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Hunch Jokes

A guy visiting a cemetery notices a woman hunched down behind a grave.

"Morning", he says respectfully.

"I'm not," she replies, "I'm just having a pee."

Elon is firing Twitter employees with bad posture

I have a hunch I might be next.

My boss is threatening to fire the employee who has the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

Why was Gandalf hunched over and stressed out?

He was short-staffed.

Call it a hunch...

But I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

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The wooden eye and the hunch back

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident....
The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around. Eventually his fri...

As I'm sure you're all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire.

They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.

Asparagus is an interesting meal, not only does it affect your diuretic system, it also helps with hunches and gut feelings.

When you eat asparagus, you can trust urine stinks.

A man argued with his wife over whether or not he stood with a hunch

For months he maintained that his posture was fine. Finally, to prove her wrong, he made an appointment with a posture specialist.

When he returned, his wife asked if the specialist agreed with her and helped him.

He replied, “I stand corrected.”

I'm not exactly sure why my posture is so bad but I have a hunch.

I was skeptical when my chiropractor said she could fix it but I stand corrected.

It has been 2 years and still nobody knows why Notre Dame caught fire....

...but Quasimodo has a hunch.

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A man was sat hunched behind a gravestone with his head in his hands...

...A passerby greeted him "Morning",

The man replied, "Nah, having a shit".

No one could really figure out who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame….

….but Quasimodo had a hunch.

I have forgotten the names of all the characters in The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

But Quasimodo rings a bell.

A hunchback and a guy with a club foot meet each Friday at the pub.

One Friday, lamenting their disabilities, they complain about the length of their walk. "It would be great to short cut through the cemetery" says the guy with the hunchback. "That cemetery is haunted" says the guy with the club foot, "It's madness to walk through there at night!".

After enj...

What does a detective with bad posture say?

"I have a hunch."

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Three explorers are trekking through the Amazon....

One explorer is from England.

One is from France.

One is from New York.

As they're pushing through the jungle a local tribe ambushes and captures them. The tribe takes them back to their village to await trial by the Chief.

The Chief presents himself to the explorers:
...

Detective 1: "Why do you keep bringing Quasimodo to the crime scenes? He doesn't have any real facts or information."

Detective 2: "Say what you will about him, but he's got a hunch."

The police don’t know who started the fire at Notre Dame,

But Quasimodo has a hunch.

Alternate punchline: but they’ve got a hunch back at the station.

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Hillbilly Stripper

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He t...

On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.

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Jesus goes into a biker bar

Jesus goes into a biker bar and sees 3 men drinking at noon. One with a hunch back, one with a bum knee, and an old redneck.

Jesus walks over to the hunch back, puts his hand on the man's back, which immediately straightens. Hunch back says, thank you jesus. I'm healed!

Jesus walks ove...

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I had an odd hunch that my brother would watch horror-themed clown porn in the park. So i bought a pair of binoculars with a 5280 feet capability, and used them to view his usual bench from afar. When he finally sat down and pulled out his phone, my suspicions were confirmed

I saw It cumming from a mile away

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard...

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone....

How did Igor find out that he was different than everybody else?

He always had a hunch.

Did you know there's a cure for scoliosis?

I had a hunch.

“But Quasimodo, what makes you think you need to see a chiropractor?”

“Oh, it’s just a hunch...”

Sorry.

I called the doctor this morning, "I think my back's broken"

"What makes you say that?"

"I've got a hunch."

A guy asked a girl in a university library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" the girl shouted. All the students in the library started staring at the guy; hunching his head and ducking away, he retreated to a table in the corner of the library.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and smi...

I think the world would be a better place if everyone stopped worrying about good posture...

It's just a hunch.

Years ago, while ringing the bells of Notre Dame, Quasimodo caught his fingernail in the rope and his fingernail was pulled out.

It was the first time the people of Paris heard a hunchback wail.

I grew worried when my programmer wife hadn't come out of her office all day.

I entered found her hunched over her laptop. "Honey, everything okay?"

"I'm working on a production defect!" she replied, not looking away from her screen.

"I know how those are!" I sympathized, and left her to concentrate.

An hour later she came downstairs in tears, flushed. Sh...

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A man walking home late one night from the pub..

Decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. He’s walking through then starts hearing a tapping noise. He gets a little scared and speeds up but the tapping seems to get louder and closer so he starts running and dodging around gravestones but the tapping gets louder.

He runs round a larg...

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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest.

She sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.

She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"

The wolf keeps grimacing.

She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"

The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.

...

Did you hear about Quasimodo solving the murder case ?

apparently he had a hunch.

Talking to my friend about his self diagnosis

Him: "It's scoliosis."

Me: "How do you know?"

Him: "I have a hunch."

A Man Goes To The Emergency Room

He is severely hunched over and looks embarrassed.

After he is given his room, the nurse asks him what happened and he refuses to tell her.

Next a physician's assistant comes in and asks what happened. The man again refuses to say what happened.

Finally, the doctor comes in and...

A doctor's appointment

A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.

"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.

"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."

The dry cleaners near my place have a new guy now. His only job is to count all the t-shirts that come in and go out.

Wierd looking guy, but not on drugs or anything.

In fact, I have a hunch he's a tee-totaller.

there was a family of moles-

Mum, dad and little mole jnr. They were digging their way home after a hard day's mole-ing, all hunched up in a tunnel. Dad at the front, digging hard, mum close behind, and at the back was jnr. Suddenly jnr says "mummy, I can smell treacle!"

Mum tells Dad - " eerm, Junior says he can smell t...

So these two ladies die

and are waiting in purgatory to hear the results of their life audit. A door opens and two men walk in. An angel walks in with an ugly, hunch backed gremlin of a man. The angel says "Nancy, in 1982 you killed a duck, your punishment will be to spend your eternal life with this man". He slaps the the...

Hunchbacks would make great detectives

They can start off every investigation saying, "Hmm, I have a hunch".

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.

"If someone makes a mistake" he points out "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made"

A bit s...

"I think I have something seriously wrong with my spine" said Quasimodo

"What makes you think that?" asked Esmeralda.

"Just a hunch"

A might King was nearing the end of his life, and knew he needed a suitor for his daughter before he died.

In order to find the bravest, mightiest, most valiant man in the Kingdom (and perhaps cull out a few of the weaker ones), the King decided to host a challenge.

He invited the *entire* Kingdom to gather around a large pool that he filled with snakes, alligators, eels, and every other kind of d...

Two doctors were at the subway station, heading for another work day

When they noticed an old man hunching and limping around.

— Poor guy - says one doctor — Yet another victim of sclerosis.

— Sclerosis? - asks the other one — I don't think so. That's clearly rheumatism.

— You can't be serious - replies the first one — How are you even a doctor i...

The doctor said I had a bad case of kyphosis.

"Are you sure?" I said.

He replied, "Honestly, it's just a hunch."

I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with my back.

I'm not sure yet, but I have a hunch.

A man with a list of symptoms goes to the doctors office

A man shuffles into the doctors office, hunched over, wheezing, and clutching his stomach.

Man: “hi doc, I’ve been in constant pain.”

Doctor: “What’s the matter? Tell me the most prevalent symptoms.”

Thinking, the man slowly replies

Man: “ I have aches all over, I have a...

In medieval times, there is a young boy who lives with his mother and has never met his father.

In medieval times, there is a young boy who lives with his mother and has never met his father. One day, he says to his mother:

Son: Mom, did my father have a genetic disorder that causes him to have a lump on his back

Mother: Why would you think that?

Son: I just have a hunch.

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Four nuns are summoned by the head priest for committing sins

Priest to the first nun: alright, sister, what was your sin?

First nun: I saw a man's penis today

Priest: hmmm... well these things can happen by mistake, but it is a sin nonetheless! Go wash your eyes in the holy water.

The first nun does so and some giggling can be heard from ...

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

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Two drunk men are walking down the street when they see a pile of dog shit.

One of them says "Bet you 100 dollars you can't eat that shit." The other agrees, eats the shit, and gets his 100 dollars.

A bit further down the road they see another pile of dog shit. "I bet you 100 dollars you can't eat that shit" says the second. The first takes him up on it, eats the shi...

The story of Quasimodo

This was my grandfather's favorite joke. Its a long one but clean and funny.



Quasimodo was looking through the classified one day when he spotted a job opening for bell ringer at St Thomas Cathedral.
He immediately ran to see the bishop and said, "bishop, bishop, I want to be th...

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside when they approached the gates of a monastery. A sign on the gates announced “Public lunch served daily. Fish and chips our speciality.” The couple were quite hungry and, seeing that the noon hour had just passed, they decided to ...

< Healing >



A guy in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked
the waitress for a cup of coffee. The guy looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress
nodded "yes," so the guy requested that she give Jesus a cup of
coffee...

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Jesus at the bar

A British guy with a hunch back walks into a bar, he sits down at the end of the bar and looks over and sees a man who looks like Jesus, he calls the bartender over and asks him "excuse me sir is that Jesus over there?", the bartender says "Why yes it is" the British man says bring him one of your f...

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back t...

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven.

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven. As they are approaching the gates of heaven they notice there are ducks that cover almost every inch of heaven. They ask St. Peter about the ducks.

“They are very sacred creatures and if you step on 1 you will be handcuffed to an ugly per...

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding...

..."Afternoon ma'am. May I see your license and registration?" The old lady wordlessly hands the officer these items. As the officer reaches for the papers, he takes observation of the old woman.

She wasn't just old, she was very old. Must have been in her mid 90's. The fact that she was spee...

Long ago, there was a cathedral...

The old bell ringer had passed away and the bishop set out a sign announcing that the position was now open for new applicants. A few weeks go by without any bites, but one day a man comes in. The man had a hunched back and no arms, so the bishop was leary of his ability to perform the job, but t...

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A man goes to the doctor and says:

**"Doctor, I'm sick and tired of my voice being unnaturally deep. Is there anything that can be done about it?"**

So the doctor runs some tests and then says "Would you mind just dropping your trousers for me please?" and the patient says "**Why?**" and the doctor says "There's a rare conditi...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the hospital. You see, inside was his dear wife, about to give birth to their first child. The Chicken was, of course, rather excited. "I'm about to become a Dad!" he thought to himself, racing down the white, squeaky corridors of the hospital.

He burst into the maternity ward's wai...

The Bell Ringer

A priest stands alone in his church. It is a beautiful old church with a great tall bell tower. Suddenly, the front doors of the church open and a hobbled old man walks in. He is barely able to walk and his back is so hunched he can barely look up at the priest. The old man walks up to the priest an...

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Hey, it happens as you get older

NSFW

30 years ago I saw a sideshow that touted, "Harold, the Magnificent Jew"

Intrigued I paid the entrance fee and had a seat in a packed tent with about 50 others.

In the back of the tent was a table on a small stage. The sideshow barker came out with a large fellow in just a ...

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

War in the forest

A war breaks out in the forest, and all the animals are called in for mobilization draft.

Bear reluctantly sets off to the local barracks. He doesn't really want to go, he is big, slow, a perfect bullet magnet.
Suddenly, he comes across the fox and the rabbit, sitting by the camp fire, hap...

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A bartender is closing down his bar

A bartender is closing down his bar at the end of the evening. Three men remain hunched over at the bar. Each has been there the whole night and has been drinking heavily, but none of them seem to have the strength or desire to strike up a conversation.

As the bartender cleans the last few g...

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Farmer's Fetish (VERY NSFW)

Once upon a time there lived an elderly, wise old farmer, who was horny as fuck. Seriously, it gets pretty lonely out there in the sticks.

Anyway, one day he purchased a new milking machine for his cows which promised rapid, efficient delivery of a near-endless supply of dairy goodness by att...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

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The other day, I died and went to hell...

(Note: replace the name 'Jim' with the name of someone in the group that you're telling this joke to)

The other day Jim and I were walking around town when, out of nowhere, we get run over by a truck and die, and we both go straight to hell.

In hell, I'm greeted by the devil, who tells...

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St. Peter is at the pearly gates and decides no one is getting in unless he hears how they died...

So the first guy steps up and St. peter asks "Alright, how did you die?"

The guy says "Well, I've had a hunch for a while now that my wife has been cheating on me. So I decide I'm going to come home from work early and catch her in the act. I get to our apartment building and I'm so fired up ...

Deputy Herbert was patrolling in his car down a road of a small town blanketed in snow one night.

Although it wasn't currently snowing, the temperature was well below freezing. No one would come out unless it was for emergencies. As the policeman rounded a corner, his headlights briefly passed over a vacant lot. Herbert quickly noticed something odd, and reversed his car so his headlights pointe...

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Decisions, decisions, decisions.

A man dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says to the man, "There is really nothing extremely good nor bad about your life to determine your fate. You'll have to spend 24 hours in Heaven and in Hell, then choose where you wish to spend eternity."
The man thinks for a momen...

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Three men stand at the Pearly Gates

God tells the three men that Heaven is near it's quota for the day and only one man will be allowed in.

All three men have lived good lives, so God decides he will choose who gets in to Heaven based on how they died. Whoever had the worst luck will get in to Heaven.

So the first man t...

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The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

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