy..

When it comes to motorcycle jokes..

I triumph every time.

What's the difference between a Hoover Vacuum and a Harley Davidson motorcycle?

The position of the dirtbag.

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my motorcycle.

I rode in, ruthlessly.

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My Uncle got pulled over by a motorcycle cop for going 25mph over the limit

The cop storms up to the drivers window and yells “GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULDNT HAUL YOUR ASS TO JAIL RIGHT NOW!!” My uncle replies “Cause id look pretty stupid on the back of your bike.”

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Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle.

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. 

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
...

A bear was driving a truck on highway...

Suddenly he saw a rabbit riding sports motorcycle and overtaking the truck from the wrong side. The rabbit came near the front window of the truck and asked bear, do you know how to ride a mobike and then was gone zip zap zoom. In a while the rabbit again came again from the behind of truck and ask...

Who did The Fonz call when his motorcycle broke down on the way to Arnold's Drive-In?

Triple Aaaaayyyyy!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

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Guy gets pulled over by a policeman on a motorcycle...

Cop comes up and says "You know why I pulled you over?"

Guy says "yes, I was going way over the limit but I am running super late for work"

Cop says "and what could be so imperative that makes you rush to work. What type of work do you do?"

Guy responds "I'm a rectum stretcher!...

TIL what a pap smear is.

And it's not when someone's father dies in a motorcycle accident.

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A policeman stops three guys on a motorcycle

He asks them: "Are you crazy? What the hell are three of you doing on such a small motorcycle!?"

One of the three guys replies: "Three? OH SHIT GUYS, BOBBY FELL OUT!"

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When a guy drives an excessively loud motorcycle or muscle car we know what they’re compensating for...

...they must have a really quiet penis.

Why didn't the motorcycles get in the carpool?

Because they didn't have trunks

What do you call a guy who throws motorcycles?

Hurley Davidson

A radio host was taking a break during his podcast when he realized that someone stole his motorcycle from the station's parking lot.

The radio host took the mic and started yelling:

"To the people who stole my motorcycle this morning, you have 4 hours to bring it back to me or I'll do to you the same thing my dad did in 1999 when someone stole his car!"

Only 30 minutes had passed when 2 guys showed up to the radio s...

A policeman pulled me over on his motorcycle.

I don't know why, I told him I was only borrowing it for 5 minutes.

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There were two roommates in a mental asylum

One starts going VROOM VROOM. VROOM VROOM! **VROOM VROOM!!!**

The other, annoyed at his roommate, asks. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a motorcycle, vroom vrooooooooooom!!!"

"Well can you stop it? It's annoying!"

"Why? Is it the noise?"

"No, bastard, it's all this smo...

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(STORY JOKE) A man goes to buy a used motorcycle from a car lot

As he is wrapping up his purchase, the salesmen hands him a jar of Vaseline and reminds him that there is a leak on the seal of the gas tank lid, and to wipe the seal with Vaseline prior to any kind of rainfall.

On the way home from the car lot, he receives a call from his girlfriend.
...

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A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

3 motorcycle bullies walk into a gas station.

3 men had arrived at a gas station using their motorcycles. Inside, was an elderly trucker, eating a pie by himself. The first man walked up to him and spit in his pie. The second man shoves his cigarette into his pie, and the third man knocks it onto the ground. Without a word, he leaves the gas st...

Honda vs Harley

A 10-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a big-old
motorcycle pulls up beside her and says, "Hey little girl, do you want to go
for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside her again and says, "Hey kid, I wi...

Dear redditors, I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."...

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Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

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Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit

They were out in the forest when the bear attacked the rabbit. All of a sudden the spirit of the forest appeared and said, “STOP! I will grant you both three wishes.”
The bear said, “my first wish is that I’d like to be the only male bear in the forest so i could have all the females.”
The rab...

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

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Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes.

She's going to be pissed off when she comes home from work.

Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.

All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"

Driver: Faster?

Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f

Driver: "You want me to go faster?"

Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"

Driver: I can't go any faster.

Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

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A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

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An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery....

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store some blood in case a need arose.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for th...

Do you know the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside

Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me...

I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly

You’re speeding down a road when you see red and blue lights in your rearview mirror...

You tense up and pull over to the side of the road. The cop pulls over behind you on a police motorcycle. You’re perspiring hastily at the thought of getting a ticket. The cop approaches your vehicle and says “Do you know how fast you were growing?”

You say “Yes officer, I was going fifteen ...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

The girl said, “NO!” And the guy rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and Scotch and had tons of money in the bank and slept with lots of different women and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted and lived happily ever after. The End.

Dog

Last night, the police stopped by to tell me that my dog was chasing people on a motorcycle. That couldn't be my dog. He doesn't ride motorcycles

"I hate being half motorcycle half bicycle"

he moped

Timmy and the priest #1

One day little Timmy is sitting on the front porch contemplating a bottle of turpentine. A priest walks by and asks Timmy what he has.

"Well, Father this here is the most powerful liquid in the world. This here is turpentine."

"Actually, Timmy, the most powerful liquid in the world is...

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing?“

“What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcy...

What are two blondes fighting over, on a motorcycle?

Over which one gets the window seat.

I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday.

How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.

When my wife left me I was upset, lonely, and sad.

So I got a dog, bought a new motorcycle, hooked up with a couple of floozies, and blew a grand on drugs and booze.

Boy, is she gonna be mad when she gets home from work.

What's a medical doctor called, who is also part of a motorcycle club?

Health Angel

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A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by

He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.

So of course they stop fighting immediately.

“Right,” says the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”

The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every b...

A motorcyclist is in an accident.

He wakes up in the hospital to find a doctor at his bedside.

"Oh good, you are awake" the doctor says. "Listen, you have been in a motorcycle accident. It was pretty severe."

"How severe?" the man asks.

"Well, to that end there is good news and bad news. Which would you prefer?...

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.

A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor?

Yamahahaha

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A Motorcycle and a jar of Vaseline

Don buys a new motorcycle and before he leaves the seller gives him a jar of Vaseline and tells him to coat the bike with it before it rains to prevent rusting.

Don takes off and and picks up his girlfriend, Susan, and they head to her parents house for dinner. Before they go inside the hous...

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven"...

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me.....

Warnings about motorcycles

Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.

I don't get it.

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

A man rides his motorcycle down the highway...

When suddenly he hears a booming voice, which proclaims, "I am God. Since you have been such a devout believer in me, I will grant you one wish."

The man thinks for a minute and responds, "Well, God, I love to ride my motorcycle, so I wish for a bridge that goes from the coast of California...

So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out

The genie tells the man he will grant him a wish for setting him free. The man says "Ya know Gene, I love riding motorcycles. Love it more than life itself. I would love to travel across the entire world on my motorcycle, but I'm terrified of boats. Can you make a massive highway, that connects ...

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.

One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a mo...

What's the funniest motorcycle?

A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)

^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...

An officer told me to pull over when he thought that I was only semi conscious

But I assured him that it wasn't just the big trucks that I noticed. I knew there were cars and motorcycles and little trucks out there too.

I wanted to buy a motorcycle

But I'm too tired to do it.

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

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Three rednecks are drinking beer at a bar. After a few drinks they start talking about their wives.

The first redneck says, "My wife’s so damn stupid… the other day she bought a motorcycle helmet and we don’t even have a bike."

The second redneck says, "Oh yeah? Well my wife’s so stupid, she bought us a Blu-Ray player and we don’t even have a TV."

The third redneck says, "Oh yeah, we...

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The Amazing Motorcycle Ride [nsfw]

Three friends were riding a motorcycle on a particularly cold night. The one sitting in the middle started feeling really cold and couldn't handle it.

So he says to the guy sitting in the back, "Aren't you feeling cold?"

The guy in the back says, "I know a solutions to that. Why don't...

Why did the motorcycle stay at home?

It was two-tired

What do you get if you cross a joke with a motorcycle?

A Yamahahahaha!

Italian Police are told to give tickets to anyone, no matter how important

One morning, the Pope comes out of the Vatican and decides he wants to go for a drive. The Pope calls for a limousine, but when it arrives he tells the driver to get in the back, he’s going for a ride.

As he blasts down the road in his limousine he speeds past two motorcycle officers. One of ...

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A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

Two Fleas meet on a beach in florida

Two fleas are laying on a beach in florida

The first flea who is sunning himself looks to the 2nd and asks

Flea 1- "why are you shivering so bad ?"

Flea 2- "I hitched a ride down here on the mustache of a man who rode a motorcycle and it almost froze me to death"

Flea...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit

Through the woods and stumble upon a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says "thank you for freeing me, I have granted you two the ability to communicate with. I will give both of you 2 wishes.". The bear speaks up first "I wish to have the biggest bear penis in the world." The genie looks to the rabb...

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Attempted theft of my motorcycle

I've just pulled up on my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. Think the piece of shit was after the bike!

My wife must have put up a good fight though because she's lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk.

I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle...

But I can't afford all the shirts.

What does a motorcycle and the government have it common?

Once you have more power, you can't go back.

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New motorcycle

Credit to Bob Zany (I believe). I heard this on the Bob and Tom show this morning. This won't be exactly how he told it but it should be close.

A guy buys a himself a motorcycle from his neighbor. The neighbor tells him that he needs to rub Vaseline over the motorcycle before it rains or it w...

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One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner.

In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first. After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in thi...

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My girlfriend said my penis reminds her of a motorcycle.

I asked if it was because it was fun to ride?

But she said "No honey, its because its a two-stroke."

Why are cars faster than motorcycles?

Because motorcycles are two tired.

A man was driving along the coast of California on his motorcycle, just enjoying the scenery around him.

After a long period of cruising and reflecting, the sky opened up, and God Almighty descended to meet him.

"You have been a most faithful follower, my son. You have lived a good life, and for that I would like to grant you any wish." The man looked at God and pondered for a few moments befor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When that guy has sex with his wife on a motorcycle he's "cool."

When I do it I'm "absconding with the cadaver."

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Riding a motorcycle is like having sex without a condom.

It does feel great at the time, but if you make a mistake it's really really bad.

Why does the Undertaker ride his motorcycle slowly?

Because he's an Undertaker not an Overtaker!

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon finds himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one ...

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

Mooooootorcycles!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy is buying his first motorcycle

His mother is mortified that after saving up all through highschool he's going to risk his life and
buy a motorcycle in college. She asks him why he wants to ride and he replies "Because it's cool,
I'm an adult now, I want to feel free for once in my life"

His mum took that to heart. S...

Friends are like motorcycles...

'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle

A true story.

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mopeds are for men who want to ride motorcycles

but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas

My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident

Now his feet only smell half as bad.

I had a dog that always used to chase people on motorcycles

In the end I had to take the keys off him

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle.

In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.

Must be why I keep running over female joggers.

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A biker goes to a Harley shop to purchase a new motorcycle...

...and the salesman catches him browsing the selection of bikes they offer. He focuses on a really nice Harley Davidson with some nice chrome parts. The salesman approaches him and says: "I see you have your eyes on one of our most beautiful machines." "Yeah, this one I wanna buy!". "Excellent choic...

Did You Know Lenin Had a Motorcycle?

Yeah! He had a 4-stroke!

So a buddy of mine was riding his motorcycle...

(This is a joke that my own, dearest father got me with today.)

...and, you know how the underneath of the bike can get pretty hot, under the motor. Well, his boot caught fire! He looks down, and sees that it spread to his pant leg, so he reaches down and tries to pat it out with his gl...

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