Do you want to hear my Batman impression?

- Sure
- "Oh no, Kryptonite!"
- That's superman
- Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot

My girlfriend kicked me out of the apartment tonight.... she told me it was because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.

So I said, "I shall return."

My wife kept telling me to stop doing a flamingo impression...

In the end I had to put my foot down

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

Foot fetishists are great at first impressions.

They always get off on the right foot.

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

Ever since we got married my wife has been working on her bird impressions...

She watches me like a hawk.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle....

Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a "For sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquiries about it with the owner "Th...

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

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an american history professor decided that he wanted a large mural painted in his home.

he called in a famous artist and explained to him that he wanted him to paint what he thought general Custers last thoughts were during his last stand. he went on holiday and he returned see a mural of a large praying heifer with a halo above its head surrounded by many native americans in erotic se...

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I have a friend that can do a perfect seagull impression

He doesn't do the noise, he just takes your chips and >!shits!< on your car

You guys want to hear my Trump impression?

I never said I had a Trump impression.

I used to date a comedian. Things were going great until they met my parents.

They made a bad impression.

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

This bloke said to me, “would you be up for doing an impression of a pheasant?”

I said, “sure, I'm game!”

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]

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A wealthy urbanite decides that he wants to start a farm...

... so he heads out into the countryside to ask for his cousin's help.

"The way I see it," the man says, "I should probably start small. I'll need a chicken and a rooster, and I'll also need a donkey to haul my cultivator."

The cousin scratches his chin as he listens to this. "Well, ev...

You want my impression of a child environmentalist

How dare you

I was under the impression that the girl on my blind date thought I was sweet.

Turns out that’s not what she meant when she called me unsavoury.

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

First impression (NSFW)?

A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they're having a good time. So, they decide to head over to his place. As he is about to open the door, she takes a step back and looks at him.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I can tell a lot about how a man makes love by how he open...

My wife told me to stop with my bad Matthew McConaughey impressions. So I told her.

OK, OK, OK.

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My mate did an impression of Sean Connery constipated.

That doesn't shit well with me.

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My Uncle used to say, to get what you want, you need to be frank with people. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to get curt with them. If that's still not working, try showing them your dick.

Show them your impression of Dick Nixon, Everybody loves a good impression

Do you want to hear my impression of an Extractor Fan?

I used to really like Tractors...

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