I dented my car...

... so I took it to a dentist.

What do you call a Dent that looks better from a different angle?

Harvey





\*My first 100% original dad joke. I am proud of me\*

I just dented my meat...

Opened the freezer door too fast and the hotdogs flew out onto the floor.

My ex wife dented the hood of my car.

To be honest, was partly my fault. I *was* driving 55 mph in a 25 mph zone.

“Mom, why is the insta pot dented?”

“Cause it couldn’t handle the pressure.”

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of s...

How does Harvey Dent take his coffee?

With half & half

What’s red and has 7 little dents?

Snow White’s Cherry

Two cars get into a minor crash, the cars a bit dented, the drivers completely fine...

The Pope gets out of one car and a rabbi gets out of the other. They are tolerant, cultured people and so there is no fight, no cussing.

"God giveth, God taketh away", the Pope says.

"Things come and things go", the ~~rabbit~~ rabbi replies and asks, "Shall we have a drink over our mis...

There's two things I don't like about Harvey Dent

His face

My friend told me that if he held a stone against my arm for 5 seconds, when he released it the dent would stay there for ever. It didn't work,

I'm not impressed.

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

A blonde goes to a mechanic to ask about fixing dents in her car

She asks the mechanic
"How can I fix the dents myself as I have no money to pay for the repairs."
The Mechanic being a funny guy responds
"Just blow into the exhaust pipe as hard as you can and the dents will disappear".
So the blonde goes home and starts blowing into the exhaust pipe....

The dent

"I noticed you've got a dent on your car?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Did you drink too much last evening?"

"Yes, I did."

"I see. So your wife had to drive you home?"

"Exactly."

What do you call a dentist who’s just had a minor car accident?

Dent-ist

I forgot - what's the name of that two-faced villain, something "dent"?

Never mind, I was able to remember. It is President.

What is pink and has seven small dents in it?

Snow White’s hymen.

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

Sorry, I have to share this joke my little cousin said over thanksgiving break!

Him: “Hey what kind of dent do you get when you run into a Hippo?”

Me: “idk what”

Him: “A Hippo dent”

I’m not entirely sure if he knows how jokes work but hey he’s trying!

Someone ran into the back of my Ferrari

Now it’s al dente

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde is driving down the highway

She is applying make-up in her rear view mirror. Her car drifts into the next lane and trades paint with a pickup truck. They pull off to the side of the road, the driver of the pickup truck gets out and he’s fuming. He asks the blonde if she has insurance and she just stares at him blankly... So he...

A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...

...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walke...

Accident

A Dutchman is driving in Belgium when he hits a Belgian car. The Belgian whose car he hit was upset, as it was severely dented and the Dutchman was clearly at fault. But the Dutchman, unwilling to pay for the damages, managed to calm him down by explaining to him how to remove the dents: "Just blow ...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wear a mask and run around punching women in their breasts.

It’s my secret I dent titties.

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

I’d make a joke about foot wear but...

I probably shoe-dent

A man was browsing Craigslist one day...

...when he comes across this insane deal. A good-as-new Porsche, for 20 bucks. "It's a prank," he thinks. "Like that Hooters girl and the Toyota/'toy Yoda' thing." Still, he's not really in need of $20, so he decides to be a good sport and humor the seller.

He drives out to the address in the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An metropolitan Police officer gets demoted to Traffic duty in the middle of nowhere...

He’s furious about it. He sits in his car at the side of the highway, mumbling to himself angrily about his demotion, until he finally snaps. He turns on his lights and pulls over the first car that passes him. Slamming his door behind him, he marches up to the car and pounds on the window.
...

What would be a good toothpaste slogan in Gotham?

I believe in Pepso-Dent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Germany, Russia and Poland are competing in a vault breaking competition...

The rules of the competition are simple. There is a vault in the middle of a room. The light in the room is shut off for 3 seconds. In those 3 seconds the team can do whatever they want to the vault to try and get in. If the team manages to break into the vault before the light comes back on they ge...

Why did Two-Face go to the mechanic?

He had a Dent in his car.

What do you call an incident with someone who has an accent?

An *accent*dent

Now laugh you fools

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

Deb, a blonde, gets caught in a hailstorm.

And so she brings her badly dented car to the body shop. The mechanic decides to play a trick on her.

The mechanic, pretending to inspect the car says, "I see you got caught in yesterday's hailstorm. There's an easy fix for that. When you get home, just blow really hard on the tail pipe and a...

How do ABBA like their pasta?

Al-dente, al-dente...

(Oh please don’t let me down)

A blonde rear-ended a sports car...

A blonde was driving and accidentally rear-ended a sports car. It wasn't much damage but it was enough to give the sports car a dent and scratched paint.

A large man got out of the sports car and was red with rage. He yelled at the blonde to get out of her car. She did, and the man drew a cir...

A blonde gets her car damaged in a hail storm

It's a mess. looks basically like a golf ball--dents everywhere. So she takes it to a body shop, and the technician sees she's blonde and decides to have some fun. He tells her that the fix is simple, that as soon as the tailpipe is cool, to blow into it and all the dents will just pop right out.<...

I once threw a tomahawk at my dad's car

I once threw a tomahawk at my dad's car, leaving a nasty blemish in the passenger door.


My dad was OK with it, though, afterall... it was only an axe dent

That’s the last time I lend my car to an Italian chef

The last guy left it al dente

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke made me chuckle

A Chinese guy, an Italian and an Irishman arrived for their first day working on a construction site and reported to the foreman's office.

The foreman pointed to a huge pile of sand and said, "I want you three guys to make a huge dent in that sandpile there!"

The foreman then grabbed t...

Blonde body repair

A blonde is driving home and she gets caught in a really bad hailstorm. The hail is as big as tennis balls, and she ends up with her car covered with large dents. So the next day she takes her car to the repair shop.

The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a little fun. He tell...

What do you call hellish pasta?

Al Dente's inferno

What is Two Face's favorite type of vehicular damage?

An R.V. dent.

One day a man brought home a custom fan [Long]

One day a man bought a custom electric fan in the colors of his favorite sports team. It had a remote control and an ion freshener and all the bells and whistles. It even announced when the next game would be! It was expensive, but the man loved his team and well, summer is hot. His wife, none too h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man, an Ostrich, and a Cat, Walk Into a Bar...

The bartender, used to these sorts of jokes, lets it slide. "What'll you have?" he asks the trio.

"I'll have a pint," the man says.
"Just a Coke for me," says the ostrich.
"I'll have a scotch," the cat says. He looks at the man, "so long as you're buying."

"Right," the bartender ...

A tree fell on our car during the recent Hurricane, and my dad won't get it repaired. He even named the damage.

Harvey Dent

Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane?

Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere

The Blonde and the Mechanic and her Neighbor

One day, a blonde was driving from her mothers house home. On the way, she got caught in a hail storm. Thinking it would be best, she pressed on and sped to get home. When she arrived home, she parked her car in the garage and went inside to go to sleep.

Upon waking in the morning, she went d...

A massive hailstorm ravages a town...

...leaving plenty of damage in its wake. A blonde takes her hailstone-dented car to a body shop to have the dents removed.

The body shop owner is already swamped with work due to the storm, and decides to have some fun with her. He tells the blonde: "You know, you don't have to pay me to hav...

Did you hear about the man with a car made of pasta?.

He got in a crash, and now his car's al dente.

A man wakes up to a gorilla being in his roof

A man wakes up to find a gorilla on his roof. The gorilla was up there dancing away having the time of his life. The man no idea how to get the gorilla down, so he got the phone book out and sure enough found gorilla remover, called and the guy said he could be there in 30 minutes. Like the man prom...

How does the president like his spaghetti

Al presi-dente

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!

COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEE...

Kudos if you get the joke

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician each have their respective problem-solving skills tested by a group of researchers. They are each placed in separate locked 4x4 cells with walls made of cement and given a can of food. They are told to open the cans and get the food out using no other ou...

I was following an ambulance today

Going down the road with the lights on and siren blaring. We were on a highway with a high speed limit so I could keep up without being too close.

The ambulance goes around the curve ahead of us and the back door flings open. A cooler rolls out and lands on the side of the road.

I fi...

What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is about to see his first child for the first time

A man is waiting to see his first born child for the very first time when a doctor runs up to him and says, "Dude! You are not going to believe this! You're baby can fly!" The new father is like, "No way! I have to see this." They run into the nursery and the doctor picks up the baby and drops out f...

Blond joke

A blonde goes to her car in the parking and to her shock there is a dent on the flank. A guy passing by seeing she is blonde tells her: "you need to go on your knees on blow in the exhaust pipe as hard as you can. Then just like a plastic bottle it will go back to normal."
The blonde is very tha...

Blonde Auto Repair...

A blonde was driving to the mall (of course!) when she got caught in a sudden hailstorm with hail the size of golf balls. Her car was ruined. She took it to a body shop and asked the appraiser, "How much to fix it?" The appraiser's answer was $5,000. The fair-hair girl exclaims, "Wow! That much? Isn...

What does a blonde do when her car endures a hail storm?

Jill woke up one morning after a hail storm that night. Her car had dents all over it. It was incredibly bad damage, so she brought it into a local auto repair to get the dents fixed. The mechanic, noticing that Jill was blonde, thought he would have a little fun. He simply told her that there is an...

There's a car accident in a neighborhood

A guy in an old, beat up station wagon rear ends another guy in a brand new Porsche. Both drivers get out of their cars to inspect the damage and they see that the back of the Porsche is totaled but station wagon's front fender doesn't have a scratch on it.

The owner of the Porsche is livid w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skinny white guy meets his cell-mate for the first time...

Who happens to be a seven and a half foot monster of a black man.
As soon as the guards lock the cell and leave the black man stands up and unzips his trousers. There's a dull thud as his massive cock hits the floor.

He swings it one way, smashing the sink off the wall. He swings it the ot...

Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop?

Cause it got al dente'd up!

What did little Paul Bunyan say when his mom asked him how he damaged his favorite toy?

It was an ax-I-dent.

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