UPJOKE
alreadyoncebeforeoccasionallywhenneverwhilewellbothsotimefinallyastothat

"I enjoy a joint every now and then"

"Usually a knee or an elbow" said the cannibal.

Everyone likes to have a breath of fresh air every now and then.

It's just common scents.

A man is driving down a road, swerving every now and then, so he’s pulled over by a cop, believing him to be drunk...

The cop then takes out a breathalyzer, and asks the driver to breath into it, the driver says he cannot, the cop asks why, and the driver tells him he has asthma.

The cop then walks back to his car and takes out a tube, he then returns to the driver and asks him for a urine test. The driver t...

To every girl who complains about shaving their legs every now and then

You don't know the pain of shaving your facial hair every morning.


But neither do I.

What do you call a car that can go super fast, but only every now and then?

A spurts car

Every now and then I see something that brings a little tear to my eye.

Last night it was my wife wearing her strap on.

Every family reunion we would see our uncle who we called “caveman” we called him that because he was big and hairy and every now and then he would eat one of us

Then we found out he was a bear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

Tax time at the Synagogue...

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.