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If opinions really were like assholes

my uncle would show a lot more interest in my opinion.

"A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN"...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

"It's worthless" her father says

"I know" She replies "But let's hear it anyway"

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

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[OC] Opinions are like assholes...

...the one that's most dangerous to you is your own.

Your opinion on the Harry Potter movie adaptations?

I thought that they were pretty good, and stayed faithful to the books. Although in my opinion, Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

South Korea: My people have a voice! They can express their opinions

North Korea: Speak for yourself.

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

What was the inspector's opinion on the Jet Engine?

He was blown away.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand.

Now put it over your mouth.

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

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Political opinions are like assholes

Please don’t dive into yours during Thanksgiving dinner

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The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again.


The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.


The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
...

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

My friends have started a podcast where they argue about their cheese opinions

It's called "k......so?"

What do you call a man with an opinion?

Single

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An opinion is like an asshole

Everyone has one, and nobody cares to see yours posted on the internet.

I don't care about your opinion, left will always be cozy and warm and right will always be cold and bitter

That's how the sink works

The perfect woman

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous ...

A man is in a hospital bed in complete agony...

The doctor comes in and asks him "where does it hurt"

The Man says "everywhere, absolutely everywhere, I'm at my wits end, whenever I touch any part it hurts a lot!"

The doctor asks the man to point out the places the pain radiates from.

So the man pokes his knee, screaming as h...

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A redhead walks into a tattoo show wearing a leather miniskirt and no panties and sits down in the tattoo chair and says, "I want a tattoo of Bon Jovi on the inside of one thigh and Richie Sambora on the other."

Tattoo artist asks, " What on earth for?"
Woman says, "So when I masturbate I can imagine I'm with either one, or both of them and have really intense orgasms!"
Makes sense to the tattoo artist so he dives in and gets to work. A few hours later the tattoo artist tells the woman that he's finis...

I shared my opinion on this site.

I regreddit.

My opinion on abortion is kinda complicated.

I'm all for killing children, but I cant stand giving women rights.

A man and his wife are walking through the streets of Moscow in the 40s

Something starts to fall from the sky one christmas evening...

The woman stops and says, "it's snowing!"

Her husband replies, "no, it's raining, I think...."

The two of them argue for a moment before the man stops her, "let's get a second opinion...."

They approach a near...

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What do political opinions and a penis have in common?

It is rude to bust them out in public...

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Orgasms are like opinions.

Mine is more important and I don't care if she has one.

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Unpopular opinion, but I like the police...

...I mean their back catalog of singles is legendary. Cop their critically acclaimed album “Synchronicity”.

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor says, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure cre...

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Opinions are like assholes.

Some people like sticking there dicks in them, others don't.

Reddit is supposed to be a place of open and honest discussion where every opinion counts.

If you don't agree, stay out of the comment section.

I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole.

For starters, while South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless!

Opinions

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

Second Opinion

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.

Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

I have a new pick up line that works every time:

"Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?

Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

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So Johnny dies and goes to heaven, where god's waiting to review his life.

God's all like "Aight, aight. I like you Johnny, I always have, always will. You helped old ladies cross the street, you donated to charities, and all in all in my professional divine opinion.... you're a stand up guy! But what the fuck's the deal with all the incest porn?"

Johnny replied, " ...

I asked myself if I should go to a psychiatrist...

Opinions were divided

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Unpopular opinion but true

Gay men are fucking assholes

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

A patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of a recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.”

“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”

A psychiatrist asks for a second opinion from a colleague

"I have this crazy guy in one of my wards, he likes to eat teacups. Have you seen anything like this?"

"Wait, does he eat the handles too?"

"No, that's the curious thing, he leaves the handles untouched."

"Well then he's definitely crazy, the handles are the tastiest part!"

I have opinions about many insects,

But I can say for a fact that mosquitos suck.

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Why can't you ask a Jew for their opinion?

Because it's tough to grab their two cents

Doctor: I don't think alcohol agrees with you.

Me: It's OK for things to have different opinions.

What do you call a doctor that finishes bottom of their class?

Doctor.

For major decisions always get a second opinion!

Army Joke?

I guess this joke is pretty popular in the armed forces, so I apologize if this is a repeat!

So anyways, once there was a guy, let’s call him Steve. So Steve has always had trouble with women. His first wife left him, his second wife passed away, and his third ended up having an affair. Feeli...

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My girlfriend said I was bad at sex

I said back to her that you shouldn’t have an opinion on something that you only tried for one minute

What's the only thing that isn't made in china ?

Opinions

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

That'll do it

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough. They could not afford a larger house so the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/ cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a proce...

A news chain started asking people what's their opinion on a food shortage around the world

The venezuelans asked what food is
The Europeans asked what shortage is
The americans asked what the rest of the world is
The chinese asked what an opinion is, then got arrested for asking too many questions

You wanna know my opinion on negative pressure?

It sucks!

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Political opinions are like penises

It's fine to be proud of it, just don't take it out in public or try to force it down someone else's throat.

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Opinions are like assholes

In that I wish that my wife would pay more attention to mine

What do you call a Chinese person who has an opinion?

Wong.

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A man with "Manchurian Dick"

A man came home from Thailand after a few weeks there. One of his biggest motivations for going there was the prostitutes, spending his whole vacation screwing, he was very concerned about his penis. It was turning colours and was very painful. He gets it checked by visiting his family doctor. The m...

A friend of mine asked for my opinion on his displacement obsession.

‘Whatever floats your boat’

My chemistry teacher keeps talking about this guy "Kelvin" like he's soooo cool,

but in my opinion he is absolutely 0K.

People ask me why I’m not a vegan

So tell them that I’m not because in my opinion, I think being vegan is a big missed-steak.

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion...

He said okay, you’re ugly too.

What's an opinion without 3.14?

An onion..

Senator, what's your opinion on mute people?

No comment.

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What was the mans opinion on Nazis?

They're alt-right.

Four rabbis are arguing:

Four rabbis are arguing.
Three rabbis hold one opinion and the fourth one holds an opposite opinion.
The rabbi who oppose the three says: "God will prove I am right!"
There is a lightning and thunder outside.
"That's just a random accident," say those three.
Outside, it star...

I've never had a high opinion of mules.

Theyre just half-assed horses

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

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Opinions are like orgasms.

I can have one at home using the internet and that’s fine but if I have one at a party everybody asks me to leave.

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Such a Weird Religion!

In a feast, a Catholic priest was sat next to a Jewish man.

The priest, who wanted to make fun of the Jew, put some bacon on his dish and said:

\- Sir, would you like some of this bacon?

\- Thanks, but don't you know pork is not allowed in my religion?

\- Wheeeew, such a ...

What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

My doctor told me I was fat. I asked for a second opinion.

He told me I was stupid too.

What was 50 Cents called after he gave his opinion of Eminem?

48 Cents.

A journalist asks a Russian, a Pole and an Israeli the same question: Excuse me, what's your opinion on the meat shortage?

The Russian replies: What's an opinion?

The Pole replies: What's meat?

The Israeli replies: What's excuse me?

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Chinese prostitute

A guy went to China and while there he met a very exotic woman who he ended up having sex with him. While it was the best sex he ever had, his penis started itching and then started to swell. When he got back to the States, he went to his urologist. By then it was turning purple black and was very ...

I went to the doctor

I went to the doctor the other day and he told me “You’re gonna die, the disease is incurable.”
I said “If you don’t mind doctor i want a second opinion.” He said “ Well, you’re ugly too!”

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A man runs a small business and falls on hard times......

....He has only two employees that work for him and he needs to lay one off in order to maintain the business. He realizes he has a tough choice ahead, on one hand there's his employee Debbie, a good employee but she's raising two children and he knows she really needs the job. On the other hand the...

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For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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Your opinion is like your cock...

You can have one or get rid of it for some pussy

Undefined values are not useful for opinion polls

0 out of 0 statisticians agree.

In my opinion, if we're going to fight a war on terror

A good place to start would be this nation's haunted houses

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde...

Unpopular opinion: I always liked Bill Cosby

He rubbed my sister the wrong way though

A woman called me misogynistic

I said no because she's a woman and her opinion doesn't matter anyway.

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Swiss did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of t...

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A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was “wo...

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

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Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time..

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, sure. I would love to here it. " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

I was sharing with a friend my opinion that women should come with instructions.

She replied, "Why? It's not like men read the instructions anyway."

What do you call a Fat person giving their opinions?

*Weighing in*

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Opinions are like a penis

You may have one, but just don't whip it out in public

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Opinions are like assholes.

I don't want to hear about my old racist uncle's

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