UPJOKE
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Make Up Jokes

The chemistry final make up exam.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say make up sex is the best...

Good thing, because all the sex I have is made up.

My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "




Ps: This sub in a nutshell

My teacher asked my to make up a sentence using the words defence, defeat and detail

When a horse jumps over defence defeat go first then detail.

I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.

I was behind a van that said Dodge on the back of it then a truck that was marked Ram. What do they want us to do? Avoid them or hit them?

Never trust atoms; they make up everything.

say less...

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

While furniture shopping I came across a really nice bed, but I couldn't make up my mind whether or not to get it...

I figured I'd sleep on it.

What kind of bee can't make up its mind?

A maybe!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Despite black people making up only 13% of the population, they make up 50% of...

Captain Americas ^in ^the ^mcu

Two blondes were kidnaped and they later started to make up a plan to escape.

The first one said: Lets go whit the fence, if the fence is small we will jump to the other side, if the fence is to hight we will dig a tunel to the other side.

The second one says: Thats a great idea!

Then she goes to check the fence and comes back whait a sad face.

the other ...

What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops

I was going to make up a joke about Covid

But then I realized it would be pretty tasteless.

Make Up Your Mind

My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she demanded.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Make up sex with my wife is the best!

In fact, it's pretty much the only sex we have.

Oh, did I say make up sex? I meant made up sex.

Saw my wife taking off her make up last night...

Or, as I call it, "Reset to factory settings "

I was trying to make up a joke social- distancing...

But this was as close as I could get.

Make up your minds

People complain that kids these days don’t have any attention span, yet they get upset when you send kids to concentration camps. Damn Liberals. Make up your damn minds.

How many states make up the United States of America?

49 nowadays, Nevada stopped counting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am a massive fan of make up sex

Because all the sex I have is imaginary

Why do mathematicians make up for bad war generals?

They only take pride in numbers.

How many Spanish cats does it take to make up a horse?

Catorce

Kind of lame jokes I make up for myself after reading the dictionary.

Someone asked was I being sesquipedalianist just to make a joke on reddit! Which I repudiate!

My friend asked me if she wore too much make up.

I said it depends on whether or not you're trying to kill Batman.

I tried to make up a new color today

It turns out it was just a pigment of my imagination

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HR said I'm not allowed to make up names for my coworkers.

I hope Frankie Fuckface is fucking happy now.

Got into an argument with a colleague so I bought their favorite Indian food, to attempt to make up.

I tried to curry favor but they were having naan of it. I only managed to tikka them off more.

Today’s kids can never make up there minds

My son just asked me to make him a bookshelf and now he is complaining about the books hurting his back

What kind of make up should you wear during a pandemic?

Mask-ara

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an attempt to make up for poor sales, the Willy Wonka company is branching out and making a line if chastity belts

They're calling them "Everlasting Knob Stoppers".

I know a joke that took 2 hours to make up.

Finally, my wife's ready to go out.

Hunny, you don't need make up.

You need plastic surgery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to make up a poop joke.

But it felt like I was pushing it.

Apparently, we are getting a make up year for 2020 because we missed so much of it due to COVID.

Next year is officially 2020: 2

Why is Wonder Woman's make up always on point?

She's from "Themascara."

My wife brought her make up on our camping trip...

She can be pretty in tents.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...

I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.

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