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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

I finished off the last of the traditional German Christmas fruit bread late last night.

Now my wife is telling everyone it was stollen.

Erectile Dysfunction

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for erectile dysfunction!

As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theo...

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

It's traditional to have have a salad on your wedding night.

Lettuce be seen without dressing.

I went to Hawaii with my dad to get a taste of their traditional culture. They set out two bowls of their famous delicacy. When I couldnt choose which one to grab, my dad said,

"Pick your poi, son"

Washington state salmon fisheries are suing campers who have been walking in shallow waters where salmon traditionally spawn

The case is Roe vs. Wade.

An old ladies dies and goes to heaven...

When she gets there, she is confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she sees so...

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going m...

A Hasidic man, with a long beard, payis, a kaftan (long black coat), and shtreiml (the traditional fur hat), walks into a bar with a multi-colored parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says: "Where'd you get that?"

The parrot replies: "Brooklyn. There's thousands of them."

Memories - Robin Williams Told this Originally

I was moving to California when I stopped at one of those old Indian trading posts somewhere in the desert.

One of the attractions there was an Native American with a sign beside him that read "this man has greatest memory in the world $5 per question" So I paid my $5 and asked him a questio...

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a man finds an old lamp and rubs it

As one would expect a genie pops out offering traditional wishes. Man thinks it over and says he doesn't want anything, that he is happy. Genie tries to persuade him to name three wishes, being a tradition and all and not wanting to be seen as odd genie out. Despite all this man declines and walks a...

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Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopaedias.

Source: Wikipedia

A man moved to New York from India and he opened a lunch counter where he served traditional Indian foods and sandwiches to go. He decorated it in Indian style to remind him of his home city and hired his friends and neighbors from the old country to work there.

You might say he was setting up a little Delhi.

Why is it traditionally the man that proposes?

Because when women get on their knees it means something different

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders.

He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer ...

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

Accountant: So you didn’t have traditional income most of the year but your investments and holdings still earned you $9,000,000

**Papa John:**

**Accountant:** 831,000 pizzas. You’ll owe about $2,800,000 in taxes

**Papa John:** And that's...

**Accountant:** *(sighs)* 258,000 pizzas

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A virgin from a traditional family tells her grandmother she's going on her first date.

The grandmother says,

"Sit here and let me tell you about these young boys.

He is going to try to kiss you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going to try to feel your breasts. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going t...

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I'm a firm believer of traditional wisdom. So I use the world's first and most effective contraceptive there is,

Being really fucking ugly.

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Tampax has announced they will replace the traditional tampon string with tinsel.

This will be for the Christmas period only.

Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.

One for the software devs

There are two eternal problems in traditional software engineering:

1. Garbage collection
2. Naming things
3. Off-by-one errors

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.

We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.

I'm thinking about opening a clothing store. Half the store will carry only traditional, colorful women's gowns from India, and the other half will carry everything else.

I'm going to call it Sari/Not-Sari.

The new LGBT NFL rules are modified from the Traditional NFL

There’s no tight end

Why do melons have traditional weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

In my family it's traditional to have a Christmas jumper

and it's my job to talk them down.

The Scotsman

A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,

As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"

"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"
...

I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner:

It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.

How can you tell you’re at a traditional Arkansas wedding?

No one has to tell the bride “welcome to the family”.

What do you call a professional chef whose specialty is traditional Vietnamese dishes?

He’s the Pho King, boss!

Trump says he believes in traditional marriages

He has had 3 of them so far

the American and the Finn

An american is talking to his firend. He tells his friend that he found out he has Finnic roots, and that he went on holiday to visit his far relative.

the friend: So, was your holiday fun?

The american: Yes, but i was scammed out of a thousand dollars!

the friend: How come? You...

I told my girlfriend that I made traditional African food

She was really surprised when I handed her an empty plate

A couple of years ago Barry went hiking across Europe

But as time passed by he never returned home. His many friends tried contacting him in any way they could imagine, but his phone was disconnected, he wasn't active on his social media accounts anymore - it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Ultimately, everyone had forgotten a...

Did you hear about the two melons who are being pressured by their parents into having a traditional wedding?

They cantaloupe

I just found out that the traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal.

My wife going to be so surprised to have a threesome with my mistress!

I'm so disappointed. I bought dessert for a traditional German Christmas dinner.

But it was stollen.

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Italian Wedding Night

**Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.**


**Her mother reassured her;**


**'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of...

Traditional Indian Joke (Americanized)

There is a man named Paul and a man named Edwin. They enjoy each other's company very much. One day, Edwin asks Paul and his wife over to his house. Paul acts very politely and is overall a pleasure to be with. Edwin, in his own house, belches out loud and is rude to his wife. The next day, Paul ask...

Christmas Pageant

Sister Margaret's kindergarten class is performing the traditional Nativity scene for their adoring parents.

Cue the three magi.

The first little tyke bellows, "Here, I bring you a gift of gold!"

The second confidently says, "Here, I bring you myrrh!"

The third hesitate...

What do you call a traditional Indian monk who partakes in the devil's lettuce?

A Merry Jain.

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You're welcome!

Once upon a time, there was a particularly intelligent sperm cell living inside a particularly large blue whale. From the time it was created, the sperm cell studied diligently and learned a great many things. It read the full text of Wikipedia. It learned languages, history, science. It learned the...

Series of jokes translated from Armenian

Some context: Abaran is a city in Armenia, and there's this stereotype about the "Abarantsi" (person from Abaran) who is supposed to be stupid and there's a bunch of jokes about it, kind of like blonde jokes (this is all for the sake of the joke, however, and we love and respect the people of Abaran...

A traditional Indian woman walks into a bar for the first time...

She sits down between two men.

She hears the first man says to the bartender "Johnny Walker, single."

Then second man says to the bartender "Jack Daniels, single."

The bartender turns to the Indian woman... She says "Pushpaben Patel, Married."

A traditional Indian woman in a bar

A traditional Indian woman working goes to the US for her first work assignment. In the evening, she visits a bar, which is the first time experience of her life.

After taking seat at the counter, a guy on her left orders : "Johnny Walker, single."

The guy on her right orders : "Jack...

A man contracted a rare STD...

He finally went to the hospital to get his manhood examined.

He nervously took off his pants, "Doctor, what is wrong with me? It's been getting more and more painful down there."

After close examination, the doctor said in a grim voice, "I'm afraid we have to perform surgery to have ...

A potato dad is talking to his potato daughters about who they want to marry.

The first daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a Yukon Gold!" The dad replies "Honey, that's a great idea. Yukon Golds are renowned for their versatility and will make you very happy.

The second daughter says, "Dad, I want to marry a russet." Dad approves of this choice too, since russet pot...

My auntie has a traditional remedy for Tourette's.

She swears by it.

Why do melons hold the traditional ceremony of marriage in such high regard?

Because they can't elope.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? [not the traditional punchline]

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents

Her mother says:

"You bring great Shamus to this family."

As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play

but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blonde hair.

We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.

After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.

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