UPJOKE

chemical formulamathematicsruleequationstatementexpressionpatternmilkmodelmethodconceptrecipesciencenormalconvention

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..

The Drag Reduction System is not what he thought it was.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

H2OMG

All of them say NO. Weird.

Chemical formula for water

The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

A student raises his hand and answers, "HIJKLMNO!"

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Student answers, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

The teacher asked, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

A student raises his hand and answers, "HIJKLMNO!"

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on earth are you talking about?"

Student answers, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

... What is the formula for ice? H2O cubed

An Al Gore Rhythm algorithm.

58008.

I was fast, asleep.

Every day they make Sergio Perez put on a nomex suit. Why is no-one complaining about this ?

Credit: A co-worker.

Credit: A co-worker.

Unfortunately he said no

EDIT:

for the people complaining about how i messed up the formula name, its a joke, it doesnt matter

EDIT:

for the people complaining about how i messed up the formula name, its a joke, it doesnt matter

Because they breakfast

Ha, I just lyed to you.

Reporter: "100 years is a long time, has this place had an affect on your life in any way?

The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

(Works better when you tell it lol)

The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

(Works better when you tell it lol)

Does that make me a racist?

No? Then you're sure as hell not babysitting for my kids!

Does that make me a race-ist?

A Mathemortician

Meh, I’ll calc you later.

octopi*r2

Of course it should really be octopods*r2

Of course it should really be octopods*r2

Al Gebra

Rrrrruuummmmm

I found 'x'

So here goes:

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

Walk forwards.

Turn left.

Pasteurization.

After seeing his family, he took a turn for the worst

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

"Has living here impacted your life in any way?" asks the interviewer.

He takes some time to think and then answers:

"NNNOOOOOOOOUUUUOO"

He takes some time to think and then answers:

"NNNOOOOOOOOUUUUOO"

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

8==D

I just can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s raceist

It’s called an AlGoreRhythm.

He had to work it out with a pencil.

Student: “h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-.” Chemistry teacher: “where did you get an idea like that?” Student: “you told us the other day it was h to o.”

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"

He thinks: "Since ...

He thinks: "Since ...

Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....

I only said that I was a part of the Mazda race

A parabolem.

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

A squadratic formula, if you will.

...... He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.

After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.

The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"

The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going ...

After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.

The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"

The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going ...

Lenght of chimney x wind speed

He said NaBrO3

or GTF0.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering...

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

They ask can you tell me the nitric oxide formula

Then the professor says NO

Then the professor says NO

Formula Juan

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still happily drive my 2010 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

But ESPN keeps rejecting my pilot episode of Baby Formula 1 Racing

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Elixir formula.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

(Of course, the idiot was driving)

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist ...

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist ...

Formula 1

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

Quadratic Formula

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an o...

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so they measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an o...

He sits down and orders a pint. The barman notices him scribbling some notes on a napkin and asks what he's writing.

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

Calculus replies, "Oh this... I'm just working on a new formula..."

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." says the barman, "I can't let you drink and...

A mathematician, scientist, & engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a ball

The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference

The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference

The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"

"Hijklmno"

"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"

Little Timmy raises hand.

"Yes, Timmy?"

"Hijklmno"

Formula 1

For example Formula 1 has become really boring

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

Knowing that this will be an incredibly hard task, the scientist devotes every day to the task, until they have created the teleporter.

First, the scientist discovers that titanium and sulfur, when combined create a metal that would make a great base and projector for the teleporter, so they ...

First, the scientist discovers that titanium and sulfur, when combined create a metal that would make a great base and projector for the teleporter, so they ...

Until you use the right formula, they’re annoying as hell.

The first scientist says "I'll have some H20."

The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water, too. But really? Why did you say H20? Like I get that it is the chemical formula for water and all, but it is the end of a really stressful day at work and there's real...

The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water, too. But really? Why did you say H20? Like I get that it is the chemical formula for water and all, but it is the end of a really stressful day at work and there's real...

1. Did you hear about the chemist who got cooled to -273.15°C? He's 0K now.

2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.

3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO

4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" H...

2. What's the most electronegative state? Fluorida.

3. Wanna hear a joke about sodium bromite? NaBrO

4. Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" H...

There was a warehouse that caught fire. It started as a single alarm fire but quickly grew to a 3 alarm blaze. The owner of the warehouse arrived on scene and quickly realized that the fire department wasn't going to be able to save the building. His biggest concern was the secret formula stored in ...

Nascar, Formula 1, Mario Kart......

One has formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and bad guys trying to close some kind of real estate deal, and the other has a talking dog in it.

She’s like the square root of -100, a solid ten and doesn’t exist...

*cries in quadratic formula*

*cries in quadratic formula*

One mula...

Two mula...

Three mula...

Formula.

I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

Two mula...

Three mula...

Formula.

I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

>TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map.

>

>MARIA: Here it is.

>

>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

>

>CLASS: Maria.

>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?**... **

>

>MARIA: Here it is.

>

>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

>

>CLASS: Maria.

>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.

The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.

...

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.

The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.

...

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