Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression

It would cut itself

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

I have a depression joke...

but ultimately it’s too long, doesn’t really go anywhere, and eventually makes you wonder if it’s even worth continuing

To the guy that stole my depression medication...

I hope you’re happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Viagra help with depression?

It just makes things harder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having a massive penis is a lot like having depression...

it's just something you learn to live with.

Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless

Just like me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shit.

I remember the first time I confessed to my dad that I have depression

I told my dad "Dad...I'm suicidal"

And he says "Hi, Suicidal, I'm Dad!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between my ex and my depression

My depression fucked me harder

People are making depression so bad

Back then it used to be Great

The other day I tried an escape room called depression

And I did not escape

A resident of St. Louis was recently diagnosed with depression

He's living in Missouri.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Depression Era Prostitute NSFW

Three generations of prostitutes were hanging out on the street corner talking about their day.

The youngest complains “I just sucked that guy off and all I got was a lousy $50!”

The middle aged one says “$50?!?! Hell, when I was your age I would be thrilled with $10!”

The eldes...

How do you get over seasonal depression?

You just fall out of it

I suffer from depression, but my aunt, who dotes on me, always knows how to cheer me up

you could say she's the perfect auntie-dote to my misery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.

He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.

His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then...

They've found a cure for depression!

Women were twice as likely as men to experience depression this year.

No one was eating out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hulk Hogan: Doc, I had to struggle through manic-depression all my career!

Therapist: Are you saying you had to wrestle mania?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

"Listen son, I don't really think ur depression jokes are appropriate"

"what jokes"

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry"

"...but you can't count Missouri twice."

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Takes place during the Great Depression.

A man and his wife were barely scraping by on their combined salaries, but they weren’t making enough to make ends meet. One night, they lay in bed hungry after skipping supper. Now the woman had an idea, but she didn’t think her husband would approve of it. She turned to the man and said,
“Why ...

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

They did a study comparing the brains of 17 people with depression and the brains of 18 healthy people

They discovered that on average, the depressed group had one brain less.

Amazon is launching a new personal assistant for people suffering from depression.

They are calling it Alexa Pro.

So there’s three guys in the middle of the Great Depression.

Their names are Bob, Joe, and Ronnie. Now Bob, he's a pretty smart guy. Definitely the smartest of the three. Joe is, well he's not great, but he's had a few good ideas in his time. Now Ronnie. Ronnie is dumb. And when I say dumb I mean _dumb_. Like really, really dumb. So one day, these three are p...

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