My wife kept telling me to stop doing a flamingo impression...

In the end I had to put my foot down

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

Dad to his son: “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!”

Son: “Go on, then.”


Dad growls: “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”


Son: “Dad, that’s Superman!”


Dad: “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

My wife just kicked me out of the house because of my poor Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.

But don’t worry ‘I will return’

Foot fetishists are great at first impressions.

They always get off on the right foot.

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

Ever since we got married my wife has been working on her bird impressions...

She watches me like a hawk.

I can do a really bad Terminator impression!

I'll return...

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a friend that can do a perfect seagull impression

He doesn't do the noise, he just takes your chips and >!shits!< on your car

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

You guys want to hear my Trump impression?

I never said I had a Trump impression.

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Uncle used to say, to get what you want, you need to be frank with people. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to get curt with them. If that's still not working, try showing them your dick.

Show them your impression of Dick Nixon, Everybody loves a good impression

What does Claude leave when he has no Monet to pay for his coffee?

A bad impression.

This bloke said to me, “would you be up for doing an impression of a pheasant?”

I said, “sure, I'm game!”

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holmes and Watson examining a naked dead body..

“Do you see that reddish impression there around the neck there Watson?” asked Holmes, pointing to the markings.

“Yes Sir, I see it” replied Watson.

“What do you make of it?”

“I’d say strangulation, Sir”.

“My thinking also Watson”.

Holmes moved to the feet, “...

A sumo wrestler once came to visit, and ended up sleeping on my couch for a month!

It left a negative impression.

Your Best 007 Impression

I had to shoot an assassin with a harpoon last week.

I think he - got the point.

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

You want my impression of a child environmentalist

How dare you

I was under the impression that the girl on my blind date thought I was sweet.

Turns out that’s not what she meant when she called me unsavoury.

My wife told me to stop with my bad Matthew McConaughey impressions. So I told her.

OK, OK, OK.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

Do you want to hear my impression of an Extractor Fan?

I used to really like Tractors...

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