What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

Friction walks into a bar

And orders a shot of rubbing alcohol.

I was reading this non-friction book

It was hard to grasp

Never tell me friction jokes...

I just won't let them slide.

Friction annoys me.

It's such a drag.

There's something about friction man...

It really rubs me the wrong way.

How would a world without friction be?

Idk dude but I heard it’s going to be slick!

I just finished a book on how WD-40 came about.

It’s non friction.

Knock knock..Who's there?..Interrupting coefficient of friction..

The interrupting coeff---

MU!

I’m currently reading a great book about Lubricants.

It’s non-friction

I just read a book that rubbed me the wrong way

It was science friction

I sit in front if my ex in physics

There’s a lot of friction between us

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there was a futuristic story about an alien who caught fire because he masturbated too hard

Would that be science friction?

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.

The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."

The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a v...

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

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**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the...

Why did the librarian keep falling down?

Because she was in the non-friction section

I'm writing a book about WD-40.

It's Non-Friction

I was reading a book about lubrication in the library.

I found it in the non-friction section.

A man and woman fell in love...

Things were going well at first, but friction developed and their relationship started heading down hill.

One night during a fight, he tried to break the tension by going in for a kiss. She grabbed a nearby hat rack to block his maneuver and accidentally impaled his head on one of the hooks, ...

What's the best part of the library to hang out if you want to get laid?

Adult friction.

I've just been reading a book all about lubricant...

It's a fantastic piece of non-friction.

Getting your farts back in...

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly. Every morning, when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning sh...

My friend stole the book I was reading and threw it across the table where it slid with ease

It was non-friction.

^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stupid ass physicist and engineers...

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain...

What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?

Science friction.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Friction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

11 Geeky Jokes

1. What does a subatomic duck say “Quark”.

2. Why did I divide Sin by Tan, Just Cos.

3. Why programmers like UNIX:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

4. Why can’t you trust atoms, they make up everything.

5. A pen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not sure if this is the right place for this but it was suggested I cross-post here (from ShittyPoetry). So here's my holiday story, 'Twas The Night Before Fapmas. Enjoy!

'Twas the night before Fapmas, alone in my house

One hand on my penis, the other on the mouse

Her stockings were drawn up to her tight thighs with care

And above her lady bits she had shaved off her hair

The actress was disrobed all bare on her bed

When entered a h...

The happiest person I know is a lubricant salesperson...

I guess you could say they don't have a lot of friction in their life.

Why do men run faster than women

rolling friction is lesser than sliding friction

An old married couple...

An old married couple were married for a really long time. The only friction in their marriage was that the man passed gas every night in bed. The wife often told her husband that one day he would "fart his guts out" however the man would always dismiss these claims as false. One day after having ch...

I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns...

The author classified the book as "non-friction"

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