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Depression Jokes

Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression

It would cut itself

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

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I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

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What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder

I have a depression joke...

but ultimately it’s too long, doesn’t really go anywhere, and eventually makes you wonder if it’s even worth continuing

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless

Just like me

Whoever Stole My Anti-Depression Medications

I Hope You're Happy!

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Why doesn't Viagra help with depression?

It just makes things harder.

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Depression Era Prostitute NSFW

Three generations of prostitutes were hanging out on the street corner talking about their day.

The youngest complains “I just sucked that guy off and all I got was a lousy $50!”

The middle aged one says “$50?!?! Hell, when I was your age I would be thrilled with $10!”

The eldes...

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Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shit.

People are making depression so bad

Back then it used to be Great

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Having a massive penis is a lot like having depression...

it's just something you learn to live with.

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Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

They've found a cure for depression!

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry"

"...but you can't count Missouri twice."

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

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The depressed clown, Pagliacci, visits a therapist incognito.

He spends the hour talking about his depression. Nothing seems worth it anymore. He can’t smile at all. He has no wife or girlfriend to share his life with. Children’s smiles don’t make him happy anymore. His loving little dog doesn’t make him happy. He is at the end of his rope.

Therapist: “...

The cure for my depression is right around the corner...

Yep here comes the train now.

Why are so many New Yorkers suffering from depression?

Because for them, the "light at the end of the tunnel" is New Jersey.

White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

I have a great joke about depression, wanna hear it?

*sigh* Who am I kidding?

You'll hate it anyways.

Having depression is like your girl having an only fans.

You might be cool with it but, you stay wondering who’s watching and what they think.

How do psychology majors get depression?

Like dude, just look at your notes.

Do you have seasonal depression?

Or are you just feeling a little under the weather?

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

Instagram causes depression in teenage girls...

...just like everything else.

- Doctor, I'm having constant depression. Nothing works.

\- The best cure you can try is to fully submerge yourself in your work.

\- Doctor, but I'm working as a plumber.

Sleeping next to someone you love makes you fall asleep faster, reduces depression, reduces anxiety and helps you to live longer.

Until they start to fart in their sleep.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

USSRIs

New Jersey ranks highest in depression and marital infidelity

It's a sad state of affairs

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What does someone with depression and a necrophile have in common ?

They both feel like fucking corpses.

why did the Astronaut fall into depression?

because he wasn't happy in the closed 'space'

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Old 1930s depression era joke…

What is the difference between a single man, and a divorced man?


A single man is missing buttons on his shirt.
A divorced man has no shirt.




Another depression era joke:

Church Usher: “things are definitely improving for the congregation.”

Minister: “how...

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I c...

What is the difference between an economic recession and an economic depression?

One is when your neighbor loses their job, the other is when you also lose yours.

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Therapist recommended I try using CBT to help with depression

I still feel dead inside, but at least now my balls are too

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My doctor told me that his research on intestinal flora could be close to curing depression, but that they were missing samples.

And I gotta tell you; for the first time in my life, I actually gave a shit.

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Takes place during the Great Depression.

A man and his wife were barely scraping by on their combined salaries, but they weren’t making enough to make ends meet. One night, they lay in bed hungry after skipping supper. Now the woman had an idea, but she didn’t think her husband would approve of it. She turned to the man and said,
“Why ...

What do you call depression that runs in the family?

Blue genes!

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Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

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My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

The thing my depression and life have in common

Is they both won't stop bothering me

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

What's the difference between crippling depression and crippled depression?

One can't get out of bed because they're depressed, the other is depressed because they can't get out of bed.

Women were twice as likely as men to experience depression this year.

No one was eating out.

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

Great depression

The real great depression was when t series briefly passed pewds.

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A guy tried to cure his depression with Viagra.

It didn't work. Things were getting harder and harder.

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