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Logical Jokes

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The Logical Redneck

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me giv...

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Man and logic

So a man had three girlfriends and he needed to choose one of them to marry so he gave them each 5 grand to see what they would do with it

The first spent it all on herself- getting her hair done, nails done, outfits so that she could look amazing for him

The second took the money an...

my favourite logical fallacy is the ad hominem

and if you disagree, you're an idiot

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Equally Logical - Jewish parable from 1948

A group of Nazis surrounded an elderly Berlin Jew and demanded of him, "Tell us Jew, who caused the war?"

The little Jew was no fool. "The Jews," he said, then added, "and the bicycle riders."

The Nazis were puzzled. "Why the bicycle riders?"

"Why the Jews?" answered the little ...

A Logical Conclusion

They say a camera adds 10 pounds.

After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance.

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Proof that men are logical:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myse...

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Of all the logical fallacies (ad hominem, straw man, causal) my favorite is the phallusy fallacy...

its when you're wrong AND you're being a dick about it.

Perfume is a very logical business.

It always makes scents.

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The Redneck Joke

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a go...

Anti-Vaxxers are immune to logical arguments

too bad for them they aren't immune to everything else

My friend told me that he thinks pennies are not logical

I just don’t get it. They make perfect cents

Legal but not Logical

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, ...

What's the most logical building in the USA?

The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

There were two nuns;

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away
from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been
following us for the past thirty-eight and
a half minutes? I won...

Logical fallacies are annoying.

Therefore, people that don't know about them are annoying.

Cassette tapes have side A and side B…

… so it’s only logical their successor would be the CD.

Sounds logical

Q; If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.

Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

After jacking myself off to logical deduction, i realized that im really weird.

This is the conclusion that i came to.

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Sounds logical

A little boy is on the toilet with diarrhea. He tells his mom to give him some viagra. “ What on earth would you need viagra for?” says the mom. The little boy says,” isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

Logical conclusion... (longish)

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, ...

Logic.

In class I learned:
Nothing is better than ice cream to eat on a hot summers day.
I also learned that if stranded on a desert island and you have crackers then at least they're better than nothing.
My professor then pointed out that crackers are better than ice cream and he logically prove...

An ex husband an ex wife are in court fighting in a bitter custody battle over their child.

The judge asks the woman: "Why do you feel you deserve custody?"

The woman says: "I brought that child into this world. My child literally came out of me! That is why I deserve custody."

The judge nods his head, and says "That is a simple and logical reason. It makes sense."

The...

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Logical Analyst

A guy's sitting in the pub at the bar and strikes up a conversation with the dude next to him:


"So what do you do for a living then, mate?"

- "I'm a Logical Analyst"

"What does that mean?"

- "Here, let me demonstrate... Do you have any pets?"

"Yeh, we've ...

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Professor of Logic

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living.

The new neighbor says, "I'm a professor." The first neigbhbor then asks, "Oh yeah, what do you teach?"

"Logic," the professor repon...

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

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Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

Did you hear about the logical skunk?

It made sense.

longest word in the English language - Funny but logical

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

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Santa wants to learn the subject Logic

he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this 'Logic' is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.

Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?

Santa: Yes

Banta: logically there must be fishes ...

[Nerd joke] What do trespassers have in common with logical fallacies?

They both violate the rules of the premises.

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Logic can be tricky.

Steve and Jack were sick of their jobs and decided to return to school to further their education. Steve went to a career adviser to get some ideas on what classes to take. Among the available courses Logic caught his attention.
"What does this class teach you" he asked the adviser.
"Basic lo...

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