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Common Jokes

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What does boobs and toys have in common?

They’re made for kids but daddies end up playing with them.

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

What do libertarians and house cats have in common?

They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.

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What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both meat substitutes

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What do Tetris and sex have in common?

There’s no winning, it’s just about how long you last


Edit: stop saying I obviously don’t have sex. We’re on reddit. Isn’t that obvious by now?
Also ty to all the absolutely hilarious comment, y’all have made my day

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What does wearing crocs and getting a blowjob from a man have in common?

They both feel good until you look down and realize you're gay.

TAKE THAT CROC LOBBY #againstbigcroc

I understand if I get downvoted.

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

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What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

What does a piano, a tuna, and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!

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What does sushi have in common with anal?

You either love it, hate it, or you're scared to try it. And if you hate it, people keep trying to convince you that yours just wasn't prepared properly.

What does my wife and the Titan submarine have in common?

The banging stopped.

[NSFW]What do John Wilkes Booth and Pee-Wee Herman have in common?

They both shot someone in the back of the head in a theater.

In all seriousness, godspeed, you lovable oddball.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

Cracking open a cold one.

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What do Hitler and EA have in common?

*You are missing the Punchline Pack. Please purchase the Reddit Season Pass to reveal missing content*

What does necrophilia and alcoholism have in common?

The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

What is the most common digestive issue among pathological liars?

IBS!!

What do panties and nail polish have in common?

With a little alcohol they both come off

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What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

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What do Donald Trump and his father have in common?

They both have shitty judgment when it comes to pulling out.

What do all these Leonardo DiCaprio jokes have in common?

They’re all so childish..

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common?

They all have *contractions*.

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

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What do the mafia and a pussy have in common?

One slip of tongue, and you're in deep shit.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in fifty-million has a chance at becoming a human being.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

What do Putin, Batman and Will Smith have in common?

They all attacked a comedian

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What do giants and strippers have in common?

They both grind bones to make their bread.

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Q. What do boobs and Legos have in common?

A. They were both intended for babies but adults also enjoy them.

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What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?

They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'

I know this is a repost. Welcome to /r/jokes

What do baking and BDSM have in common?

They both involve lots of beating and whipping

What does a person with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common?

They both hope will make it home

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What do rednecks from the South & assholes from Boston have in common?

They both hate the Yankees!

What do OnlyFans content creators and car tyre manufacturers have in common?

They both give you load ratings

What do a grenade and a woman have in common?

You remove the ring and your whole house is gone

what do socks and fruit molesters have in common?

They come in pairs.

What do a ring, a baby, and a threesome have in common?

None of them are going to save your relationship.

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What do pussies and Burger King have in common? [NSFW]

It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.

What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common?

Jesus can make them both wine.

What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?

Decorative balls.

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What do the testicles and prostate have in common?

Nothing. There’s a vas deferens between the two.

What do golf and dates have in common?

If you end up in the hole, you're doing something right.

What do Mexico and Canada have in common?

They both border on stupidity.

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What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?

They both barely cover an asshole.

What do nerds and racists have in common?

They both aspire to be wizards.

What do sperm and politicians have in common?

About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.



Bonus Joke;

### Why do politicians wear neckties?

To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.

What do COVID and TikTok have in common?

They infect everything they touch

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

A wet nose.

What language is most commonly used in programming?

Profanity.

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A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

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What do a bungee jumper and hooker have in common?

They are fast, cheap and if the rubber snaps your fucked.

What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?

"What were you doing the night between November and May?"

What do adult cam models and anti-vaxxers have in common?

Both always end up lying in bed deep-throating a plastic tube.

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

What do Alexander The Great and Winnie The Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

Lance is not a common name nowadays.

But in medieval times, people called their sons Lance a lot.

What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common?

"I miss Vine."

What do me and Donald Trump have in common?

We'd both date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter.

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

What does women breast and Disney land have in common?

They are made for kids but adults enjoy them!

What do my wife and Thomas Edison have in common?

They both light up my world!

What do men and women have in common?

Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but not eat it.

What do forklifts and girls have in common ?

If you don't have one, you'll have to unload by hand.

What do Karlsson, Terminator and Jesus Christ have in common?

They all promise to come back.

What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't ...

What does a toolbox and a deadbeat dad have in common?

Screws, nuts, and bolts.

What do incel and Excel have in common?

Both frequently assume that things are dates, even though they are not.

What do women and modern computers have in common?

Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy

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What do a vibrator and a farmer's alarm clock have in common?

They're both electronic replacements for cocks.

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What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?

Hogwarts.

What do Christians and mice have in common?

They both worship cheeses

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What do Russian Banks and my ass have in common?

We're both having liquidity crises right now.

I'm feeling slightly sick, please send soup and crackers.

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What do jokes and U.S. Presidents have in common?

This one fucking sucks.

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision

What do men and Excel have in common?

They're always automatically turning things into dates when they're not.

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What do politicians and porn stars have most in common?

They’re experts at switching positions in front of camera.

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What do oral sex and smoking cigarettes have in common?

The flavor changes when you get to the butt.

What does a cheap motel and tight jeans have in common?

No ball room

What do Stephen Hawking and Tony Hawk have in common?

The both love ramps.

What does my Grandma and a Modern website have in common?

Making me Accept the Cookies on every visit.

What do John F Kennedy and Bill Clinton have in common?

Both of their political careers ended with a stained dress.

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What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s arsehole have in common?

You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later you’re going to stick your tongue on it.

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What do monkeys and chainsaws have in common?

They both fuck up trees

What does Harvey Weinstein have in common with a broken arm? (NSFW)

They both are looking forward to getting their cast off.

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What do a burned pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn't pull out in time

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes

-mixing up there, their, and they're

-using the wrong too, to, or two

-putting commas in the wrong place

-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches

-using apostrophes for plurals

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Anal sex and this joke: what do they have in common?

A misused colon

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

What do reddit and Playboy magazine have in common?

No one actually reads the articles.

What do women and the weather have in common?

When it gets wet, you should go inside

What does a redneck and yeast have in common?

They are both "in-bread"

Downvote me to hell if you want. This is my only joke.

What do Apple and the NFL have in common?

The Chargers suck.

What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common?

Both can change your ring tone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What do snakes and condoms have in common?

I don't fuck with either of them.

Mathematics is 90% common sense,

the other half is intelligence.

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What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

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What does someone with depression and a necrophile have in common ?

They both feel like fucking corpses.

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What does viagra and the Chinese government have in common?

They both have been rigging erections for years.

Common sense is like AIDS.

Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

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What do sex on the beach and american beer have in common?

Both are fucking close to water.

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...

I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.

What does a hand grenade have in common with a wife?

Take off the ring and your house is gone


This post sure "blew up"


Just like my house

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

When you pull the ring off, your house goes away.

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What do a politician, a PR company and a cattle farm have in common?

All produce massive amounts of bullshit

What do dark jokes and kids with cancer have in common?

They never get old.

What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?

I would tell you....


But I don't compare apples to oranges.

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What do the James Webb Telescope and Only Fans have in common?

They both have a great picture of Uranus

What’s a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

What do children and ice cream have in common?

They’re sweet but they sometimes give you a headache.

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What do penises and posts in r/jokes have in common?

They're both often mislabeled as "long"

What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common?

They both got rich off of Tesla.

What do a bad tire and this reddit post have in common?

Neither are likely to get much traction.

What do Martin Sheen and Donald Trump have in common?

They both played a president on TV

What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?

The whites are useless.

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?

They both turn “o” into an “O”.

What do Superman and constantly watched employees have in common?

supervision

What do American police have in common with American Congress?

They only serve and protect corporate interests.

What do a pistol and candy have in common?

When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend.

What's common between tall people and rock/metal music lovers ?

They both head bang a lot.

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What do breasts and martinis have in common?

One is not enough and three are too many.

What do police officers and pokemon have in common?

attacking the enemy until they’re weak then trying to catch them.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

##

They both wiggle when you eat them.

What does a house full of frat boys partying without face masks and a cage full of Chinese pangolins have in common?

They're all nocturnal. What did you think I was going to say? (Seriously, though, wear a mask.)

The king asks a commoner...

"Give me your daughter's hand in marriage, and I'll give you her weight in jewels."

"I will need a couple days first." - Replies the commoner

"To think it over?" asks his majesty.

"No - to fatten her up."

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What do gays and republicans have in common?

Both are feeling a little butt hurt after yesterdays decision.

What do schools and the anti-vax movement have in common?

Both are raising the world’s average IQ

What do Pro-Vaxxers and Anti-Vaxxers have in common?

They'll never be fully vaccinated.

What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?

Neither of us know the words to any of her songs

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

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