What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?

A maybe

A joke inspired by my 5 year old daughter who was trying to make up jokes.... why was the booger who was stuck in your nose so upset?

Because he wasn't picked yet.

Obviously this is where dad jokes and humor come from.

Bill used to be a punk rocker in the 80’s. These days he’s got grown kids, he makes crocks at the pottery and loves to make up puns.

Now, he’s a pun crocker.

I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early today. He said “only if you make up the time”

I said “okay. It’s quarter past a million”

Today’s kids can never make up there minds

My son just asked me to make him a bookshelf and now he is complaining about the books hurting his back

We had a marriage to attend at 8 pm. My wife started applying make up at 6pm

The previous day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that make up sex is the best, which is great news for me.

Because all my sex is made up.

Make up your minds

People complain that kids these days don’t have any attention span, yet they get upset when you send kids to concentration camps. Damn Liberals. Make up your damn minds.

As a blind man it's hard to make up jokes on the spot because I can't forsee a punchline.

See what I did there?

Because I didn't.

My friend asked me if she wore too much make up.

I said it depends on whether or not you're trying to kill Batman.

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

How many Spanish cats does it take to make up a horse?

Catorce

Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, “but I don’t know her size.”
“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
“Oh, yes,” I answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”
“Will there be anything else?” the ...

I know a joke that took 2 hours to make up.

Finally, my wife's ready to go out.

I really wish my five year old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a tree house in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…

Took me twenty years to grow that thing!

My wife brought her make up on our camping trip...

She can be pretty in tents.

I needed $2.50 to take the bus home. "I only have $2.15 on me," I told the driver, "but to make up the difference, I'll greet wood planks. How's that sound?"

"Fare enough," he replied. "Welcome a board."

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I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that sodomy is evil

The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.

The doctors have designed a special shoe to make up for my short leg. I didn’t think it would work, but I tried it out.

I stand corrected.

I tried to make up a new color today

It turns out it was just a pigment of my imagination

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

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I tried to make up a poop joke.

But it felt like I was pushing it.

I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...

I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.

TIL: 5/7 People make up statistics on the spot.

There is a 50% chance this data lacks validity though.

Why is Wonder Woman's make up always on point?

She's from "Themascara."

It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be...

Too stoned with one bird.

Hunny, you don't need make up.

You need plastic surgery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put some of my girlfriend's make up on a dog poo.

It was a pretty shit idea.

"Removing my make up"

Or how I like to call it:

"Reset face to factory settings"

Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror..

I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.

Make Up Your Mind

My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she demanded.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"

Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test,

they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara.

Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?

In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -

"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."

But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the pu...

Asked my friend to make up a joke about two Canadians and a Bear

A visually impaired Canadian is notified that a bear has broken into his house and is eating all his food.

He hurries home and into the kitchen, where he finds A: his hairy housemate and B: a bear.

But he doesn't know which is which!

"Shoot us both," the housemate says, "it's th...

There is a game show where you have to make up short poems containing a special word

There is a game show where you have to make up short poems containing a special word within one minute.

In the final show there are only two people left: A rabby from New York and a farmer from New Zealand. They get the word "Timbouktou".

The rabby is first. He starts: "I was a rabby ...

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There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a cock like mine.

Camera man, light and sound technician, make up artist, or even production manager.

I don't trust atoms.

They make up everything

Nikolia, Sergei, and Alexander are in a Soviet era Gulag together when Sergei asks

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here...

A ladu goes to the dentist..

...he looks in her mouth and says "that tooth needs to come out".

She says "oh no I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled".

He says "ok but make up your mind I need to adjust the chair"

My mom called me saying there were a couple of guys outside her home saying they have a plumbing fixture to drop off.

“They’re not trying to rob me?” she asked.

“No, it’s a gift from Uncle Bill to make up for all the mean things he did to you in the past.” I replied.

“Wait, after all these years, he’s actually trying to be nice to somebody? That’s an unexpected transformation! Our relationship might w...

Hard to believe, but my girlfriend has a rare disease that makes her allergic to cosmetic products.

It’s true, this is something you can’t make up

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.

My girlfriend removed her make up.

Hippopotamuses can outrun a human on land or in the water.

So if you’re in a triathlon against a hippo, you really have to make up time in the bicycle portion.

my wife after 25 years of marriage asked me to choose my happiest memory, a moment when we were together

I said for god’s sake woman, make up your mind, which one do you want?

why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

She wanted to make up her mind.

Did you know?

That there are enough bones in your body to make up a skeleton.

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