Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopaedias.

Source: Wikipedia

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

How does Beyonce describe her political beliefs?

"To the left, to the left."

The percent of the population holding anti-vaccination beliefs has gotten up to the mid-teens.

Unlike their children.

"Once you question your beliefs then it's all over"

~Adolf Hilter

Why do bugs have odd beliefs?

They're in sects.

Son, marry a girl with the same belief as the family.

Dad, why should I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?

Contrary to popular belief, Benjamin Franklin didn’t discover electricity.

He was just really shocked by it.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm an optimist

I am confident that I'll die tomorrow

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

My girlfriend and I broke up because of a difference in religious beliefs.

She didn't believe I was God.

My girlfriend left me because of her strong beliefs...

She strongly believed I had money.

Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women...

Just not very many

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Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see...

the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

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My dad went to jail because of his beliefs.

He believed he could masturbate on the bus.

This really crashes my belief system.

Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.

/r/jokes, I have a belief that EVERYTHING bad or upsetting can be improved with humor. Do you have any chemotherapy jokes for me?

I am a 15yo guy, she is a 17yo girl who has a nonsmokers lung cancer. Any positive or uplifting jokes will be appreciated.

I finally found a girl with the same beliefs as my family

She believes I'll amount to nothing as well.

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Adhering to my strict religious beliefs, I asked the girl at the front desk if the porn channel in my room could be disabled.

She gave me a real dirty look and exclaimed: "We only have regular porn, you SICK FUCK!"

When asked about his religious beliefs, Donald Trump states that he...

"definitely believes in a higher tower".

A philosopher and a priest argue about their beliefs

So the priest says to the philosopher condescendingly: "Look friend, what you're doing is, you're looking in a pitch-black room with blinded eyes for a black cat that simply isn't there."

The philosopher thinks for a minute, nodding his head, and answers, "You're right, but I do it almost exa...

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

Three vampire brothers were standing in a moonlit pasture, having an argument about who was strongest...

The youngest of the three says “You know what? You guys are always underestimating me. I’ll show you what I’m capable of.”

He flies off at 100 miles per hour and comes back 10 minutes later, his mouth dripping with blood. “Do you see that mansion on the hill up there?” he asks.

“ I j...

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One of the best jokes in the world?

A man has been stranded on a deserted island for 5 years. He is all by himself. His only source of pleasure is masturbation...but after 5 years, he has thought of every single fantasy 100s of times, and is therefore no longer able to get a hard on.

Depressed beyond belief, he sits alone an...

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Pope is asked to change the prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The marketing Director of Nescafe manages to meet with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers: 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if ...

A little girl's cat died.

A little girl's cat died. She loved the cat very much, and so when it died, she was devastated beyond belief. Her mother and her take the cat to the backyard so they could have a funeral for it. The little girl is in tears as they bury her cat.



"Don't worry, sweetie," says the mom in...

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,

"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on...

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion

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"I'll bring your family back to life if you can fuck me 5 times without dying."

There's this farmer, his wife, daughter, and three sons. The farmer walks out one day and finds his only cow dead on the ground. "Shit! That was the only cow we had, how will I feed my family?" and he blows his brains out with a shotgun. The wife comes out to investigate the gunshot, finds her husba...

A man driving all night needed some rest..

A man driving all night needed some rest and decided to pull over on the side of the road to get some shut eye. Not long after he goes to sleep there is a loud banging at the window. The man jumps up and rolls down his window, outside is a jogger running in place in front of his window.

"E...

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There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk.

When the bar closes he gets up to go home.

He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door.

As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by.

He stumbles over to her and punches her in the face.

The nun is shocked beyond belief, but bef...

A man named Joke

Once upon a time in ancient times, there was a man named Joke. He lived a long and prosperous life, happily married to his wife and having three children.

In the culture that they lived in, most believed that when a person died, a new star was born in the sky for them. However, Joke did not ...

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When I first became an Ancap.....

>When I first became an Ancap, I was just an unemployed high schooler who had never worked a labor job in his entire life. I had that whole "welfare recipients are parasites, just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, forcing people to subsidize your shitty life choices is morally wrong, nobody is...

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I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

A missionary journeys out into the world.

A christian missionary journeys out into the world to spread his beliefs. One day he reaches a native african tribe, where he lives for a while, while teaching them his ways and attending their fields inturn for shelter.

Some time passes and one day the chiefs daughter gives birth to a child...

A poetic version of "you are not a monk" joke

He sat and sighed beside the road -
His engine's gasket blown.
His car was old and cold and towed.
The man was left alone.
'I need to find a place to stay
Until it's fixed,' he spoke -
But as he rose to walk away
Arrived a band of folk.
They said: 'You're warm...

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I call my penis Tom Cruise.

It does all its own stunts, has questionable beliefs, and I have to use camera tricks to make it look taller.

Our problems are like diamonds

we inflate their value because we don't understand how many they have in Africa

An entomologist..

Recently, a world renowned entomologist was invited by the Queen of England to a gala in honor of the top minds in science. As this was an extremely formal event, the dress code was (obviously) "white tie." The entomologist was flattered beyond belief, and, in attempt to look his absolute best, he w...

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A young man with a masturbation addiction marries a Catholic young woman.

Because of his wife’s beliefs, he has to hide his constant masturbation from her. He does it pretty well.

On their anniversary, she puts a blindfold on him and tells him not to peek at his surprise. She guides him to sit at their dinner table and is about to remove the blindfold when suddenl...

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The Priests final test

There were 5 Priests-to-be in a room, each were at the final stages of their tests to become full priests. The test involved tying a bell to their penis and having a sexy woman walk by them, if the bell rang they failed.


.




The sexy woman entered the room and walked past...

A resignation letter to my boss

I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well and given me benefits beyond belief. Have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and then pay my estate one year salary death bonus and then continue to pay my spouse my ...

What did the cow say to the flat earthers?

Your beliefs are udderly impossible

*edit* spelling

I want you to know I'm not racist...

Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.

However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.

A Muslim, Buddhist and Christian stands on a rooftop.

They all have great faith towards their respective God and agreed they jump from the rooftop of a 20-storey building and that they will be saved.

So the muslim, very firm in his belief, jumped first and started calling to Allah.
He chanted "AllahAllahAllahAllahAllah....." repeatedly with g...

Voltaire moments before death

I don’t know if this has been on here but my high school teacher told me this a while ago.

On his death bed, a priest came to Voltaire’s home and told him there was still time to go to heaven if he accepts Jesus as his lord and savior and reject the devil and all his beliefs.
Voltaire t...

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Rules to live by

Several of us local retired pilots were asked to address a junior high gathering put on by the PTA.

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those...

A man walks into a psychologist's office

The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"

The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."

The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."

Indignant,...

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A visit to the pope

A man walks into the barber's and says "I don't mind what you do so long as it looks smart, I'm going to see the pope".

"Oh not the pope! He's done nothing for the faith. I went to see him a while ago and he never even appeared. They said he wasn't feeling well. Pathetic if you ask me, lett...

There's a church running out of funding

Because their beliefs aren't popular anymore. They're very conservative, and the members are very loyal. There isn't another church like them in any nearby town, and they don't want to let their members down. The church is run by friars sworn to be completely devout to the church and work nowhere el...

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A Iranian, a Israeli, and a Nazi are walking through the desert...

....when they happen upon a magic lamp! Excited, they rub the lamp and a Genie appears. "Thank you for releasing me! In exchange, I will grant you each one wish".

The Iranian thinks for a minute, and says: "My people get pushed around by the rest of the world, but we would be fine if we ha...

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An American wrestler prepares to face the Russian in the Olympics....

..... the americans coach is explaining to him to win the gold medal he must defeat the Russian. The Russia has never lost a match because he has a move called " The pretzel " every opponent trapped in the pretzel loses the match. So the wrestler and his coach devise an entire strategy devoted to av...

Three men had just died...

...and went to Hell. Lucifer happily gives them a tour before stopping beside a row of three doors. At the first door, the Devil bade the first person to enter, whilst asking, "If you had one wish for anything in the world, what would it be?" The first man immediately blurted, "I want an endless sup...

A Christian, an Atheist, and a Muslim met at the DMV

They decided to have a contest to see whose belief system was best. Each of them would drive 10-15 miles over the speed limit everywhere they went and whoever could use their beliefs to get out of a ticket would be the winner. They agreed to meet up again next month.

A month later they reco...

Frisbeetarianism

It's the belief that when you die,
your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Funny unknown historical fact:

Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Optimism

The eternal belief that you're always one-third of the way to a threesome.

My professor asked me to define narcissism

I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."

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Martian sex

It's 2022 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. The first thing they see is a Martian couple. Mike and Maureen naturally want to know how they have sex. She goes straight to the point: "So how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Like you do, I think," says ...

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Once upon a time, there was a sand dune with legs.

Duney they called him, truly one of a kind - a war hero of great accomplishment and honour, until that one fateful night.

It was 7PM, and the sun's glow was falling. Duney was exhausted, stumbling with his gun's barrel scraping along the desert's sand.
That was when Duney's world entered ...

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A man sits down next to a beautiful woman on an airplane

He starts to make small talk and asks where she's going. She says she's heading to a sexaholics anonymous convention.
His curiosity is piqued and he asks her, "so is it true that black men are the most well endowed?"
"No," she says, "actually, contrary to popular belief, it's Native Americans...

A donut walks into a church and approaches the priest...

"Excuse me, Father," the donut says, "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."

The priest - after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry - offers a warm smile in response. "That...

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