My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, “I’m so sorry”

“... but you can’t count Missouri twice.”

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

If 4 out of 5 people suffer with depression in their lifetime

Does that mean one actually enjoys it?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer quickly purchased land in a low lying depression, and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill, and the donkeys rarely got away.

In other words, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so they wouldn't by pass the ass hole.

My doctor told me to drink hard alcohol for my depression...

Turns out absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

Doctor: I'd give him Lithium for his severe depression.

If that doesn't work, Barium.

My wife told me today that she's suffering of depression.

I said "I think it's contagious because whenever I'm around you I wanna kill myself too."

45 year old me: "Doctor, I have post birth depression." Doctor: "But you haven't birthed."

Me: "But I was born"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the doctor who prescribed viagra to the man with depression?

He said things just keep getting harder and harder.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

What do you call a public official with depression?

a person in a zolofty position

Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

What’s the best way to overcome depression?

Love it, so it leaves you as well.

How many depression counselors does it take to treat a patient who've seen the same joke thrice in a day?

I will let you know when I recover.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"I want to prescribe you new cutting edge drug against depression. But I have good news and bad news about the drug"

"I would prefer to hear bad news first".

"Okay. Bad news are that said drug has many side-effects. You will feel dizzy, tired, bad taste in your mouth, periodical urges to vomit, etc."

"And good news?"

"You won't give a fuck."

Exercise has helped with my depression immensely.

My wife started jogging a few months ago, and I feel far better about being seen with her.

It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.

If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.

What do private roads and people with seasonal depression have in common?

Neither gets plowed in the winter.

A lot of my friends really struggle hard with drug addiction, depression, and a feeling of indifference to the world.

But they always came easily for me.

I have been trying Chinese medicine for depression for about two months now

I think its working. My tears have certainly been repressed.

The cure for my depression is right around the corner...

Yep here comes the train now.

Depression...

Me: Depression is the worst. I just want to sleep all day, I've been eating the same thing for every meal, life has lost its color—

My dog: oh my God, I have depression

What did the dog say during the Great Depression?

These are ruff times

Being in a state of depression is one of the worst place to find yourself.

But at least it's not Mississippi.

What do you call a cantaloupe with clinical depression?

Melon-choly

Will Smith walks into a group therapy session for depression...

“So that’s it, huh? We some kinda suicide squad?”

I really hope this country doesn't slip into depression...

Because if it does Trump will make sure it is the *Greatest* depression it has ever seen.

What caused the Great depression?

A lack of comedians

Depression

The only thing keeping you up at night is not wanting to wake up.

Michigan is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.

A man goes to the doctor for depression.

When he tells the doctor all of the symptoms, the doctor says, "I believe what you should do is go down to the circus, and watch Pagliacci the clown. He's the best in town and can cheer anybody up." The man responds, "But I am Pagliacci".

The inventor of the light bulb has recently been diagnosed with depression.

I wonder how many people it took to change him.

After both suffering from depression, my wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday.

But once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.

I'm not saying cosmetic surgery cured my depression

But it definitely put a smile on my face.

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

Depression

Doctor: I think you suffer from seasonal depression.

Patient: I think it’s chronic depression.

Doctor: why?

Patient; because I hate my life in the summer too.

Hulk Hogan: Doc, I had to struggle through manic-depression all my career!

Therapist: Are you saying you had to wrestle mania?

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

Two guys are walking through the forest and come upon a depression, in the middle of the depression is a hole.

So, they decide they want to see how deep this hole is.

They take a handful of rocks and throw them in the hole. They listen ... but never hear them hit the bottom.

They find a much bigger rock. They roll it to the edge of the depression and push. It rolls to the middle and falls down...

What do you call a 23 year old guy with no friends, depression, social anxiety anda no job?

An average redditor

Your mother is so fat that she fell into deep depression

and she broke it.

What's the difference between crippling depression and crippled depression?

One can't get out of bed because they're depressed, the other is depressed because they can't get out of bed.

What do you call symptoms of depression?

"Blues Clues"

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

I have a cross eyed friend who just got diagnosed with depression.

Makes sense because he never looks forward to anything.

Arkansas ranks highly among other states in terms of depression and adultery

It's a sad state of affairs.

I started teaching a rope tying class a couple hours before a depression support group

It was incredibly successful but it died out quick

A man with manic depression buys a heart rate monitor

It was made by Polar

Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression.

Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.

A motivational speaker retired due to depression

He discovered he had B Negative blood

Since we are doing time period jokes: A Joke from the Great Depression.

Government: you have two cows

Socialism: You keep one cow's milk and the government takes the other and gives out its milk.

Communism: The government takes both cows and gives its milk away as it sees fit.

New Dealism: You get rid of both your cows and milk the government.

jokes about depression used to be funny....

now they're just sad.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy put his hands in the pockets of his expensive wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Masturbation can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."

And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I c...

A young guy suffers from debilitating headaches (slightly long)

After going through many tests over several months the doctor says the only way to cure them is to cut off his balls. After another couple months the pain is so great the patient finally agrees to the operation. A week after the operation the patient is super depressed and asks the doctor what he c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In the midwest during the depression, a guy went to work on a ranch in exchange for room and board

After several weeks of no women and being far from the nearest town, the guy was getting horny. He asked the rancher if there was anything he could recommend. The rancher said, "I have a horse in the barn." The guy responds, "Thanks, but no."

After a few more weeks, the guy is even worse, ...

I was recently diagnosed with depression

It made me sad

What does a bully say to someone with severe depression?

Stop hating yourself, stop hating yourself!

What did the sad math teacher say to his class?

Please
End
My
Depression
And
Suffering...

...well he just said PEMDAS.

Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...

Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.

Depression.

Why treat it when you can end it?

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ...

The 5 stages of buying petrol.

I have the three D’s

Depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.

Guilty and Depression!

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.

"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, ...

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One time, I ripped ass so good I got sad when it was over.

I had postfartum depression.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Jews during the depression

Two Jewish guys are liking for work during the depression. They come across a atholic church that has a sign saying , "get saved; convert and receive $25".
One if the guys says, "my children are starving, I need that money" and goes in the church. His buddy waits for him and about am hour later h...

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face" the horse replies

"I have clinical depression"

President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression...

...since the deaths of Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston.

What do you call the hangover you get from drinking wine?

The grape depression.

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.

"Crippling depression," I told him.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

How did the man hope to measure his hopelessness?

He searched for the the sin of his angle of depression.

This NEW diet plan will make you almost NEVER hungry

Depression

Side effects: Depression

Dolly Parton is such a beloved figure in America, the DSM-5 has already classified a disease that American's might feel when she dies.

Post-Parton Depression

The gambler.

This is a long one.
During the depression a guy walks into a bar and asks for a round for the house. The bartender skeptical due to the hard times requires payment. When the guy pulls out a huge wad of cash the bartender’s eyes get huge and he asks, “where did you get all that from?!”
He res...

A redditor became a chemist

And decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well...

Why was the craft beer snob sad?

He had saisonal depression.

What’s the difference between me and America?

America got rid of its Great Depression.

I always tell myself 'you are not lonely'

You have depression with you

Billy has 5 albums by Morrissey and he buys 2 more, what does Billy have?

Depression, Billy has depression.