One day, Albert Einstein was on his way to a science convention for a speech.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could giv...

Someone threw a beer at Donald Trump during the Indianapolis NRA convention.

He's fine. It was a draft so he dodged it easily.

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Going to a convention for women amputees next week.

Been told it will be crawling with pussy.

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Dude, I attended the fertilizer convention the other day...

...yeah, it was a real shitshow.

A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention...

And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."

Just got my ticket to the Fibonacci convention!

I hear this year is going to be as big as the last 2 put together.

Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention

They call it the enter prize.

Who’s the happiest person at a furry convention?

The one with the flamethrower.

What do you call a stationery convention in Philadelphia?

Pencil-mania

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None of my friends wanted to go to the masturbation convention with me.

So I came by myself

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!...

This year’s Tease & Denial Convention will be held virtually

Attendees will be told not to come

My friend promised me he was going to the camouflage convention

But I never saw him there!

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At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other.

The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and ...

A large blond convention was held.

A large blonde convention was held to prove once and for all that blondes are not so dumb after all. The auditorium filled with thousands of blond haired spectators. The brightest blonde was selected to answer some simple math questions.
The host asked her “what is 2+2?”
The blonde replied “5...

Why was Dr.frankinstine banned from the convention center?

He vastly misunderstood what a body building competition was.

A man went to a tractor convention

He saw a tractor he liked but a sign nearby had said “NO TOUCHING OR SITTING ON THE TRACTORS”, the man who ignored the sign, decided to sit on the tractor anyway.

An employee saw him and said “If I catch you sitting on a tractor one more time, you’re getting out!”

So the man kept wande...

I was attending a ceremony at a graphite convention, with multiple speakers. To my surprise, I was invited to give a speech of my own.

I took the microphone from one of the speakers. Oozing confidence, I shouted, “8B.”



The crowd erupted in applause. I handed the microphone back to the speaker and they told me,


“That was very bold of you to say.”

I met a lot of new people at the Bonsai Convention.

We all exchanged pleasant trees.

Just got back from the Transformers convention

and boy are my arms tires.

Why was the morbidly obese non-binary person barred access to a health food convention?

No trans-fats allowed.

I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor...

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

You think your day was bad? Imagine being miles and miles away from home, hot and sweaty from the 50 pound uniform you’re wearing , people don’t accept you. They think you’re a monster. Thank god there’s other people like me or I wouldn’t be able to handle being here .

Thank god for the furry convention.

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A plane ditches off the coast of a deserted tropical island. The pilot, the co-pilot and a hot stewardess are the only survivors...

They start to set up camp. John, the pilot builds a hut, Jack, the co-pilot does his best in hunting and gathering, and Jane a campfire going. The eat all together, look at the stars and ponder on their new fate. After nightfall, they get into the hut, cuddle to keep warm and fall asleep.

The...

Engineer professors on a plane...

A plane full of engineering professors were planned to go to a convention. As the professors are placed in their seats, the captain speaks in the loud speakers. "Hello everyone, and welcome to our flight. Before take-off I just want you all to know, this airplane has been built by all of your very ...

My friend asked me to go to an air blowing convention...

But I’m not really a fan

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A sadist hydrocarbon introduces himself at a BDSM convention...

"hi, i'm propane"

There’s a nudist convention on in town tonight, I think I might go

I’ve got nothing on

Two men are at a joke convention.

One man at the convention stands and yells "23", and everyone laughs. Another stands and yells "57" and everyone continues laughing. A third stands and yells "243" and everyone is howling with laughter.

Mark turns to his friend and says "I'm confused, they're just saying numbers, why is every...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel for a convention.

A fire breaks out in each of their trash cans at the same time during the night.

The engineer wakes up, dumps water onto the fire until its out, then a little more to make sure it stays out, and goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up, grabs his notepad, calculates the amount of water...

I got arrested for open carrying at a quadriplegic convention.

Honestly, it was blatant discrimination. They kept saying I was two armed.

I hated working as a valet at the anti-vaxxer convention.

all i got was bunch of measly tips!

Did you hear about the Trekkie who was trying to pick up girls at a Star Wars convention?

He was looking for love in Alderaan places

An ant colony enthusiast goes to a convention

His pride and joy is a colony of giant Amazonian ants, *Dinoponera gigantea,* which he brings along with him to present. But when he gets to the door of the convention hall, he's stopped by one of the organizers, who points to a sign on the wall. It says "all ants must not be more than 1 cm in total...

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat

As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.

Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"<...

I went to a fan convention

It was very interesting with a large range of fans, including metal, plastic and even wooden. Quite Frankly, I was blown away

I accidentally went to my first Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca.

Wookie mistake.

Did you hear about the Furry Convention in King’s Landing this year?

It drag-on, and on, and on.

Someone at a BDSM convention asked me what investments he should make

I told them to invest in stocks and bonds

Heisenberg is driving to a convention to show off his new Uncertainty Principle

On the way he observes the speedometer, and finds himself lost.

A blonde tries to prove that blondes aren't dumb at a blonde convention

So she goes on stage and a guy asks her math question while the crowd watches, the first question he asks is "What is 5 * 20?", she answers "80?", so the crowd starts to chant, "One more try! One more try!". So the guy asks another question, "What is 18 + 7", to which she replies, "30", and the crow...

A student at the karate convention asks a teacher where to stay.

They respond " At the Hyaaaatt ! "

What did one Indiana resident say to the other Indiana resident at the BDSM convention?

Hoosier daddy

Every time I go to a comic convention in my normal clothes, people ask me who I'm going as. I finally have an answer...

Thanks to Marvel, I'm going as a Skrull in disguise...

A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention.

He leaned in and shouted, “hey, I’m a big fan!”

What do you call a political convention in a Soviet state?

A communist party

Blondes are tired of people making fun of them.

Blondes across the world set up a convention to prove to everyone that they aren’t dumb. Thousands show up.

The main event begins. The announcer on stage goes, “We are tired of people thinking we’re dumb, so we’re here to prove everyone wrong!”

He points to a random blonde woman in the...

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According to the Southern Baptist Convention... couples are forbidden to have sex while standing up.

They're afraid it might lead to dancing.

What do you call a depressed presenter at a dentist convention?

A blue tooth speaker

Lice have become resistant to most conventional forms of treatment

Scientists are scratching their heads.

Just heard there's a nudists convention next week.

I might go if I've got nothing on.

Last week, I went to the local ginger convention

There wasn’t a soul in sight

Planning for this year's International Juggling Convention has ran into difficulties.

Organiser's have stated that its all up in the air.

A bartender walks into a joke writers convention.

No joke.

Lawyer’s wife is refusing to cook...

...After experimenting with various dishes for four days during the lockdown, the wife was not interested in cooking anything and wanted the husband to cook.

The wife asked the husband why are only wives expected to cook food for their husbands during the lockdown.

The lawyer husband s...

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I went to a coprophilia convention but I hated those people...

They were fucking pieces of shit.

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Psychic Prediction Convention 2018

[CLOSED] Due to unforeseen circumstances.

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I didn't know what to wear to the premature ejaculation convention.

So I came in my pants.

During a nationwide blonde convention...

A blonde convention was being held at the City Square. A blonde representative screamed out loud, "We shall show them that we are blonde, and WE ARE NOT DUMB!" She was greeted with a roar of applause.

After two hours of cheering, speeches and demonstrations, the blonde leader called forward a...

Wait, you didn’t hear about the terrorist attack on the Dried Fruits and Nuts convention?

I guess you don’t follow currant events.

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Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm get pulled over while driving together to a science convention.

The cop asks Heisenberg “do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies “no, but I know exactly where I am.” The cop says “you were doing 55 in a 40.” Heisenberg is irritated and exclaims “Great now I’m lost!”

The cop is suspicious and searches the car, when he pops the trunk he a...

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a tapeworm."

"I've been to so many specialists and no one can seem to get rid of it."

The doctor thinks for a few moments and says, "OK, come back next week with a banana and a cookie."

The man is confused but, having been failed by every conventional treatment, goes home and returns a week later w...

I got caught smuggling a gun to the furry convention

Security guard : *(notices bulge)* OwO what's this?!!

Two englishmen lost their donkey at a fetish convention

What a pair of assless chaps

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.

Laughed more than I thought.

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One of my buddies just got back from a convention for women with no legs...

He said the place was crawling with pussy

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I'm holding a convention for people who can't orgasm

If you can't come, let me know

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Daffy Duck is at a convention

...and a groupie comes back to his hotel room and things start to get a bit hot and heavy, and after a while she says to Daffy, "Say, do you have any... you know, *protection*?"

And Daffy says "No, I kinda forgot to bring any, but that's OK, I'll just call reception," and he picks up the ph...

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An international chess tournament is being held in a swank hotel in New York.

However, due to a conflicting convention the tables have been set up in the lobby. Everyone who is anyone in the world of chess is there. After a grueling 4 hours of chess, there is still no winner. In the lobby, the players get into a big argument about who is the brightest, the fastest, and the be...

What do you call a convention for English teachers?

Comma-Con

What do you call a head injury at a drummer's convention in Moscow, Russia?

A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.

Did you hear about the cannibal convention they're having?

It's a lot like your usual meet and greet, except at this one, you greet the meat.

I once went to a convention about impostor syndrome...

...but I had to leave because I felt like I didn't belong

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