There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Only a fraction of people will get this joke!

I am fine letting other people dot my "i"s

But crossing my "t"s?

That's where I draw the line.

I went out to a fine Italian restaurant last night but there was a large woman blocking the entrance....

I couldn’t get pasta

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I recently read in the news that bad drivers were going to get on the spot $100 fines

That's a bit sexist, isn't it?

It’s Perfectly fine to dislike certain races

I like running the 5k personally, my friend runs the 10k and he’s like that better though

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One fine day, the three billy goats...

One fine day, the three billy goats gruff went out for a walk. They took their usual path over the sweet grassy hills towards the river where they would cross the stone bridge and climb the mountain.

When they reached the bridge they were surprised to see the Troll waiting for them, stand...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Women are like fine wine

you gotta keep them in a basement

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

I didn't vaccinate my five kids

and both of them turned out fine.

It was a fine Sunday morning...

... and the devil was bored.

He picked a nice quiet country side church and rolled up in a cloud of foul smoke and brimstone. Right in the middle of the sermon.

Screams all around as the flock run for their lives. All that is, except for the priest and a wizened old farmer chewing on ...

Tax vs. Fine

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing something right.

A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says, "Ballroom please"...

To which the lady standing in front of him replies, "Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't realise I was crowding you!".

My girlfriend said tiny pps are fine...

I just really wish she didn't have one.

I had a patient the other day who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. I said fine...

Suture self

I don't understand my wife, first she says "Yes, fine, have a tattoo!"

...and now she's moaning about the bagpipers in the garden!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

Asking for a 'Cup of Joe' is a fine way to ask for a cup of coffee...

Unless you're at a sperm bank.

What’s the difference between fine wine and fine women?

Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.

Paddy was sitting in his local pub when a fine looking Italian woman walks in.

He offered her a drink and over the course of the night he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. She’d never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her room.

They had a passionate affair all that summer.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant....

What did Hitler say when he got rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts?

Mein Crafts!

If somebody gives me one point, that's fine.

But if somebody gives me two points, that's where I draw the line.

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress,...

.. taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across ...

Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500

I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man in hospital bed wearing an Oxygen mask "Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his penis and checks his testicles..she takes a close look and says, "They are fine Sir" Man takes off oxygen mask, smiles and says very very slowly, thanks for that, but listen very carefully,

"Are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

When a guy says "I'm Fine"

what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.

I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my home. it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV, my PS4 and my legos were fine. But the room was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps

I was delighted.

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

Im writing this from the hospital. Don't worry the doctors say that im gonna be fine.

But i feel i should warn you that the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" has a very misleading name

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One fine day, a billionaire was walking his dog.

Suddenly a man ran out from the bushes in front of him and shot the poor dog three times. The billionaire screamed at the killer, "Why did you do that?". The killer answered, "Your wife gave me $50,000 and said to "Go kill that son-of-a-bitch"".

The billionaire hugged the killer & said .....

Cooling yourself to -273C is completely fine...

If you do, you'll be 0K!

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant...

... when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, th...

A fine conductor.

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piece...

I was fine with my earlier math classes,

but geometry is where I draw the line.

One ant is fine

The rest are redundANT

A proctologist ate at a fine restaurant.

When the check came, he pulled out a rectal thermometer and, annoyed, said "Dammit, some dirty bum's got my pen!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fine, different alligator joke.

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator, and the bartender says, "hey man you can't have that in here it's dangerous!" The man says, "No no! He's not, look I can prove it that he's not dangerous." The bartender says, "okay, if you can prove that your alligator isn't dangerous, you can keep it ...

Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...

So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?

I'm like a fine wine.

I was once fresh pickings but now I'm old, bottled up and a little fruity.'

An older guy starts working out at gym with a personal trainer. Soon after, a really fine looking woman came in and started working out.

The older guy looks to his personal trainer, “what machine can I use to impress her?”

“The ATM in the lobby,” the trainer replies.

What is the fine line between good taste and bad taste?

Perineum.

What do you call a transformer that believes things will work out fine?

Optimist Prime.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two good friends, a doctor and a priest, are out golfing one fine day.

They step up to tee off at the first hole. The priest drives a beautiful shot down the fairway. The doctor steps up next and fires off a worm-burner straight into the rough.

The doctor grumbles loudly, "Fuck, I missed."

The priest reproves him, "Please, Ted, don't swear in fron...

I found out my wife's been blowing the judge to get out of her parking fines.

I shouldn't be talking about it really... The judge put a gag order on it.

One moment everything's fine, the next you've ruined everything.

You're like a boolean china shop.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

[NSFW] I know that it is your first time, so try to relax. Be open. Let me know if it hurts. It might bleed and that's totally fine. Let me know if you want me to pull it out. And above all...

...trust your dentist.

I'm fine with IHOP changing their name to IHOB

I just feel bad for all the one-legged waitresses who lost their jobs.

“Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?”

“Sir, do you mean a choir?”

“Fine, yes, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young man is relaxing on a park bench on a fine Spring day.

An elderly gent comes shuffling by with a very serious expression on his face.

"Hey, old timer, something wrong?" asks the younger fellow.

"Shit my pants," answers the oldster.

"Then why don't you change them," suggests the youngster.

"Not done yet," was the reply.

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

You know, if the proletariat wants to fight the bourgeoisie, fine

Soviet.

My friend rang me up telling me he lost a lot of blood. I asked if he was ok and he said he was fine...

But everyone was pretty upset where he worked at the blood bank.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, one fine day, a man is strolling through an open-air market place.

He stops at one of the live animal stalls and buys a chicken thinking that he will take it home, and make a nice chicken stew for dinner. On his way home he passes a theater that is showing a movie that he has been wanting to see and he decides to go in. The woman at the box office sees the chicken ...

Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...

But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly Hitler!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives a man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man...

Women are like fine wines

You can get them cheaper if you go abroad

My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine

she stopped crying for help 2 days ago

Why were the communists barred from entering the fine dining restaurant?

It's because they had no class

Use Acetone to remove polish that's fine

Use gas to remove polish and everyone loses their minds!

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, “LOOL AREA!!”

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One fine day in Ireland...

... a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodnes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) My ex-girlfriend once told me having a 4 inch dick is fine and nothing to worry about.

But I didn't think it was okay for her to have one.

My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.

A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning.

A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning.

After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him.

He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"

His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I rea...

I took a cab home the other night and thankfully everything ended fine!

Over the weekend, I was out drinking with some friends and we ended up finishing off the handful of beers with a couple shots before heading out. (Not a smart move, I know)

I was nervous about taking a cab home, but my friends all insisted it was in my best interest.

Sure enough, I wa...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cop on horse says to little girl..

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her £5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you t...

I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater...

that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.

Stressed over finals? That's fine.

Just make sure your suicide note is in MLA format.