UPJOKE
ordinaryusualmutualfrequentplebeiansimplevulgarvernacularcommunalaveragegeneraldemocraticstandardinformalpark

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking "Oh no! My mom's gonna kill me!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do orgasms and pulses have in common

I don’t care if she has either

What do American police have in common with American Congress?

They only serve and protect corporate interests.

What do Putin, Batman and Will Smith have in common?

They all attacked a comedian

what do a vibrator and tofu have in common?

They are both meat substitutes

What do Amber Heard and Jesus have in common?

They both got nailed on the cross.

What do cops and firefighters have in common?

They both wanted to be firefighters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between a penis and a Rubik's cube?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fart and a relationship have on important thing in common.

If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does someone walking a tightrope have in common with a guy getting a blowjob from a 90 year old woman?

Both guys are thinking “Don’t look down, just don’t look down”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do butt cheecks and butter have in common?

Both can be spread.

whats the most common disease among communists?

Hammer and sickle cell anemia.

What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems?

A mirror

What do the Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Russian Banks and my ass have in common?

We're both having liquidity crises right now.

I'm feeling slightly sick, please send soup and crackers.

what do women and weather have in common?

when it's getting wet, it's time to go inside



BOOYAH

What does life insurance and a bukkake have in common?

They both have you covered.

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

They can smell it but they can’t eat it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between a 9volt battery and your girlfriend's anus?

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you'll put your tongue on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What do prostitutes and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread

What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common?

Same middle name

What does Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last hit was the wall.

What do unpaid internships have in common with raising kids?

You get paid in experience.
And you get a “family”.

What do the Kentucky Derby and a wedding have in common?

They both have months of build up for 2 minutes of action.

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked.

It's not unusual' he replied.

What do the Kardashians and the beach have in common ?

The both contain a bunch of plastic.

What do Will and Jada Smith have in common?

They both slap the cheeks of other men.

What does Al Bundy and the prophet Muhammad have in common?

Married with children.

What do sperm and politicians have in common?

About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.



Bonus Joke;

### Why do politicians wear neckties?

To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does eating pussy and smoking cigarettes have in common?

They both change flavors when you hit the butt...

What do adult cam models and anti-vaxxers have in common?

Both always end up lying in bed deep-throating a plastic tube.

What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant woman all have in common?

An idiot who didn’t take it out in time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Jurassic park and the Depp v. Heard Trial have in common?

They both feature Amber full of crap.

What do I and a classic sitcom have in common?

We both laugh at our own unfunny jokes.

What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?

Decorative balls.

What's common between two communists?

Everything

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Mike Tyson and Johnny Depp have in common?

They’ve both had predators shit the bed.

What do Apple and EA have in common?

Unlock the punchline now for just $99

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

What do elephants and ice cream have in common?

They both come in quartz

What do today and Muggsy Bogues have in common?

They're both five-three.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the one thing Amber Heard and her lawyer have in common?

They both shit the bed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does porn and great Britan have in common?

BBC

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do gays guys and garage sales have in common?

"One man's junk is another man's treasure"

What do Moonlight and Moon Knight have in common?

The other Oscar isn't real.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do sex on the beach and american beer have in common?

Both are fucking close to water.

What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common?

They all have *contractions*.

What do a math teacher and a constipated dude have in common?

They both worked it out with a pencil

Do you know what your momma and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

Turn them on and they'll suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a bungee jumper and hooker have in common?

They are fast, cheap and if the rubber snaps your fucked.

What do a hooker and Little Caesars have in common?

They're Hot and Ready.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Nuns and Prostitutes have in common?

They both live by the motto "No money, no sex."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Answer: Both are finger lickin' good and after you are done eating you have a box to put the bone in.

What do Glados (from Portal) and Kim Kardashian have in common?

The cake is a lie

What do plumbers, garbagemen, and economists all have in common?

They all deal with gross domestic product.

What does a left handed person and Netflix have in common?

They can't do anything Right.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you are inside of them.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

Cracking open a cold one.

What do a divorce at the north pole and a semicolon have in common?

They both separate two clauses

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do brain damage and masturbation have in common?

After the first few strokes, there's no going back.

What does Putin have in common with his father?

They both should have pulled out when they had the chance.

What do women and engines have in common?

They both Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow

It’s a common problem

Wife: Calls husband

Wife: Hey honey, the car is really hot. What should I do?
Husband: Tell it you have a headache.

What do Simps and Aircraft Engineers have in common?

They're researching slipstreams.

What is the most common middle name?

Its Y.

If you don't trust me, verify by asking 10 random people around you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does this joke and sex have in common?

You probably won't get it.

What do sperm and lawyers have in common?

1 in 3 million have a chance in becoming a human being.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Tetris and sex have in common?

There’s no winning, it’s just about how long you last


Edit: stop saying I obviously don’t have sex. We’re on reddit. Isn’t that obvious by now?
Also ty to all the absolutely hilarious comment, y’all have made my day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?

A: They were originally intended for C*hildren*,

but it's M*en* who play with them the most.

What does a toolbox and a deadbeat dad have in common?

Screws, nuts, and bolts.

What does Wanda and Daredevil have in common?

They both lost their Vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a female escort & birdcage have in common?

They've both had a 'cock-or-too' in them...

What do eggplants, zucchini and cucumber all have in common ?

none of them looks like a peach

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do BMWs and Vaginas have in common?

Dicks like to drive in them.

What do Pro-Vaxxers and Anti-Vaxxers have in common?

They'll never be fully vaccinated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've read Masturbation may help prevent the common cold

Really hope so, I've run out of tissues.

A common male fantasy is to have two women at the same time...

one to cook, one to clean.

What do women have in common with my phone battery percentage?

If it's below twenty then I won't put my hands on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do depressed people and sex addicts have in common?

nuttin’ matters

What does the hero of Asgard have in common with most insects?

A Thor axe.

what does a basic white girl and an improper fraction have in common?

They can't even

(This one’s a tad dark… you’ve been warned) What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk. He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

What do a top Reddit Post and an Army Veteran have in common?

They're both reposted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Christianity and Latino porn have in common?

In both Jesus is coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do money and penises have in common?

The longer you hold ‘em, the more they’ll inflate.

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common?

You have to be asleep before they can slide down the chimney

What do men and Excel have in common?

They're always automatically turning things into dates when they're not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pussies and Burger King have in common?

It’s generally frowned upon to eat them in the middle of a McDonald’s.

What do a pistol and candy have in common?

When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend.

What do oak trees and absentee fathers have in common?

Nuts and leaves.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic have in common?

The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do fairy tales, Disney movies and porn have in common?

Unrealistic stepmother depictions

What do depression and farts have in common?

They are both silent but deadly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

What do Russian stock traders and Military vehicles have in common

They stopped working

what do erotica writers and twitter trolls have in common?

They both write stuff just to get a rise out of people.

Do you know what square roots of negative numebrs and your girlfriend have in common?

They're both imaginary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do premature ejaculators and hide and seek have in common?

Ready or not, here I come

What do communists and the male g-spot have in common?

They're both prostate.

What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't ...

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They are both Paris sites

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do giants and strippers both have in common?

They both grind men’s bones to make their bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between election and erection?

A dick rising to power.

What do rich people and poor people have in common?

They both love to talk about money

What do a tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

Someone's going to lose a mobile home

What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ?

They're both completely irrational.

What do condoms and caskets have in common?

They both hold stiffs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Prince Andrew, Manchester United, & The Black Eyed Peas all have in common?

It all went to shit when Fergie left.

What does a dyslexic person and a bad mage have in common?

Neither can spell.

What do a giant squid and a paid hooker have in common

They both eat seamen

What does being depressed and being thirsty have in common?

Both can be temporarily solved by drinking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

What does Medusa and Marjuana have in common?

They both can get you stoned

What do readers of Steven King and Russia have in common?

They have both learned to be afraid of Clowns.

I just came up with this one, and I feel embarrassed, but... Researchers have found a personality trait common to all people missing a limb from birth, but NOT among amputees.

.. they're all stubborn.

What do Egyptians and The Kardashians have in common?

The both had no clue that one day their daddy would become a mummy.

I know Dorian Gray is a common target for jokes...

...but let's be honest - jokes about him NEVER get old!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a toddler, a police department, and a politician have in common?

You can tell when they’re full of shit.

What do schools and the anti-vax movement have in common?

Both are raising the world’s average IQ

What do a stomach pump and an exorcist have in common?

They're both used to remove unwanted spirits from a body.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.