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What does sex and the U.S. Military have in common?

When you pull out at the wrong time you end up wasting 20 years and a lot of money

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What do dildos and tofu have in common?

\>: they are meat substitutes:<

Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people

What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't ...

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What do Tetris and sex have in common?

There’s no winning, it’s just about how long you last


Edit: stop saying I obviously don’t have sex. We’re on reddit. Isn’t that obvious by now?
Also ty to all the absolutely hilarious comment, y’all have made my day

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What does a rubix cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it the harder it gets.

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Anal sex and this joke: what do they have in common?

A misused colon

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common?

They have the same middle name.

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What do pussies and Burger King have in common? [NSFW]

It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.

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What do the mafia and vagina have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit

What is the most common line you will read in a British museum?

"Made in Egypt."

What does dark humor and health care have in common?

Not everyone gets it...

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What does the USS Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common?

No ballroom

What does dad have in common with the Euro Cup?

Not coming home.

What does a bad gynecologist and a healthy dog have in common?

A wet nose.

What do Mack the knife, Attila the Hun, and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

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What do a sports refree and a pornstar have in common?

Their living depends on blow job

What do women and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them

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What does a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They're both fast, cheap and if the rubber breaks, you're fucked.

What do Lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 50 Million has a chance of becoming a human being.

What do the dark web and submarines have in common?

They're both home to Tor-pedos.

What does Atlas and a bra have in common?

They are both over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.

What does a former head of the Vatican have in common with a fruit grown in Mexico?

They're both Pope Pius/papayas!

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What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

What does women breast and Disney land have in common?

They are made for kids but adults enjoy them!

Christians and Harry Potter fans have one thing in common.

They get mad at you when you say that their book has plotholes.

Batteries have more in common with Jesus than humans do

They don't sin and they come back from the dead

What does Michael Jordan and Melania Trump have in common?

The both made a fortune playing with orange balls

What does an oasis and your girlfriend have in common

They're both hallucinations

Policemen & Firemen have one thing in common

Policemen & Firemen have one thing in common.

They all want to be Firemen.

So, death isn't actually the most common fear...

... it's public speaking. This means if you were at a funeral, you'd likely rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.

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What do a funeral director and a prostitute have in common?

They are both good at handling stiffs.

What do R/Jokes have in common with the Spanish Inquisition?

It just a bunch of tortured puns

What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell the product, but they can't eat it

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NSFW what does a woman and a washing machine have in common?

They both leak when they're fucked.

Though they couldn’t be more different, explorers and couch potatoes have one thing in common.

They’re both looking for the remote.

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What does a sewer and a politician have in common

They are both full of shit

What do OnlyFans and a long road have in common?

A u-turn.

What do really jacked guys and moms have in common?

They are both bodybuilders.

Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.

Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!

What does an Alaskan accountant and sociopath have in common?

They're both cold and calculating.

What do me and Rudy Giuliani have in common?

Neither of us are allowed to practice law in New York.

What do controllers and your mom have in common?

They both get smashed by COD players

What does my purse and I have in common?

We're both empty inside..

What do humans and the universe have in common?

Both started with a big bang

What do antimatter and MC Hammer have in common?

Can’t touch this

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What does a lawyer and a prostitute have in common?

They both get people off for a living.

Me and the knight in chess have a lot in common

Every time we move it results on an L

What do Grubhub and FetLife have in common?

Hot subs in your area

Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common...

Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes

What common item from a hardware store can be used to fasten a duck to a fence?

Duct ta......nope, a nail gun.

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What do Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

What does caps lock and prison have in common?

They both turn "o" into "O".

What does a very convincing communist and a psychopath have in common?

People leave them with big red flags

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What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s arsehole have in common?

You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later you’re going to stick your tongue on it.

What do barkeepers and beekeepers have in common?

That constant buzz around them.

What does 4 wheel drive and a high intellect have in common?

They both allow you to get stuck where others can’t pull you out.

I witnessed an actual murder in real life and didn't tell anyone about it.

Crows are common in my area so it wasn't a big deal.

What do Winds of Winter, Elder Scrolls 6, and Starfield all have in common?

Bill Cosby was released before they were.

What do skinny jeans and middle-class houses have in common?

No ballroom.

What do Lucy from the Despicable Me franchise and a somebody playing Zork have in common?

They were both eaten by a Gru

What do martial arts and matzah have in common?

Judo

What does Redditors and Buddhists have in common.

Both want Karma

What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout?

They're both Thor.

What do your mom and yo mama jokes have in common?

They're both getting old but are still enjoyed by many.

What does a redneck and a hamburger have in common?

They're both in bread.

What does grades and Newton's apple have in common?

They both fall to make people study

What do protestors and people with big noses have in common?

They both know how to picket.

What does ET, Spiderman and the UEFA Championship trophy have in common?

They're all far from home.

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What does sex in a canoe have in common with Bud Light?

It’s fucking close to water.

What do orphans and football have in common?

Neither are going home.

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What do Pokemon and STDs have in common?

If you toss your balls around randomly for long enough you're bound to catch one

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What’s common between smoking and eating pussy?

The flavor changes when you reach the butt.


Source: Facebook

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What do a virgin and waiter have in common?

They both want just the tip.

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What is common between sex and cooking?

Grandma does it best!

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What does viagra and the Chinese government have in common?

They both have been rigging erections for years.

What do science and deep fried food at the Texas State Fair have in common?

At their core, both concepts ask if you could but not if you should

What’s the one problem that everyone from Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Antarctica, Europe, and Australia have in common?

Living within continents.

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What do therapist and anarchists have in common?

They both want to help landlords get rid of their complexes.

Call me crazy, but I think if someone tells you how they feel they should also be required to provide you with a common food seasoning.

That's just my opinion though, so take it with a grain of salt.

What do F-18 pilots have in common with internet addicts during the dialup times?

Both of them break out in cold sweat when their display shows NO CARRIER.

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What do plants and male strippers have in common?

They grow when you make it rain.

What do a wife and hand grenade have in common?

You pull the ring, and there goes the house.

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Three reditt astronauts, American, Russian and Chinese go the moon on separate missions arriving at same time, what is one common thing they all say upon landing

"My tits are jacked"

What does the very rich and the very poor have in common?

Neither of them became very rich by sheer hard work.

What do Batman and Alf have in common?

They both eat cats.

What is the most common blood type in Taiwan?

Chinese Type-A.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

They should both be changed regularly, for the same reason.

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What do the testicles and prostate have in common?

Nothing. There’s a vas deferens between the two.

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

What do boxers and assassins have in common?

They both hitmen

What do pelicans and Verizon have in common?

They can both shove their bills up their asses.

Parallell lines have so much in common

Too bad they'll never meet

What does YouTube and the US Police have in common?

They take people down before they're proven innocent.

What do IT companies and cannabis dispensaries have in common?

They both regularly perform strain tests.

What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common?

They both wear red and lost their Vision.

A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man

A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.

When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says “We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit”.

T...

What do a ring, a baby, and a threesome have in common?

None of them are going to save your relationship.

What do depressed people and monkeys have in common?

They hang from trees

What do Rubik’s cubes and your wee wee have in common?

Well for most people the more you play with them the harder they get... for me, I play with them for a few seconds and then it’s finished.

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What does a guy with severe anger management issues and the girl who's giving him a blowjob have in common?

They're both fucked in the head

What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common?

They both got rich off of Tesla.

What do a neckbeard and a cold beverage have in common?

They get sweaty sitting at room temperature.

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

What do Eminem and Suicide bombers have in common?

they only get one shot

What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common?

Neither one can resist the urge to “crack open a cold one”.

What rash is commonly found on houses?

Shingles.

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What does a fruit fetishist and a guy who slips on a sidewalk have in common?

"Fucking banana peels!!"

We need to stop making jokes about common uses for rubber.

It's a tired subject.

What do a bikini model and turkey have in common?

The white parts are the best.

What do ELA Teachers and British military officers have in common?

They're both English Majors.

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What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?

They both spread for bread

What do Computer Hackers and priests have in common?

They both look for a backdoor entrance

What does an online taxi company and phillips-head have in common?

They both screw drivers.

What do Wall Street and King Midas have in common?

Goldman Sachs

What do my dms and a vegan get together have in common

There's a whole lot of unwanted meet

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What do an ambulance and a porn star have in common?

They’re both really loud when they come.

What do Mexico and Canada have in common?

They both border on stupidity.

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