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A boy gets a motorcycle for his 18th birthday

This boy just turned 18, and for his birthday his dad gave him his vintage Harley Davidson and a jar of vaseline. The dad told his son, "Always keep this vaseline on you, and if it ever starts to rain put it on the body of the bike to keep the coat shiny".

The boy is super excited and ride...

A motorcycle driver...

...dies in an accident. He finds himself in hell, he looks around and spots Hitler. Hitler comes over and asks the young fella "Well what brought you here mein Junge?" The motorcycle driver replies " Well... too far right and too much gas, which left the whole place burning." Hitler answers " Ah yea...

3 motorcycle bullies walk into a gas station.

3 men had arrived at a gas station using their motorcycles. Inside, was an elderly trucker, eating a pie by himself. The first man walked up to him and spit in his pie. The second man shoves his cigarette into his pie, and the third man knocks it onto the ground. Without a word, he leaves the gas st...

Why didn't the motorcycles get in the carpool?

Because they didn't have trunks

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Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
...

Why did the unvaccinated child buy a motorcycle when he was 3 years old?

Midlife Crisis

Who did The Fonz call when his motorcycle broke down on the way to Arnold's Drive-In?

Triple Aaaaayyyyy!

A policeman pulled me over on his motorcycle.

I don't know why, I told him I was only borrowing it for 5 minutes.

What do you call a funny motorcycle?

Yamahahahahaha.

Why does the motorcycle get sad when shifting gears?

Because the clutch is depressed

Do you know the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside

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A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

What are two blondes fighting over, on a motorcycle?

Over which one gets the window seat.

Three motorcycle riders walk into roadside restaurant...

A middle aged man sits inside and eats his dinner.

The first rider went to the man and burned out his cigarette on his plate.

The second rider spitted into his milk.

Finally, the third rider dropped his lunch on the floor and stepped on it.


Without saying a word, the ...

A radio host was taking a break during his podcast when he realized that someone stole his motorcycle from the station's parking lot.

The radio host took the mic and started yelling:

"To the people who stole my motorcycle this morning, you have 4 hours to bring it back to me or I'll do to you the same thing my dad did in 1999 when someone stole his car!"

Only 30 minutes had passed when 2 guys showed up to the radio s...

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A guy loves motorcycles, especially vintage ones. After years of trying to save money for one, he finally found a used, vintage Harley-Davidson...

A guy loves motorcycles, especially when it comes to vintage motorcycles. After years of trying to save money in order to buy one, he finally found a used, vintage Harley-Davidson at a great price. When he saw the motorcycle for the first time, he was stunned because of how clean and bright it was. ...

So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out

The genie tells the man he will grant him a wish for setting him free. The man says "Ya know Gene, I love riding motorcycles. Love it more than life itself. I would love to travel across the entire world on my motorcycle, but I'm terrified of boats. Can you make a massive highway, that connects ...

Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me...

I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly

I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday.

How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

“Where did you get such a rocking bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.'”

Th...

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A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

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A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest...

A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest, when suddenly a fairy appears and offers 3 wishes to each one.

The pervert has the first turn, and he wishes for the whole forest to be filled with women only for him. His wish is done, the forest is full of women.

It’s the jerk’s t...

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I bought this really cool vintage Indian motorcycle.

The whole bike is original, and I don't want to change anything. The gas tank has a small split in the seam on the top, but it's really no big deal, anytime it rains I just wipe a bit a Vaseline on it to keep the moisture out.
Well......
I was supposed to go meet my girlfriends parents for ...

"I hate being half motorcycle half bicycle"

he moped

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my motorcycle

I rode on, ruthlessly

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Buying a motorcycle...

This guy decides to buy a motorcycle. He looks all through the newspapers and online for the best deal and after a little searching he finds this amazing deal! The bike is a little older but it is in perfect condition, no scrapes or dents, the chrome pieces shine like new, and the leather seat looks...

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Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes.

She's going to be pissed off when she comes home from work.

What's a medical doctor called, who is also part of a motorcycle club?

Health Angel

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A man gets into an accident on his motorcycle

A man is riding his Harley at night. He suddenly swerves to avoid hitting a deer, loses control and lands in a ditch, severely banging his head. Dazed and confused, he crawls out of the ditch to the edge of the road, when a shiny new convertible pulls up. A very beautiful woman calls from the car,...

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(STORY JOKE) A man goes to buy a used motorcycle from a car lot

As he is wrapping up his purchase, the salesmen hands him a jar of Vaseline and reminds him that there is a leak on the seal of the gas tank lid, and to wipe the seal with Vaseline prior to any kind of rainfall.

On the way home from the car lot, he receives a call from his girlfriend.
...

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing?“

“What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcy...

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.

A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

What's the Difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover vacuum only carries one dirt bag.

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of al...

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A young man has just collected enough money to buy a new vintage motorcycle.

A young man has just collected enough money to buy a new vintage motorcycle, you know, a classic Harley-Davidson, that despite being cheap because it was kind of old, was in a very good condition. So, the young man asks the seller:

\- I'm sorry man, but how have you kept this bike in such goo...

My granddad had my sides busting with this one over Christmas!

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfe...

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What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs?

The bikings.

What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor?

Yamahahaha

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

What's the funniest motorcycle?

A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)

^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.

All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"

Driver: Faster?

Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f

Driver: "You want me to go faster?"

Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"

Driver: I can't go any faster.

Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.

I wanted to buy a motorcycle

But I'm too tired to do it.

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A Motorcycle and a jar of Vaseline

Don buys a new motorcycle and before he leaves the seller gives him a jar of Vaseline and tells him to coat the bike with it before it rains to prevent rusting.

Don takes off and and picks up his girlfriend, Susan, and they head to her parents house for dinner. Before they go inside the hous...

His & Her Diary

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I sugge...

Warnings about motorcycles

Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.

I don't get it.

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

An inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter t...

A man rides his motorcycle down the highway...

When suddenly he hears a booming voice, which proclaims, "I am God. Since you have been such a devout believer in me, I will grant you one wish."

The man thinks for a minute and responds, "Well, God, I love to ride my motorcycle, so I wish for a bridge that goes from the coast of California...

Why did the motorcycle stay at home?

It was two-tired

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A guy buys his first motorcycle.

The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.
A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house.
Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinn...

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Speeding Ticket Test

A man is driving down the highway going 90 mph when he is pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up to the car and talks to the man.

Cop: Do you know I clocked you going 90 mph, I'm going to have to give you a ticket.

Man: Please officer, I'm on my way to the city. My son is in the hospit...

What do you get if you cross a joke with a motorcycle?

A Yamahahahaha!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Amazing Motorcycle Ride [nsfw]

Three friends were riding a motorcycle on a particularly cold night. The one sitting in the middle started feeling really cold and couldn't handle it.

So he says to the guy sitting in the back, "Aren't you feeling cold?"

The guy in the back says, "I know a solutions to that. Why don't...

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The motorcycle

There was a young stud with a vintage motorcycle. He loved his motorcycle! The only problem was, the leather on the seats had aged, and any time it rained he would have to rub the seats with petroleum jelly to protect it from the weather.

He meets a girl, and after some time together, sh...

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A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner, and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

*For a million-six points... What Netflix show- a spin-off from its famous predecessor- did this joke come from?

What does a motorcycle and the government have it common?

Once you have more power, you can't go back.

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Attempted theft of my motorcycle

I've just pulled up on my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. Think the piece of shit was after the bike!

My wife must have put up a good fight though because she's lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk.

Motorcycle will last you a lifetime

if you ride it fast enough.

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My girlfriend said my penis reminds her of a motorcycle.

I asked if it was because it was fun to ride?

But she said "No honey, its because its a two-stroke."

Why does the Undertaker ride his motorcycle slowly?

Because he's an Undertaker not an Overtaker!

A man was driving along the coast of California on his motorcycle, just enjoying the scenery around him.

After a long period of cruising and reflecting, the sky opened up, and God Almighty descended to meet him.

"You have been a most faithful follower, my son. You have lived a good life, and for that I would like to grant you any wish." The man looked at God and pondered for a few moments befor...

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Riding a motorcycle is like having sex without a condom.

It does feel great at the time, but if you make a mistake it's really really bad.

Why are cars faster than motorcycles?

Because motorcycles are two tired.

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon finds himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one ...

I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle...

But I can't afford all the shirts.

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A guy and his motorcycle

A guy goes over to his girlfriend's house to have dinner. He has a brand new motorcycle and his friend tells him rubbing Vaseline on it while it rains is really good for the paint and the shine. Anyways, the father tells the boyfriend that they have a family tradition. Whoever talks first has to was...

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New motorcycle

Credit to Bob Zany (I believe). I heard this on the Bob and Tom show this morning. This won't be exactly how he told it but it should be close.

A guy buys a himself a motorcycle from his neighbor. The neighbor tells him that he needs to rub Vaseline over the motorcycle before it rains or it w...

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

Mooooootorcycles!

What is a Jewish guys favorite motorcycle brand?

Yamaka

Why couldn't the motorcycle make it home?

Because it was two tired.

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When that guy has sex with his wife on a motorcycle he's "cool."

When I do it I'm "absconding with the cadaver."

Did You Know Lenin Had a Motorcycle?

Yeah! He had a 4-stroke!

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle.

In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.

Must be why I keep running over female joggers.

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A boy is buying his first motorcycle

His mother is mortified that after saving up all through highschool he's going to risk his life and
buy a motorcycle in college. She asks him why he wants to ride and he replies "Because it's cool,
I'm an adult now, I want to feel free for once in my life"

His mum took that to heart. S...

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Mopeds are for men who want to ride motorcycles

but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas

Why did Simba buy a motorcycle?

So he could mufasa.

College Engineer

So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle.

"Hey!" says the college student, "Where'd you get the motorcycle."

His colleague replied "You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde g...

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Steve wants to buy a motorcycle...

...but he doesn't have much money. He finds a second-hand bike for a great deal, but there's a catch; the bike is missing a seal and so Steve has to rub vaseline over the gap whenever it rains.

After buying the bike, Steve rides it over to his girlfriend's house to have dinner with her parent...

My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident

Now his feet only smell half as bad.

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

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A guy gets a motorcycle...

He takes his wife for a road trip on the new bike. He tells her, "If you need to stop for a restroom break, tap me twice on the shoulder. If you want to have sex, tug on my penis once. If you don't want to have sex, tug on it 157 times."

I had a dog that always used to chase people on motorcycles

In the end I had to take the keys off him

Friends are like motorcycles...

'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle

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A biker goes to a Harley shop to purchase a new motorcycle...

...and the salesman catches him browsing the selection of bikes they offer. He focuses on a really nice Harley Davidson with some nice chrome parts. The salesman approaches him and says: "I see you have your eyes on one of our most beautiful machines." "Yeah, this one I wanna buy!". "Excellent choic...

What do you call a Jamaican motorcycle?

Bob Harley

So a buddy of mine was riding his motorcycle...

(This is a joke that my own, dearest father got me with today.)

...and, you know how the underneath of the bike can get pretty hot, under the motor. Well, his boot caught fire! He looks down, and sees that it spread to his pant leg, so he reaches down and tries to pat it out with his gl...

Three guys die and go to heaven...

God ask "Have you been faithful to your wives?" The first man said "O yes, loved her to much to stray away!" God says "You get to drive a Mercedes threw heaven." The second guy says "I'm sorry father I have I have only a few times" God make him drive a motorcycle around heaven. The last man confesse...

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So I was talking to my SO about getting a motorcycle...

We have this argument about me either owning a gun I can shoot at a range for shits and giggles, or getting a motorcycle. She absolutely hates this idea of mine.

She replies, " it's not fair, what can I get that'll annoy the shit out of you?"

I said pregnant.

She was not happy

Two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of the road.

This was a joke Ronald Reagan told about Gorbachev, but most people probably forgot about Gorbachev, so I made it about Putin.

These two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of a Russian highway. They both get a call from the Russian government telling them that every car caught s...

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A guy buys his first motorcycle...

the dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to coat the motorcycle in before it rains to prevent rust. Later that week his Girlfriend invites him to have dinner at her house with her parents. Before dinner the girl explains their families tradition that whoever speaks first during dinner ha...

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It was summer and a bit too warm, so two guys decided to go out for a nice motorcycle ride.

The guy who was driving decided to speed up a little, and soon he was doing about 30 miles per hour. It felt good but he wanted to see how his pal was doing, so he turned around to get a good look. Contrary to himself who was enjoying the nice breeze, his friend was still sweating like crazy. Well I...

The price they charge to repair.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest when they stumble across a magic lamp.

The rabbit picks up the lamp, and rubs it. Out comes a genie, and it grants them both 3 wishes.

The bear, now focused on the wishes, decides to test the genie’s limits. He says, “I wish every other bear in the forest were female!”

The rabbit simply says, “I wish for a motorcycle helmet...

Dear Marty

Dear Marty,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget?

I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted th...

What do you get when you mix a bush and a motorcycle?

A hedgehog

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Dad, can I get a motorcycle?

A son comes up to his father on his 15th birthday and says "Dad, can I have a motorcycle?" His dad says "Is your dick long enough to reach your butthole?" The kid looks down ashamed and says "No."

The next year on his birthday the kid comes up and asks the same question. Once again, the da...

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A boy is playing hopscotch outside the Vatican

When suddenly a middle aged man runs out shouting "Hallelujah it's a miracle!" As he runs around the courtyard.

Curious, the young boy yells out "HEY! Mister, why all the yelling?"

The man runs over and grabbing the boy by the shoulders says "You will never believe it! I just saw the ...

It's the Pope!

After getting all of Pope Francis's luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the ...

A motorcycle, a van, and a car bet against each other to see who would best whom in an endurance race.

The rules were set, and each vehicle was to drive 200 laps around a quarter mile track. Each vehicle agreed to this and the race began. After 10 laps, the motorcycle was in the lead against the car and the van by a large margin. Around 50 laps, he had started to loose ground against the car, and was...