A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This asshole thought that just because some fancy, expensive vehicle, he could go as fast as he wanted and weave inbetween cars. So I got in front of him and slowed down to 10kmph below the speed limit lmao

Fuckin ambulances I swear

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell

They come with an Elon Musk.

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A scientist, a mathematician, and in idiot all die in a car wreck and go to Heaven.

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.

Instead I just swam for the surface.

Sandy, an 18 year old boy, desperately wants a car.

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. Sandy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, Sandy tells his mo...

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I put a “Honk if you think I’m sexy” bumper sticker on my car.

My self confidence is skyrocketing!

A *TON* of people think I’m sexy at this green light right now....

While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

Had a dream i was a car.

When i woke up, i was exausted.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Black guy, a White guy, and an Asian guy are riding in a car.

They get pulled over for speeding and the cop tells them if all together their penises add up to 20 inches, then he will let them go.

So they measure the black guy’s penis and its 10 inches.

Then they measure the white guy’s penis and It’s 9 inches.

They then measure the Asian g...

A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.

Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"

Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."

Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos

A woman was in some distress one day when she locked herself out of her car.

An army man was walking by in the car park so she waved him over and said "excuse me can you help me, I've locked myself out". "Sure" he says. So he takes off his pants and rubs them against the door and as if by magic the door unlocked. "Wow" said the woman, "how did you do that?"

He replies...

A man woke up to find his car missing

The man and his wife rushed to the nearest police station to file the complaint. They went back with their sad faces and continued their routine work. But the life is full of surprises when the man got up the next morning he saw his car in his own garage completely washed and polished.

He saw...

What’s the most dangerous part of a car?

The nut that holds the steering wheel.

What is one thing you can say about a car but not your girlfriend.

It died a week ago, but I still use the parts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car.

When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, ...

A chemist, a mechanic, a electrician, and a programmer were driving in a car when it broke down.

"This must be because we've mixed the wrong fuel additive!" said the chemist.

​

"Bollocks!" said the mechanic. "This is clearly a mechanical problem. There must be something wrong with the engine."

​

"Both of you are wrong. The problem lies with the ...

Two priests are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They plan to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yells the first driver as he speeds by. From around the curve the priests hear screeching tires and a big splash.

“Do you think,” one priest says to other, “it would be better to shorten the sign to ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," replies the s...

My wife opened my car door for me

It would’ve been a nice gesture if we hadn’t been going 70 miles per hour.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Cop Saw a Car in the Ditch.

A police officer was driving down the road when he saw a car in the ditch.

The crash appeared to pretty bad so he took a close look, when he got to the car and looked inside he saw an entire dead family. The husband, the wife, and two kids but there was an alive monkey sitting in the car.
...

What time is it when a bull sits on your car?

Time to get a new car

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"


My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"


Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

There was a car accident where one dude lost the left side of his body

He’s all right now

A terrorist was told to blow up a car.

He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

While walking down the street a politician was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem. Just let me in," says ...

A girl was driving down the road with me in the car, and she was fumbling with a map and saying, “I'm looking for a turn-off.”

I said, “I repost jokes on Reddit.”

What’s the last thing my friend told me before I got hit by a car?

Dodge

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

A blonde is driving her car...

when she sees another blonde trying to row a boat in a corn field.

Angrily, she pulls over and jumps out of the car and yells, "It's people like you that give blondes a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass."

Police officer: Whose car is this? Where are you going? What do you do for a living?

Miner: Mine.

My mom gave me a car today!

Edit: thanks for the car, ma!

If I flip my new Nissan electric car ...

Am I turning over a new Leaf?

I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"

I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."

Why can’t you drive when there are two demons in the backseat of your car?

Because you shouldn’t drive while imp-paired.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

Chevrolet is about to introduce another fully electric car

Many people think it's great but others think it's just re-Volting.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn’t bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.

We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...

Women are just like cars...

Not objects, but beautiful and unique in their own way.

The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it.

Haven’t looked back since.

A man was badly injured in a car accident

The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.

I just read most car accidents happen within 5 miles of home.

That’s it we’re moving!

The gynecologist who became a mechanic!

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligentl...

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

A police officer stops a speeding car and walks up to the driver

"Do you know you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit ?"

The guy respond : "How am I supposed to know ? I don't have a license".

His wife, sitting on the passenger seat, interjects : "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Their kid, on the backseat, sighs "I knew we weren't goin...

What did the the traffic light say to the car?

Stop looking at me while I’m changing

A doctor and a lawyer get into a car crash...

Both cars are badly damaged, but amazingly, neither of them are hurt. As the lawyer crawls out of her BMW, she sees that the other car is a Porsche. She says, "I see you're an affluent man, probably a doctor. I'm a lawyer... Gosh! Just look at our cars, there's nothing left, but fortunately we are u...

Jim the security Guard is working at the Mexican/American border, and stops a car at a checkpoint.

The driver shows the guard his license, visa, and passport, but is clearly nervous and is sweating bullets. Jim pops the trunk open to reveal four large bags. He opens them, only to reveal that each and everyone of them is filled with dirt.

​

One week later, Jim stops the sa...

A man is washing his car with his son.

His son looks at him and says,

“Dad...Why can’t you use a sponge?”

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde’s drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” She finally asked. The police women replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror...

A police officer is patrolling a 60mph highway when he sees a car driving 20mph.

He pulls the car over and walks up to the window to find a car with 4 old ladies.

The officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The lady in the driver's seat says "What's the matter officer? I was going exactly 25 miles an hour."

"Well it's a 60 mile an hour highway...

I just drove an expensive car out of the lot only to find the reverse gear broken.

There’s no going back now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four nuns die in a car crash and arrive in heaven

St. Peter tells them in order to enter the kingdom of heaven they each must confess their sins.

The first sister steps forward and says, "St Peter I tried to live a righteous life, but one time I saw a penis." St Peter says, "okay my child, go to the holy fountain and wash your eyes and you ...

What do you call a car getting flung off a cliff?

Toyoted

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man gets in a car accident that completely rips off his penis.

The doctor says, “Sir, we are going to have to rebuild your penis from scratch. Now, the way we do this operation is to charge you $1,000 for every inch in length. Your insurance company has given you $12,000, and that’s yours to keep, so maybe you want to use all of it, or maybe only 5 or even 4 th...

Matthew McConaghey’s Car can’t make left turns...

It only goes, Alright, alright, alright.

"What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?" asked the curious boy.

His mother took a deep breath and then replied, "It wooden go."

A teenager wants to by a car

A teenager asks his mother to buy him a car. His mother tells him that he should get a job and buy it himself.

A brilliant idea came to the teenager’s head that day, since he loves chemistry so much he came up with the genius idea to sell a mixture of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tenness...

A Priest, a thief, a Jewish schoolboy and Irishman die in a car crash...

They stand before Saint Peter at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter looks at them and appears confused.
"My children" he says "There has been a mistake, you were not supposed to die today. I will allow you one more chance at life as long as you promise to love out the rest of your existence free o...

Two police officers crash their car into a tree

. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”

Why did the tyres of the car stop working?

They were tired

What car can anyone buy?

A Ford.

A man places some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and starts back toward his car when his attention is diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seems to be praying with profound intensity and keeps repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

​

The first man approaches him and says, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve eve...

I miss my car.

But the other car didn’t.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man escapes from prison where he's been for 15 years. He breaks in to a house looking for money, guns, and/or a car, instead he finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the husband out of the bed and ties him to a chair. After tying the wife to the bed he gets on top of her and kisses her neck, then goes in to the bathroom. At which time the husband tells his wife:

"Honey, this man's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! I saw the way he kissed...

My sister bet me 15$ that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should of seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

How do you know if a person drives a car with manual transmission?

Don't worry, they will tell you.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a stolen BMW today. I decided to call the police.

“Yes officer, I’ve just seen a stolen vehicle out here on the highway, westbound”

“With all due respect, civilian, there are hundreds, thousands of vehicles out there, it is incredibly difficult to spot a stolen vehicle if you don’t have the training for it. Did you see a smashed window or so...

I rear ended a car this evening

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf. He looked up at me and said, I AM NOT HAPPY!
So I said, "Which one are you then?"

That's how the fight started.

A mother called the doctor about her teenage daughter. "She refuses to eat anything but yeast and car wax. Now she's lying in bed asleep and I can't wake her. What should I do?" "There's nothing to worry about." said the doctor,

"she'll rise and shine soon enough..."

What do we want? Race car noises!

When do we want them?

Neeeeeooooowwwwww

Racecar backwards is racecar...

but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Blonde is driving a car

*Police pulls her over*

Police walks to blondes car, opens door and pulls out the dick

Blonde says: "Damn, that alcohol test again."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big rubber dildo hits the windshield of the family car

Daughter in the back says: "what was that?"

Mother answers: "nothing sweetheart.... Just a big fat bug"

Daughter replies: "it had a huge dick though!"

Why can’t the Infiniti car company trademark ∞ ?

Because the legal battle would be endless.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young couple is having sex in the car in the parking lot.

Suddenly a cop pulls over.

He flashes his flashlight inside the car and asks - what the hell is going on here ?

The couple suddenly stops and scramble for their clothes.

The cop says - you have 2 options. Either you go to jail for spreading public indecency or I am next.
...

Sven sees Ole's car parked outside the bar early in the morning.

Sven, worried about His friend quickly goes into the bar. He seed Ole sitting at the bar drinking beer with a mute expression on His face.

"Hey Ole is something wrong? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Ole says in a somewhat sad tone."Oh Sven. My wife Lina ran off with my best friend Lars."...

Three Russian men are sitting together in a prisoner's car of a train headed to the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

My car was disappointed...

It found out what a car pool really was.

Did you hear the one about the guy who lost both his ears in a car crash?

He didn't either.

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?”

“I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.

​

“Who?” the son asks.

​

“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I failed my driving test today. I was driving down a country road with the examiner, when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car.

I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try to avoid an animal, because it's dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident.You should always just hit it and keep on driving.

Had to chase that little bugger for miles across the fields before I finally got it!

3 guys go to heaven

Three guys go to heaven, and are greeted by Saint Peter. Now, to get to heaven, they had to cross a large bridge. “The quality of the vehicle you will drive across this bridge with will be determined by how many times you cheated on your spouse” says St. Peter. The first guy walks up and St. Peter s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy driving in his car decides to do some good deeds today!

Shortly after he sees a guy dressed completely in yellow waving at him. So our guy stops the car and rolls down the window.
"Hello there friend", says our guy, "how may I help you?"

The guy in yellow then responds. "Hello friend, I am the yellow faggot! I need a ride to the city."

O...

I got an oil change for my car and the guy told me I needed a tire rotation too

Lmao headass, the tires rotate every time I drive it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mottingham Road closed after man in 70s hit by car.

Fuck me, I though they'd have opened it by now.

Why can’t Elvis drive his car in reverse?

He’s dead

I’ve got an old project car that I named after my wife.

I haven’t turned her on in years, now it usually takes a garage full of men to get her motor running.

An elderly couple died in a car crash

They had been in excellent health for years through taking regular exercise and also because the wife was obsessed with eating health foods, keeping a strict watch on both of their diets.

So when St Peter welcomed them to Heaven, they were keen to take advantage of the first-class relaxation ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mans car womt run, so he takes it to the mechanic...

Mechanic: you used subpar fuel wich corroded your injectors and intake manifold.

Man: english please?

Mechanic: low quality gas ruined your engine.

Man: dumb it down for me, im not a rocket scientist.

Mechanic: bad go-go juice make your vroom vroom machine all fucky.
<...

How did the new trucking and RV car dealership advertise its coming soon business?

It put out an extra long trailer in front of the establishment on tv

As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car crash

the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

A man is driving down the road at midnight and his car breaks down near a mental hospital.

He didn’t know what to do because he knew nothing about fixing cars. A mental patient who was watering some flowers saw the scene and walks towards the man. The man seeing the mental patient coming his way, gets scared and stays quiet in the car. The madman tells the man..-“Good night my friend. Do...

I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just never… lure them into my car

Just kidding.

&#x200B;

I don't have a license.

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident...

The doctors save his life but he loses an eye. Before a glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.
The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him up. While a...

Chris used to drink only regular coffee, then he got in a car accident and lost both his legs below his knees...

Now he goes with de-calf.

What is a cowboys favorite car?

An Audi, pardner!

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven.

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven. As they are approaching the gates of heaven they notice there are ducks that cover almost every inch of heaven. They ask St. Peter about the ducks.

“They are very sacred creatures and if you step on 1 you will be handcuffed to an ugly per...

My car starting smoking on the highway today.

I decided to buy it nicotine patches to help it quit

How Do You Fit 8 Elephants In a Car

2 in the front, 3 in the back and the bottle from an earlier joke in the middle.

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, whose driving?

The cop....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

My car broke down the other day and I tried to remember everything my dad taught me growing up

all I knew was “point the flashlight there”.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

The American Government is just like a car...

If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer engineer are riding in a car.

The car brakes down and coast to the side of the road.

"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time."

"Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The daughter walks up to her dad and asks to borrow his car. (NSFW)

Girl: “Hey dad. Can I borrow your car?”
Dad: “You can borrow it if you dropped to your knees and suck my dick.”
Girl: “Ew! You’re my father, I’m not gonna suck your dick!”

Few minutes go by and she considers her dad’s request as she really needs to borrow the car.

Girl: “Fine da...

What type of car does a terrorist drive?

Saudi

I made a wooden car

But it wooden go

Then I made a steel car

But it steel wooden go

Then I made a lead car

But it steel wooden lead me go

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.

&#x200B;

“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.

&#x200B;

“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.

&#x200B;

Bill Cli...

Which vegetable causes cars to die quickly?

*Car***rot**

**Haha!**

One day a mechanic was working under a car

And some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today."


His friend was a little concerned but didn't say anything....

I hate car jokes

They drive me crazy

“How did the car end up in the living room?” a furious father asks his son.

“Simple,” the boy replies. “I made a right at the kitchen.”

What is the only car that can actually get you girls?

A pickup truck

A man said he was going to go out by hooking a hose to an exhaust and put it in his car while sealed in his garage.

Saw him the next day looking defeated, he said he forgot he owned a hybrid

Why is Trump's car insurance so cheap?

NO COLLISION.

My neighbor is always complaining about his Swedish car breaking down all the time.

I’m getting really tired of the Saab stories.

I thought someone stole my car keys, I looked for hours and was convince someone had grabbed them, later on I felt so stupid because I left them on top of my car

Turns out I lost them on my own accord

Why are sheep biased when it comes to car sales?

They only buy and sell Ram

What’s the difference between a police car and a hedgehog?

On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.

Why did the blonde go to sleep under her 20-year-old car?

So she could wake up oily in the morning.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident.

In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the moment of the accident, 'I'm fine.'" asked the lawyer?

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."

"I did not ask you for any details...

I just spent a hours waxing my car

I’m still not quite sure how it gets so hairy.

A penguins car broke down

So he went to the mechanic who said he needed about an hour to check it out. To kill Time the penguin went across the street to get some vanilla ice cream. Since penguins have no hands he made an awful mess getting the ice cream all over his beak. When he returned the mechanic said “it looks like yo...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

I removed the rubber from the wheels on my car

It is now working tirelessly

Isaac Newton: *slaps roof of car*

Car roof: *slaps Isaac Newton*

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.

"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.

"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.

"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.

"I said no way," replied the boy.

"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the ...

My car tops out at 68 Mph...

Because at 69 it blows a rod.

A farmer was working out in the field with his three daughters one day when he saw a car approach

A strapping young man stepped out of the car and approached the farmer confidently.

'Hello sir. My name's Dean, and I'm here to take Jean to the dairy Queen'

The farmer respects the lads courteous approach and says, 'Alright Jean off you go, you kids enjoy yourselves'. Not five minutes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You have to be a real piece of shit to throw your garbage out your car window.

I spent the whole day picking up trash along the highway as part of my community service for beating up my girlfriend & it’s really made me develop a hatred for scumbags who litter.

I watched a man get cut in half in a car accident today

By the time I got to him, he was delirious, clearly in his dying moments. He glanced to his left where his lower half was lying motionless, then up at me with a look somewhere in between anger and humor, and uttered his last words:

&#x200B;

"I am beside myself right now!"

What happens if your car breaks down in the Mushroom Kingdom?

It gets Toad

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Everyday Mom would take her 7 year Old Daughter for a drive in her car.

One day Mom was busy so Dad took the little girl for a drive.

Later Mom asked how was a drive with Dad?

Daughter: It was very strange. In the entire drive we did not see a single:

Idiot,
Nonsense,
Hell,
Bastard.

We Just Saw:

Hot,
Damn,
Wow,
Foxy...

A boss shows one of his employees his new sports car.

“That is amazing,” the employee responds.

“Isn’t it?” replies the boss. “And if you set your goals higher and work even harder this year, I can get an even better car next year.”

Why did the PETA member crash his car?

He loved vegetables so much he wanted to become one.

A hunt for a missing 6-year old boy ended after 10 hours when the child was found sleeping in the trunk of his uncle's car.

It was a kidnapping.

What kind of car does an Icelandic person drive?

A Fjord

The sale of Irish cars during the troubles

Was booming