Dad to his son: “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!”

Son: “Go on, then.”


Dad growls: “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”


Son: “Dad, that’s Superman!”


Dad: “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

I can do a really bad Terminator impression!

I'll return...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy really wants to impress his girlfriend.

A guy had met a girl recently and he really liked her, so he would try to impress her on every chance that showed up.

One day, they were at a Rolling Stones concert. The guy excused himself for a moment to go to the bathroom, but made a turn and headed right to the band’s room. In there was M...

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

Ever since we got married my wife has been working on her bird impressions...

She watches me like a hawk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a friend that can do a perfect seagull impression

He doesn't do the noise, he just takes your chips and >!shits!< on your car

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

You guys want to hear my Trump impression?

I never said I had a Trump impression.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

This bloke said to me, “would you be up for doing an impression of a pheasant?”

I said, “sure, I'm game!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Gorillas are getting drunk in the Belgian Congo... (NSFW)

So some gorillas are having some beers and goofing off at the edge of the forest in the Belgian Congo, clowning on each other, doing impressions, etc. one of them looks toward the bordering savanna and notices a lion intently stalking a distant antelope.

“Check out Mr. King of the Jungle ove...

My wife kept yelling at me for doing flamingo impressions

so I had to put my foot down.

So this guy asks the girl of his dreams to be his date for the prom and she says “Yes.”

So the guy is very ecstatic and wants to make a great impression...

So he goes to the flower shop to buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a corsage but the line is very long and he has to wait over an hour to buy the flowers. But he wants to make a good impression so he waits and gets the f...

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

My wife told me to stop with my bad Matthew McConaughey impressions. So I told her.

OK, OK, OK.

You want my impression of a child environmentalist

How dare you

I was under the impression that the girl on my blind date thought I was sweet.

Turns out that’s not what she meant when she called me unsavoury.

Your Best 007 Impression

I had to shoot an assassin with a harpoon last week.

I think he - got the point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters his therapist's office holding back tears

Therapist: What's the matter? There's clearly something wrong.

Man: I can't do my Borat impression anymore, not even once, or I'll be divorced!

Therapist: That's nonsense, who told you that?

Man: \*hangs his head and cries\*

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