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Abnormal Jokes

What's worse than one more abnormal growth?

Tumor

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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checki...

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[NSFW] A man sees a urologist due to an abnormal growth in his groin area.

Urologist: "It looks like, you've got a third testicle growing!"

Man: "Oh.. erm... it isn't that bad, right?"

Urologist: "Having a third testicle might have ill side-effects in your health and your sexual ..."

Man (interrupting): "Okay, allright. What can we do?"

Urolo...

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Every time my wife and I watch Thor she takes a abnormally long shower afterwards.

I have no idea what she is doing in there but it gives me more time to masturbate to Chris Hemsworth.

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A blind man's big penis

A blind man was always turned down by women because of his disability. He knew one thing though, that he had an abnormally large erection. Knowing he couldn't successfully have a relationship, and use his hammer properly, he asked one of his dear friends to bring him to "pleasure palace", a local se...

Neckbeard goes to the doctor, feeling abnormal.

He had a ma'lady.

I was born with abnormally large arms....

...the doctor said I was very humerus

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Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:
“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”
“Yeah,” says the guy… “Your nose is really huge, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the interviewer, bu...

Call it a hunch...

But I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

Have you heard about the recent abnormal growth in cancer clinics?

There are tumor down the street.

I was gifted a resistor by an old monk

So far, I haven't been able to use it in any circuits due to it's abnormally high resistance. Too mamy ohms.

A father sees his 5 year old son praying in the middle of the night

He finds it odd but listens closely to it. The kid was praying 'Good night mommy, good night daddy, good night granny, bye bye grandpa'. The father finds it weird but doesn't think much about it. The next day he hears that his father in law is dead. The father finds it abnormal but thinks that it is...

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(NSFW)A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office..

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is blown away by how stunningly awesome she is that all his professionalism goes right out the window..

He tells her to take off her pants, she does and he begins to start rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I'm...

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A beautiful young woman goes to the doctor's office

The nurse puts her in an exam room, and asks her to remove her clothes. When the doctor arrives, he is dumbstruck by how pretty she is, and he can't maintain his professionalism.

He starts to feel her breasts, and says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" She replies, "Checking for breas...

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The man who had 3 balls

This guy was born with 3 balls and when he got older, he started worrying about it. So he goes to the doctor.
‘Doc, I’ve got 3 balls. Am I abnormal?’
The doctor examined the guy’s sack. Ran a few tests.
‘Mate, you’re perfectly healthy and your balls are fine. Look at this way...you’re proba...

How would you describe a bodybuilder who doesn't have six packs

Abnormal.

What do you call a person with normal abs in a universe full of fat people

Abnormal

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A man is at the dentist for a check up

"You have terrible, terrible breath!" the dentist says.

"You should let your doctor check it out, this is really abnormal." he continues.

So the man goes to his doctor.

The doctor does a little examination of the man and says:

"Either you stop biting your nails or sto...

A pea, a lemon, and a potato went to the bar

A pea, a lemon, and a potato all went out to the bar after work. They all had a couple of drinks and had a merry time. The potato, being made entirely of starch, didn't get drunk at all, let alone tipsy. The lemon, being citrus, didn't feel very good after the second drink. The pea, being very small...

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Pancakes

A couple was raising a young boy. The two parents were concerned about their child, as he had an abnormally small penis for his age. So they consult a doctor, and after a close examination, the doctor tells the parents, "Just feed him plenty of pancakes. Eventually he'll reach a good size."

T...

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A guy walks into a doctors office

for his appointment. Waiting in the the lobby, his name is called. He then follows the nurse into the examining room. She instructs him to remove his cloths and put on the hospital gown, then leaves the room.

After a few minutes of waiting, there’s a knock on the door, and the doctor walks in...

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Three-legged chicken

One day, a man was driving on a highway in the Midwest. As he is driving along, minding his own business, a sudden dust cloud appears on his left. He looks to his left and to his shock, sees a chicken with what appeared to be three legs along side the car. Looking down, at the speedometer, he exclai...

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An Older Couple Are Having Dinner At A Nice Restaurant

Coincidentally, it is their 30th anniversary, and is also the same restaurant where the man proposed to his wife. The man leans toward the his wife and quietly says to her, "Remember how we had sex in the alley behind this place when we got engaged?" "Yes." the woman replies. "Lets do it again." ...

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Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. (NSFW)

During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed abnormally long penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's the family thing, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father...

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A joke my father taught me. NSFW

Johnny was in high school. He was a star athlete, made high honor roll, and had a full ride scholarship to go to an ivy league university. He was handsome except for a small abnormality. He had lost an eye in an accident while he was a toddler. His parents were unable to afford a glass eye and opted...

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A young teenage boy realizes that he has an extra testicle...

After learning at school that having 3 testicles is actually abnormal he grows very self-conscious about it and wonders how he will tell his father. He finally musters the courage to bring it up and says, "Dad, there's something I have to tell you: between you and me we have 5 testicles." The dad re...

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A man had an Rectal surgery.

He needed weekly Rectal Examinations for 6 months to make sure everything was OK. After one month he thought he could save money if let his wife do examination and go to doctor only if something was wrong. His wife agreed but asked him to explain. He stood leaning on table and dropped his pants and ...

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West Virginia (NSFW)

So, one day a young women around 15 approached her pa. She said,
"Pa, can I borrow your truck to go pick up my date?"
Well, her Pa, living in West Virginia, felt no abnormality when he said,
"You know what to do." and dropped his pants. So, the daughter got on her knees and started giving ...

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Doctor's bad day

There was this doctor working one day, everything was going by as usual. then this beautiful blonde girl shows up, the doctor was stunned by how hot she was, he had to get into her pants. "Ok, I like for you to take your shirt off" said the doctor, the girl does and the doctor starts rubbing her thi...

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One day the pope suddenly died...

...and around the world millions were shocked and saddened at the death of the man that lead the world to Jesus. An X-ray was done of his body as part of the investigation into his death and a strange abnormality was detected. Deep down his left ear canal was some kind of tiny device shaped like a s...

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A man goes to the doctor and says:

**"Doctor, I'm sick and tired of my voice being unnaturally deep. Is there anything that can be done about it?"**

So the doctor runs some tests and then says "Would you mind just dropping your trousers for me please?" and the patient says "**Why?**" and the doctor says "There's a rare conditi...

A man is sitting in the waiting room of a hospital.

He is visibly nervous. Can't stop biting his nails. He's sweating like a pig. Finally, a doctor comes to greet him.

"Your wife is doing okay, sir. Congratulations: you just became a father."

The man has never been so happy in his whole life.
"Actually, sir" says the doctor, "there h...

I had been told that Hot Chocolate and Churros were a must on my trip to Barcelona...

So on the final day of my trip to Spain I had carved out some time to head down to the ramblas to a little shop that supposedly had he best hot chocolate and churros in the world. Having read that the lines were often long I had allotted a good three hours thinking it would still give me plenty of ...

Will & Quentin

There were two friends named Will and Quentin. Quentin hated his name so he went by the name Q. Both of these kids weren't nerds in any regard, but they were both ridiculed for their abnormalities. Will was 16 years old and still was only 5'2'' (a small height for a young man his age) and Q was hosp...

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Birthday Surprise

Once there was a young couple who were very much in love. The girl became pregnant and gave birth to their first child. It was a difficult pregnancy and there were complications, and surgery was required. When it was finished and the young woman came out of the recovery room, the surgeon met with th...

An team of aliens comes to Earth to study the planet.

A group of aliens land on the planet with the intent of studying the planet for scientific purposes. The humans agree to their wishes and allow them to do what they want as long as they don't do any harm or damage. So the aliens create a research site and begin what they came to do.

First the...

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Wood eye. (NSFW) (Long)

There's a boy in high school, who was born without an eye so has a wood eye as a filler. He always gets made fun of at school for it in every class he has. When he gets home one day he mentions to his father that prom is that weekend and that he has no one to go with because no one likes him.
...

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A man has a really bad lisp...

...so he goes to the doctor to figure out the cause. The doctor tells him, "Well, sir, the reason you have such a pronounced lisp is that your penis is abnormally long. I can do surgery on it and remove three inches, and that should take care of your lisp."

The man says, "Gee doctor, I thure ...

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When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

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