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Formula Jokes

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

Florida governor Ron DeSantis is apparently reviewing the future of Formula One in Miami

The Drag Reduction System is not what he thought it was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's actually a mathematical formula to describe all the Republicans lining up to pretend like the January 6th attack didn't happen.

It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

What is the chemical formula for Holy Water?

H2OMG

A scientist cannot tell the formula for Nitrogen Oxide.

All of them say NO. Weird.

Formula for water

Chemical formula for water

The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
A student raises his hand and answers, "HIJKLMNO!"
The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on earth are you talking about?"
Student answers, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

If H2O is the formula for water....

... What is the formula for ice? H2O cubed

What do you call a formula that can predict Al Gore's dance moves?

An Al Gore Rhythm algorithm.

I calculated the solution for the baby formula problem, but I got it upside-down.

58008.

Last night I dreamed I was driving a Ferrari in the Formula 1 championship race...

I was fast, asleep.

Racism in Formula 1

Every day they make Sergio Perez put on a nomex suit. Why is no-one complaining about this ?

Credit: A co-worker.

I asked my chem teacher wether he knew the formula for nitrous oxide

Unfortunately he said no

EDIT:

for the people complaining about how i messed up the formula name, its a joke, it doesnt matter

Formula one drivers stay healthy

Because they breakfast

The formula for bleach is NaOH

Ha, I just lyed to you.

A 100 year old man who lived next to a Formula 1 track all his life got interview by the local news

Reporter: "100 years is a long time, has this place had an affect on your life in any way?

The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

(Works better when you tell it lol)

I just don’t like Formula 1.

Does that make me a racist?

Do you know the difference between twelve-year-old scotch and baby formula?

No? Then you're sure as hell not babysitting for my kids!

If I love Formula 1 and hate NASCAR...

Does that make me a race-ist?

What do you call someone who disproves a formula

A Mathemortician

What did the tired TI-84 say to the integration formula?

Meh, I’ll calc you later.

What's the formula for octopus circumference?

octopi*r2


Of course it should really be octopods*r2

Who was the Arab that derived the quadratic formula?

Al Gebra

What is the best liquor for watching Formula 1?

Rrrrruuummmmm

I sang the quadratic formula to my gf

I found 'x'

I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

Did you hear about that Formula 1 Driver that died in the hospital?

After seeing his family, he took a turn for the worst

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

A man who lived his whole life near a formula 1 track got interviewed on his 100th birthday

"Has living here impacted your life in any way?" asks the interviewer.

He takes some time to think and then answers:

"NNNOOOOOOOOUUUUOO"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every guy tells you they have an 8 inch Dick. It makes sense when you realize the formula they use to calculate it.

8==D

My ex-girlfriend said she liked Formula 1 but not NASCAR

I just can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s raceist

Did you hear about the new drum beat formula that’s trying to fight climate change?

It’s called an AlGoreRhythm.

A constipated Mathematician was stuck on a formula...

He had to work it out with a pencil.

Chemistry teacher: “can you give me the formula for water?”

Student: “h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-.” Chemistry teacher: “where did you get an idea like that?” Student: “you told us the other day it was h to o.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

Did you hear NASCAR and Formula One we're trying to make an Ultimate Showdown race but it got cancelled due to controversy?

Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....

I got beaten up by a Jewish guy at a Formula one circuit today

I only said that I was a part of the Mazda race

What do you call an issue with the graph of a quadratic formula?

A parabolem.

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

Why can't there be some sort of mathematic formula for making friends?

A squadratic formula, if you will.

A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.

...... He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.

After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.

The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"

The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going ...

What is the best formula for leaving Auschwitz?

Lenght of chimney x wind speed

I asked a guy if he knew what the chemical formula was for Sodium Bromate...

He said NaBrO3

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering...

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TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

A middle schooler raises their hand

They ask can you tell me the nitric oxide formula

Then the professor says NO

What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?

Formula Juan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How can you watch porn but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked

" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still happily drive my 2010 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

They say live fast, die young

But ESPN keeps rejecting my pilot episode of Baby Formula 1 Racing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does an Alchemist prostitute earn his pay?

Elixir formula.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scientist, Mathematician, and an Idiot are in a car. Crashing into a tree, all three die. They are sent to purgatory, where the Devil is waiting.

(Of course, the idiot was driving)

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist ...

What is a videogame people have been waiting forever and devs never seem to release the sequel?

Formula 1

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

What do you feed a baby parabola?

Quadratic Formula

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mathematician, and Physicist, and an Engineer

are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an o...

Calculus walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

Ball volume

A mathematician, scientist, & engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a ball



The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference



The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down.

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

Wet joke

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"





"Hijklmno"

What is plankton’s favourite sport?

Formula 1

I JUST HATE CERTAIN RACES ..............(offensive)

For example Formula 1 has become really boring

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

A scientist is asked by the government to create the first teleporter.

Knowing that this will be an incredibly hard task, the scientist devotes every day to the task, until they have created the teleporter.

First, the scientist discovers that titanium and sulfur, when combined create a metal that would make a great base and projector for the teleporter, so they ...

What do babies and math problems have in common?

Until you use the right formula, they’re annoying as hell.

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first scientist says "I'll have some H20."

 

The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water, too. But really? Why did you say H20? Like I get that it is the chemical formula for water and all, but it is the end of a really stressful day at work and there's real...

Chemistry jokes

1. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to -273.15°C? He's 0K now.

2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.

3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO

4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" H...

Warehouse fire (long)

There was a warehouse that caught fire. It started as a single alarm fire but quickly grew to a 3 alarm blaze. The owner of the warehouse arrived on scene and quickly realized that the fire department wasn't going to be able to save the building. His biggest concern was the secret formula stored in ...

I'm not a racist, I love all races equally

Nascar, Formula 1, Mario Kart......

What’s the difference between Hallmark movies and Scooby-Doo?

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

I love my girlfriend!!

She’s like the square root of -100, a solid ten and doesn’t exist...


*cries in quadratic formula*

How many mulas till a solution?

One mula...
Two mula...
Three mula...
Formula.

I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

A collection of humorous anecdotes from the world of education

>TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map.
>
>MARIA: Here it is.
>
>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
>
>CLASS: Maria.



>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? ...

A journalist tries to find out how different professions deals with basic math.

So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.
The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.
...

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