Someone threw a beer at Trump at Indianapolis NRA convention. He's fine.

It was a draft so he dodged it perfectly.

Why won't Russia allow entry for The Fine Bros?

They've had problems with reactors before

So, I asked out a really fine lady who was WAY out of my league, she says, “I wouldn’t date you if you were the last person on Earth...”

“Well, DUHHHH, you’d be dead.”

JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?

MARIO:

JUDGE: It’s a fine.

MARIO [sadly]: No, itsa not.

Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.

Then, the bowling ball hit me.

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Women improve with age. Like a fine wine they should be kept horizontal and in the dark.

This is an old joke, but I just heard it on a Dick Cavett monologue.

I am fine letting other people dot my "i"s

But crossing my "t"s?

That's where I draw the line.

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Eli5: "I once knew someone with narcolepsy, it's the craziest shit. One minute we'd be having a conversion, everything's fine. The next minute I'm having sex "

This joke from jeselnik's special, what does he imply?

Date rape? Or that he doesn't understand what narcolepsy is?

A physicist, a biologist and a chemist visit the local beach on a fine day.

The physicist says, "I want to do reasearch about the fluid dynamics of the ocean water."

He walks into the ocean and does not come back.

The biologist says, "I want to do research about the flora and fauna of the ocean."

He, too, walks into the ocean and does not come back.
...

Women age like fine wine

They're only good for cooking after a while

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Only a fraction of people will get this joke!

There's a fine line between driving skillfully and driving dangerously

It's the yellow one, in the middle of the road.

It was a fine Sunday morning...

... and the devil was bored.

He picked a nice quiet country side church and rolled up in a cloud of foul smoke and brimstone. Right in the middle of the sermon.

Screams all around as the flock run for their lives. All that is, except for the priest and a wizened old farmer chewing on ...

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I recently read in the news that bad drivers were going to get on the spot $100 fines

That's a bit sexist, isn't it?

Tax vs. Fine

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing something right.

It’s Perfectly fine to dislike certain races

I like running the 5k personally, my friend runs the 10k and he’s like that better though

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One fine day, the three billy goats...

One fine day, the three billy goats gruff went out for a walk. They took their usual path over the sweet grassy hills towards the river where they would cross the stone bridge and climb the mountain.

When they reached the bridge they were surprised to see the Troll waiting for them, stand...

What’s the difference between fine wine and fine women?

Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.

I went out to a fine Italian restaurant last night but there was a large woman blocking the entrance....

I couldn’t get pasta

Paddy was sitting in his local pub when a fine looking Italian woman walks in.

He offered her a drink and over the course of the night he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. She’d never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her room.

They had a passionate affair all that summer.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant....

I like American cola just fine, and Mexican cokes are even better!

But Columbian coke is especially great!

A man enters an elevator of a fine hotel and says, "Ballroom please"...

To which the lady standing in front of him replies, "Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't realise I was crowding you!".

I don't understand my wife, first she says "Yes, fine, have a tattoo!"

...and now she's moaning about the bagpipers in the garden!

My girlfriend said tiny pps are fine...

I just really wish she didn't have one.

I had a patient the other day who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. I said fine...

Suture self

I didn't vaccinate my five kids

and both of them turned out fine.

Asking for a 'Cup of Joe' is a fine way to ask for a cup of coffee...

Unless you're at a sperm bank.

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It was one fine day

I was walking along the street the other day when

I slipped in dogshit.

A minute later a guy did the same thing.

I said to him ," Hey I just did that".

So he just punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.

Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500

I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship

When a guy says "I'm Fine"

what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress,...

.. taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across ...

If somebody gives me one point, that's fine.

But if somebody gives me two points, that's where I draw the line.

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Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

What did Hitler say when he got rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts?

Mein Crafts!

I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my home. it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV, my PS4 and my legos were fine. But the room was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps

I was delighted.

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Man in hospital bed wearing an Oxygen mask "Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his penis and checks his testicles..she takes a close look and says, "They are fine Sir" Man takes off oxygen mask, smiles and says very very slowly, thanks for that, but listen very carefully,

"Are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."

A fine conductor.

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piece...

Cooling yourself to -273C is completely fine...

If you do, you'll be 0K!

Im writing this from the hospital. Don't worry the doctors say that im gonna be fine.

But i feel i should warn you that the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" has a very misleading name

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One fine day, a billionaire was walking his dog.

Suddenly a man ran out from the bushes in front of him and shot the poor dog three times. The billionaire screamed at the killer, "Why did you do that?". The killer answered, "Your wife gave me $50,000 and said to "Go kill that son-of-a-bitch"".

The billionaire hugged the killer & said .....

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant...

... when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, th...

A proctologist ate at a fine restaurant.

When the check came, he pulled out a rectal thermometer and, annoyed, said "Dammit, some dirty bum's got my pen!"

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Fine, different alligator joke.

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator, and the bartender says, "hey man you can't have that in here it's dangerous!" The man says, "No no! He's not, look I can prove it that he's not dangerous." The bartender says, "okay, if you can prove that your alligator isn't dangerous, you can keep it ...

One ant is fine

The rest are redundANT

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to i...

I was fine with my earlier math classes,

but geometry is where I draw the line.

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Two good friends, a doctor and a priest, are out golfing one fine day.

They step up to tee off at the first hole. The priest drives a beautiful shot down the fairway. The doctor steps up next and fires off a worm-burner straight into the rough.

The doctor grumbles loudly, "Fuck, I missed."

The priest reproves him, "Please, Ted, don't swear in fron...

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My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

An older guy starts working out at gym with a personal trainer. Soon after, a really fine looking woman came in and started working out.

The older guy looks to his personal trainer, “what machine can I use to impress her?”

“The ATM in the lobby,” the trainer replies.

I'm like a fine wine.

I was once fresh pickings but now I'm old, bottled up and a little fruity.'

What is the fine line between good taste and bad taste?

Perineum.

I'm fine with IHOP changing their name to IHOB

I just feel bad for all the one-legged waitresses who lost their jobs.

What do you call a transformer that believes things will work out fine?

Optimist Prime.

Everyone knows you synthesize vitamin D from UV rays and that's fine...

So how come whenever I say, "I love getting the D from my sun," people always freak out?

One moment everything's fine, the next you've ruined everything.

You're like a boolean china shop.

I found out my wife's been blowing the judge to get out of her parking fines.

I shouldn't be talking about it really... The judge put a gag order on it.

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

[NSFW] I know that it is your first time, so try to relax. Be open. Let me know if it hurts. It might bleed and that's totally fine. Let me know if you want me to pull it out. And above all...

...trust your dentist.

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A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his o...

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So, one fine day, a man is strolling through an open-air market place.

He stops at one of the live animal stalls and buys a chicken thinking that he will take it home, and make a nice chicken stew for dinner. On his way home he passes a theater that is showing a movie that he has been wanting to see and he decides to go in. The woman at the box office sees the chicken ...

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A young man is relaxing on a park bench on a fine Spring day.

An elderly gent comes shuffling by with a very serious expression on his face.

"Hey, old timer, something wrong?" asks the younger fellow.

"Shit my pants," answers the oldster.

"Then why don't you change them," suggests the youngster.

"Not done yet," was the reply.

Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...

But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly Hitler!

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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

You know, if the proletariat wants to fight the bourgeoisie, fine

Soviet.

My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine

she stopped crying for help 2 days ago

My friend rang me up telling me he lost a lot of blood. I asked if he was ok and he said he was fine...

But everyone was pretty upset where he worked at the blood bank.

Women are like fine wines

You can get them cheaper if you go abroad

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One fine day in Ireland...

... a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodnes...

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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives a man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man...

Why were the communists barred from entering the fine dining restaurant?

It's because they had no class

Use Acetone to remove polish that's fine

Use gas to remove polish and everyone loses their minds!

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