UPJOKE
imprintimagefeelingstampprintingeffectnotionpicturebeliefappearancedimplethoughtdepressionopinionpress

My dads best piece of advice growing up was "you only get one chance to make a good first impression"

I've always gone with Schwarzenegger, it's recognisable and its always a crowd pleaser

The parrot impression contest was so unfair.

The person who won did the same exact impression as me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a friend who does the best ever seagull impression.

He can’t do the noise, he just nicks your chips and shits on your car.

So, my girlfriend kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

A man applies for a job at the circus

“What can you do?” asks the owner

“Really good bird impressions”

“Sorry we’ve got someone who can do those already”

“Oh well” said the man sadly, as he flew out of the tent.

An Irish Priest

An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas.

He rose from his bed one morning; It was a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in ...

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

‘Sure.’

‘Oh no! Kryptonite!’

‘That’s Superman.’

‘Thanks man. I’ve been practicing.’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Priest and the Politician

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest ...

Have you seen my impression of a tin opener?

It's uncanny.

My girlfriend says my Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions is horrible.

That's when I got upset and right before I walked out of the room, I turned to her with his impression and said.
I'll be returning.

My boss said he'd give me a bonus if I did an impression of a frog.

I jumped at the opportunity.

My wife kept telling me to stop doing a flamingo impression...

In the end I had to put my foot down

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.

You guys want to hear my Trump impression?

I never said I had a Trump impression.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

My ex girlfriend is a really good impressionist

She does everyone

I went for an audition at a talent agency today.

They asked "so what's your special talent?"

I said "I do bird impressions!"

They said "sorry, that’s not original we have had loads of them!"

I said "fair enough!!"... and flew out the window

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman ,a Scotsman and an Irishman are all going to give speeches to the Deaf Society and are keen to make an impression on their audience…

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well…" he explained, "By rubbing my chest, I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing m...

First impression (NSFW)?

A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they're having a good time. So, they decide to head over to his place. As he is about to open the door, she takes a step back and looks at him.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I can tell a lot about how a man makes love by how he open...

This bloke said to me, “would you be up for doing an impression of a pheasant?”

I said, “sure, I'm game!”

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.