What starts with an "O" and ends with "nions" and sometimes make you cry?


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Opinions are like kids

You don't give a fuck about them unless they are yours.

People think that I'm stupid because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions.

Well, I beg to differ.

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Political opinions are like penises

It's fine to be proud of it, just don't take it out in public or try to force it down someone else's throat.

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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Orgasms are like opinions.

Mine is more important and I don't care if she has one.

What's the difference between a libertarian wedding and a libertarian funeral?

One less opinion

Huffington Post has fired their entire opinion section.

It’s all unbiased and factual journalism now.

Undefined values are not useful for opinion polls

0 out of 0 statisticians agree.

What is opinion without 3.14?

An Onion...

A journalist asks a Russian, a Pole and an Israeli the same question: Excuse me, what's your opinion on the meat shortage?

The Russian replies: What's an opinion?

The Pole replies: What's meat?

The Israeli replies: What's excuse me?

What do you call a redditor with an opinion?


What was 50 Cents called after he gave his opinion of Eminem?

48 Cents.

Unpopular opinion: I always liked Bill Cosby

He rubbed my sister the wrong way though

My doctor told me I was fat. I asked for a second opinion.

He told me I was stupid too.

What do you call a Fat person giving their opinions?

*Weighing in*

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Opinions are like assholes

People like posting theirs online.

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Swiss did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of t...

In my opinion, if we're going to fight a war on terror

A good place to start would be this nation's haunted houses

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Opinions are like orgasms.

I can have one at home using the internet and that’s fine but if I have one at a party everybody asks me to leave.

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Opinions are like assholes

I wish my girlfriend cared more about mine...

My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, “if you don’t mind I’d like to have a second opinion.”

He said “Alright. You’re ugly too!”

A second opinion

Doctor: Your test results came back, I'm afraid you do have cancer. I suggest we treat you with chemotherapy as soon as possible.

Patient: Hmm I don't know.... I'd like a second opinion.

Doctor: Okay. You are also ugly.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I hate it when people publicly express their opinions needlessly, just seeking attention when nobody cares.

But that's just my opinion.

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According to a new 2018 opinion poll:

Penises are out and Vaginas are in.

I was sharing with a friend my opinion that women should come with instructions.

She replied, "Why? It's not like men read the instructions anyway."

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Opinions are like a penis

You may have one, but just don't whip it out in public

Here's my opinion on Trump's Wall

I'm on the fence.

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

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People often complain I wouldn't appreciate their opinion.

If you ask me, this is always bullshit.

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Opinions are like assholes.

I don't want to hear about my old racist uncle's

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, “Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it.”

“Come to me three times a week for two years, and I’ll cure your fears,” says the shrink. “And I’ll charge you only $200 a visit.”

Lenny says he’ll think about it. Six months later, he runs in...

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Opinions are like assholes...

You're not allowed to show them in public anymore.

I have pretty strong opinions about citrus

I find the taste of lemons to be quite sublime

Hey, I just wanted to tell everyone to have a nice day and that you can have your own opinion if you want about anything

Eh, who am I kidding, I'm a Redditor.

At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion.

One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head.

"No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair."

As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt."

UN sent a survey to children from different country: " Regarding the problem of food shortage in other countries, what's your opinion?" Surprisingly no kids understand the question.

American kids: "what's “other countries”...?"
European kids: "what's “shortage”...?"
Africa kids: "what's “food”...?"
Chinese kids: "what's “my opinion”...?"

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In...

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For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

When talking about opinions on border control, Remember:

Lefty loosey
Righty tighty

In the UK, United States Vice President’s opinion isn’t worth much

It’s only a pence.

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Political opinions are like dicks....

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

Artist: "I always show my paintings to large rocks because I need their opinion."

Everyone knows that "Beauty is in the eye of the boulder."

Your opinion is like..

..women's sport, its there but no one cares

I hate when people use the year as a justification to an opinion.

Its 2017, we should be way past that.

What do you call a Muslim woman with an opinion?

A corpse.

My best friend wrote a book about biased opinions.

It's incredible.

Once there was a king who had 10 wild dogs...

...He used them to torture and eat all the ministers who made mistakes.

Once, one of the ministers gave an opinion which was wrong, and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered for the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

So the minister said,
"I served you 10 years and y...

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I will always trust the opinion of someone who cleans bathrooms

They’ve seen some shit

Blatant re-post. "If a man speaks his opinion....

...and there is no woman around to correct him, is he still wrong?"

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Political opinions are like assholes

If yours shows up in my Facebook feed I will probably block you