There's only a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will understand this.

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

Two cars get into a minor crash, the cars a bit dented, the drivers completely fine...

The Pope gets out of one car and a rabbi gets out of the other. They are tolerant, cultured people and so there is no fight, no cussing.

"God giveth, God taketh away", the Pope says.

"Things come and things go", the ~~rabbit~~ rabbi replies and asks, "Shall we have a drink over our mis...

My wife has aged like fine wine

Elegant casing, but rotten and fermented on the inside.

I used to do fine, then I started doing drugs.

Now I do morphine.

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

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A girl uses chemicals to remove the polish, and it's fine.

I use chemicals to remove the Polish, and I'm suddenly a nazi?

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A beautiful girl is like a fine wine.

But you still can’t just lock her in the basement until she’s old enough.

How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?

$5,318,008

I got a $900 fine and a month of community service for urinating in public...

If you ask me it was a harsh punishment for only a wee crime.

I'll see myself out.

My wife told me you've aged like a fine wine. More complex, more flavoursome, increased sweetness. Overall tastier

But with more body

My buddy Jacob is a bad driver. He got in a bad wreck. His car was totaled. The other car was totaled. He stepped out of his car and went to check on the other driver. He was fine.

Jacob said, "This is a miracle. Look at how bad our cars are and we are totally unscathed. Even still. I have this bottle of wine in my backseat which it still unbroken. This surely is a sign. We should toast". The other man agreed, it was a sign and a toast was in order. So Jacob popped the cork an...

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:

No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.

Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said. "Big John...

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So, we sometimes pee accidentally when we poop. Just imagine how bad it would be if that got reversed for everyone one fine day.

Every male would have a really shitty day.

Donald Trump's marriage will be fine.

He only went through a Stormy patch.

Someone threw a beer at Trump at Indianapolis NRA convention. He's fine.

It was a draft so he dodged it perfectly.

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An art student in Germany applies for a Fine Arts Academy.

The headmaster assures the student that his work is great, and his mind is exceptional.

But he tells the student the university has already received too many students for this year so unfortunately his application is denied.

The student grows a somber look on his face, leans in and say...

My attorney specializes in fine dining...

He's a sue chef.

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"So there's a man in an elevator, and as the doors are closing, he sees this young, fine looking lady hurriedly make her way to the elevator too, so he stops the doors and lets her get on.

'Where are you headed?' he asks, standing by the buttons.

'Oh, I'm going to the clinic on the fourth floor,' the lady says, 'I'm going to go donate some eggs and make a quick hundred dollars.'

At this, the man starts to chuckle.

'What's so funny?'

'Well, it's just that I'...

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met.

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.
"How much for a hand-job?"
"$5,000" she replies.
"$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way."
"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a res...

How much does it cost to buy a large singing group?

"you mean a choir?"

Fine... How much does it cost to "acquire" a large singing group?

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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Ch...

I told the psychologist, "Sure, my sense of chronology is fine!"

Then I knocked on his door and went into his room.

I fell down and hit my head pretty hard but I’m fine...

The only thing is I lost hearing in my right eye.

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A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I lo...

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A high school has a $10 swear fine.

One day during gym class, Peter gets caught saying “shit”.


He gives the teacher a twenty and says:


“Keep the fucking change.”

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the wom...

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A teacher gave her class

of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market ...

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine - i only suffered super fish oil injuries

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A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said

'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.

Pirate: Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.<...

So, you don't trust a doctor to stitch you up?

Fine. Suture self.

City counsel decides not to fine restaurant owner for digging a hole in his own establishment with a pickaxe...

They say he was just mining his own business.

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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you wou...

Wife cheats on her husband with the mailman

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope....

So, I asked out a really fine lady who was WAY out of my league, she says, “I wouldn’t date you if you were the last person on Earth...”

“Well, DUHHHH, you’d be dead.”

r/Jokes A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, ‘Lool Area’

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’.”

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

I'm fine letting other people dot my i's, but crossing my t's?

That's where I draw the line.

The accident

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, B...

My glasses may be fogged up, but don't worry I'll be fine.

I'm optimistic!

Why won't Russia allow entry for The Fine Bros?

They've had problems with reactors before

I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.

It's ok though, it still saved me money.

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Frustrated by a world of moral decay, a man decided that he wanted a pure, innocent woman for his wife.

So he went to church in the hope of finding someone who had not been corrupted by modern society. After two weeks, he met a charming girl and took her back to his place for the ultimate test. Whipping out his manhood, he asked her: ‘What’s this?’

‘A cock,’ she replied.

Disappointed by ...

A Spanish man walks into a department store

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines" said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl....

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides.

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuab...

Women age like fine wine

They're only good for cooking after a while

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Headache & testicles

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor says, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition...

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to i...

Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.

Then, the bowling ball hit me.

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A guy felt a bit lonely

So he goes to a brothel and tells the madame that he wants something 'out of the oridinary'.

Madame replies: We've a goat. Do you want the goat?

The guy says: No, something even more kinky.

Madame: We've an alien from the planet Mars.

Guy: No, even more kinky.

Mad...

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Irish woman and the milkman

Little old Irish woman is sitting on her porch waiting for the milkman. He arrives and drops off her milk. She says “Oh thank you, but for next time could you bring me 500 pints of milk?”

“500 pints of milk?!!” the man says, “Whatcha need 500 pints of milk fer?!”

The old woman says “...

Paddy was sitting in his local pub when a fine looking Italian woman walks in.

He offered her a drink and over the course of the night he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. She’d never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her room.

They had a passionate affair all that summer.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant....

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A little girl was talking to a cop on Christmas day...

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop c...

What’s the difference between fine wine and fine women?

Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.

The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.

After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde declares. FINE ILL JUST GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!

The shopkeeper replied why don't you just try young lady with a smirk.
...

I took a cab and told the cabbie I was in a hurry...

The cabbie said no problem and starting speeding through the streets. We came up on a yellow light and instead of slowing down, he sped up and shot through the intersection.

I asked "Hey, should you slow down a bit?"

"Don't worry about it. All of my buddies drive this way."

We ...

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One fine day, the three billy goats...

One fine day, the three billy goats gruff went out for a walk. They took their usual path over the sweet grassy hills towards the river where they would cross the stone bridge and climb the mountain.

When they reached the bridge they were surprised to see the Troll waiting for them, stand...

I went out to a fine Italian restaurant last night but there was a large woman blocking the entrance....

I couldn’t get pasta

The first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is...

...you know what? Never mind. It's FINE.

Tax vs. Fine

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing something right.

Michael and Jerry are two third graders in the same school. One day, Michael told Jerry: “I just learned a neat trick that made me twenty bucks yesterday.”

“Really? What’s the trick?” Asked Jerry.

“It’s easy.” Michael said “Just go up to an adult and whisper in their ears: ‘I know everything about that dirty little secret of yours, now give me ten bucks, or else’ ; I’ve tried it on my parents last night and it totally worked!”

Excited, Je...

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.

The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”

Tommy replied, “Well, then j...

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his o...

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I recently read in the news that bad drivers were going to get on the spot $100 fines

That's a bit sexist, isn't it?

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.

"The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more p...

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.

She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different ton...

A very drunk man in a bar orders another scotch. The bartender says, "You're too drunk, Joe, go home.

Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.

A few minutes later he walks back in and says, "I'll have a scotch."

The bartender says, "Joe, I told you. You're too drunk. Go home."

Joe says, "Fine, I'll take my business elsewhere," and walks out.

A f...

A rich man was driving in his Cadillac when he sees a poor man eating grass on a hill

“What are you doing” - Says the rich man.

“I have 3 days without food for me and my family, so the grass on this hill is our last resource”

“Daaaammmm, say no more, get in” -Says the rich man, exited.

“Ohhh, thank you very much. Do you mind if I tell to my wife and 2 kids about...

A mathematician opens a bakery

and does a fine job making sure the goods are absolute delights and well priced for such. However, one day his customers walk in to see that the price of pies has doubled from the day prior, Furious, they ask why, and the owner says, “Well, I realized that I was charging for one pie but selling two!...

A physicist, a biologist and a chemist visit the local beach on a fine day.

The physicist says, "I want to do reasearch about the fluid dynamics of the ocean water."

He walks into the ocean and does not come back.

The biologist says, "I want to do research about the flora and fauna of the ocean."

He, too, walks into the ocean and does not come back.
...

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

It was a fine Sunday morning...

... and the devil was bored.

He picked a nice quiet country side church and rolled up in a cloud of foul smoke and brimstone. Right in the middle of the sermon.

Screams all around as the flock run for their lives. All that is, except for the priest and a wizened old farmer chewing on ...

NSFW semi dark humor

Mindy's husband Bob had just passed away. At the funeral, the funeral director was looking real awkward and pulled Mindy aside and says to her.

"Maam, I'm sorry to bring this up to you, but we have an issue with your husband. You see, he has a massive erection and coffin won't fully clo...

JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?

MARIO:

JUDGE: It’s a fine.

MARIO [sadly]: No, itsa not.

It’s Perfectly fine to dislike certain races

I like running the 5k personally, my friend runs the 10k and he’s like that better though

Horse Joke

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to...

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

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Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

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This is OC just made it up 2 minutes ago

So a teacher starts class by talking about responsibility, and says, “As you know, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, but...” and just then, Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher called on him.

“Actually, I’ve never made a mistake.”

“There’s no way on earth Johnny, everyone ...

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Justice is served

So Donald Trump is finally found guilty for all of his high crimes and misdemeanors. The very fine people of New York have won the privilege to decide his fate. Before his many years in prison the city had declared that, The Donald be put in stocks and chains on display in the middle of 5th Avenue. ...

A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say "Ma'am that is one ugly baby you have there!"

The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort "Well I ... I never!"

The man continued: "I'm just being honest with you ma'am, I mean, I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper".

Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a fligh...

I don't understand my wife, first she says "Yes, fine, have a tattoo!"

...and now she's moaning about the bagpipers in the garden!

Hair removal

Andrea, found out her dog, a Schnauzer, could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurri...

My family had Wookiee steak for dinner.

It was fine, just a little chewy...

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says: “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies: “God and I are close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

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Religion is like a penis.

It's fine if you take pride in it, but when you take it out and wave it in our faces, then it becomes a problem.

I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my home. it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV, my PS4 and my legos were fine. But the room was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps

I was delighted.

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

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A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man whispers, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want...

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In 1935, a Nazi Landesinspekteur (State Inspector) needs to privately converse with Hitler.

When he finds Hitler's office, he knocks loudly. There's no response.

After waiting 20 seconds, he gets very impatient, opens the door, and just walks right in. To his surprise, he sees Hitler on the floor, apparently meditating deeply with his eyes shut, legs crossed, and arms hanging loosel...

As a non-English speaker, this is how I remember the difference between niece & nephew.

A woman who's 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma.

6 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doc: You actually had twins, a boy and a girl, and they're both fine. Luckily, we had your brother name the children for you

Woman : Oh no! Not my brother! He'...

I just checked my privilege.

Looks fine to me.

A traffic cop went through the trouble of putting a note on my windshield to let me know I positioned my car correctly.

It said 'parking fine' so that was nice.

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down next to a guy with a peg leg, a metal hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.

He orders a beer, looks at the guy next to him, and asks "What are you supposed to be, a pirate?"

"Yarr, I am" replies the pirate.

"You must have some crazy stories about your leg, your hand, an...

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

Genie: You've got 3 wishes

Me: No thanks, I know whatever I wish for would come back and bite me.

Genie: No it won't, if it does, you get infinite wishes.

Me: Fine, I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a….

Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500

I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship

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Have you heard about the old man's gambling problem?

An old man had a gambling problem not a bad one but a really good one. He was depositing thousands each day.

A few months pass and seeing as the old man had no job was contacted by the IRS to discuss his income.

The old man arrives with his lawyer to speak with the IRS agent. The agen...

Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat, in the middle of a lake.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, “Check out what I can do!” He proceeds to stand up in the boat, strike his staff, and boom! The water parts and the boat is resting on the bottom! After holding the water back for a few seconds, he releases his hold on the water. “I bet you can’t do anything that beats...

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

Something is wrong with me!

A guy walks into a pharmacy: “I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I’m about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?”
\-
Pharmacists: “Nope, I feel fine.”

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John had a mistress...

John had a mistress from another country. One day his mistress calls and tells John that she booked a flight and was coming to meet him and spend a day there.

John wakes up early in the next morning and tells his wife that his uncle had passed away. He needed to go to the airport and meet s...

I broke my finger today.

On the other hand, I'm completely fine

Do you know where I can rent a church singing group?

Sir,do you mean a choir?

Fine,yes,do you know how much it is to aquire a church singing group?

A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says, "Ballroom please"...

To which the lady standing in front of him replies, "Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't realise I was crowding you!".

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.

"It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each...

Everybody knows of Murphy's law, anything that can go wrong, will. But have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's usually just finely shredded cabbage.

That’s how you roll

[Phone rings]
Boss: Why aren’t you picking that up?
Me: I always pick it up on the third ring it makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP
Me: [Rolling my eyes]Fine[Picks it up]
911 what’s you emergency?

I had a patient the other day who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. I said fine...

Suture self

(NSFW) A Catholic priest is walking down an alleyway when a man comes up to him.

"Pictures of little boys?"

"Go away," the priest responded angrily, "I am a Man of God."

"Come on, pictures of little boys?"

"Go away and repent sinner", the priest replied, "I will have none of it!"

"Come on father, pictures of little boys?"

"Alright fine, how man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor Visit

A guy goes to his doctor and complains that he can't get an erection anymore when trying to have sex with his wife.

The doctor ponders the situation, and then asks the patient to come to his office the next day, and bring his wife along.

The next day the guy, and his wife arrive, and m...

My girlfriend said tiny pps are fine...

I just really wish she didn't have one.

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

When a guy says "I'm Fine"

what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she is leaving on account of my sexual fetishes

I said fine! slam the door on my cock on the way out

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