I want people’s opinions to help me decide something...

I’ve just received an automated phone call saying I’ve won either £250 cash or 2 tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute concert. Should I press 1 for the money or 2 for the show?

Hey, I wanted to recommend this book to you full of terrible opinions from the least-informed people you can imagine.

Thanks, but I already Reddit.

What sort of dice has its opinions formed by preconceived notions?

A prejudice

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Always get a second opinion.

A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. He went to the doctor who told him he has a rare testicular disorder that was restricting blood flow to his brain, resulting in the blinding headaches. Unfortunately, “the only way to be rid of them is to remove your testicles.”

“Who...

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They say opinions are like assholes.

Except I've never masturbated to an opinion.

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

Unpopular opinion: frisbees aren’t heavy enough

Discus.

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Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being.

But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.

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I don't mind if you have a strong opinion about blowjobs.

I just don't want it rammed down my throat.

A chinese citizen has an opinion

Sorry, had\*

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You know, opinions are like assholes.

Fuck ‘em.

What do you call a fast, carnivorous dinosaur with opinions on Hegel and Kant?

A philosoraptor!

You know what they say about opinions?

Take away the 3.14159265359 and you have onions

Once management wants you fired, you’ll be fired

A king had 10 wild ferocious dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn't like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said, "I have served you loyally f...

So here's my opinion of this sub

Its pretty good 9/10 would eat here agian

daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister

daughter: but I don't have a sister

Dad: exactly

I never put my unpopular opinions on Reddit.

I guess you could say I'm a Karma Chameleon.

My friend asked me for my opinion on his new bed...

I told him I'll sleep on it

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Opinions are like assholes..

Everyone has one and you should think really carefully before you post yours online..

Why can’t sunglasses have political opinions?

Because they’re so polarizing

An activist ask about my opinion on immigration reform

Apparently 'Im on the fence about it' is the wrong answer

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

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Don't let someone's opinion of you become your reality

Asshole

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If opinions really were like assholes

my uncle would show a lot more interest in my opinion.

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

In my opinion, claustrophobics are the most creative.

They always think out of the box.

Never ask a skunk for their opinion.

You might get their 2 scents.

My wife tells me I need to have opinions

I agree

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

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An Air Force Colonel is about to brief his men.

An Air force Colonel is about to start the morning briefing.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decides to pose a question to assembled staff.

He explained his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and that he failed to get his usual amount of ...

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John is making love with his wife

John and his wife are living in an apartment complex and they make love pretty regularly. Every night when they do it the wife moans uncontrollably.
One day, John's old neighbor, Peter approaches him.
\-Hey John, uhm, I don't know how to tell you this, but every night when you make love to...

People keep telling me I wouldn't value other opinions enough.

Little do they know.

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

"It's worthless" her father says

"I know" She replies "But let's hear it anyway"

My doctor told me I was fat

I told him I want a second opinion.


So he told me I’m ugly, too.

"Canada has the best prime minister."

"Okay, but that's just your opinion."

"It's Trudeau!"

Two doctors sitting on a bench at the park

They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:
- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong
- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia
- I have to disagree with you, that dragging of the...

Your opinion on the Harry Potter movie adaptations?

I thought that they were pretty good, and stayed faithful to the books. Although in my opinion, Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

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Orgasms are like opinions.

Mine is more important and I don't care if she has one.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand.

Now put it over your mouth.

What starts with O, and ends with -nions and makes people cry?

Opinions.

What was the inspector's opinion on the Jet Engine?

He was blown away.

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An opinion is like an asshole

Everyone has one, and nobody cares to see yours posted on the internet.

South Korea: My people have a voice! They can express their opinions

North Korea: Speak for yourself.

What do you call a redditor with an opinion?

Names

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

The art critic

A young painter is exhibiting his work for the first time, and a famous art critic is in attendance.

The critic has a look around and then finds the artist, saying to him: "Do you want my opinion on your art?"

The artist of course says "yes"

The critic replies "it's worthless"...

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Political opinions are like assholes

Please don’t dive into yours during Thanksgiving dinner

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Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

My friends have started a podcast where they argue about their cheese opinions

It's called "k......so?"

I shared my opinion on this site.

I regreddit.

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.

"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"

"Sure," replied the artist.

"Frankly, it's completely worthless."

"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

My opinion on abortion is kinda complicated.

I'm all for killing children, but I cant stand giving women rights.

I don't care about your opinion, left will always be cozy and warm and right will always be cold and bitter

That's how the sink works

There are two types of redditors

1. Those who embrace content which echoes their own opinions.




^(just in case it’s missed, the joke is that the joke is an echo chamber. I’ll see myself out.)

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.



"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Pati...

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What do political opinions and a penis have in common?

It is rude to bust them out in public...

In my opinion, if we're going to fight the war on terror

A good place to start would be our country's haunted houses

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Unpopular opinion, but I like the police...

...I mean their back catalog of singles is legendary. Cop their critically acclaimed album “Synchronicity”.

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Unpopular opinion but true

Gay men are fucking assholes

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The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again.


The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.


The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
...

I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole.

For starters, while South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless!

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The Doctor is Always Right

A man wakes up feeling sick, so he goes to an urgent care center.  The doctor asks what his symptoms are, and he tells her, "I'm not sure - I'm just not right."

The doctor immediately replies, "I need a urine specimen."

The man is taken aback.  "Why do you need a urine sample?  You hav...

Reddit is supposed to be a place of open and honest discussion where every opinion counts.

If you don't agree, stay out of the comment section.

The doctor said I'm a hypochondriac

But I'd like a 15th opinion.

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I was feeling insecure, so I asked my wife, "Honey, what is the difference between a boy and a man?"

She said, "A man, Tom...has his own opinion, his own walk. He is not afraid of other men, no matter their size, no matter how intimidating they might be. But most importantly, Tom, a man...a man has a massive cock."

I smiled and nodded confidently, and said, "Well, I suppose that makes me a m...

Opinions

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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The fastest thing in the universe

Four friends were discussing in a bar what would be, in their opinion, the fastest thing in the universe.

The first friend says :"it's obviously the light, it can fast travel through the universe in a short amount of time".

The second friend says instead:" Meh... It surely is the thoug...

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

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Why can't you ask a Jew for their opinion?

Because it's tough to grab their two cents

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Went to the doctor the other day for a sexual problem.

It’s not what you’re probably thinking though.

My eyes and sometimes my entire face would burn during sex. Sometimes my eyes began watering uncontrollably, making me unable to see.

The doctor said it was probably the pepper spray but I’m seeking a second opinion.

I have opinions about many insects,

But I can say for a fact that mosquitos suck.

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

A psychiatrist asks for a second opinion from a colleague

"I have this crazy guy in one of my wards, he likes to eat teacups. Have you seen anything like this?"

"Wait, does he eat the handles too?"

"No, that's the curious thing, he leaves the handles untouched."

"Well then he's definitely crazy, the handles are the tastiest part!"

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

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Tattoo Artist

A lady walks into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo John Lennon and Paul McCartney on each of her inner thighs... The artist did his work, bandaged her up and told her to remove them the next week. The lady came back into the store angry as she felt neither tattoo looked like John or Pau...

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Political opinions are like penises

It's fine to be proud of it, just don't take it out in public or try to force it down someone else's throat.

Unpopular opinion: Deaf people are really rude.

They never listen to you.

This news just in: The worlds tallest man has lost a fight with a storm.

In my opinion he shouldn’t have let the lightning strike first.

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For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

You wanna know my opinion on negative pressure?

It sucks!

Ivanka recently got a nose job.

When she asked her fathers opinion he said “Fake Nose!”

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Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

A news chain started asking people what's their opinion on a food shortage around the world

The venezuelans asked what food is
The Europeans asked what shortage is
The americans asked what the rest of the world is
The chinese asked what an opinion is, then got arrested for asking too many questions

A non-partisan election joke! Not Republican or Democrat

Since we're at the end of the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be presid...

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Opinions are like assholes

In that I wish that my wife would pay more attention to mine

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Opinions are like orgasms.

I can have one at home using the internet and that’s fine but if I have one at a party everybody asks me to leave.

The perfect woman

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous ...

What's an opinion without 3.14?

An onion..

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

A friend of mine asked for my opinion on his displacement obsession.

‘Whatever floats your boat’

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor says, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure cre...

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So Johnny dies and goes to heaven, where god's waiting to review his life.

God's all like "Aight, aight. I like you Johnny, I always have, always will. You helped old ladies cross the street, you donated to charities, and all in all in my professional divine opinion.... you're a stand up guy! But what the fuck's the deal with all the incest porn?"

Johnny replied, " ...

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

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