UPJOKE
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Typically Jokes

My girlfriend doesn't typically like kissing, so instead I tried rubbing my nose on hers...

...And I think she Inuit

What is soft, squishy, can be stimulated, and typically slightly darker than the rest of the body?

Your pupil.

People in Finland aren’t typically violent during confrontations.

So while they may not start the fights, they sure do Finnish.

What kind of job do millennials typically prefer?

A rimjob.

People don't typically wear glasses while boxing....

It's more of a contacts sport

Did you know that cultures with arranged marriages typically serve melon at the wedding feast?

Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anyone know where I can find someone to share a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations?

Asking for a friend.

Why do husband's typically die before their wife?

Because they want to

I recently found out that suicide by rope typically uses a running knot.

That's noose to me.

Why are men typically smarter than women?

They come across more things.

What do people typically get at Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"

At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

The band A Flock of Seagulls is not concerned with WWIII. They've stated that conflicts typically happen with neighboring countries.

And Iraaaaan...Iran's so far awaaaay....

Did you know that people who dislike calculus are typically racists?

They hate integration.

A wife texts her husband

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically n...

leather quality ratings

Leather is “rated” based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides, rated “A”. But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically D Hide-Rated.

People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.

For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.

Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech.
After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limous...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

Typically only one, but it has to truly want to change.

When the Mexican guy forgot his ticket to the water park, the employee let him in anyway

“Typically I’m a stickler about this sort of thing,” he remarked “But I’m gonna let this Juan slide.”

My performance in the bedroom is like a high-sticking call in hockey.

Typically 2 minutes, but 4 minutes if there's blood.

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