Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.

The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wing...

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A teacher draws a heart on the board.

A teacher draws a heart on the board.


She then asks the class, "What is this?


To her surprise, nearly every student said some variation of "A butt." One even said "An ass!"


The teacher was not pleased to hear this and called the principal.


The pri...

How many flat-earthers does it take to draw an arrow?

None. They can't make a point.

If you want to learn how to draw superheroes start with Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy

He's just a fancy stick figure

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I was asked to draw tampons throughout the ages but I wonder...

Do they have to be period accurate?

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

she looked surprised

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt, and says, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punch line.

What doctor should never draw your blood?

Dr acula

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 16 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries an...

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A man walks into a bar, pulls out a piece of chalk, and draws a line on the floor.

He then stood on the far side of the line and faced the door. People came in, took a look at him, and then walked around the line to go order their drinks. Eventually, a man walked in, approached the man, and stepped across the line.

Immediately, the first man took a swing and laid the second...

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With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

How can you work to improve your 3D drawings into 4D drawings?

It just takes time

when I worked at Wendy's, the company insisted that whoever made the burgers must draw the mustard onto the bun as a "W"

but I would draw the mustard onto burgers as an "M" and no one ever found out.

Where do you draw the line for stupidity?

Somewhere between Canada and Mexico..

I ripped my drawing as it looked bad.

The guy I drew the tattoo for was horrified.

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My friend draws beautiful nudes, starting from the feet, up. They're amazing art but he always throws them all away...

I think it's 'cuz he always finishes on the faces.

My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.

Because that's where I draw the line

I tried to draw a circle, after doing all my calculations, it would never be correct...

Turns out, it was a rounding error

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin

& orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you ...

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You know the smallest things can get you fired, one time I got fired because I ripped up a crappy drawing I did

Boy am I never gonna be a tattoo artist again

What is an artist's favorite thing to draw?

Unemployment

I took a figure drawing class at a nudest camp...

The model was the only one wearing any clothes.

If you make 10 drawings, you're not an artist.

If you cook 10 meals, you're not a chef.

But if you kill ONE person...

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings

In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out

Did you hear about Missouri’s plan to draw more business in?

The new motto is “Missouri loves companies”.

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pick up artist.

Three brothers aged 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?...

What do you call a woman who can't draw?

Tracy

The wife comes home and has $5000 in cash.

When her husband asks, “Where did that come from?”

She replies, “I won it in a lottery!”

To which he replies, “That’s great! Let’s go celebrate.”

The next day she comes home with a full-length mink coat.

Again the husband asks, “Where did that come from?”

She says,...

I was drawing one day, but then I messed it up, so I scribbled all over it...

The guy getting the tattoo wasn't too happy about it.

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A man walks into a saloon, draws his gun and shoots the piano player dead.

“I’ve been itching to do that for a long time,” he says, “that
bloody noise has been driving me mad.”

The barman beckons the man to one side.

“Mind if I give you a bit of advice, Mister? If I were you I
would file off any sharp edges on your gun and grease the
barrel.”

...

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

why did the nurse need a red pen to work

incase she had to draw blood

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In the draw down of WWII...

Dignitaries and generals were touring Nazi facilities in Europe. One of the stops that they made was at a naval base where the dreaded U-Boats were based.

The dignitaries and their staffs were headed to a captured U-Boat, when a droning was noticed, and the air raid sirens went off. The Luft...

Origin of Canada

The founding fathers of Canada were trying to figure out what to name the country, but they couldnt decide on a name. They figured to put the letters of the alphabet in a hat and draw them at random.

They pulled the first letter out.
“C eh?”
Then the next one,
“N eh?”
One more,...

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

I hate it when people draw a circle or an oval...

I mean seriously, it’s pointless.

My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...

I know where to draw the line...

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An artist and his wife have been having sex daily for almost two months.

While highly unusual, he doesn't question it for fear of pressing his luck. One day, his wife approaches him.

"Honey? Can you draw a picture for me?"

"Sure babe, what would you like?" he replies.

"I want to see how you think our baby will look."

The husband stares at her,...

13, 13, 13!

A man is walking by a fence surrounding the local asylum. As he approaches one area of the fence, he hears yelling from inside. "13! 13! 13! 13!" The man is curious and begins to examine the fence as he gets closer to the shouting, and discovers a hole in the fence, at about eye level. He peers thro...

Before the drawing board was invented ...

... what did people go back to?

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I found a couple of disturbing pornographic drawings that my children did, so I threw them in the fire.

But I kept the drawings for future reference.

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Cheap parrot

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "Why is he so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I h...

Archimedes, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

It's Arcimedes' turn to seek and so he starts counting down.

Pascal quickly runs off to some bushes nearby.

Newton starts walking, stops thinks for a while and them draws a large rectangle around himself in the dirt.

The time is up and Archimedes turns around: "Found you, Newton...

My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s

Your drawings are like your future.

They don't have any Perspective.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek.

It’s Einstein’s turn to be it.
Pascal is nowhere to be found, but Newton draws a 1m X 1m square right in front of Einstein and stands in its centre.
Einstein says, “Newton, you’re terrible! I found you right away!”
Newton replies, “No, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve ...

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A girl in art class

A little girl was in art class. The teacher walked up to her and asked: “What are you drawing?” The little girl replied “I’m drawing a picture of God.” “But nobody knows what God looks like!” The teacher said. “They will in a minute.” the girl replied

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A bad joke

A guy finds a genie and says his wish is to fuck a goddess in a golden garden. He gets it, has some awkward sex in a lush garden with golden plants and teleports back to the genie. He then realised his mistake and asks the samething as a second wish. This time, before the goddess appears, he starts ...

What do you call a cookie that draws funny pictures?

A Snickerdoodle!

Guitar Horse

A horse and his mother are in the barn watching TV when an ad comes on. It's for a music school that can teach anyone to play any insturment, guaranteed. The horse has always wanted to be play the guitar, so he calls them up.

"Hey, I want to learn to play the guitar," he says, "Can you teach ...

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer and an accountant were all up for a job interview

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer, and an accountant were all up for a job interview:

The mathematician was called in and asked as part of the interview, “What is 1+1?” The mathematician gets his calculator out and does the calculation and says “2.”

The engineer is then asked the ...

I can make digital art and canvas art easily.

But when it comes to paper, that's where I draw the line.

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

It was closing time at the bar

It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. As people were starting to leave the officer saw one man absolutely hammered with his car keys in hand stumbling towards his vehicle, as everyone got in their cars and were l...

A lovely Russian lady came up to the counter where I work and said "Please, I am looking for one night stand"

I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say knife, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followe...

I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and marijuana

But coccaine is where I draw the line

I do almost any kind of drug

But cocaine is where I draw the line

I made a quick drawing of a dark alleyway yesterday.

It's a very sketchy place.

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A set of identical boy triplets grow up doing everything together.

Naturally being brothers, they are very competitive and strive to outdo each other in everything they do. School, sports, work and most especially girls.

They get older, meet girls and all decide to settle down. Competitive streak aside, they are also extremely close and decide they will ge...

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

I love write in notebooks which have margins,

But blank one's is where I have to draw the line.

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One Friday morning, Akshit Singh lost his dear pet cat.

He frantically searched around the neighborhood, looking for his precious Bala. He tried to search under dumpsters, he asked his neighbors if they'd seen Bala wandering around recently, and he set cat food and water outside in hopes of attracting Bala back to his house.



Much to his d...

I feel like most drugs are ok.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

My wife asked for help, she said she was drawing a blank.

I told her to turn the pencil around.

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Someone asked me if I'd ever given a sterile guy a blowjob, so I racked my brain trying to remember if I had.

Alas, I just kept drawing blanks.

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"Did...did you draw on my face while I was passed out?"

Friend: "Yes, yes I did."

"Why did you draw a dick?"

Friend: "Made me laugh."

"Ha. Well, at least you did an amazing job."

Friend: "Well, I traced it."

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My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just
HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent!”

We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur and bod...

An American couple visits India for the first time

As they are wandering around in the markets the wife notices a sign that she finds extremely aesthetic. She proceeds to draw it out and once they return to the US, She knits a sweater with that design on the front.

The days go by and all her friends find the sweater very pretty and very ethni...

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This is such a bad joke but my brain made me write it out so I'm making all of you suffer, too.

A man named Martin absolutely hates elections, and when it comes time to elect a new mayor, or president, Martin never bothers to vote. He also makes it known to people that he hates elections and never participates in them. Martin is into cars, and constantly brags about his Ferrari, which also vex...

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A gambler dies and goes to haven...

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on t...

Where do you find the best drawings?

In Pencilvania

I'm very good at math I can do number theory, combinatorics, but I cant bring myself to do graphs

That's where I draw the line

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Hopping on the joke translation bandwagon (originally heard it in Russian)

Little Johnny is drawing something during an arts&crafts class.

The teacher asks him: “I see you have drawn some good outlines, but are you planning to add some color?”

Johnny (pointing at different areas of his drawing): “Yeah! I’ll add some yellow here, a little red over here and...

Someone once told me that a good joke draws on an experience that everyone has in common but the subject should be kind of unpleasant.

That's why I made the punchline about banging your Mum.

My friend challenged me to finish his bird drawing. He had already drawn the head, torso and legs.

To be honest, I just winged it.

My friend got arrested for today just for drawing his gun in a bank

Admittedly he isn't a the best artist, but I still feel like this is overkill.

My son brought home a drawing he made. But I know it wasn’t him that drew it

Because the drawing looked sketchy

The test

Students in a design school were doing the final test. The assingment was to design some piece of furniture. They started. Someone was designing a couch, someone a bed, but one student was drawing a bunch of dolls in a strait line. The proffesor was surprised and he asked the student if he knew what...

What kind of artist draws flies?

The dead artist

| don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.



But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or
else people will think you're being irrational. But
that is beside the point.

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There was once a very unlucky man (translated)

There was once a very unlucky man named Billy who has only one ball.

One time, he was on a flight and one of the engines failed. The pilot announced that to continue flying, one of the passangers should jump out.

Then, to select that passanger, crew made a draw. Billy was the result. B...

Inside you there are two wolves.

I draw the line at bestiality.

Nice knowing you.

I may be a thief, but I would never steal a ruler...

That’s where I draw the line.

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I used to be paranoid when I jerked off. I would draw the curtains, open private browsing, lock the door, get excuses ready and everything else, but I overcame that and now I can masturbate at the drop of a hat.

Get kicked out of a lot of hat stores, though

Today in class, we were supposed to draw the French flag.

For some reason, the paper my teacher gave me already had the flench flag on it so I just submitted it.


Why did he mark the work as unattempted? It was all white already...

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Timothy and Sarah are walking on a footpath by the beach...

They come across a sign which reads: "CAUTION: strong currents. Swim with care".

Frowning at this, Timothy turns to Sarah and asks, "Hey, are you seeing this?"

Confused, Sarah replies, "Seeing what?"

Timothy exclaims, "This is the third time we've seen that sign!!"

"Oh", ...

Does anyone know how to draw a very realistic bullet?

Because I'm drawing a blank.

If you take up drawing as a mid-life hobby, but you just can't get past tracing...

You might have an exit-stencil crisis.

Drugs are not that bad But when it comes to cocaine

We’ve got to draw a line somewhere.

Police are looking for the person(s) responsible for drawing graffiti on local sea life

Police are saying its no accident and has been done on porpoise.

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Forgive me, but my favorite all time joke is.

Little Johnny's curious so he asks his mom, "mom, what's a pussy?"

She gets mad and asks him where he heard that word.

J: "The boys at school were saying it"

M: "Well don't let me catch you repeating it but a pussy is a cat."

J: "What's a bitch?"

M: " Them bo...

What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing?

A chalk-a-doodle-do!

(Credit: My 6 year old daughter who makes up jokes while we're driving. Proud parent moment, she is getting to be one of the best pun-slingers I know)

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New inmates are lined up to go into prison

Guard in front yells "Everyone have your personal effects out for inspection! You ate allowed ONLY ONE item!"

Towards the back of the line a new inmate asks the guy in front of him, "Hey buddy....what you bringing in?"

The reply was "pastels and chalk. Gonna teach myself how to draw. ...

A gladiator and an artist walked into a spa...

The gladiator sat down across from the artist. After a few minutes the artist noticed that the gladiator had not moved for several minutes so he thought "heck, I'll just draw him a quick picture of himself with my spare time".So the artist began drawing. For hours and hours the gladiator hadn't move...

I was astonished my girlfriend managed to draw her eyebrows on at the right height instead of too high for once but when I told her...

She didn't seem surprised.

Walking through town, a guy on a corner offered to draw a picture of me and my wife and showed me some of the other things he was working on...

...I would have bought one, but his portfolio was super sketchy.

How do you draw a tree?

Draw a seed and wait.

Did you hear about the man who would draw without a rough draft?

Of course not. He disappeared without a trace.

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A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to sleep...

...sudendly the man farts and tries to think of an excuse.

-1:0 I am winning, - says the man.
Few moments later the woman lets out a big fart.

-1:1 draw, - says the woman with a smile on her face.

Man does not want to lose so he tries and tries to fart very hard. Sudendly he...

A drawing is walking in an alley, and seems unsettled.

The drawing thinks to itself, “Man, this place seems a little sketchy.”

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What is Hitler’s favorite type of artwork?

Charcoal drawings

I like it when people draw Manx cats accurately.

It shows attention to de-tail.

What do whales like to draw with?

A-krill-ic paint.

An old woman visits a lawyer to draw up a will. He completes the process and charges her $100. She hands him a crisp, brand new $100 bill and as she turns to leave the lawyer notices another $100 bill stuck to it. His moral dilemma is causing him great discomfort because...

He can't decide if he should tell his partner.

A rabbi, a priest, and an imam were walking down a deserted road when they stumbled upon a pot filled with gold coins

After a few moments they all agreed that being men of God, they can't take all the gold for themselves. They have to give something back to God. The Priest said: i'm going to draw a square on the ground and throw the pot high in the air. Whatever fells inside the square is mine to take, whatever ...

Q is showing James Bond a new super high tech spy earpiece and Bond says, "why don't I just wear an airPod? Everyone has them hanging out their ears nowadays. I won't draw any suspicion."

Q responds, "we researched them. Ours are less expensive."

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In class today, the kids were learning how to draw the letter P.

"Ok class, today I'm going to teach you how to draw the letter P."

*Teacher draws the letter P on the white board*

"Now you try."

*All the kids try to draw the letter P*

The teacher notices one kid in the back of the class shaking after drawing it.

"Very good class...

I got frustrated when my friend couldn't draw a 2 sided closed shape.

But then I decided to let bi-gons be bygones.

When Canada was first unified, they realized they needed a name for this new country, so they decided to draw letters oot of a basket to name it.

The first prime minister went up on stage and started pulling letters and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh?"..."N, eh?"..."D, eh?"

How do you draw a crowd?

With a pen.

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