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Without a doubt, Robin Williams is great.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.

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I doubt he got the job.

A guy is on a job interview when he gets asked "what would you say is your worst quality?" He replies "honesty." Interviewer says "well, I think that's a great quality to have!" Guy says "I don't give a FUCK what you think."

What do you call an Anti-Vax Child minder? - Mrs Doubt Pfizer

It's only a joke.

This Valentine's Day I will no doubt be inundated again as usual...

In, undated

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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,

"Dave! What's happening? Great to see yo...

I really doubt Canada will invest significantly in space exploration, but I’ll believe it if they...

...show me the moon, eh!

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During my annual check-up today, I asked my doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" He replied, "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "Sorry, but I don't really believe in any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

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A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now without a doubt the number one hand held device!

Closely followed by the penis which is usually held in the other hand

I doubt whiskey is the answer,

But it's worth a shot.

Well, No Sale Today. (Co-worker says it's OC, I doubt)

Many animals are waiting in line in front of a store in the forest: bears, foxes, wolves, hedgehogs etc. A rabbit pushes through the queue. He pushes the other animals with his elbows, and jumps to the beginning of the queue. At this point, a bear catches him and says, "You, bunny, no cheating! To t...

If you still have doubts about using a talking calculator, you should really just give it a try.

The results will speak for themselves.

A cowboy goes into town to buy a horse…

A cowboy goes into town to buy a horse, and he walks up to the local horse dealer and asks him about the horses he has to offer.

The horse dealer is telling the cowboy about one of the horses when the cowboy begins to lose interest. Out of the corner of his eye, the cowboy’s spotted the most ...

A guy walks into a bar and says “Give me a shot of your finest Whiskey, and pour one for yourself on me!”

The bartender is surprised but pleased, so he pours two shots of the most expensive Scotch in the house.

They toast and drink up. After a few moments the man gets up and walks towards the door without paying. The bartender chases after him and says “hey what’s the big idea?! You haven’t paid...

Three friends, Bob, John and joe are sitting at a bar

Bob takes a sip of his beer, sets it down and asks his buddies

“What do y’all think the fastest thing in the world is?”

Joe thinks for a minute, sips his beer and says

“I think light is the fastest thing in the world. I heard that it’s the universal speed limit or somethin…”
...

My wife dared doubt my craftsmanship when I was changing over the light switch.

Haha, she's in for a shock!

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Four Gentlemen Are out Golfing ,,,

Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children’s professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, knocks the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word…
The s...

Everyone knows the story of "doubting Thomas" and his reaction to the death and resurrection of Christ

He was famously known for insisting on seeing the wounds for himself, and while most think it was because he didn't believe the stories he was hearing, I know it was because he wanted to confirm that Jesus was indeed a holey man.

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A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY

She turns to the class and says, "Today we'll be looking at the word 'definitely'. Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement."

Little Suzy raises her hand and says, "I am definitely going to the park a...

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Ha.

\[Maritime History Professor\] So what do you think is the most important sea in Europe?



\[Student\] Without doubt the first one in 'Amsterdam Canal Experience'

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I gave my neighbor the benefit of the doubt when he said he'd stop hoarding stuff.

He won't give it back.

There were many knights at King Arthur's round table, but without a doubt the fattest was...

Sir Cumference.

He was known for eating too much pi.

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I will no doubt be hunted down and dragged behind a pickup truck until I die for this.

What's the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly?

A redneck puts on a condom before he fucks his own sister.

A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency. The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.

The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home,
which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then raised concerns about the education
a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time ...

Two guys were in an English pub.

They called the publican over to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints miss, and they are on ...

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With great enthusiasm and singing a song

Reagan visits the USSR and is amazed by the capital construction he has seen.

Reagan: "How do you manage to build structures like this? Your logistics is shit, you have no technology and people are apathetic."

Gorbachev: "Soviet people built it all with great enthusiasm and while singi...

"Remember son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything.

"Dad, are you sure?"

"Absolutely!"

The Silver Plate...

My mom visited my private hostel where I shared a 2 bedroom flat with a female student. Mom invited my roommate for lunch with us which she obliged.

During the meal, my mother couldn't help but notice how pretty my roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between th...

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

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"Will I be ok doc?"

"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

"I don't believe in that astrology rubbish."

"Nor do I !! My thermometer just broke."

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

Bob Saget will be missed. He was very loved by all......

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.

.

.

.

.

.

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There is no doubt his funeral will be a full house.

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A man needs a Christmas gift for his new girlfriend. . .

A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they’ve only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift – romantic, yet not too personal.

He asks the girlfriend’s younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair she’...

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A man was having trouble sleeping at night....

....due to a persistent and irrational phobia of monsters being under his bed. Despite knowing that there were no such things as monsters, his brain refused to let go of the fear that had haunted him all his life. He was undergoing therapy with a psychologist, but had gotten nowhere in several years...

My terrible joke

I met a Northern European guy at my local running race. I said to him I doubt you'll even Finnish

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A man books a Doctor's appointment for his huge penis.

He books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see him and explains,

"D-d-d-d-docter I have a really bad s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my huge p-p-p-p-penis"

The doctor takes a look and can see that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man...

If Jesus had his second coming, I doubt he’d let anyone crucify him.

Nobody double-crosses Jesus

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

A few minutes before the services started, satan appeared at the front of the church

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God's ultima...

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they...

If you have any doubt whether your reader will understand an abbreviation, write the term out in full.

Otherwise, he will be left in the position of the farmer who shot a crow, then noticed the tag on its leg: ``Wash. Biol. Surv.''

The next day he was talking with his neighbor about the last night's dinner: ``I followed the directions, washed it, boiled it, and put it on the table. Damn crow ...

A Zebra walks into a pub and asks for a beer.

A Zebra walks into a pub and asks for a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry I can't serve you"
The Zebra asks "Why not?"

"Because you're barred" replies the bartender.


I just thought this up but I doubt I'm the first. Sorry if it is lame.

My response when someone asked me if I am into Gwen Stefani...

No Doubt.

Back in the days... (long)

Back in the days, on a beautiful spring day, a farmer had led his cow to a small stream next to a green, lush meadow. The animal happily guzzles some water, while the farmer milks her. Two engineers come hiking down the path that follows the stream.

"Excuse me, sir", says one, "what are you d...

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The Ice Sculpture contest [OC]

Once upon a time an elderly couple ventured to an old town with not many inhabitants. The town being located fairly high up north as well as the harsh winter season lead to it not being the most prosperous place at the current time. Everyone there was cold, hungry and they mainly kept to their own. ...

Some people had doubts that I'd be a good leader

Those people are dead now.

Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people

Samsung

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

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Reasonable Doubt

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for ...

Without a doubt, the Ford F-150

My favorite pickup line.

I haven't cut my hair in a long time. Initially, when it started getting a bit long, it was irritating and I doubted whether it was worth the effort. But lately it's not been so much of a hassle anymore. Maybe long hair isn't so bad after all...

Seems like it's growing on me.

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In very ancient times, people used to immolate young and beautiful virgins to appease the wrath of gods and dragons.

Of course, nowadays, no one believes in the existence of such legendary creatures.
And there are even people who doubt about the existence of gods and dragons too!

I’m doubting if the baby is mine

My bf had an affair with another girl a few months ago & yet today my doctor told me that I’m pregnant now. How the heck can I tell if the baby is really mine?

What do you call a doubtful side-chick?

A second thot.

A young Catholic couple about to get married…

Died in a fiery car crash. They were met at the gates of heaven by St. Peter. They told him how deeply in love they were, and asked if it was possible to get married in heaven.

St. Peter told them he wasn’t sure but would find out and get back to them.

Three months later St. Peter sh...

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A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

Some might doubt that TV shows inspired hundreds of thousands of people to raid Area 51 looking for supernatural beings

but I've seen stranger things

A trial for murder is being held and all the evidences indicate that the defendant is guilty But the body has never been found

Just before the sentence is concluded his astute lawyer stands up and says: "ladies and gentlement, the deceased will enter the room in a few minutes".

There is a sudden commotion after these things were said. A few minutes pass then some more and no one has entered the room.

After a...

I was once in a meeting with a bunch of people raving about how the script for Tommy Wiseau’s movie is amazing. I finally just said “I doubt it” and they all fell silent and stared at me in anger, until one of them said,

“You really need to read the room.”

Among all the months there's one that leaves me doubtful.

May

Double punchline Buddhist joke.

A Buddhist monk is walking through New York and sees a hot dog cart, he walks up and the vendor asks him what he wants. The monk replies:

“Make me one with everything.”

The vendor obliges and after handing over the hot dog tells him his total is $3.50. The monk gets out $5 and hands i...

If there's any doubt about what parts of The Hunger Games match the books, we can be sure at least one thing is true to the series; The sound played after someone dies during the games.

That's definitely cannon.

"These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well"

"that is a cheap stereotype"

Judge: "You were caught on the high-speed camera going 50 mph over the limit."

defendant: "If the camera is on weed and Adderall, I doubt we can trust its judgement on how fast I drove."

Why was the Jamaican man doubting himself that he swam in Egypt

He was In De Nile

So I guess there was this rancher who was growing a really weird breed of cattle.

They were a really vivid blue green color.  No one could believe it... They thought he was airbrushing them or painting them or using Instagram filters or photoshop.

Finally an fda inspector--Neal Beal was his name--wanted to go out to the ranch and see for himself whether these cows were re...

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In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in.

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swore that he could even think like a Russian.

The big day...

When in doubt ...

Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?

Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.

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The voodoo dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

a man wants to see a fortune teller

A man wants to see a fortune teller, but then he doubts her special powers, so he turns away and goes home.

Later that evening he got a text message:

"What a shame"

Some people doubt my memory

But I can remember last year as if it were yesterday.

“Mrs. Barber, medically impossible though it seems at your age, there’s no doubt about it: you’re pregnant.”

Carla was well into her sixties when she went to her doctor complaining of nausea, exhaustion, and occasional cramps. After a thorough examination the doctor sent her to the hospital for a battery of tests, and finally confronted her with the results. “Mrs. Barber, medically impossible though it see...

When people find out I work in a food tinning factory they always doubt my ability to do my job.

But I can.

When God sends help, don't doubt.

She hurried to the pharmacy to pick up the medication. When she got back to the car, she found her keys locked inside.
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help.
Wi...

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A farmer was out by his barn, repairing a fence.

A young hen came near him, pecking at the ground. He was surprised when he thought he heard a “psst”. The farm looked around and saw no one, so he continued his work.

Then he heard it, clear as day. “Hey. Down here.”

The farmer looked down and saw the hen looking at him.

“Did y...

The warden only allowed boys who did a good deed that day to eat supper in the hostel dining room.



During their induction she taught them what were considered good deeds - running an errand for someone, helping an old lady cross the road, teaching other students things they don't understand and the like are examples of good deeds and should be rewarded, she explained.

The young bo...

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A Doctor Sex Joke

2 Doctors hit it off at a Medical Conference.

After a few drinks they take off to the male Doctors hotel room and engage in sex.

Over breakfast the next day the male Doctor says, “You must be a Surgeon”.
“How did you know that?”
“Well you kept getting up to wash your hands.”
<...

After a Year of use I can say without a doubt that the Nintendo Switch is the perfect console for Me

The Nintendo Sub was too under powered and the Nintendo Dom is more than I can handle.......

Even with short term memory loss I can tell you without a doubt..

man i'm hungry right now

What do you call someone who loves Christmas but doubts the existence of God?

Eggnog-stic.

A rabbi and a priest

A rabbi and a priest meet up after a year not seeing each other.

The rabbi goes: "Man, you've put on some weight since last time!"

Priest: "Yeah I know, it is a new technique I came up with. You go to a restaurant, eat as much as you can. When the bill comes, you tell them you already ...

I think I doubt myself too much

But I'm not sure

My friend said that I doubted everyone's imaginations.

You couldn't make it up.

Designated

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying hi...

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Newby Salesperson (Long joke)

NOTE: My husband thinks this joke is sexist, but I think it's hilarious.

A young man desperately needed a good paying job, so he applied as a salesperson for a large, everything-under-one-roof store.

The manager, seeing how young the man was, was doubtful he could sell anything, but th...

Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?

Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...


Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?

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On his way to work, a man noticed what appeared to be a fresh turd in his path. He crouched for a closer inspection.

It *looked* like shit. He put his face up to it and sniffed. It *smelled* like shit. He rubbed some of it between his fingers. It *felt* like shit. He put his finger to his tongue. I *tasted* like shit. "That's shit, no doubt," he proclaimed. "I'm not stepping on that," and walked around it instead.

You were there for me when I had my doubts, you always gave me guidance, and you always offered me options.

Thanks Google.

People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community.

But it's Trudeau.

Doubting wife!

My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.

Well, she's in for a shock!

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An American, a Russian and a Finn drink in a bar.

The American says:

\- Well... American Air Forces are so huge that we can cover all the sky over Finland by our planes. And there will no sunlight, only shade.

They drink. The Russian says:

\- Well, Russian Navy is so huge that we can cover entire the Gulf of Finland by ships...

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Use The Camel

Having joined the French Foreign Legion, Pierre focused on becoming the best soldier he could. Day in, day out he trained; long marches with full pack, hand to hand combat, shooting range etc... but even all this activity couldn't take away the yearning he had, after all he was a young viral man. T...

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My penis got stuck in the zipper today

I doubt I'll be asked to zip up a dress again

The Feds have just raided a tennis club used as a front for a large Mafia organisation.

No doubt they'll be charged with racquet-eering.

Pretty dark you’ve been warned

Why does Obama give his speeches behind bullet proof glass? I know he’s black and all but I doubt he’ll shoot anyone.

My mum is an anti vaxxer...

Calls herself Mrs DoubtPfizer

Mulla Nasruddin, having said his Friday prayers, was exiting the mosque.

And when you stepped out of the mosque and into the street, you could be sure you would come across a beggar or two. Some were so regular that they were almost glued to their chosen spots. Mulla Nasruddin knew that this was a good place for them to be. After all, people came out from their prayers f...

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polack...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polack are on death row, awaiting electrocution.
The warden takes the first man, and asks him if he has any last words. He says, 'I'm innocent. Perhaps years from now, evidence will show I"m telling the truth'.
The warden says, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what t...

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