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Depression Jokes

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

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I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless

Just like me

I remember the first time I confessed to my dad that I have depression

I told my dad "Dad...I'm suicidal"

And he says "Hi, Suicidal, I'm Dad!"

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What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder

Whoever Stole My Anti-Depression Medications

I Hope You're Happy!

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Having a massive penis is a lot like having depression...

it's just something you learn to live with.

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I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

After years of depression, hoping for the dark times to pass, God finally answered my prayers.

He said no.

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An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.

He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.

His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then...

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

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The depressed clown, Pagliacci, visits a therapist incognito.

He spends the hour talking about his depression. Nothing seems worth it anymore. He can’t smile at all. He has no wife or girlfriend to share his life with. Children’s smiles don’t make him happy anymore. His loving little dog doesn’t make him happy. He is at the end of his rope.

Therapist: “...

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry"

"...but you can't count Missouri twice."

I suffer from depression, but my aunt, who dotes on me, always knows how to cheer me up

you could say she's the perfect auntie-dote to my misery

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What does someone with depression and a necrophile have in common ?

They both feel like fucking corpses.

Why are so many New Yorkers suffering from depression?

Because for them, the "light at the end of the tunnel" is New Jersey.

I have a great joke about depression, wanna hear it?

*sigh* Who am I kidding?

You'll hate it anyways.

What is the difference between an economic recession and an economic depression?

One is when your neighbor loses their job, the other is when you also lose yours.

Coping with the depression of my wife cheating on me has made me unhealthy. My new motto is going to be #BEACHEATER

The doctor told me that the sand is very good for health

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse, a bit taken aback, replies, "I've just lost my best friend, a cowboy who took care of me and rode me for years. He died in a tragic accident on the ranch."

Feeling bad for the horse, the bartender offers ...

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

why did the Astronaut fall into depression?

because he wasn't happy in the closed 'space'

White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!

Having depression is like your girl having an only fans.

You might be cool with it but, you stay wondering who’s watching and what they think.

How do psychology majors get depression?

Like dude, just look at your notes.

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

USSRIs

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For class today, I brought in a drug addict to show kids the adverse effects of drugs.

This man was a real mess. He would use coffee as a stimulant throughout the day, alcohol to alleviate his anxieties, sweets for his depression, TikTok to get dopamine hits, and shitty TV at night to mindlessly pacify him.

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Therapist recommended I try using CBT to help with depression

I still feel dead inside, but at least now my balls are too

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Old 1930s depression era joke…

What is the difference between a single man, and a divorced man?


A single man is missing buttons on his shirt.
A divorced man has no shirt.




Another depression era joke:

Church Usher: “things are definitely improving for the congregation.”

Minister: “how...

Instagram causes depression in teenage girls...

...just like everything else.

They've found a cure for depression!

Women were twice as likely as men to experience depression this year.

No one was eating out.

Dreamworks has announced a new film exploring Hiccup's descent into depression and alcoholism after saying goodbye to Toothless.

It's called *How to Drain Your Flagon.*

Do you have seasonal depression?

Or are you just feeling a little under the weather?

What do you call depression that runs in the family?

Blue genes!

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Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

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My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

Did you hear about the newspaper that caused a lot of injuries during the Great Depression?

People were falling on hard Times.

A recent study found that California has the highest rate of Depression and Infidelity in America.

It's a sad state of affairs.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.

As he's sitting at the bar enjoying his beverage, a tiny horse walks in and sits down next to him. The man is shocked and asks the bartender, "Is that a little horse?" The bartender nods and the man asks, "What's it doing here?"

The bartender replies, "It's a psychology experiment. We're tryi...

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Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

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