Jesus on the cross

It's the day of Jesus' crucifixion, and Peter is consoling Mary at the bottom of the hill in Golgotha. Suddenly, Peter hears Jesus calling to him, summoning him up the hill.

Frantically, Peter sets off to make his way to his Savior. Unwillingly, he is stopped by two guards. Again, Jesus call...

There was once a boy

Forgive me for my bad english, its my second language. Feel free to give corrections if there are any

There was once a boy who treats everyone garbage, making fun of someone by who they are in the outside. His mother didn’t approve this behavior and told to his son that it was not right to ri...

What do you call an elephant that is pleasingly graceful and stylish in appearance and manner?

An elegant.

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Three men find a lamp...

Three middle aged men are walking along an abandoned beach when they find a golden lamp glistening in the sun. Deciding they have nothing to lose, they decide to rub it and see what happens. In astonishment, they see a genie appear before them.

"Thank you for freeing me from my lamp. To thank...

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Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

Once upon a time in the Caribbean...

Two prawns were swimming around. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was...

A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself

She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:

I always thought people wore contacts because it doesn't change your appearance...

... but when I look in the mirror and put on my contacts I always get uglier.

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Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

A mathematician wasn't too confident about his appearance...

So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."
"Well that's just mean."

Gary Oldman has had to drastically change his appearance to star in a biopic about one Britain's electronic music pioneers.

Guess he's going to be a Gary Numan.

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What do you call a person who has daily appearances on TV yet, fucks up their job ~25% of the time and...still...manages...to...keep...it?

A weatherman.

The Devils goes to Church

The devil went to church one day and upon seeing his red skin, big horns and cloven feet, all of the people ran from the building in terror. All except for one old man near the front. He didn't even budge. The devil was intrigued by the man's apparent disinterest in his hideous appearance. So he str...

Court Appearance..

Man: “Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. 3/5 of my tickets are bogus!

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