'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

‘Sure.’

‘Oh no! Kryptonite!’

‘That’s Superman.’

‘Thanks man. I’ve been practicing.’

Wanna hear my impression of someone who went blind at birth?

"I've seen a thing or two"

My girlfriend kicked me out of the apartment tonight.... she told me it was because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.

So I said, "I shall return."

My wife kept telling me to stop doing a flamingo impression...

In the end I had to put my foot down

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

Never, EVER be late

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words wh...

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shephard, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have ...

Foot fetishists are great at first impressions.

They always get off on the right foot.

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

Ever since we got married my wife has been working on her bird impressions...

She watches me like a hawk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tracy is invited to her new boyfriends house for dinner.

She is very nervous because this will be her first time meeting his family. She enters the house and meets the family, however she is still
very uneasy about the whole experience. She really likes her new boyfriend and wants to make a great first impression. 

They all sit at the table wh...

You guys want to hear my Trump impression?

I never said I had a Trump impression.

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a friend that can do a perfect seagull impression

He doesn't do the noise, he just takes your chips and >!shits!< on your car

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.

This bloke said to me, “would you be up for doing an impression of a pheasant?”

I said, “sure, I'm game!”

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

This is my impression of a black father

[Idk what you were expecting, there is nothing here]

Did you hear about the guy who was run over in a freak steamroller incident in a printing shop?

He made quite a splash across the headlines, but left a good impression on paper

Badoom pssshhh

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle....

Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a "For sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquiries about it with the owner "Th...

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

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