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Traditional Jokes

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

A traditional tunisian joke I was told by my grandmother and she heard from hers

The bey(King) was missing his mistress who was living far away. He decided to pay her a visit wearing his more expensive clothes, but out of precaution, he decided to first ask his wazir(minister) of weather whether there would be rain on that day.
The wazir paused for 5 minutes, assessing the cl...

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A traditional piece of 20th century Jewish humour from Odesa, Ukraine

Early in the morning at the Pryvoz market, Benya meets Izya with a suitcase and three rubles in his hand. Benya asks, "Izya, where are you headed?"
Izya replies, "Ah, Benya, I'm going to the port. Finally decided to go to America, gonna buy some cable!"
"Well, good luck!" Benya responds, while...

I'm thinking about celebrating Thanksgiving in a more traditional way this year

Just gotta figure out who's land I'm gonna steal.

A traditional Thanksgiving...

This year we are going to have a traditional Thanksgiving at our house.

We are going to invite the neighbors over for a huge feast, and then kill them and take their land.

\-Jon Stewart

I gave my daughter a piece of traditional Jewish bread for an afternoon meal, but she refused it.

She ain’t no challah snack girl.

Cake Day Facts- why do we traditionally put candles on a cake?

Because it would be too hard to light them if they were under the cake.

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A virgin from a traditional family tells her grandmother she's going on her first date.

The grandmother says,

"Sit here and let me tell you about these young boys.

He is going to try to kiss you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going to try to feel your breasts. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going t...

A traditional Thanksgiving joke

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did Thanksgiving go at your place?" the bartender asks. "Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co...

Why were the melons forced into a traditional marriage?

Because they canteloupe

In an effort to create a more traditional vibe for our downtown, I proposed bringing in some gas lighting.

The city council called me crazy and said they already talked about this last meeting.

Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.

I made a traditional German dessert for this years' Christmas dinner.

Unfortunately, it was stollen.

Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopaedias.

Source: Wikipedia

What you call an Indian family that makes bread the traditional way?

>!Naan conformists.!<

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What's the traditional greeting among prostitute-accountants?

Tally ho!

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

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Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

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Made some Indian food for dinner the other night. While telling my wife what was in it, I said I'd used butter in one part, but wished I'd had some ghee instead. She looked at me quizzically, and I continued "Because it's more traditionally Indian."

"Ah," she replied. "Thanks for clarifying."

&nbsp;

Note: this actually happened! She's a gem and I'm keeping her.

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

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Traditional Japanese outfits are so cool! If you haven't tried one on...

Yukata!

Mrs. Johnson was having her second set of twins: a boy and a girl.

Once again, she fell into a coma before delivery, so it fell to her younger brother to name the newborns. Traditionally, that job would fall to the eldest, but he had lost that privilege after naming her first set of twins Denise and Denephew. When she finally came to, she saw her brother standing b...

An old Irish man from a traditionally catholic family is lying on his deathbed

All his family is gathered around them, when he tells them: „I have one last wish: I want to become a protestant.“
His family members are shocked, since they are all deeply catholic, but the man insists and it’s his last wish, so they get a protestant pastor, and the man became a protestant, the ...

A shout out to Jussie Smollette

On hiring black actors for what has been a traditionally white role.

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Tampax has announced they will replace the traditional tampon string with tinsel.

This will be for the Christmas period only.

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My girlfriend got a boob job, but I don't know how to break it to her that I find it makes her less attractive

Traditionally women tend to get both done

Why is it traditionally the man that proposes?

Because when women get on their knees it means something different

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This happened in a country town, I don't know which state, but it was a very traditional community.

There were two boys, friends Johnny and Jesus, walking through the little town when they spotted a guava tree near the church. Johnny decided to climb the tree to get some guavas, and left his slipper with Jesus to make sure that no adult came. After about 10 minutes, Jesus remembered that he had an...

It's traditional to have have a salad on your wedding night.

Lettuce be seen without dressing.

Trump says he believes in traditional marriages

He has had 3 of them so far

What do you get if you cross the king of Wakanda with a traditional Jewish baked good?

T’challah bread

I finished off the last of the traditional German Christmas fruit bread late last night.

Now my wife is telling everyone it was stollen.

A traditional Indian woman in a bar

A traditional Indian woman working goes to the US for her first work assignment. In the evening, she visits a bar, which is the first time experience of her life.

After taking seat at the counter, a guy on her left orders : "Johnny Walker, single."

The guy on her right orders : "Jack...

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I asked my Japanese girlfriend to make me a traditional dish tasty enough to make me fall in love with her national cuisine.

Sushi did.

I told my girlfriend that I made traditional African food

She was really surprised when I handed her an empty plate

In my family it's traditional to have a Christmas jumper

and it's my job to talk them down.

My auntie has a traditional remedy for Tourette's.

She swears by it.

My girlfriend wanted a traditional wedding;

Guess I didn't offer her father enough goats.

How can you tell you’re at a traditional Arkansas wedding?

No one has to tell the bride “welcome to the family”.

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
<...

Why was 6 afraid of 7? [not the traditional punchline]

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

Which fruit is most likely to have a big, traditional wedding?

Melons, those cantaloupe.

An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents

Her mother says:

"You bring great Shamus to this family."

Have you ever tasted traditional Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.

I'll show myself out.

Dogs have non-traditional family structures...

because they have four Pa's.

What do you call a professional chef whose specialty is traditional Vietnamese dishes?

He’s the Pho King, boss!

I just found out that the traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal.

My wife going to be so surprised to have a threesome with my mistress!

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Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

Traditionally, orthopedic surgeons were strong and dumb.

But now they have power tools.

Washington state salmon fisheries are suing campers who have been walking in shallow waters where salmon traditionally spawn

The case is Roe vs. Wade.

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I'm a firm believer of traditional wisdom. So I use the world's first and most effective contraceptive there is,

Being really fucking ugly.

How much did the German, fistbump-loving, traditional baker charge for his coin collection?

Pump per nickel.

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