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They say opinions are like assholes.

Except I've never masturbated to an opinion.

An activist ask about my opinion on immigration reform

Apparently 'Im on the fence about it' is the wrong answer

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Opinions are like assholes..

Everyone has one and you should think really carefully before you post yours online..

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I don't mind if you have a strong opinion about blowjobs.

I just don't want it rammed down my throat

Unpopular opinion: frisbees aren’t heavy enough

Discus.

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Don't let someone's opinion of you become your reality

Asshole

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

I asked the Southwest Airlines clerk her personal and honest opinion if it was safe to fly during the pandemic.

She said "I'm not sure... it's up in the air."

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If opinions really were like assholes

my uncle would show a lot more interest in my opinion.

In my opinion, claustrophobics are the most creative.

They always think out of the box.

Never ask a skunk for their opinion.

You might get their 2 scents.

My wife tells me I need to have opinions

I agree

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said,

“OK, you’re ugly too.”

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

People keep telling me I wouldn't value other opinions enough.

Little do they know.

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

"A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN"...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

A daughter shows her banker father her work on Bitcoin's lightning network to speed up transactions, in response he ask's her if she would like to hear his opinion on Bitcoin. She replies yes.

"It's worthless" her father says

"I know" She replies "But let's hear it anyway"

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Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

Your opinion on the Harry Potter movie adaptations?

I thought that they were pretty good, and stayed faithful to the books. Although in my opinion, Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand.

Now put it over your mouth.

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.



"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Pati...

South Korea: My people have a voice! They can express their opinions

North Korea: Speak for yourself.

What was the inspector's opinion on the Jet Engine?

He was blown away.

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

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Political opinions are like assholes

Please don’t dive into yours during Thanksgiving dinner

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

What happens to an onion when you give it a pi?

It becomes an opinion.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

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An opinion is like an asshole

Everyone has one, and nobody cares to see yours posted on the internet.

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Went to the doctor the other day for a sexual problem.

It’s not what you’re probably thinking though.

My eyes and sometimes my entire face would burn during sex. Sometimes my eyes began watering uncontrollably, making me unable to see.

The doctor said it was probably the pepper spray but I’m seeking a second opinion.

What do you call a man with an opinion?

Single

My friends have started a podcast where they argue about their cheese opinions

It's called "k......so?"

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Orgasms are like opinions.

Mine is more important and I don't care if she has one.

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

My opinion on abortion is kinda complicated.

I'm all for killing children, but I cant stand giving women rights.

I was excited to judge my first cooking competition

The local university was holding an iron chef style cooking competition where three students prepared a meal centering around a theme ingredient. The theme of the competition was turkey dinner, and before I knew it the kitchen was abuzz with the sounds and the smells of cooking.

After an hour...

I don't care about your opinion, left will always be cozy and warm and right will always be cold and bitter

That's how the sink works

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Some robbers stole a bunch of boxes of viagra.

If you take my opinion they are hardened criminals who deserve a stiff sentencing and should be put in the newly erected jail, with Jailers who are complete dicks.

Ivanka recently got a nose job.

When she asked her fathers opinion he said “Fake Nose!”

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The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again.


The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.


The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
...

I shared my opinion on this site.

I regreddit.

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A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast.

A doctor and his wife were have a huge argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, “You aren’t so good in bed either!”then stormed off to work. By mid-morning he knew he needed to make amends, so he called home. “What took you so long to answer?” He asked. “I was in bed,” she replied. “What were you d...

A non-partisan election joke! Not Republican or Democrat

Since we're at the end of the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be presid...

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Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

In my opinion, if we're going to fight the war on terror

A good place to start would be our country's haunted houses

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What do political opinions and a penis have in common?

It is rude to bust them out in public...

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Sex on the Sabbath

A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest.
He asks for the priest's opinion:

After consulting the Bible, the priest says.
"My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is wo...

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Unpopular opinion, but I like the police...

...I mean their back catalog of singles is legendary. Cop their critically acclaimed album “Synchronicity”.

Noah's Ark

"How does my new toupee look?" Noah asks his family. "Honest opinions only."

His son says, "It looks great, Dad!"

His wife says, "It looks totally realistic!"

His uncle says, "It looks like something crawled up and died there."

Lo and behold, Noah throws his uncle over th...

I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole.

For starters, while South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless!

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Opinions are like assholes.

Some people like sticking there dicks in them, others don't.

Reddit is supposed to be a place of open and honest discussion where every opinion counts.

If you don't agree, stay out of the comment section.

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Unpopular opinion but true

Gay men are fucking assholes

Opinions

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

As a child, I used to have two sets of summer vacation homework.

One that the school gave us, to be finished in the last few days of the vacation, and the other, that my father, ever so graciously, asked me to do every day of the vacation before he left for work. He used to ask me to memorise all the possible uses of articles, hundreds of idioms, similes, commonl...

The perfect woman

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous ...

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Why can't you ask a Jew for their opinion?

Because it's tough to grab their two cents

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

A psychiatrist asks for a second opinion from a colleague

"I have this crazy guy in one of my wards, he likes to eat teacups. Have you seen anything like this?"

"Wait, does he eat the handles too?"

"No, that's the curious thing, he leaves the handles untouched."

"Well then he's definitely crazy, the handles are the tastiest part!"

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The wife caught the dog licking...

My wife walked in from work today and saw the dog licking marmite out of my arsehole.

"Don't let him do that!" she screamed, "It's disgusting."

"That's your opinion" I said, "This is his second jar, he absolutely loves the stuff."

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

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A redhead walks into a tattoo show wearing a leather miniskirt and no panties and sits down in the tattoo chair and says, "I want a tattoo of Bon Jovi on the inside of one thigh and Richie Sambora on the other."

Tattoo artist asks, " What on earth for?"
Woman says, "So when I masturbate I can imagine I'm with either one, or both of them and have really intense orgasms!"
Makes sense to the tattoo artist so he dives in and gets to work. A few hours later the tattoo artist tells the woman that he's finis...

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor says, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure cre...

I have opinions about many insects,

But I can say for a fact that mosquitos suck.

Court declares social distancing rules unenforceable in Alabama

The Judge wrote in his opinion that "the entire state's population can be reasonably considered a family unit."

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Political opinions are like penises

It's fine to be proud of it, just don't take it out in public or try to force it down someone else's throat.

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So Johnny dies and goes to heaven, where god's waiting to review his life.

God's all like "Aight, aight. I like you Johnny, I always have, always will. You helped old ladies cross the street, you donated to charities, and all in all in my professional divine opinion.... you're a stand up guy! But what the fuck's the deal with all the incest porn?"

Johnny replied, " ...

You wanna know my opinion on negative pressure?

It sucks!

A man and his wife are walking through the streets of Moscow in the 40s

Something starts to fall from the sky one christmas evening...

The woman stops and says, "it's snowing!"

Her husband replies, "no, it's raining, I think...."

The two of them argue for a moment before the man stops her, "let's get a second opinion...."

They approach a near...

A news chain started asking people what's their opinion on a food shortage around the world

The venezuelans asked what food is
The Europeans asked what shortage is
The americans asked what the rest of the world is
The chinese asked what an opinion is, then got arrested for asking too many questions

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Opinions are like assholes

In that I wish that my wife would pay more attention to mine

What do you call a Chinese person who has an opinion?

Wong.

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

A friend of mine asked for my opinion on his displacement obsession.

‘Whatever floats your boat’

What's an opinion without 3.14?

An onion..

What's the only thing that isn't made in china ?

Opinions

What do you call a doctor that finishes bottom of their class?

Doctor.

For major decisions always get a second opinion!

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For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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Opinions are like orgasms.

I can have one at home using the internet and that’s fine but if I have one at a party everybody asks me to leave.

Senator, what's your opinion on mute people?

No comment.

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What was the mans opinion on Nazis?

They're alt-right.

What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

Unpopular opinion: People criticizing Alabama's new abortion laws are ignorant and intolerant

It's a family matter for them, after all.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

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My girlfriend said I was bad at sex

I said back to her that you shouldn’t have an opinion on something that you only tried for one minute

A patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of a recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.”

“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”

Army Joke?

I guess this joke is pretty popular in the armed forces, so I apologize if this is a repeat!

So anyways, once there was a guy, let’s call him Steve. So Steve has always had trouble with women. His first wife left him, his second wife passed away, and his third ended up having an affair. Feeli...

I've never had a high opinion of mules.

Theyre just half-assed horses

A journalist asks a Russian, a Pole and an Israeli the same question: Excuse me, what's your opinion on the meat shortage?

The Russian replies: What's an opinion?

The Pole replies: What's meat?

The Israeli replies: What's excuse me?

Doctor: I don't think alcohol agrees with you.

Me: It's OK for things to have different opinions.

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Swiss did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of t...

Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified,

And by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

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That'll do it

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough. They could not afford a larger house so the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/ cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a proce...

My chemistry teacher keeps talking about this guy "Kelvin" like he's soooo cool,

but in my opinion he is absolutely 0K.

Unpopular opinion: I always liked Bill Cosby

He rubbed my sister the wrong way though

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Your opinion is like your cock...

You can have one or get rid of it for some pussy

How to overcome overconfidence?

I don't need your opinion . Thanks.

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