UPJOKE
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To deal with the high price of petroleum, public transport systems are looking at alternative fuels, including grasses and herbs.

The program has had some failures, but on the bright side at least the trains run on thyme.

What is a car's favorite dessert?

Petroleum Jelly.

What did the blubber salesman say when he found out the margins on petroleum were better?

Whale oil be damned!

Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between putty and petroleum jelly?

Their windows fell out.

I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library.

They have an excellent non-friction section.

What's the difference between a petroleum thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The Taste

The Gryffindor trio went for a roadtrip.

Halfway there, Harry realised him being the driver forgot to check the meter.

"What were you thinking?", Ron & Hermione exclaimed.

*"Expecto Petroleum?"*

What's everyone's favorite essential oil?

As an American, I've gotta say petroleum

How does Harry potter fuel his car?

He goes Execto petroleum

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A guy buys a new bike...

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper. When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you kee...

What did Harry Potter say when he invaded Afghanistan?

Expected petroleum.

Four Engineers

4 Engineers get into a car. A Mechanical Engineer, a Petroleum Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, and a Network Engineer. They go to start the car and nothing. The Mechanical Engineer says, "Hey guys, we've got a bad starter, we're going to need to fix that before the car will start." The Petrole...

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The wedding ring

A man who was born and raised in Woodbridge, Western Australia went to the hospital to have his wedding ring removed from his penis.
According to the nurse attending the procedure, the patient's girlfriend had found the ring in one of his pockets.
She had not known that he was married and...

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The Prisoner Escape

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...

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