Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them draws a line in the dirt and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face!”

That was the punchline.

Today I told my girlfriend she draws her eyebrows to high...

She looked extremely surprised.

Why do North Koreans draw such straight lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

A lot of people say I can't draw because I'm blind...

I think they're right, I see no progress.

I'm fine letting other people dot my i's, but crossing my t's?

That's where I draw the line.

Teacher asked the class to draw a nativity scene.

When she looked at Johnny's picture, she saw Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and a big fat man. When she inquired about the fat man, Johnny said, "That's round John Virgin."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Did...did you draw on my face while I was passed out?"

Friend: "Yes, yes I did."

"Why did you draw a dick?"

Friend: "Made me laugh."

"Ha. Well, at least you did an amazing job."

Friend: "Well, I traced it."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I forgot to draw the curtain before having a wank today.

"Get the fuck out of our changing rooms," said the assistant at H&M.

How many points does it take to draw a curve?

According to my engineering professor, just one, but you need to list your assumptions.

In class today, the kids were learning how to draw the letter P.

"Ok class, today I'm going to teach you how to draw the letter P."

*Teacher draws the letter P on the white board*

"Now you try."

*All the kids try to draw the letter P*

The teacher notices one kid in the back of the class shaking after drawing it.

"Very good class...

Does anyone know how to draw a very realistic bullet?

Because I'm drawing a blank.

My girlfriend asked me to draw her a bath. I filled the tub for her and when she went to get in, she said, "You made it too hot! If I was a child, you would've scalded me!"

I replied, "If you were a child, that wouldn't be the worst thing I've done to you."

I’m okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

I’ve been going out with this girl for a while. She’s been getting really into makeup. She even shaved off her eyebrows to draw them on. This morning I told her she drew them too high...

...at first I thought she would be mad at me, but she actually seemed surprised!

What’s the biggest draw-back of being a male gynecologist?

Tunnel vision.

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

I was struggling to think of the easiest things to draw today.

So far I've drawn a blank.

What’s the toughest thing for an artist to draw?

A salary.

(Credit to u/arguablytrue)

Two friends like to draw together.

Today they decide to draw a nightclub, one friend, Anthony, drew the interior and exterior. The other, Dave, drew the people. First they start with the outside, they draw a bouncer with a goofy face and the line, some people normal some crazy looking.

Inside, they draw a DJ, and the dance fl...

I just can't draw blood

With this orange crayon.


It isn't sharp enough.

I drink, smoke weed, do speed

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

The teacher told her class to draw a ring.

Johnny drew a perfect square.

The teaches said,”Johnny why didn’t you draw a ring??”

“I did. It’s a boxing ring!!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it any longer!
The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harass...

My dad told me he put a draw bridge at our house.

Turns out, he installed the garage door upside down.

I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw...

No 1-1

How do you draw the most realistic fish?

It must be drawn to scale.

You know, if you and me were to have a sketching competition...

We'd draw

What do you call someone that draws Mongol leaders for a living?

A Khan Artist

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

My dad used to own a donkey that would draw his cart...

...but he sold it for a horse that did watercolors.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Naughty kid draws a penis on a black board

Lady teacher rubs it off. Next day he draws a bigger one and writes: "REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!

What do you call a woman who can't draw?

Tracy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Teacher draws the picture of a heart on the board and asks..

"What is this,Sam?"

Sam:"Sir,it's a butt".

Teacher:"WHAT?How dare you?"

"What is this Billy?"

"It's a butt,sir".

Frustrated the teacher responds,

"This is enough!I am calling the principal now!"

Then he heads to call the principal.

Principal:"W...

A gruff looking guy approached me on the street saying he can draw my portrait for $2

It sounds sketchy

A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun

Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the difference between a rooster and an artist who draws nudes?

One goes cock-a-doodle, and the other doodles cocks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the blackboard:

"Children, could someone tell me what is this?"
Johny raises his hand: "It's a dick, teacher!"
The teacher bursts into tears and runs out. Shortly, the principal rushes in:
"All right, what did you do now? Which one of you brought your teacher to tears? And who the hell drew that dick o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My sister passed out drunk and I thought it would be funny to draw a penis on her forehead. It took longer than I expected.

I'm not very good at tracing.

___________________________________

With all the bad jokes going around, I had to draw the line somewhere.

I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...

But graphing is where I draw the line!

I asked my art teacher how to draw people.

He suggested I work on my personality

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What plane was used by the Navy to draw the dick in the sky?

A Boeing.

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

I just learned how to Draw Blood in Nursing school!

It's real easy, you just need something that writes in red!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lunatic Asylum staff draw a realistic looking door on a wall

The staff tell all the crazy people that whoever exits through that door can leave the facility..

all the lunatics stampede and hurt themselves in the process but keep trying-- everyone wants to be the first to get out.

The staff notices one of the lunatics who is not participating b...

Three priests gathered together for a drink .

During their get together ,the host ask the other two :

- How do you split your money with the Lord ?

"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest....

Ask /r/personalfinance to draw you a line, they deliver a circle.

They always make ends meet!

New drinking game! Draw a card. If it's black take a shot.

I call it the Ferguson

How do you draw an Overwatch character?

You Tracer.

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why did he draw so many pictures of my parents fighting?

A Guy is being questioned in the police station, having just witnessed a murder.

They ask him if he can recall any details about the crime he had just witnessed, but the guy can't remember a single thing.

After a few hours of questioning and getting nowhere, the detectives decide to try something different and hand the guy a piece of paper and a pencil.

They ask ...

That's the last time my art teacher ever asked me

to draw blood.

A man draws a line on the cement with chalk, he then thrusts his fists at it.

Thats the punch line.

When I'm stressed I like to draw a line of trees, getting smaller as they reach the horizon

It really puts things in perspective

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Husband and his Wife were out walking in the park.

While walking a Man comes up from behind them, pulls a gun on them, grabs the Wife and forces the Husband back. The Man tells the Husband to draw a circle around himself and tells him that if he steps out of that circle his wife will be shot. The Man turns, then proceeds to assault the wife. While t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(original) I just got my flu shot and tried to draw something, but it still looks shitty.

I thought it was supposed to make me artistic?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cop was patrolling his regular route

when he started to get pretty thirsty. Naturally deciding to stop at his usual convenient store. As he's pulling into the parking lot he sees a woman pumping gas into her car while smoking a cigarette. She was older and maybe a little unstable. The cop dismounts his cruiser and approaches the woman ...

A monk got a stitching job in a submarine.

The captain, after showing the basic things required for the young tailor, left to him torn fabrics and uniforms of soldiers. As part of his job, he had brought his own sewing kit and he asked to left alone while doing his work.

The monk's work was nothing less than stellar, but sometime...

Asked an artist how he draws women so well.

He says "I have a day job."

My wife says I have too many hobbies

I already gave up tennis and swimming, but painting is where I draw the line.

An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...

I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Italian Math Test

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said.

"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Shooting tips

A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.
The cowboy walked over to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great gunfighter.

"Could you ...

I stuck my hand in my pocket and my pencil stabbed me

Thankfully it didn't draw blood

C3PO, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo are taken prisoner on an alien planet

The Millennium Falcon had to make an emergency stop on an uncharted planet. The trio is greeted by a hostile alien race and placed in a horrendous prison.

After some time they are taken in the night to some kind of tribunal where they are told that all outsiders are regarded as evil demons an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50.

A Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whi...

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or com...

A Scientific Joke !!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

Newton draws ...

I can use pens, but pencils?

That’s where I draw the line.

A cowboy, who just moved from Wyoming to Texas,

walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would ta...

The teacher asks all the students to draw something on the board that's exciting...

All the other kids draw rockets, jet planes, roller coasters, and so on. But little Johnny goes up to the board, draws a dot, and sits down.

The teacher says "Johnny, there's nothing exciting about a dot. How can a dot cause excitement?"

Johnny replies "That's not a dot, it's a period,...

I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head

but from a distance they looked like hares

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I remember when my son fell asleep at a house party we had. I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face.

My wife went mental when she picked him up to change his nappy.

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide-and-go-seek.

lt’s Einstein’s turn to count, so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein, then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exc...

Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle?

Nobody can.

I used to think I could draw conclusions from small samples...

...after only a few statistics classes, I realized I couldn't.

Every statistics professor I've had has told me to disregard trends in small samples, but I haven't taken that many classes so I can't be sure.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man came home from work one afternoon.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I’m the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious desert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with ...

Ugh. They stopped selling "skin color" Crayons.

I guess I can still draw people when my Crayons run out, but albino more.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Tow best friends where on a skiing trip together with their wives.

During the after ski, the men decide it would be a good idea to go to bed with each others wives. The men whom had been drinking both though this was a fantastic idea. They both agreed to make a competition out of it. Whom could make the others wife climax the most times wins.

Not to draw su...

The Artist

I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.

How can I draw attention to the fact this skirt is too long?

AHEM!

A Priest, a Preacher, and a Televangelist...

A Priest, a Preacher, and a televangelist were sitting around discussing how they divide the take from each collection.

The Priest said, "What I do is draw a line down the center of the room and then throw the money up in the air. Whatever lands on the left is God's, whatever lands on the rig...

A group of friends go camping.

They have a rule: whoever is the first to complain about the cooking has to cook the next dinner.

The first evening, they draw straws to see who has to cook first. The new cook does a decent job with their dinner that evening and no one complains. He’s not happy about having to cook, though.<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A participant in a duel showed up armed with a pencil and paper,

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

A blonde buys a new convertible ...

*(I'm translating this from a foreign language so please bear with me, hopefully it's unique on* r/Jokes*)*

&#x200B;

...then she takes it for a spin on the interstate. Then comes a near miss with a truck. The lorry driver catches up to her, overtakes her and proceeds to force her t...

I applied for art school

I had no port folio, had never drawn in my life and absolutely no talent.

I was furious when they rejected me because I was the perfect candidate.

Surely if anyone needs lessons it's me!