This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Brandon is shopping for a used motorcycle.

He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.


One day, his girlfriend asks him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting fo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy gets a motorcycle for his 18th birthday

This boy just turned 18, and for his birthday his dad gave him his vintage Harley Davidson and a jar of vaseline. The dad told his son, "Always keep this vaseline on you, and if it ever starts to rain put it on the body of the bike to keep the coat shiny".

The boy is super excited and ride...

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

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Guy gets pulled over by a policeman on a motorcycle...

Cop comes up and says "You know why I pulled you over?"

Guy says "yes, I was going way over the limit but I am running super late for work"

Cop says "and what could be so imperative that makes you rush to work. What type of work do you do?"

Guy responds "I'm a rectum stretcher!...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs?

The bikings.

Johnny died. The same day Jimmy died. Johnny’s wife brought his suit to the funeral home. Jimmy’s wife brought his motorcycle jacket to the funeral home. The funeral director was getting ready to roll Johnny out to the viewing when his wife realized that Johnny was not wearing his suit, But instead…

... was wearing a motorcycle jacket. The funeral director apologized and said he take care of it.

The funeral director rolled Johnny back to the back room and within two minutes brought him back dressed in a suit.

His wife was amazed. “How did you change the suit so quickly?” She asked...

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my motorcycle.

I rode in, ruthlessly.

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A yamahahaha

Three motorcycle riders walk into roadside restaurant...

A middle aged man sits inside and eats his dinner.

The first rider went to the man and burned out his cigarette on his plate.

The second rider spitted into his milk.

Finally, the third rider dropped his lunch on the floor and stepped on it.


Without saying a word, the ...

Why did the unvaccinated child buy a motorcycle when he was 3 years old?

Midlife Crisis

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
...

What do you call a guy who throws motorcycles?

Hurley Davidson

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When a guy drives an excessively loud motorcycle or muscle car we know what they’re compensating for...

...they must have a really quiet penis.

Why didn't the motorcycles get in the carpool?

Because they didn't have trunks

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A policeman stops three guys on a motorcycle

He asks them: "Are you crazy? What the hell are three of you doing on such a small motorcycle!?"

One of the three guys replies: "Three? OH SHIT GUYS, BOBBY FELL OUT!"

A motorcycle driver...

...dies in an accident. He finds himself in hell, he looks around and spots Hitler. Hitler comes over and asks the young fella "Well what brought you here mein Junge?" The motorcycle driver replies " Well... too far right and too much gas, which left the whole place burning." Hitler answers " Ah yea...

Who did The Fonz call when his motorcycle broke down on the way to Arnold's Drive-In?

Triple Aaaaayyyyy!

A radio host was taking a break during his podcast when he realized that someone stole his motorcycle from the station's parking lot.

The radio host took the mic and started yelling:

"To the people who stole my motorcycle this morning, you have 4 hours to bring it back to me or I'll do to you the same thing my dad did in 1999 when someone stole his car!"

Only 30 minutes had passed when 2 guys showed up to the radio s...

A policeman pulled me over on his motorcycle.

I don't know why, I told him I was only borrowing it for 5 minutes.

So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out

The genie tells the man he will grant him a wish for setting him free. The man says "Ya know Gene, I love riding motorcycles. Love it more than life itself. I would love to travel across the entire world on my motorcycle, but I'm terrified of boats. Can you make a massive highway, that connects ...

Why does the motorcycle get sad when shifting gears?

Because the clutch is depressed

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

2 skeletons rise from a grave one night and get on a motorcycle

Suddenly the one on the driver seat gets off again, runs back and rips out its gravestone. The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"
And it answers: "Are you stupid? I can't just drive without my ID!"

Do you know the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has a dirt bag on the inside

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

3 motorcycle bullies walk into a gas station.

3 men had arrived at a gas station using their motorcycles. Inside, was an elderly trucker, eating a pie by himself. The first man walked up to him and spit in his pie. The second man shoves his cigarette into his pie, and the third man knocks it onto the ground. Without a word, he leaves the gas st...

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A guy loves motorcycles, especially vintage ones. After years of trying to save money for one, he finally found a used, vintage Harley-Davidson...

A guy loves motorcycles, especially when it comes to vintage motorcycles. After years of trying to save money in order to buy one, he finally found a used, vintage Harley-Davidson at a great price. When he saw the motorcycle for the first time, he was stunned because of how clean and bright it was. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest...

A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest, when suddenly a fairy appears and offers 3 wishes to each one.

The pervert has the first turn, and he wishes for the whole forest to be filled with women only for him. His wish is done, the forest is full of women.

It’s the jerk’s t...

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

“Where did you get such a rocking bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want.'”

Th...

Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me...

I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly

I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday.

How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.

"I hate being half motorcycle half bicycle"

he moped

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Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes.

She's going to be pissed off when she comes home from work.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Buying a motorcycle...

This guy decides to buy a motorcycle. He looks all through the newspapers and online for the best deal and after a little searching he finds this amazing deal! The bike is a little older but it is in perfect condition, no scrapes or dents, the chrome pieces shine like new, and the leather seat looks...

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A young man has just collected enough money to buy a new vintage motorcycle.

A young man has just collected enough money to buy a new vintage motorcycle, you know, a classic Harley-Davidson, that despite being cheap because it was kind of old, was in a very good condition. So, the young man asks the seller:

\- I'm sorry man, but how have you kept this bike in such goo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man gets into an accident on his motorcycle

A man is riding his Harley at night. He suddenly swerves to avoid hitting a deer, loses control and lands in a ditch, severely banging his head. Dazed and confused, he crawls out of the ditch to the edge of the road, when a shiny new convertible pulls up. A very beautiful woman calls from the car,...

What are two blondes fighting over, on a motorcycle?

Over which one gets the window seat.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(STORY JOKE) A man goes to buy a used motorcycle from a car lot

As he is wrapping up his purchase, the salesmen hands him a jar of Vaseline and reminds him that there is a leak on the seal of the gas tank lid, and to wipe the seal with Vaseline prior to any kind of rainfall.

On the way home from the car lot, he receives a call from his girlfriend.
...

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing?“

“What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcy...

His & Her Diary

Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I sugge...

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.

A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

What's the Difference between a Harley Davidson Motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum?

The Hoover vacuum only carries one dirt bag.

What kind of motorcycle has the best sense of humor?

Yamahahaha

Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.

All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"

Driver: Faster?

Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f

Driver: "You want me to go faster?"

Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"

Driver: I can't go any faster.

Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.

What's the funniest motorcycle?

A Yama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.... :)

^^^I'll ^^^show ^^^myself ^^^out...

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

What's a medical doctor called, who is also part of a motorcycle club?

Health Angel

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Motorcycle and a jar of Vaseline

Don buys a new motorcycle and before he leaves the seller gives him a jar of Vaseline and tells him to coat the bike with it before it rains to prevent rusting.

Don takes off and and picks up his girlfriend, Susan, and they head to her parents house for dinner. Before they go inside the hous...

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

Warnings about motorcycles

Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle they always freak out and tell me about sometime someone they know got in an accident.

I don't get it.

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left

I wanted to buy a motorcycle

But I'm too tired to do it.

A man rides his motorcycle down the highway...

When suddenly he hears a booming voice, which proclaims, "I am God. Since you have been such a devout believer in me, I will grant you one wish."

The man thinks for a minute and responds, "Well, God, I love to ride my motorcycle, so I wish for a bridge that goes from the coast of California...

An inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter t...

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Speeding Ticket Test

A man is driving down the highway going 90 mph when he is pulled over by a cop. The cop walks up to the car and talks to the man.

Cop: Do you know I clocked you going 90 mph, I'm going to have to give you a ticket.

Man: Please officer, I'm on my way to the city. My son is in the hospit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy buys his first motorcycle.

The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.
A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house.
Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinn...

Why did the motorcycle stay at home?

It was two-tired

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The motorcycle

There was a young stud with a vintage motorcycle. He loved his motorcycle! The only problem was, the leather on the seats had aged, and any time it rained he would have to rub the seats with petroleum jelly to protect it from the weather.

He meets a girl, and after some time together, sh...

What do you get if you cross a joke with a motorcycle?

A Yamahahahaha!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Amazing Motorcycle Ride [nsfw]

Three friends were riding a motorcycle on a particularly cold night. The one sitting in the middle started feeling really cold and couldn't handle it.

So he says to the guy sitting in the back, "Aren't you feeling cold?"

The guy in the back says, "I know a solutions to that. Why don't...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of al...

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Attempted theft of my motorcycle

I've just pulled up on my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. Think the piece of shit was after the bike!

My wife must have put up a good fight though because she's lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk.

What does a motorcycle and the government have it common?

Once you have more power, you can't go back.

I would love to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle...

But I can't afford all the shirts.

My granddad had my sides busting with this one over Christmas!

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfe...

Motorcycle will last you a lifetime

if you ride it fast enough.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.

One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a mo...

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A guy and his motorcycle

A guy goes over to his girlfriend's house to have dinner. He has a brand new motorcycle and his friend tells him rubbing Vaseline on it while it rains is really good for the paint and the shine. Anyways, the father tells the boyfriend that they have a family tradition. Whoever talks first has to was...

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My girlfriend said my penis reminds her of a motorcycle.

I asked if it was because it was fun to ride?

But she said "No honey, its because its a two-stroke."

Why does the Undertaker ride his motorcycle slowly?

Because he's an Undertaker not an Overtaker!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New motorcycle

Credit to Bob Zany (I believe). I heard this on the Bob and Tom show this morning. This won't be exactly how he told it but it should be close.

A guy buys a himself a motorcycle from his neighbor. The neighbor tells him that he needs to rub Vaseline over the motorcycle before it rains or it w...

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Riding a motorcycle is like having sex without a condom.

It does feel great at the time, but if you make a mistake it's really really bad.

Why are cars faster than motorcycles?

Because motorcycles are two tired.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy is buying his first motorcycle

His mother is mortified that after saving up all through highschool he's going to risk his life and
buy a motorcycle in college. She asks him why he wants to ride and he replies "Because it's cool,
I'm an adult now, I want to feel free for once in my life"

His mum took that to heart. S...

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

Mooooootorcycles!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When that guy has sex with his wife on a motorcycle he's "cool."

When I do it I'm "absconding with the cadaver."

Why couldn't the motorcycle make it home?

Because it was two tired.

A man was driving along the coast of California on his motorcycle, just enjoying the scenery around him.

After a long period of cruising and reflecting, the sky opened up, and God Almighty descended to meet him.

"You have been a most faithful follower, my son. You have lived a good life, and for that I would like to grant you any wish." The man looked at God and pondered for a few moments befor...

What is a Jewish guys favorite motorcycle brand?

Yamaka

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear is chasing a rabbit

Through the woods and stumble upon a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says "thank you for freeing me, I have granted you two the ability to communicate with. I will give both of you 2 wishes.". The bear speaks up first "I wish to have the biggest bear penis in the world." The genie looks to the rabb...

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle.

College Engineer

So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle.

"Hey!" says the college student, "Where'd you get the motorcycle."

His colleague replied "You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde g...

In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up.

Must be why I keep running over female joggers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Steve wants to buy a motorcycle...

...but he doesn't have much money. He finds a second-hand bike for a great deal, but there's a catch; the bike is missing a seal and so Steve has to rub vaseline over the gap whenever it rains.

After buying the bike, Steve rides it over to his girlfriend's house to have dinner with her parent...

Friends are like motorcycles...

'Cause I wish I had a motorcycle

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mopeds are for men who want to ride motorcycles

but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas

My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident

Now his feet only smell half as bad.

I had a dog that always used to chase people on motorcycles

In the end I had to take the keys off him

Two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of the road.

This was a joke Ronald Reagan told about Gorbachev, but most people probably forgot about Gorbachev, so I made it about Putin.

These two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of a Russian highway. They both get a call from the Russian government telling them that every car caught s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy gets a motorcycle...

He takes his wife for a road trip on the new bike. He tells her, "If you need to stop for a restroom break, tap me twice on the shoulder. If you want to have sex, tug on my penis once. If you don't want to have sex, tug on it 157 times."

The price they charge to repair.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask...

So a buddy of mine was riding his motorcycle...

(This is a joke that my own, dearest father got me with today.)

...and, you know how the underneath of the bike can get pretty hot, under the motor. Well, his boot caught fire! He looks down, and sees that it spread to his pant leg, so he reaches down and tries to pat it out with his gl...

A true story.

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Male Fairy Tale...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO!!!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to titty bars and dated women hal...

Three guys die and go to heaven...

God ask "Have you been faithful to your wives?" The first man said "O yes, loved her to much to stray away!" God says "You get to drive a Mercedes threw heaven." The second guy says "I'm sorry father I have I have only a few times" God make him drive a motorcycle around heaven. The last man confesse...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A biker goes to a Harley shop to purchase a new motorcycle...

...and the salesman catches him browsing the selection of bikes they offer. He focuses on a really nice Harley Davidson with some nice chrome parts. The salesman approaches him and says: "I see you have your eyes on one of our most beautiful machines." "Yeah, this one I wanna buy!". "Excellent choic...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear is chasing a squirrel in the woods.

They cross a river when, all of a sudden, the river genie appears. Genie: "Well, shit. Two customers. I don't know who triggered this whole thing, so lemme give you 3 wishes. Bear, you start, since you're bigger." Bear thinks for a moment. He smiles: "Ok, I want all the other bears in this forest to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy buys his first motorcycle...

the dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to coat the motorcycle in before it rains to prevent rust. Later that week his Girlfriend invites him to have dinner at her house with her parents. Before dinner the girl explains their families tradition that whoever speaks first during dinner ha...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was summer and a bit too warm, so two guys decided to go out for a nice motorcycle ride.

The guy who was driving decided to speed up a little, and soon he was doing about 30 miles per hour. It felt good but he wanted to see how his pal was doing, so he turned around to get a good look. Contrary to himself who was enjoying the nice breeze, his friend was still sweating like crazy. Well I...

Cops and Speeders

TW: blonde joke

A blonde was driving on the highway and a motorcycle officer pulled her over for speeding.

The officer approached the drivers door and when her helmet came off, turns it was a blonde female cop. She asked the driver for her license. The driver frantically searched ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dad, can I get a motorcycle?

A son comes up to his father on his 15th birthday and says "Dad, can I have a motorcycle?" His dad says "Is your dick long enough to reach your butthole?" The kid looks down ashamed and says "No."

The next year on his birthday the kid comes up and asks the same question. Once again, the da...

What do you get when you mix a bush and a motorcycle?

A hedgehog

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon finds himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one ...