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Impressions Jokes

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

My girlfriend says my Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions is horrible.

That's when I got upset and right before I walked out of the room, I turned to her with his impression and said.
I'll be returning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

Foot fetishists are great at first impressions.

They always get off on the right foot.

Bird Impressions

A man goes to the circus and tells the talent recruiter that he would like to apply for a position. The recruiter asks what his talents are, and the man replies that he does amazing bird impressions. The recruiter tells the man he's seen a million bird impressions and is not interested. The man s...

I went for an audition at a talent agency today.

They asked "so what's your special talent?"

I said "I do bird impressions!"

They said "sorry, that’s not original we have had loads of them!"

I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

A man applies for a job at the circus

“What can you do?” asks the owner

“Really good bird impressions”

“Sorry we’ve got someone who can do those already”

“Oh well” said the man sadly, as he flew out of the tent.

My wife kept yelling at me for doing flamingo impressions

so I had to put my foot down.

Ever since we got married my wife has been working on her bird impressions...

She watches me like a hawk.

My wife told me I had to stop doing flamingo impressions.

I had to put my foot down.


Not sure if this is old or not, credit to colleague at work!

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

Southerners can do pretty good civil war voice impressions....

General Lee speaking.

A Native American told me my impressions of his people were culturally insensitive

I said:
“How”

I saw a shop called Lasting Impressions,

they sell brass knuckles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say first impressions are the most important part of meeting a girl

So there I was, with this crazy attractive Thai girl, then I was thinking dammit have self control...dont get a boner don't get a boner.........and then she did.

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

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