When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?

When it’s a snowman’s nose!!

When is a fart joke acceptable?

When it doesn't stink!

Nevada counted the ballots in a perfectly acceptable time frame

Sincerely, the last dollar you pump at the gas station

I listened to him boast about standing head and shoulders above the rest and how he felt it was acceptable, even encouraged, to look down on others. I realized I couldn’t cast a vote for this man.

He was a height supremacist.

A boy is selling fish on a corner.

To get his customers' attention, he begins yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"

A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, ...

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Every since I bought a Tesla and they made weed legal, life hasn’t been the same

Now I have to tell hitchhikers that ass is the only acceptable form of payment.

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Is it acceptable to take the epidermis from your butt and graft it onto a buddy?

Ass skin for a friend.

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Is this an acceptable excuse?

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects:
     1) A certifiable medical excuse.
     2) A death in the student's immediate family.


The...

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When a woman decides to become a prostitute, is it acceptable for her to...

wear a shirt that reads: Grand Opening!

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Who the hell decided farting in public wasn’t socially acceptable?

Must’ve been a real asshole.

Why is it when people demand proof of God’s existence. You have to have faith, is an acceptable religious defense?

But when people demand proof that God told me to kill those kids. You have to have faith, isn’t an acceptable legal defense?

I’m sick of double standards.

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When answering the security question place of birth?

Apparently vagina is not an acceptable answer.

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

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People told me fucking 3rd cousins is acceptable.

One more to go :D

What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt?

Lipstick

Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life

Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.

"Ahh," he thought, "here is a life free from distraction!"

But walking into the study halls, he discovered monks staring into laptops. In the wings, he saw monks typing on iPa...

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I think "dildo" is an acceptable insult.

Like I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough.

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I used to think doing "the helicopter" in public was socially acceptable

But apparently, it's considered a dick move

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