UPJOKE

chemical formulamathematicsruleequationstatementexpressionpatternmilkmodelmethodconceptrecipesciencenormalconvention

58008.

Reporter: "100 years is a long time, has this place had an affect on your life in any way?

The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

(Works better when you tell it lol)

The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

(Works better when you tell it lol)

All of them say NO. Weird.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

A Masi-cre

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

8==D

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

... What is the formula for ice? H2O cubed

Unfortunately he said no

EDIT:

for the people complaining about how i messed up the formula name, its a joke, it doesnt matter

EDIT:

for the people complaining about how i messed up the formula name, its a joke, it doesnt matter

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an o...

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an o...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Elixir formula.

No? Then you're sure as hell not babysitting for my kids!

He was never a good driver, but he hauled ass!

Mark: It's H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O

Teacher: That's not correct. How did you think of that?

Mark: You said it was H to O.

Teacher: That's not correct. How did you think of that?

Mark: You said it was H to O.

Chemical formula for water

The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

A student raises his hand and answers, "HIJKLMNO!"

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Student answers, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

A student raises his hand and answers, "HIJKLMNO!"

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Student answers, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

Every day they make Sergio Perez put on a nomex suit. Why is no-one complaining about this ?

Credit: A co-worker.

Credit: A co-worker.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heave...

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heave...

It’s called an AlGoreRhythm.

H2OMG

Meh, I’ll calc you later.

Ha, I just lyed to you.

A Mathemortician

After seeing his family, he took a turn for the worst

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

Because they breakfast

What did Guenther Steiner say to his boss after Kevin Magnusson ran wide at turn 3 and skidded onto an eggplant?

I’m afraid it’s Aubergine

I’m afraid it’s Aubergine

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

Does that make me a race-ist?

" The same way I watch Formula One whole weekend but still drive my trusted 2012 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

An Al Gore Rhythm algorithm.

Rrrrruuummmmm

Al Gebra

Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....

I found 'x'

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

I just can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s raceist

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

or GTF0.

octopi*r2

Of course it should really be octopods*r2

Of course it should really be octopods*r2

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long, it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.

After fighting the fire for over an hour, the plant president approached the fire chief and said "All our secr...

After fighting the fire for over an hour, the plant president approached the fire chief and said "All our secr...

Formula 1

Student: “h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-.” Chemistry teacher: “where did you get an idea like that?” Student: “you told us the other day it was h to o.”

*Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water.*

I only said that I was a part of the Mazda race

The squadratic formula.

He said NaBrO3

A parabolem.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

A mathematician, scientist, & engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a ball

The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference

The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference

The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

...... He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.

After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.

The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"

The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going ...

After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.

The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"

The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going ...

A squadratic formula, if you will.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He says, “well the first wife was quite the fireball and we had good chemistry, but she was a fitness instructor and during sex always yelled ‘HARDER! STRONGER! KEEP UP THAT HEART RATE!’ and at some point I just couldn’t keep up... so we split.”

“Well,” said the therapist, “what about the sec...

“Well,” said the therapist, “what about the sec...

Quadratic Formula

So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.

The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.

...

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.

The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.

...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

Lenght of chimney x wind speed

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"

"Hijklmno"

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"

"Hijklmno"

Formula 1

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep yo...

For example Formula 1 has become really boring

Now its called Formula 1.

Until you use the right formula, they’re annoying as hell.

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

One mula...

Two mula...

Three mula...

Formula.

I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

Two mula...

Three mula...

Formula.

I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

"Same formula for two decades now" replies the clerk. "Why do you ask? Your cattle not eating?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."

<...

"No, it's not that. It's just that their flatulence has become unbearable. It used to not bother me, but it's got to the point that I can't even be in the barn without wearing a respirator."

<...

Nascar, Formula 1, Mario Kart......

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

The first scientist says "I'll have some H20."

The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water, too. But really? Why did you say H20? Like I get that it is the chemical formula for water and all, but it is the end of a really stressful day at work and there's real...

The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water, too. But really? Why did you say H20? Like I get that it is the chemical formula for water and all, but it is the end of a really stressful day at work and there's real...

She’s like the square root of -100, a solid ten and doesn’t exist...

*cries in quadratic formula*

*cries in quadratic formula*

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

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