What did the blubber salesman say when he found out the margins on petroleum were better?

Whale oil be damned!

What's the difference between a petroleum thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The Taste

Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between putty and petroleum jelly?

Their windows fell out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The blackest dad

3 kids were arguing to see who had the blackest dad.

The first kid says: "My dad is so black, when he pee, it comes out petroleum"

The second kid says: "That's nothing compared to my dad, he's so black that when he takes a dump, he poops coal"

The third kid laughs and say: "you ...

The Gryffindor trio went for a roadtrip.

Halfway there, Harry realised him being the driver forgot to check the meter.

"What were you thinking?", Ron & Hermione exclaimed.

*"Expecto Petroleum?"*

What spell does America cast every time they invade a country in the Middle East?

Expecto Petroleum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy buys a new bike...

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper. When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you kee...

What did Harry Potter say when he invaded Afghanistan?

Expected petroleum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prisoner Escape

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...

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