UPJOKE
imprintimagefeelingstampprintingeffectnotionpicturebeliefappearancedimplethoughtdepressionopinionmental picture

Impression Jokes

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry...

I’ll return.
upvote downvote report

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
upvote downvote report

First impression (NSFW)?

A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they're having a good time. So, they decide to head over to his place. As he is about to open the door, she takes a step back and looks at him.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I can tell a lot about how a man makes love by how he open...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a friend who does the best ever seagull impression.

He can’t do the noise, he just nicks your chips and shits on your car.

Bird Impression

A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.

The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"

The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"

The owner responds, "Pff, no thank...
upvote downvote report

I was under the impression my wife could fix socks.

After multiple requests, however, she exclaimed, "I CAN'T DARN IT!"
upvote downvote report

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."
upvote downvote report

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.
upvote downvote report

You guys want to hear my Trump impression?

I never said I had a Trump impression.
upvote downvote report

My dads best piece of advice growing up was "you only get one chance to make a good first impression"

I've always gone with Schwarzenegger, it's recognisable and its always a crowd pleaser
upvote downvote report

My Bill Cosby impression isn’t that entertaining.

It puts everyone to sleep.
upvote downvote report

Your Best 007 Impression

I had to shoot an assassin with a harpoon last week.

I think he - got the point.
upvote downvote report

Have you seen my impression of a tin opener?

It's uncanny.
upvote downvote report

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...
upvote downvote report

My wife kept telling me to stop doing a flamingo impression...

In the end I had to put my foot down
upvote downvote report

You want my impression of a child environmentalist

How dare you
upvote downvote report

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]
upvote downvote report

My girlfriend says my Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions is horrible.

That's when I got upset and right before I walked out of the room, I turned to her with his impression and said.
I'll be returning.
upvote downvote report

Wanna see my impression of a German Shepherd?

"*ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!* YOU SHEEPS *VILL* GO INTO ZE PASTURE, UND YOU *VILL* HAVE A GOOD TIME!"
upvote downvote report

Wanna hear my seal impression?

BABEH I COMPARE YOU TO A KISS FROM A ROSE DODEEDO
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman ,a Scotsman and an Irishman are all going to give speeches to the Deaf Society and are keen to make an impression on their audience…

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well…" he explained, "By rubbing my chest, I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing m...

Wanna hear my joe rogan impression

It’s entirely possible to have a chimpanzee read a audiobook have you ever heard of chimpanzees JAMIE google chimpanzees
upvote downvote report

I can do a Snake impression

My friends say it's pretty solid
upvote downvote report

My boss said he'd give me a bonus if I did an impression of a frog.

I jumped at the opportunity.
upvote downvote report

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.
upvote downvote report

Do you want to hear my impression of an Extractor Fan?

I used to really like Tractors...
upvote downvote report

I came here under the wrong impression.

I thought they said immigrants take all the good ladies and the jobs, but I guess not.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the church was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little talk at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had s...

Foot fetishists are great at first impressions.

They always get off on the right foot.
upvote downvote report

This bloke said to me, “would you be up for doing an impression of a pheasant?”

I said, “sure, I'm game!”
upvote downvote report

Bird Impressions

A man goes to the circus and tells the talent recruiter that he would like to apply for a position. The recruiter asks what his talents are, and the man replies that he does amazing bird impressions. The recruiter tells the man he's seen a million bird impressions and is not interested. The man s...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to hear my impression of Elton John?

He's gay. That's the impression I get.

I’d would love to show you my Sylvester Stallone impression

But it’s really Rocky.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd always been under the impression I was irresistible to the ladies.

They'd constantly be telling anyone who'd listen that they just couldn't get enough of me.

It turns out they were being literal and were just making fun of my tiny penis.

I was under the impression that the girl on my blind date thought I was sweet.

Turns out that’s not what she meant when she called me unsavoury.
upvote downvote report

That's the last time I'll do my Sean Connery impression...

...and tell my girlfriend to sit on my face...
upvote downvote report

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.
upvote downvote report

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Yoda were to do a Chicken impression...

If Yoda were to do a Chicken impression and say Cock-a-doodle-doo. Would he be asking someone to draw a penis?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information