UPJOKE

### I was reading this non-friction book

It was hard to grasp

### I’m so sick of hearing friction jokes...

If I hear one more, I won’t let it slide

Slippers

### Friction annoys me.

It's such a drag.

### How would a world without friction be?

Idk dude but I heard it’s going to be slick!

### There's something about friction man...

It really rubs me the wrong way.

### I tried to give up friction cold turkey....

But I just couldn't stop.

### What does the coefficient of friction do to pass time?

It listens to μsic.

Pulp friction

### Friction walks into a bar

And orders a shot of rubbing alcohol.

### I just finished reading a book about the history of WD-40.

It was non friction.

### I have just finished the entire history of lubricant

It’s the best non friction book I’ve ever read.

### Knock knock..Who's there?..Interrupting coefficient of friction..

The interrupting coeff---

MU!

### A woman goes to the library and whispers to the librarian, "Where can I find a book about restarting your love life after having kids?"

The librarian points to an aisle and whispers back, "Non-Friction."

### I went to the library today and asked where I could find books on greases, oils and lubricants.

The librarian suggested I try the non-friction section.

### I'm writing a book about WD-40.

It's Non-Friction

### My shoe hates the ground

There's a lot of friction between them.

### An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Favourite porn movie parodies…

I’ll start, let’s see what list we can create…

Shaving Ryan’s Privates

Schindler’s Fist

Willy Bonk Her in the Chocolate Factory

Pulp Friction

Honey, I blew everybody

Missionary Impossible

Saturday Night Beave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### What do nitroglycerin and my penis have in common?

The slightest jolt, impact or friction can result in spontaneous detonation.

### I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library.

They have an excellent non-friction section.

It’s non-friction

### There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

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.

.

.

.

**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### I once read a book with details on sex and the many various pleasurable techniques…

It turned out to be a work of friction!

### I finally found where the librarian is storing the books on theoretical physics

In the Non-Friction section

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### If there was a futuristic story about an alien who caught fire because he masturbated too hard

Would that be science friction?

### There are three kittens on a roof (science/nerd joke)

There are three kittens on a roof in a rain storm. Which is the last to slide off?

The one with the highest mu.

............................................................

(mu (can't create the symbol) is the coefficient of friction. But I bet you knew that already)

### The reason orange juice doesn't slide well on hard wood floors is

Because of pulp friction.

I found it in the non-friction section.

### I sit in front if my ex in physics

There’s a lot of friction between us

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### What do you call a really horny tomato farmer with no lube?

Friction till fruition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Her: “Sex last night was ok.” Him: “Sex last night was so hot, we set the bed on fire!”

Fact vs. Friction

### Why do men run faster than women

rolling friction is lesser than sliding friction

It's a fantastic piece of non-friction.

### Two cats are sitting on the roof. Which cat will fall off first?

The cat with the smaller [mu](https://www.britannica.com/science/coefficient-of-friction)!

Friction

### A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.

The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the esca...

### My friend stole the book I was reading and threw it across the table where it slid with ease

It was non-friction.

^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry.

### What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?

Science friction.

### The happiest person I know is a lubricant salesperson...

I guess you could say they don't have a lot of friction in their life.

### I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns...

The author classified the book as "non-friction"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### An engineer, a physicist and a statistician go deer hunting.

An engineer, a physicist and a statistician go deer hunting. They see a massive buck, and the physicist gets to take the first shot.

The physicist takes out a notepad and pencil and starts calculating, "Account for coriolis force, air friction...carry the 9..." Finally the physicist has calcu...

### A couple fingers, Vaseline, and the grace of God

Not an original joke but hilarious nonetheless. Presented for your enjoyment.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A guy walks in a sex shop...

And asks for lube. The clerk brings one and hands it over to the guy.
The guy squeezes a little on his fingertip and rubs it with the thumb.
- "Do you have one with less friction?" The guys asks.
The clerk brings another one
The guys tests it again with the fingers and say:
...

### 11 Geeky Jokes

1. What does a subatomic duck say “Quark”.

2. Why did I divide Sin by Tan, Just Cos.

3. Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

4. Why can’t you trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. A pen...