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Okay Jokes

Is it okay to sleep with your third cousin

if you've stopped sleeping with the first two?

I’m okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

Genie: Okay what’s your last wish?

Me: I wish I had a tail.

Genje: Wejrd but okay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it okay to have unprotected sex with an Uvalde police officer?

Because they never come inside.

It's okay password...

...I'm insecure too...

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day...”

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory....

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My girlfriend said that having a 3" penis is okay.

Still, I wish she didn't have one.

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If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY

That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

I chose not to put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay...

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about...

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"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn!"

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

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Little Johnny is in grade two class when the teacher says, "Okay boys and girls, today we are going to learn a new word."

She writes the word on the chalkboard and asks, "Who knows how to say our new word?"
Little Johnny, who is sitting in the back, puts his hand up and yells, "Oh, I know, I know, pick me, pick me!"
The teacher knows Little Johnny is a troublemaker, and he will probably say something silly, s...

It’s okay if you have no idea what “prefix” means.

It’s not the end of the word.

Okay to tell dead Steve Jobs jokes now?

What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.

Is it okay to compare a man getting “the snip” with a woman getting her tubes tied?

After all, there isn’t a vas deferens between the two ovum

My husband asked me if it would be okay if he used "the other hole"

I told him, "No way! You think I want to get pregnant?"

So I asked the bartender for a rum and coke. He said, "Is Pepsi okay?"

"Sure, whatever," I said.

So he handed me a glass of pepsi and coke.

Wife: Okay. Here’s what’s got to change. I’m sick of you saying I talk like a pirate and you never buy me flowers!

Husband: I never knew you sold flowers!

"Tell me doctor, is my cat okay?"

"Well Dr. Schrödinger, I have good news and bad news..."

I'm just okay during Pride Month.

But just wait until Sloth Month. Or Gluttony Month. That's my time to shine.

When is the only time its okay to punch a little person?

If they tell you "your hair smells nice".

A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?”

“Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

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Dad says to son: "Okay, time to talk about sex"

Son: "Dad, I'm 27, what do you want to talk about?"

Dad: "Show me how to watch porn on a phone"

Okay Dad,,,

One day a man calls on his home to talk to his wife. But his daughter picks the call .

The father asks her,” Where is your mother?”

The daughter replies,” She is upstairs with Uncle John.”

He says,” But you don’t have an ‘ Uncle John’.” Then he asks his daughter what her mother ...

It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal

It’s even okay to ask him how his day is

It’s not okay to say, “Hi, nice watch!”

It’s okay to hate a race.

I, for example, hate 100m sprint!

Okay guys, that's enough Russian reposts today.

I'm sick of Putin up with it.

I hope Prince Charles is okay

Ever since King Charles came into town, I haven’t heard from the Prince at all

Apparently, the FDA is okay with lab-grown meat

Poodle-grown meat, however, is still off the menu.

How do you send someone the coldest okay ever?

0K

Okay; this is one I concocted myself:

''Talking about lamas...did you know lamas have their own newspaper? It's called the Daily Lama.''

Is it really okay?

Is it really okay to let the song "Last Christmas" run in the radio at a nursing home?

We went from "okay, boomer"..

to "you okay, boomer?" in like a week.

It's okay if you don't know the word miniscule.

It doesn't mean much, anyway.

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Okay, so let me tell you about the idiots I work with...

First off, there's this girl that always follows me around like a puppy. Which isn't so bad because she's pretty hot, but man is she *dumb*. Like, really fucking dumb. She has convinced herself she's going to be a professional model one day and... well I don't see it happening. Needless to say, ...

I asked my proctologist if it's okay for me to use euphemisms...

He said analogies would be better.

I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who answered said they weren’t there, so I asked, “Okay, who are you?” She responded...

“I'm his spokes person."

My mom didn't like my report card. I told her okay.

She said she wanted more A's.

So I told her "okaaaaay".

Okay, how bad is this one?

How does a person with multiple personality disorder live with oneself?

Well, they don't....

Okay, I thought this up on the way to work this morning and I'm like 40% sure it's original.

What did one patch of moss say to the other when asked what he thought of the summer weather?

He said: "I'm lichen it so far!"

Now you're allowed to laugh, if you'd like.

Me: What's the wifi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.

Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.

Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?

Me: Sure. How much is that?

Bartender: $3.

Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undula...

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash...

... Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:


"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to th...

Shoot your shot they said. You'll be okay they said.

I got charged with attempted murder.

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So a koala bear walks into a brothel.

He picks out the best looking girl, and heads upstairs with her. While up there, he eats her out like a madman, doing things she's never even heard of. After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.

The girl stops him and demands payment.

The koala doesn't understand. She has him l...

It's okay if you don't like self-deprecating humor.

You don't have to be hard on yourself.


(I'm pretty sure I just wrote that joke today. Though, I am a firm believer that no thoughts are original.)

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Why are people from Alabama okay with sex with a second cousin?

Because the first cousin was great!

Is it okay to marry your second cousin? [xpost from /r/dadjokes]

So long, reddit. It was a fun ride for 14+ years. Too bad you self-immolated to cash in on going public.

Is it okay to start drinking when the kids get to school

or does that make me a bad teacher?

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations ...

Clap on and off lights are okay,

unless they’re in a bedroom.

Nobody cared for 4/20 two years ago, but it's okay...

This April will be 4/20 too.

Is it okay to marry a window?

Only if you are curtain.

Oh. Okay then.

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up th...

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I just got married to a young woman from Thailand and she told me that a small penis is okay.

I still wish she didn't have one though.

"Daddy are you okay? Are you okay Daddy?"

Dad: "No Hungry, I'm just Dad".

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A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."



The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

I hope Dr. Dre is doing okay.

I would hate it if he thought that we forgot about him.

A man goes to his friend's house and knocks on the door.

The wife responds and only had a towel on her.
The man looks at her and says: is your husband here?
She said: yes, he's taking a bath.
The man: I'll give you $100 if you drop the towel.
Wife: you are crazy, I would never do that.
The man: I'll give you $250 if you drop...

I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic but then I remembered that...

...it’s always going to be okay!

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.

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Are you okay?

Me : i am terrified of random letters
Therapist : you are?
Me : *screams*
Therapist : oh i see.
Me : *screaming intensifies*

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Okay, so IKEA's "Assembly Point" is a fucking joke.

After building my new wardrobe outside the IKEA store, I couldn't fit the thing in my car.

I met a woman at the bar and asked to take her home

She said I'm on my menstrual cycle, I said that's okay I'll follow you on my Honda

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says

"Okay, you man the guns. I'll drive."

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A father buys a lie detector that slaps people when they lie. He decided to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”

Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps th...

Is it okay to hate certain races?

Because I hate the 10k, more of a 5k type of guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bible says it's okay to be gay

So long as you're high


Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."

Take EVERYTHING you know about bread and throw it out the window. Okay...Now, let me tell you about a little invention I made.

Bread!

What makes incest okay?

say, “no chromo” before hand.

A man’s wife is missing…

Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she hasn’t come home.

Officer: Okay, what’s her height?

Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?

Officer: Okay, weight?

Man: I dunno… not slim not big.

Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?

Man: Sort of blue...

Son : Okay, I'll call you later

Dad: Don't call me later, call me Dad !

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing...

It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi...

Okay, I am getting really irritated

This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds"

Okay. So...

A roadworker walked into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, "A beer please, and one for the road!"

Okay lets do this. *Cracks knuckles*

Knuckles:* Moans *

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

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A little boy was sitting in class...

The teacher decided that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing left to do for the week, she'd let the students go home early if they could answer a question correctly.

The teacher said: "Okay class, which president said: 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself'?"
...

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer.

Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have a small penis, it's okay

It's 2020 and small things don't matter anymore

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My wife came up to me the other day and said "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I said "Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I fucked your sister."

“Hey man, is everything okay with Wyatt?”

“I don’t think so, he’s way to Qwyatt.”

I think hypocrisy is okay.

I hate hypocrites though.

A man gets a phone call from the hospital...

He finds out his wife has been in a bad car accident and is in critical condition. So he immediately stops what he's doing and rushes to the hospital as fast as he can.

When he gets to the waiting room, he frantically asks the doctor, "Where is my wife? Is she okay? What happened?"

The...

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The a...

It's okay to make mistakes

Because mistakes are huamn

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Would you remarry if I die?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course ...

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It's a hot day at the end of summer, and ...

A man walks into a local ice cream parlor and looks at the menu and orders a single scoop of chocolate ice cream.


Employee: "Sorry, we're all out of chocolate ice cream today."


Customer: " Awhhh... well, okay." "Umm... lemme get a double scoop of chocolate ice cream." ...

Is it okay to hate certain races?

My friends want me to do a 10k but I don’t really like running more than 5k at a time.

An Artist asks his model if she’s okay with nudity

Model-“Yes I am”
Artist- “Thank God! These pants were killing me!”

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

It's not okay to make fun of menstruation

Period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. He rang the bell but nobody answered so he opened the door to see an old lamp lying near broken glass and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch

Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I w...

February is ending today, but that's okay.

We'll March on.

Mom, are you okay?

A guy had a blind date last night. But he was concerned -- What do I do if she's really unattractive? I'll be stuck with her all night.

Turns out, There's an app for that.

It's called "Mom Are You Ok". It schedules your phone to ring just after you meet her.

If you like her, you...

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: ‟My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter”

T: ‟No, no, that‘s ‘Sent to meet her‘. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious‘ in a sentence please”

S: ‟I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!”

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Hooters

Two men grow up together as friends. After college, one moves to Ohio, and the other moves to Colorado. They agree to meet every 10 years in Florida to play some golf and catch up with each other.


At age 35 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.


One asks, "...

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a re...

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A man and woman, both married separately, had to share a room one night on a business trip.

They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the ...

It's okay batteries

No one includes me either.

Sockeye salmon is okay...

...but barefootear bass is where it's at.

A women is out golfing and finds a frog trapped in the woods...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog sa...

Is it okay to post jokes about jokes here?

Because it meta be

A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"

-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.

-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!

-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.

-- Oh, okay!

An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like...

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

Okay, does anyone believe in psycho-kinesis here?

Raise my hand.

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