Six girls walking around naked sounds weird

Dozen tit?

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It feels weird masturbating to dead pornstars

The weirdest part is having to rebury them

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I remember when porn genres were tame, none of that freak nasty stuff like furries, ugly bastards, vore, and other weird fetishes.

Seriously, what is the world cumming to?

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I thought my sexual fantasies were weird...

... untill I heard my neighbour say to his wife, "Climb up that bookshelf, and jump on my dick baby."

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It’s weird that the rhinos are dying out

Because they’re so horny

I have a weird fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to this realization.

The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.

I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.

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I got tired of being a dirty pervert who faps to weird shit. So, one day I said "No more!" ...

and took a shower.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 16 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries an...

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My friend asked me, “Is sex weird after you get a vasectomy?”

I said, “I don’t notice a vas deferens.”

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My girlfriend just left me because I always give weird nicknames to my penis...

I guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands now...

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Me and my girlfriend are still trying to figure out how to have sex with all of our weird fetishes.

It's coming along but we're still trying to work out the kinks.

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall...

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall started: **"Hey man, how are you doing?"**.



A little confused I replied: **"Ehm good, I guess."**



To my surprise the guy continued with: **"What ya doin'?"**


<...

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges all the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

Timezones are so weird like, it’s june 1 in Australia, May 31 in Canada

and still 1920 in America

My girlfriend is weird. Sometimes she wants my time, then sometimes suddenly she wants her space

We don't seem to have established a functional continuum

Just moved to Germany from America and I’m really offended by people disrespecting my celiac disease. Everywhere I go people are playing this weird game:

Gluten tag

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A group of horses was making fun of a miniature horse who sounded weird because he had a sore throat.

One of the horses felt bad for the little guy, and said to his friends, "Leave him alone, he's just a little hoarse."

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My girlfriend is weird.

She keeps saying that my dick resembles a salamander.

She calls it "my newt."

English can be weird ...

It can be understood through tough thorough thought though

Women are weird

They tell you not to beat around the bush, instead arrive at the point straight away, but hate us when we do that with their coochie.

My wife said "you arent even listening to me are you"

That's a weird way to start a conversation

Trees are kinda weird

They just nut on the ground and sometime later their child pops up

So a kid is talking to his dad and he says “hey Dad why i s my sister named make up tutorials” and the dad says “oh that’s what was in your mom‘s search history “. And the kids respond “OK a little weird but thanks”

And the dad says “no problem “

What do you call a weird physicist?

Quarky!

Justin Timberlake seems to have a weird obsession

with some river in Crimea

English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.

Source: course

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Karma is a weird name...

They should rename "karma" to "creddit"

They should also rename the "share" button to "spreaddit"

They should then also rename the "delete" button to "shreddit"

But they don't, and I don't geddit

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

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I was watching a really weird porno yesterday, it was a fat man wanking and crying..

Then i realised i hadn't switched the tv on...

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

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Isn't it weird when sometimes you are thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my grandpa caught me masturbating.

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I think it's weird that county fairs are being cancelled.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a *good* idea, but... I just figured that anyone who isn't afraid to hop onto a 60-year-old rusty roller coaster, that gets disassembled and reassembled 22 times a year by a traveling meth head with an allen wrench, while eating a deep fried stick of butter, wouldn't...

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My wife has a really weird fetish

She likes to dress up as herself, and then be a complete bitch all the time.

2020 is a weird year

5 years ago i entered a bank in a mask and i got forced to quarantine for years, today i got praised for it.. weird times to be alive

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

The fortune cookie I got with my chinese food today was weird...

It said, ”FREE ME FROM THIS FACTORY
Lucky Numbers 23.5° N, 121.0° E”

Big families are like waterbed stores...

They used to be everywhere, now they’re just weird.

My friend is called Mutepaul. It's a weird name. It's pronounced "paul"...

...because the mute is silent.

Today I saw a really weird car in the shape of an S, but it was moving quite slowly, almost at a snail's pace

I said "Look at that escargot!!"

I was a little weirded out when I walked into my friend’s room and saw a dart board stuck on the ceiling.

Eventually I had to throw up.

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My ex-girlfriend had this really weird fetish

She used to dress up as herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time

Joke written by Bo Burnham

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UK has some weird laws

1. You can join the army at 16. But you can't by call of duty till your 18.
2. You can't vote till your 16 .yet some MPs will Shag you if your under 16.
3. You need parental consent to marry if your under 18. (In England) But can have sex at 16.
4. It is legal to shoot a Scotsman under cer...

I told my wife her toe looks weird

She said “That’s a little callous”

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I had sex with my boss yesterday

It felt weird, but he said he'd give me a 10% raise. I guess that's just how it is in a family business

Pandemic dating is weird. Last night I asked a girl at the grocery store for her digits ...

And she wrote down her temperature.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

Glass tastes really weird

Not sure why, but it tastes a lot like blood

Weird guy on a bus stop

Weird guy on a bus stop keeps kissing every bus he can find. Going from one bus to another, he caresses them gently and sweet talks them while people keep staring. He doesn't care and keeps doing it.

One of the fresh bystanders realises that it's actually a good friend of his so he quickly ru...

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A little girl and her mommy.

A little girl comes to her mommy and asks, "how was I born mommy?" Mommy became awkward and said "an angel from the sky came and dropped you."

The little girl became more curious and asked, "how were you born?" "An angel came and dropped me too." Replied the mommy.

The little girl, se...

I accidentally sprayed a deodorant in my mouth,

Now I have this weird axe scent.

A burglar had broken into a house...

... and as he was feeling his way through a darkened room, he heard a voice. "Jesus is watching you!"

The burglar was startled and stood still for a few moments. Then he decided to continue his search for valuables. Once again, he heard the voice, a little louder, "Jesus is still watching yo...

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Southerners are weirdly obsessed with ending hunger among Jews

Any time I visit my relatives down South, the first thing they ask is *Jew eat yet?*

Three men meet a weird car salesman.

Three men, childhood friends, are looking to get new cars. They travel to an odd-looking dealership. They approach the salesman.

Salesman: Greetings, gentlemen. How may I help you today?

The respond that they want new cars.

Salesman: Very well. Answer me one question, and I shal...

Wanna know the weird thing about dead babies?

They’re still born

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A man's wife was heavily pregnant

and had started to get a lot of weird food cravings. One afternoon she said to her husband "I'm really peckish and would love some escargot.. Can you run down to the deli and pick up some snails for me"

The man dutifully agrees and walks down to the deli and gets a box of snails. On the way b...

A Man Bought a Book

One time, a young man goes in a very dark road as he went home and saw an elderly man sitting along the way. The elderly man is weird and suspicious-looking. The man called him, but the younger one ignored. The elderly man kept on calling him, so the young man got frightened, but he released all his...

Spanish doctor works at my hospital. Never wears PPE, never washes his hands. Just dips his fingers in black ink constantly. It's a bit weird, so I ask him how he stays safe and what the ink is for.

He just smiles and says:

"No one infects the Spanish ink physician"

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

If Paw Patrol had humans instead of dogs

They'd probably look pretty weird while barking

What do you do when you're weirdly attracted to a chess player, but can't make out whether they're a guy or a girl?

Check and mate

When I was younger everyone called me weird because I didn't have a gag reflex.

Now they just call me

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A guy walks into the doctor’s office

A guy walks into a doctors office and tells the doctor:

“Doccctorrr, I cccaannn hharddlllyyy finiiiishh a senttttenccee.”

The doctor says:

“Alright let’s do a head to toe inspection”

The doctor quickly notices this guy has an enormous penis. Like the biggest the doctor ha...

Noelle is a weird name.

Mostly because there‘s 2 of them right towards the end.

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Do not read this [OC] joke.

...I was in some South Dakotan ‘mountains’ ...or ‘rolling hills’ as the rest of the world would call them. It was just a fun journey to burn an afternoon and prep my legs for a trip with my friends to Yosemite. (I would actually go on to propose to my girlfriend at the top of Yosemite Falls, and we’...

Time zones are weird - Australia is in 2020. America is in 2019..

Des Moines is in 1998, Alabama in 1865, Saudi Arabia 1576.

what is a weird thing to ask a normal person but is ok to ask an astronaut?

Do you spit or swallow?

After my grandfather died, I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on...

Whats the weird fleshy thing between a sharks teeth called?

A surfer

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

A young teacher confronts her math class of young kids with a simple question: “Three birds are sitting on a tree when a hunter comes and shoots one down, how many birds are left on the tree?”

“None!” shouts a boy across the classroom.

“Come here” says the teacher while the kid is approaching her through the weird looks of their classmates. The teacher calmly repeats the question again this time holding three fingers up for the sitting birds and removing one for the hunter’s victim...

Is it weird that I have a trashcan in my car?

My friend just looked at it and said that most people just call it a "back seat"

You know times are weird when

Things that you wipe your aas with are the most priced possessions

I think it’s weird that we call childbirth “delivery”.

Shouldn’t it be called “takeout” instead?

Uber driver came to return woman's lost purse

Woman : Thanks but..it is so weird because I remember it containing only a single 100$ note, but now there are ten 10$ notes inside it. How's that possible?

Man: Yeah because everytime I had gone to return someone's wallet or purse, they said they don't have any change to reward me.

Thought I’d try translating a joke. Two foreigners are sailing to America for work.

Upon getting off the boat at the dock, one notices a hotdog stand. Sure, it sounds weird to them but they decide to try it.

As one unwraps the foil, he blushes and asks, “Which part of the dog did you get?”

America is weird

First they decided to get rid of all monarchs,
Then they start using the imperial system.

Seriously guys, search up the definition of irony.

My dog was walking a little weird but then I realised...

He had two left feet.

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they’re fired

Two robbers are robbing a bank

When they open the first vault, they find a cup of milk.


One of them says: "Weird, why would you put a cup of milk in a vault?"


When they open the second vault, they find another cup of milk.


And so on, untill they have opened all the vaults.


Robber 1: "Ma...

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A man goes to a brothel...

And he asks the madame, "What can I get for a fifty bucks?"

She directs him to a room where a woman gives him a great blowjob.

The next day, a little light on cash, he goes back to the brothel and asks the madame, "What can I get for ten bucks?"

She directs him to a new room, th...

My friend told me he bought a 4 foot snake

I told him that's a weird way to describe a lizard.

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It’s weird they named Virginia after the Queen’s virginity...

That would be like naming Jamestown Prematureejaculationville.

Happy cake day!

Oh that’s weird, I thought we had the same cake day....

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I heard they were making a new Power Rangers show, so I checked it out.

Since the producers wanted to show to be more fluid to all people, they decided to bring in new rangers. They had all the usual colored rangers, but then they started to add a few more as the show went on.


There were three new rangers that had different disabilities. One was colored ora...

My girlfriend told me I sound kind of weird when I refer to her parents as father and mother

She told me it's best to shorten it to sound more young and modern

Her parents didn't take it well when I said "Good morning, Fat and Moth"

Wonder if Kylo Ren took his grandfather's name in his honour.

Would be weird signing off orders as "K. A. Ren".

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Three young women were gossiping about their sex lives

'I noticed some time ago', said the first one about her boyfriend, 'that Tom's balls are cold while giving him a bj'.

'That's funny,' says the second one. 'I noticed the same thing with Peter's balls!'

The third one says: 'I never really paid attention to that. I'm gonna try it out wit...

A weird little German kid just handed me a bunch of yellow metal

Thanks for the gold, strange kinder

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My girlfriend has this weird fetish...

Whenever we have sex she likes to pretend she's 15 years old. It kinda bothered me, and finally one day I told her, "Baby, you don't have to keep doing this. For fuck's sake, your birthday is in 3 months!

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Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Please pee on this cup and come back. Joe's confused by this weird method, but fuck it let's roll.

Joe brings the cup back. Then, Halstaad dips his right pinky into the urine, licks it and pauses.
Then, he...

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Michael and The Parrot

I'm gonna try to translate an Albanian Joke
It's hard to translate but I'll try:

Michael and the parrot

Michael had an talking parrot and wants to sell him and make some money. But the parrot had a problem that he offended anyone that he didn't like.
First comes a man with weird...

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Such a Weird Religion!

In a feast, a Catholic priest was sat next to a Jewish man.

The priest, who wanted to make fun of the Jew, put some bacon on his dish and said:

\- Sir, would you like some of this bacon?

\- Thanks, but don't you know pork is not allowed in my religion?

\- Wheeeew, such a ...

My ananas is acting weird...

it's gone completely bananas...

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Mickey Mouse wants a divorce

So he goes to see a divorce lawyer.

Mickey: ... and that’s the situation.

Lawyer: you can’t get a divorce from Minnie just because she’s a little weird.

Mickey: you don’t get it, she’s really fucking Goofy.

They’re all kinds of weird fetishs out there. Some people even get off on graphing.

Thats where I draw the line.





I’ll see myself out.

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A man walked up to me and asked "Did you sleep with my wife"

And I thought about it and said "the term "slept" or sleep is weird, because sleep means to close your eyes and go into a not conscious state, but we have adapted the term to also be used in the context of sexual relation. I find it makes more sense to just say I did fuck your wife."

Anyway I...

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It’d be weird if a woman had a boob made out of wood...

Wooden tit?

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Two friends go to a performance called "Aladdin's lamp"

Two friends, named Peter and Carl go to a performance called "Aladdin's lamp".

During the first break they feast inside a bar, having some drinks in meantime. After it they return for the second act. Not long after it starts Peters stomach gets heavy and he needs to do number two.

"Tr...

Germany is a pretty weird country. If you deny the Holocaust, you go to jail.

But if you organize one, you are promoted to Reich Chancellor.

My husband has weird fantasies

Like being loyal

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A man and a wife are in a hotel room on the 3rd, rekindling their love for each other...

It quickly turns into teenage, window fogging, grope fest and they start to fuck like bunnies. After they finish the first round, they notice the room's a little different. The man steps outside and checks around and notices the room across him is 415. "Weird", said the man to himself. "I thought th...

Nursing Home Police

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up
to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her, and some of the male...

American: You British people spell things weird.

Brit: no U.

Why did that weird guy squeak?

Because he is miceterious.

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This is my dog. he’s weird tho all he talks about are trees

**HER:** because he says bark? haha that’s funn-

**MY DOG:** the sequoiadendron giganteum is the largest tree in the world. it is 52,500 cubic feet (1,487 cubic meters) in volume

**HER:** what the fuck

What a weird day! First I found a hat full of money.

Then I was followed around by some guy with a guitar.

I have this weird condition where I wake up every morning at precisely 8:50 a.m., but the doctor said it’s nothing to worry about.

It’s just ten-to-ninetis.

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