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Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blur...

A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

I tried asking girls out at a Star Wars convention

I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.

Bill Nye's grandfather rented a tuxedo to attend a Rotary convention in Philadelphia. The tuxedo came with an untied bow tie and he didn't know how to tie it.

Just taking a chance he knocked on his hotel's next door and there was a guy there.

\- Excuse me, can you help me tie my tie?

\- Sure. Just lie down on the bed.

The grandfather wasn't sure what he was getting into, but he wanted to have the tie on.

So he lay down on the b...

A Blonde is very upset at people stereotyping blondes, so she organises a blonde convention. Over 50,000 blondes attend.

The leader stands on a stage and says,
"Us blondes have always been misrepresented by the media and we have always been stereotyped. We are here today to prove us blondes aren't dumb! Now may I have a volunteer?"

A blonde steps onto the stage.

"What is ten divided by two?"

Th...

At the Comedy Convention

There was riddles and knock-knocks jokes. But no puns attended.

A new standup comic attends his first convention

He's overwhelmed by it all and asks someone for help.

"Don't worry, kid," a veteran comic says. "This is basically a place to test out your material. Watch."

A comic gets up on stage and announces, "Number 876!" He gets a mild reaction from the crowd.

"Number 521!" the comic c...

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the ...

Geneva Convention

More like Geneva Suggestion

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

Just flew in from the Geometry convention.

Boy are my planes tired.

On the way to a teacher convention the pilot makes an announcement, before taking off I should tell you that the plane has been made by your students

All the teachers throw themselves out the door as quick as possible except one, the pilot puzzled comes closer and asks him:

- do you trust that much your students?

- Of course, the teacher answers with a peaceful voice, I'm pretty sure the plane won't even start.

I'm going to this years Fibonacci convention.

It'll be as big as the last two put together.

One day, Albert Einstein was on his way to a science convention for a speech.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could giv...

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. For this particular trip, he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: “You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.”

So, his wife lies down on the bed…and just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor....

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What's the difference between a political convention and porn?

In porn, the dicks don't talk.

Click for a dumb blonde joke...

A town decides to host the biggest convention in history: a blonde convention.

Blondes from all over the world came to this event to meet some fellow blondes.

The plan was to prove for once and for all that the stereotype of blondes being dumb was a lie. So a big stage was set up in th...

The lights went out at a comedy convention

And it became dark humor

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In the bathroom at a computer convention

Someone from Microsoft comes out of a stall, washes his hands, takes a towel, wipes his hands, takes another towel, wipes his hands more and repeats it another time, commenting "At Microsoft, we are very thorough".

Someone from Intel comes out of a stall, washes his hands, takes a towel and w...

Blonde Convention

Thousands of blondes meet for the International Convention for Blondes. The emcee says we are now going to show the world that blondes aren’t airheads and asks for a volunteer. Bambi raises her hand and the emcee invites her to the stage.
The emcee says, “OK Bambi what is 2+2 ?. Bambi closes her...

On the train to a computer convention

Three developers from Red Hat and three from Microsoft use the train to get to a convention. The three devs from MS buy a ticket each, the three devs from RH buy only a single ticket together. The devs from MS sit down in the same cabin to see how they get thrown out.

As the conductor comes,...

50,000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eightee...

For the second year in a row, I was the keynote speaker at a plastic surgery convention...

"I see a lot of new faces here today."

I'm pretty sure they won't invite me back next year.

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus

The bartender, upon seeing the octopus, says "hey hey hey I run a respectable establishment here, no cephalopods allowed!"

The owner of the octopus says "no, wait, this is the most amazing octopus in the world, it can play any musical instrument known to man."

As fate would have it, th...

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A woman is at the hospital in a coma.

The doctor steps into the hall to have a talk with the husband.

Doc: I am so sorry sir, but we have run out of options and will need to pull the plug.

Husband: Please don't doc. I love her. Are you sure there is nothing else you can do?

Doc: At this point, we have tried every ...

Does anyone know if Jerry Falwell Jr. is still scheduled to speak at the Republican National Convention?

Or is he just going to sit in the corner and watch?

At an international military convention during the Cold War,

various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."

A Soviet general, upon hearing ...

What do you call a convention of little people?

A small get together.

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An old joke from my parents' home country

At the international dentist convention the dentists from Iraq were displaying their new extraction technique.

With this device you can remove teeth from a patients mouth by entering through the rectum and navigating through their digestive track to pull the tooth out.

A dentist in the...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

Three engineers and three executives are on a train going to a convention.

The business men each buy three tickets and the engineers buy a single ticket.

The executives start snickering, "how are the three of you going to stay on the train with just one ticket?"

"Watch", says one of the engineers, and the three of them pile into one of the bathrooms.

...

A couple years ago, I was scheduled to be the keynote speaker at a dyslexia convention in Los Angeles.

As I prepared for my speech, I wrote some notes and jokes on an index card. Most of the jokes came from r/Jokes.

Unfortunately, I was in a car accident the day before the convention, and I ended up in the Emergency Room. They took such good care of me that I was ready to give my speech the ne...

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the madam. "Is this a union house?" "No, I'm sorry, it isn't," she replied.

"Well, ill pay you $100. what cut do the girls
get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Offended at such an unfair operation, the
man stomped off down the street in search of
a more equitable shop. Finally he reached a
brothel where the madam said hers was a
union house...

A comedian takes her friend to a joke-tellers' convention...

The comedian shows her friend the sign-up list for performers, then they grab their seats. The first performer walks out onto the stage, and says:

"16!"

He gets a few chuckles.

"5679!"

The crowd starts to laugh

"227!"

The crowd is in uproar, practically dryi...

The Canadian Conservative Party Leadership Convention is taking so long...

Justin Trudeau managed to create another scandal.

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None of my friends wanted to go to the masturbation convention with me.

So I came by myself

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A man goes to the doctor to try and quit smoking

"Doc, you've got to help me, I have tried all the conventional methods of quitting smoking, and none have worked. Do you have any drastic cures?"

The doctor replies "well, there is something I know for this. Every night before bed, take a cigarette from the packet and put it up your rectum, a...

Someone threw a beer at Trump at Indianapolis NRA convention. He's fine.

It was a draft so he dodged it perfectly.

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Dude, I attended the fertilizer convention the other day...

...yeah, it was a real shitshow.

Just got back from the Transformers convention

and boy are my arms tires.

A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention...

And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."

Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention

They call it the enter prize.

Annual Brewers Convention

The CEOs of Budweiser, Heineken and Guinness meet at the annual Brewers Convention. They decide to go for drinks afterwards.

They go to a bar and sit down at a table. The CEO of Budweiser says, "First round is on me!" and orders three Budweisers. They drink and chat, and after a while the CE...

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Donald Duck is at a Disney convention and gets lucky with a groupie.

When they get back to his hotel room, she says, "I think we should practise safe sex - do you have any, you know...?" and he says "No problem," and picks up the phone to call reception.

"Don here," he says. "Send a bellhop up here with a condom, would you?"

"No problem, Mr Duck," says ...

There is an E-girl convention coming up

They're calling it the Simposium.

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At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other.

The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and ...

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So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end.. (Nsfw)

So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end. . . I slide on down over to her and we start talking.

After a while of chatting and a few rounds I said "Listen honey, I was wondering if after we finish these drinks, you'd like to come bac...

What do you call a stationery convention in Philadelphia?

Pencil-mania

My friend promised me he was going to the camouflage convention

But I never saw him there!

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A man sits next to a pretty woman on an airplane. While they’re in the air he makes conversation...

... “so where are you flying to”? He asks.

*im going to a nymphomaniacs’ convention*

“Really” he says

*yes, I’m a teacher there... I teach about sex*

“Interesting” he says

*im doing a lecture about sexual stereotypes... for instance, everybody always says that blac...

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An elderly couple...

An elderly couple who have been together for years are struggling with their sex life. They’ve tried just about everything, but the passion has just died out. Eventually they decide to seek the advice of a less conventional doctor. They explain the problem - the husband says ‘No matter what I do, I ...

A large blond convention was held.

A large blonde convention was held to prove once and for all that blondes are not so dumb after all. The auditorium filled with thousands of blond haired spectators. The brightest blonde was selected to answer some simple math questions.
The host asked her “what is 2+2?”
The blonde replied “5...

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Due to the coronavirus, the yearly convention for people who sexually swing both ways has been postposed.

From now on, it's going to be a bianal event.

This year’s Tease & Denial Convention will be held virtually

Attendees will be told not to come

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Can you believe what happened in DC?

Never seen so much press for a micropenis convention, at least none I’ve been to.

I was attending a ceremony at a graphite convention, with multiple speakers. To my surprise, I was invited to give a speech of my own.

I took the microphone from one of the speakers. Oozing confidence, I shouted, “8B.”



The crowd erupted in applause. I handed the microphone back to the speaker and they told me,


“That was very bold of you to say.”

Why was Dr.frankinstine banned from the convention center?

He vastly misunderstood what a body building competition was.

A man went to a tractor convention

He saw a tractor he liked but a sign nearby had said “NO TOUCHING OR SITTING ON THE TRACTORS”, the man who ignored the sign, decided to sit on the tractor anyway.

An employee saw him and said “If I catch you sitting on a tractor one more time, you’re getting out!”

So the man kept wande...

My friend asked me to go to an air blowing convention...

But I’m not really a fan

I met a lot of new people at the Bonsai Convention.

We all exchanged pleasant trees.

For a cosplay convention, I decided to dress up as a T from CS:GO

Don't know why everybody left really quickly when I came.

I hated working as a valet at the anti-vaxxer convention.

all i got was bunch of measly tips!

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel for a convention.

A fire breaks out in each of their trash cans at the same time during the night.

The engineer wakes up, dumps water onto the fire until its out, then a little more to make sure it stays out, and goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up, grabs his notepad, calculates the amount of water...

What do you call Grand Central Station holding an Instagram convention?

Too many trains of Thot.

Someone at a BDSM convention asked me what investments he should make

I told them to invest in stocks and bonds

I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor...

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

A Quorum

A Cro-Mangon man a Neanderthal and a Monkey walking into a bar,



The bartender says, "the RNC convention was a year ago."

Two men are at a joke convention.

One man at the convention stands and yells "23", and everyone laughs. Another stands and yells "57" and everyone continues laughing. A third stands and yells "243" and everyone is howling with laughter.

Mark turns to his friend and says "I'm confused, they're just saying numbers, why is every...

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A sadist hydrocarbon introduces himself at a BDSM convention...

"hi, i'm propane"

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I didn't know what to wear to the premature ejaculation convention.

So I came in my pants.

A blonde tries to prove that blondes aren't dumb at a blonde convention

So she goes on stage and a guy asks her math question while the crowd watches, the first question he asks is "What is 5 * 20?", she answers "80?", so the crowd starts to chant, "One more try! One more try!". So the guy asks another question, "What is 18 + 7", to which she replies, "30", and the crow...

I went to an air conditioning convention recently

It was pretty cool

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.

Laughed more than I thought.

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My parents decided to have a naming convention

My oldest brother was born in July so so they named him Julio

My oldest sister was born in March so they named her Margaret

My second oldest brother was born in December so they named him Deacon

My second oldest sister was born in January so they named her Janet

Then I ...

Heisenberg is driving to a convention to show off his new Uncertainty Principle

On the way he observes the speedometer, and finds himself lost.

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I'm holding a convention for people who can't orgasm

If you can't come, let me know

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One of my buddies just got back from a convention for women with no legs...

He said the place was crawling with pussy

What do you call a political convention in a Soviet state?

A communist party

An ant colony enthusiast goes to a convention

His pride and joy is a colony of giant Amazonian ants, *Dinoponera gigantea,* which he brings along with him to present. But when he gets to the door of the convention hall, he's stopped by one of the organizers, who points to a sign on the wall. It says "all ants must not be more than 1 cm in total...

Did you hear about the Furry Convention in King’s Landing this year?

It drag-on, and on, and on.

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According to the Southern Baptist Convention... couples are forbidden to have sex while standing up.

They're afraid it might lead to dancing.

Just heard there's a nudists convention next week.

I might go if I've got nothing on.

Who’s the happiest person at a furry convention?

Whoever has the flamethrower!

I accidentally went to my first Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca.

Wookie mistake.

Every time I go to a comic convention in my normal clothes, people ask me who I'm going as. I finally have an answer...

Thanks to Marvel, I'm going as a Skrull in disguise...

I went to a drug convention hoping to buy the drugs I saw on Breaking Bad. Too bad I couldn’t find any. All the dealers kept gossiping about two people I didn’t know.

Who cares if Chris told Meth.

Last week, I went to the local ginger convention

There wasn’t a soul in sight

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Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm get pulled over while driving together to a science convention.

The cop asks Heisenberg “do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies “no, but I know exactly where I am.” The cop says “you were doing 55 in a 40.” Heisenberg is irritated and exclaims “Great now I’m lost!”

The cop is suspicious and searches the car, when he pops the trunk he a...

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